...To not want to go on holiday 3 weeks before I'm due with my first child?(62 Posts)
Hello everyone. I haven't done this before (i.e. posted a thread on a forum) so please bear with me on my rambling story. Also, any advice would be greatly appreciated (even if it is to say I'm being a hormonal monster! )
Okay, here goes...
I really feel like I'm on my own at the moment and that I have to justify being pregnant to hubby. The SIL called last night (which she never usually does) and said to hubby 'The family are going on holiday to the Lake District (I live in London) in August (3 weeks before I'm due) and asked if we wanted to come. Hubby said that we'll go for a few days (even though the SIL said 'I know it's very close to my due date) and he said he'd speak to me. When he put the phone down and asked me what I thought I said 'Honestly, I'm not comfortable going, not that close to the due date'. He said 'Why? They have hospitals in the Lake District' and 'you can't sit in doors waiting for the baby to pop out when you're on maternity leave'. To a certain extent no I shouldn't stay in doors but I just can't believe that again I'm not getting any support from him (this isn't the first time). On Saturday I spent the whole morning lost in traffic following hubby on the way to his special car garage to drop off his car and when I asked to go to Mamas and Papas in the afternoon (like we'd planned to do so the week before) he said 'traffic will be a nightmare' and we didn't go. I just feel so let down at the moment and I'm really not enjoying being pregnant at all. Am I being unreasonable and has anyone else felt like this?
Is this your first child? He does sound rather clueless.
There isn't a right or wrong here, and certainly some people would be very happy to have a short break away, 3 weeks before due date. It doesn't mean you have to traipse up mountains - you can sit in the garden and relax. I went away for weekends pretty much up until dd1 arrived, and I would have been bored witless sitting at home waiting for something to happen. On the other hand, some people wouldn't want to go away and that's fine too. The problem here is that you don't feel your DH is 'on board' with this pregnancy, which is a bigger issue than whether you go away or not
TBH, i can see two sides to this. YABAbitU to not consider going on holiday, and three weeks is an age away from your EDD. There are hospitals in other parts of the country, Sam Cam had hers unexpectedly.
OTOH, he is being a knob too.
IMO, you need to sit down and talk about what would happen if your baby decides to turn up early. You need to get all your notes to carry with you (is that even possible) and have a plan.
You aren't planning on going for the whole time and the chances are you'll be sitting at home later on wondering where the jeff the baby is and why it isn't appearing.
London to the Lakes in August is a long drive (at least 5 or 6 hours), usually heavy traffic, and probably hot weather. Not the best combination when you are heavily pregnant.
If you're not comfortable with it, then you're not being unreasonable. Its very much about how you feel. I think your DH is right to the extent that the risks of your going are small and if you relax you could enjoy it, but that's not really the point. If you don't want to go he should support you in that decision. The issue is that he seems to have made the decision without taking your feelings about it into account, rather than your going to the Lake District. Talk to him.
Only you know if you would be comfortable or not.
Personally, both times there was no way I could've sat in a car for that length of time.
It's a looooooong drive, and I wouldn't want to do it pregnant. And what if baba decides to come early? Not a stress I would want. Rather be home, resting and calm before the big day. I am sure the family will understand?
I think it all depends on how far LDistrict is from home? If you live in cornwall for instance the long journey wont be fun when you are that big.
Sorry- just re-read and saw london!
I'm 3 weeks from my DD & I don't want to go anywhere - YANBU.
I will visit some friends in South London next week - just for the day and only because I will be on maternity leave & I need to keep 3 year old DD occupied (as well as wanting to visit with friends of course) - but 10 miles from home/birth centre is far enough thanks. I know I will be invited to stay the night & as attractive as that might be (like staying in a hotel really ) I will be returning home & sleeping in my own bed.
Its a long drive to the Lake District, if I were you I'd enjoy just being at home waiting. There is nothing to say you won't give birth whilst you are in the Lake District and it's nicer to be nearer home where you will be all prepared.
If you gave birth before you came back how would it work with regards a car seat and travelling with a newborn all that way?
Tell him he can go if he likes.
