to say she should not go?

[makingdo1]

Calling all parents of six year old girls....

Another fantastic start to the morning in our household. I have two daughters aged just turned 6 and nearly 5. Today their grandmother has asked if she can take them on a day out to a scottish memorial day thing. Sounds very boring, but anyways. So my 4 year old has been quite unwell and I said i would see how she was this morning. She is feeling better so I said okay.

My 6 year old is not ill. She has been ill and been better about 3 days now. But she has acted like a stroppy baby all morning. Yelling at her sister for daring to wash her hands first, because SHE is first. Yelling at her sister for saying its a scottish day which it is, as I had said. Stropping and crying over putting her tights on.

Now this is the norm with my 6 year old but most often than not, she still gets to go out and do things despite behaving badly. I want to put my foot down now. I watched my 4 year old, whom is still ill but feeling a bit better, get washed, dressed and put her own tights on without the slightest murmer. Now my argument with husband is...what sort of incentive is it for my 4 year old to carry on with her good behaviour, when her older sister behaves badly and gets to go regardless? And surely 6 year old daughter behaves like that because she knows she has been allowed to go in the past anyway?

Husband says to let her go, that she has been told off and thats that. Plus he says he doesnt want her ruining another weekend which sounds really harsh I know, but to some degree its true. She seems to be in a really difficult phase of strops, sulks and being mean to her siblings just now. I say no, that its our job to teach her how to behave and i wont see her rewarded for bad behaviour anymore. What would you do?

[activate]

let them both go and enjoy your day off fgs

nose face cutting off and spite spring to mind

tell her you are not happy with her behaviour and if granny tells you that she has been badly behaved on her special day out there will be no more

[LaurieFairyCake]

By all means tell her off or do a five minute consequence but she's 6 , missing a whole day out for that whiny behaviour is ott.

Also , won't it be nice and quiet for you when she's gone and she will probably be perfect for granny. It's win win.

[givemesomecandy]

If you gave a warning that the bad behaviour needed to stop or she would loose her fun day out, then yes you should stop her from going and you WNBU.
But if she has had no warning to improve her behaviour and you are going to just 'take away' her day out then YABU

[meditrina]

I would let her go.

She's behaved badly, you have told her off. Unless the removal of this particular treat was specified as part of the punishment at the time, then I'd see it as unfair to add it to the punishment after the event.

[makingdo1]

yes she has had a warning to improve her behaviour, after the shouting at her sister for washing her hands first, I warned her then that if she carried on shouting at her sister then I would not let her go with grandma for the day. A few minutes later she was shouting at her sister again in the bedroom because she didnt listen to me this morning when I said it was a scottish day...so she was saying my 4 year old was lying.

It possibly is a little OTT, probably due to how difficult she has been lately. I do actually want a break from her, dont get me wrong. I just dont want to encourage her to behave badly either.

[spanky2]

My ds2 is the stroppy one and he went to stay at my parents house after truely awful behaviour because we needed a break. If ds1 had behaved like that he wouldn't have gone but tbh we were sick of the sight of ds2. We all had a lovely weekend and felt much better for it. I know how you feel but for your own sanity let her go.

[makingdo1]

Ah yes my four year old does want to go, she is all dressed up in scottish wear and looking forward to being picked up.

I think, I would be punishing myself more than her really yes. I have a 2 year old and 1 year old too, so perhaps I should just let her go and spend some time with the wee folk.

[greencaveman]

If you don't let your 6yo go, you are actually punishing the granny I think. Think of an appropriate punishment and next time 6yo misbehaves, give warning and then give punishment.

[ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend]

I say let her go however, you need to decide how you deal with this sort of situations going forward. You shouldn't say that if she does xyz then she won't get to go out for the day and then she behaves badly she still gets to go as this gives her all the wrong messages.

Decide what 'punishment' is appropriate and then make sure next time, you warn and then do it, whatever it is.

[HecateQueenOfTheNight]

give your 4 yr old rewards for her good behaviour.

Your 6 yr old will get the same rewards if she behaves well.

Makes your 4 yr old feel that her behaviour is praised and gives your 6 yr old something to aim for.

doesn't always have to be taking something away, iyswim.

[onceamai]

Your children are 1, 2, 4 and 6. You must be very very busy. Is your six year old possibly feeling this is the only way to get your attention? Let her go and tomorrow try to take her out for an hour just you and her - even if it's only for a Happy Meal and a walk in the park.

[heliumballoons]

Hec has a good point actually. Kind of like extras in life for putting in the effort as oppossed to life stopping if you don't.

Following this I would go along the lines of those who behave when/ at doing X can have ice cream, or maybe whe at home then child whos behaved can choose a DVD/ TV programme thats on.

This maybe a time for getting out the sticker charts? Earning rewards.

[makingdo1]

ha, granny is a battleaxe, she sorts madam daughter out in seconds. I have no fear there!

She is all dressed ready to go. My 4 year old has decided she wants to stay with us, so we are going to take them to the park, then my husband will take her swimming and then out for dinner. So yes really, going with grandma is not anywhere near a reward as that.

[Bottleofbeer]

My daughter is six on Monday, after three boys I've come to the conclusion girls are just little mares in general

Let her go and enjoy your day off :)

[makingdo1]

once, yes I am very busy. I also work 4 nightshifts a week and my eldest perhaps does feel like she doesnt get a lot of attention. However, I do try to spend time with her where possible. Reading books, helping her with the wii game she loves, taking the dog out for walks...I dont really have much more time I can give sadly, or I would.

[risingstar]

you have 4 dcs aged under 6 and work 4 nightshifts a week?

you seriously want to stop your mum taking stroppy one out? for a whole day? and giving you a break?

read it back- your daughters moral welfare wont be harmed by you being slightly inconsistent once in her little life.

sounds like you need a break!

[giraffesCantDanceWhileSober]

Why is 4yr old not being told shes going with granny as its arranged? Feeling a bit sorry for Granny who looking forwards to having 2 of them.

[makingdo1]

what do you mean giraffe? I never make my children go with anyone, even grandparents if they dont want to go. Granny sees both children almost daily and has them pretty much most weekends, I dont think she will be too upset over a chance to spend some one to one time with eldest :)

[giraffesCantDanceWhileSober]

Unless they had a really valid reason for not wanting to go (illness, really hated the person and didnt want to be with them) then if something was arranged I'd expect them to go, I guess I am just thinking if in a coule of years when my niece is older (20mo now) then I would be a bit pissed if I had planned a day with her to be told she doesn't want to come. I suppose its a bit different if has them most weekends and sees almost daily.