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AIBU?

teen hates partner

10 replies

jackie1234 · 15/04/2011 15:38

We have recently been through a bereavement - our mother (1yr ago) and my teenager (sister) hates my partner, and is rude to him to the point of embarrassment. She resents me spending time with him and I cant even have him in the house because I know it will lead to arguments. My teen wants me to choose between them and this is impossible and I dont think i should have to. My teen has a boyfriend too and sees him whenever she likes. She wants me to be on call for her and have no life of my own. HELP. I am worrying myself sick.

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HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/04/2011 15:43

Your teenage sister? How old are you? Do you live together? Are you her guardian? Why does she hate him? Has she always hated him?

Assuming there is no reason for her to hate him - he's not making passes at her, he doesn't treat you badly, etc etc, then tbh, it's just tough shit for her. With the best will in the world and with all sympathy for the loss you have both suffered, it really is. You have both suffered the same loss, she can't expect you to be her rock and give over your life to her, like she's the only one who lost a mother. You should be supporting one another.

Perhaps she needs some bereavement counselling?

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jackie1234 · 15/04/2011 15:53

Hi yep _ i am 35 and she was adopted by my mum. I am now her guardian. There is no reason for her to hate him, in fact she hasnt seen him in person for 10 months because I have been keeping them apart, which I dont feel that I should do. I think she hates him because he takes me away from her. thats the only reason. Thanks for your advice.

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bubblecoral · 15/04/2011 15:54

I agree with Hectate, it's tough shit for her. and I say this as a someone whoo as a teen hated my stepdad to the point of moving out of home at 17 and not speaking to him for 5 years.

She needs to grow up and realise that you are entitled to a life and perhaps have some bereavement councelling.

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jackie1234 · 15/04/2011 15:55

Thanks ever so much - I feel much better and stronger to face up to the situation. xx

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squeakytoy · 15/04/2011 15:57

How old is she?

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nulliusxinxverbax · 15/04/2011 16:15

Sounds like the teen is clinging to you after losing your mum. Maybe she feels insecure. But still thats not your fault and you cant stay single forever.

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albania · 15/04/2011 16:17

I'd start with asking her why she doesn't like him.
Worrying yourself sick about what? Her not liking your DP, her having a boyfriend?

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PlopPlopPing · 15/04/2011 16:22

I can see why she would be jealous of your DP taking you away from her seeing as she has recently lost her mum and also her young age. It must be awful for her to lose her mum at that age. I lost mine late 20s and that was horrendous so imagine what it must be like for a teenager. You are sort of her new mum now and she must be very anxious she is going to lose you too.

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PlopPlopPing · 15/04/2011 16:31

Just wanted to add that I think she needs a lot of reassurance. Spend quality time together but also have a talk about how you both have new lives now with your respective partners.

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ENormaSnob · 15/04/2011 16:35

What hecate said. As usual

how old is she?

How long have you been with your partner?

What are your feelings on being her guardian?

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