I would not go. Maybe you should have a "chat" with DP about priorities...
Ime, guys don't really click there is baby coming until the baby is there! I remember feeling quite misunderstood and lonely at times because of this. And god knows my DH is nice guy. He simply didn't get it!
i am 4.5 weeks from DC2 (DD1 is 20 mo) and I wouldn't go this close to DD. no way. too long to drive.
Yes, the baby could come upto 2 weeks late in which case you get a bonus 2 weeks of you-time. I want to have my baby at the hosp i have chosen not some random one. I want to stay near home and relax and do my nesting. YANBU at all. you must do what you are comfortable with. you should be resting as much as poss at the moment and enjoying your precious pre-baby mat leave.
Other issue seems to be lack of empathy/understanding from DH. sounds like this is your first baby and he has no idea what''s about to hit him!!
good luck with it all!
I sympathise. My husband's aunt invited us to uncle's birthday party one week before edd. We live in Southampton, they live in Lincoln! When we said no, her response was the same 'we have hospitals here you know' There was no way I was going all that way, especially when my first labour had not been good.
When pg with DD we did have a short break in a lovely hotel 3 weeks before edd, but it was 10 minutes drive from home.
You need to discuss this with your DH and explain why you are not comfortable with going away. Offer a compromise of a short break nearer to home perhaps. Would he listen to your mw?
London to Lake District is a long drive. I did Kent to Manchester for my DH's Xmas do 2 weeks before due date and the drive was horrid. I did take my blue book with me, but told DH to drive me back if I started labour . Luckily I didn't.
I would say don't go cos it's such a long drive and you will be uncomfortable.
It sounds to me that regardless of whether you went into labour, you would spend the time feeling worried. Not much of a break for you, really.
I wouldn't want to go. I think it's a pretty instinctive thing to want to stay close to home when your that far gone. Very uncomfortable journey too.
YANBU. He should respect your opinion. He's being a twat.
I wouldn't have wanted to be a minimum 6 hour drive from my planned hospital 3 weeks before my due date.
He isn't 'feeling' it like you do.
Have you talked to him about your natural 'nesting' feelings that creep up in advance of birth, and how frightenened and vulnerable you might feel being so far from hime and known support? Not in a moany way, in a constructive way, as part of preparing for a baby.
Fill a sports bag with over a stone of stuff and tell him to imagine he has it strapped to his stomach.
Would he read a book or chapter about aniticpating birth and early fatherhood aimed at men ?
Agree with others. I felt great at 37 weeks, but still needed to wee and stretch and move around an wouldn't do more than an hour in a car. The journey will take a long time with the stopping, and be uncomfortable.
We did Kent to the Lake District last month with a 6 month old, should have been 6 hours, it took us 9 hours, stopping every 2 to 3 hours to stretch, eat, etc. I would imagine you will be very uncomfortable sitting in a car for more than 2 hours at a time, so it will probably take longer than 6 hours for you.
Once you're there though, you might enjoy the break, as long as they let you relax.
If you went on holiday with them, and you went into labour there, do you have any concerns that the family would be intrusive?
How would you get the baby home? Newborns aren't supposed to be a car seat for more than an hour at a time. Plus, they need pretty frequent feeding.
"You can't sit indoors waiting for baby to pop out while you're on Mat leave..."
Charming! You can do what you bloody well like on mat leave.
I definitely wouldn't want to go, the crowds will be shit, what part of the holiday are you going to enjoy? None of it. He's being ridiculous and very unsupportive.
I would be pissed off.
We drove to the Lake District for a wedding when I was only 5 months pregnant and I was totally miserable - my ankles were so swollen from the long drive and I was really tired. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to do it at over 8 months pregnant. YaNBU.
DH is a being a selfish arse. Next time let him get public transport back from the garage.
YANB at all U. And I speak as someone who gave birth to both DC at 37 weeks. Your DH is being unreasonable and frankly a bit of a twat.
I'd hate to do that journey at 9 months pregnant, and also if the baby did arrive early, you'd have to do the journey in reverse with a newborn..think that would be almost as bad!
YANBU, but you're husband certainly is.
try not to take it personally, i think alot of men are like this, they have no clue.
you're the one having this baby, if you don't want to go then don't go. i think you need to have a chat about priorities and you need to explain to him exactly why you don't want to go, he should then understand and let it go.
You will be very large and tired at 37 weeks pg and a journey from London to the Lake District and back will take a lot out of you. Don't underestimate that. Anything can happen at that time - your blood pressure can go up quite quickly and long journeys are the things that can make the blood pressure rise!
Personally I would want to be resting as much as possible as during the weeks after your child is born you will not get much rest at all!
However, as others have said, this is personal choice, there is no right of wrong. But that personal choice is Your personal choice, not your dh.
I'm sorry that he isn't being supportive.
My PFB was born very unexpectedly at 37 weeks with 8 hour labour. My DH had a hangover as he'd gone out with mates the night before and got bladdered, thinking 3 weeks to go, no problem. Only just sober enough to drive me to the hospital! No way would I be planning to go to the other end of the country. YADNBU.
I wish we could go back to the days of 'confinement' meaning you got looked after and were allowed to rest for the few weeks before and after giving birth!
You stick to doing what suits you best OP. No-one should be putting pressure on a 37 wk pregnant woman to go anywhere miles and miles from her home.
You could go, we did at 2 weeks pre due date and gave birth half way there...such fun! Strangely enough we stayed at home for the 3 weeks pre dd for the next 2 babies.
Hire one of these for a week and see if he'd be happy to go on holiday for a week in August with it on. Don't forget to remind him of all the other symptoms you might get with a summer baby - swollen feet and ankles, etc.
Of course there are hospitals up here in the north, but this is your first and you want to be in your local hospital where your family/friends can come and see you conveniently......that's the best bit
That's a long old journey which I've done a few times (I live in London) and apart from being a BORING drive (all that M6 dreariness), as your husband will be the only one driving and you'll be needing the loo/a stretch/ a lie down(!) every hour and a half or so, it'll take you an age..
There's not a cat in hell's chance that I would do it 3 weeks before giving birth, even if I knew 100% that the baby wouldn't arrive early (which is indeed another not trifling consideration). Imagine giving birth in a random hospital and then having to do that mammoth drive back with a new born. Doesn't bear thinking about!!
Get him to read this thread, he obviously doesn't understand the physical discomfort of late pregnancy, let alone the emotional/mental preparation you need to do before a baby arrives. Stand your ground!
WOW - I am absolutely overwhelmed with the amount of support and advice.
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!
I've decided that I'm going to see how I feel nearer the time and if it means just saying 'yes' for now then so be it as it doesn't actually mean that I have to go through with it.
I think that if he can see that I'm physically struggling that he'll support my decision nearer the time if I decide not to go.
However, I don't think I would've been able to cope today if it wasn't for you all and I'm just so grateful there are people like you out there.....cue hormones.....
Thanks again my lovelies. x
Depending on where in the Lakes they are staying, I wouldn't even fancy trying to get to Carlise or Keswick or Lancaster or wherever the Lake District maternity hopitsla are, through the August traffic on v narrow roads, when you aren't familiar with the area.
I agree - say 'yes' for now, and see how your feel nearer the time - it's not as though you have to book flights or anything.
You also need to think about if you ended up having the baby and having to have a C-Section or something, and having to stay in hospital for any complications - not ideal if your home isn't just down the road.
I was so big and full of baby at the end of my pregnancy, from about 30 weeks I couldn't bear being in the car for longer than about an hour.
I wouldn't do it at 37 weeks. I had DS1 at 38 weeks, and the entire labour from waters breaking to delivering the placenta was only 3 hours. DP and I only just made it to the hospital in time, and that was in the middle of the night when we knew exactly where we were going. We literally wouldn't have made it if we'd been more than 20 mins away and didn't know exactly where the labour ward was so he could drop me off.
And that's ignoring the discomfort of a 6 hour car drive when 9 months pregnant. You will need to stop every hour to get comfortable again.
The car journey alone will be hellish. I travelled 6 hours away at 35 weeks and the discomfort, heat, swelling, constant toilet stops, coupled with the anxiety of wondering if I would go into labour was a nightmare.
everyone has already said the sensible stuff about how you cannot know how you will feel then, how big and uncomfy you will be, long long drive in hot weather etc
one more thing i would offer - does your DP always have to do what "the family" are doing? If you are expected to tag along with things like this (even when heavily pg) you might want to have a convo about it now because once you start, its harder to stop - will you want it to be just the 3 of YOU in future or are you happy to have your family time taken over by them?
Do what you feel comfortable doing. On one hand it might be your last chance of a holiday without baby... On the other a long journey, risk of having baby far from home, then having to drive home with baby. How would he feel delivering the baby himself because you were too far from any hospital? Your DH is going to have to learn, as mine did, that kids come first, over what you want to do.
Personal choice, I would have wanted to go, good to have a break before he baby comes (although wouldn't go abroad) and sitting around waiting is no fun.
But others wouldn't want the journey or to risk (small chance) of baby being born in unknown hospital. So YANBU.
So much can change between now and August. This can dramatically change how you feel. I think your wait and see policy is the best one. I would have agreed to go at the stage you are, but actually I had a bleed at 35 weeks and then they found that the my little flower was breech. So at that point I wouldn't gone any where away from my own hospital.
You don't know if your baby will be born on time if it is your 1st. By 37/38 weeks I had had both of my babies - some people just never seem to go full-term. I think you'd be taking an unnecessary risk. The traffic on those motorways up to Lake District can be horrendous - what happens if you go into labour stuck on M6? Ok lots of great hospitals en route but still.....
You are def NBU.
hubby and baba ?? lads, this isn't netmums, get a grip of yourselves!
OP, if you want to go, go. If you don't, he should be supporting that. No brainer.
It might be nice to get away, but I know I wouldn't have fancied a 5-7+ hour car journey in the third trimester. We did go away when I was 37 weeks with DD1 - it was our first wedding anniversary. We had about a three hour drive to Norfolk for a short break and that was enough. I took my hospital bag with me though! Also it depends how your pregnancy is going, how you feel in yourself. I did feel great in the last trimester - on one day I walked (waddled) 4 miles - but still wouldn't have wanted a long car journey.
May I suggest if you do go, that you take the train? You can move around & be a lot more comfy. He can drive separately & pick you up to drive just the last leg of the journey.
Good Luck OP
you've pretty much decided as I would of advised (& I'm sure others will have done too )
its way too early to say how YOU will feel by then,
at your stage in pregnancy I felt like cr@p & didn't want to do anything much at all - by 3/4 wks to go I had decided we were going off on our late honeymoon to Italy & when we got there & realised the resort was NOT what we expected (too DCs friendly for the last fling before Parentdom) - so I insisted we went travelling around Italy - okay I did spend a lot of time with my feet in fountains - but we had an amazing time & it was ME that was doing all the pushing to go & do more - you might just surprise yourself yet
I agree with Winterofourdiscounttents, that was driving me nuts.
Op, your dh is being unreasonable. I know I wouldnt want to go anywhere 3 weeks before my due date.
Another thing to consider is that if you do go into labour early, do you want his family there gawping at you in the early stages? Some people like having people around, some don't. Something to think about.
I couldn't go anywhere at 37 weeks. I was on bedrest. And due to incipient toxaimia (spelling) put on 20 lbs very quickly and most of it seemed to be on my feet and ankles like a hideous Weeble. And quite frankly if I had been faced with a bunch of in-laws going 'Awwwww, bless' (which seems to be the UK way) and patting my belly, I would have slaughtered them.
Hopefully that will not be you and you will be leaping around all over the place like a gazelle, but it could be, and your DH needs to be prepared for that.
I gave birth to my first last August, we drove 100 miles (reluctantly) to a wedding. The drive was ok (I have a v comfy car), but whilst there I felt horrendous & at one point thought I was going to pass out in heat.
Are you doing any antenatal classes? My husband was being super-crap until he spoke to the other dads & realised what a twat he was being.
I'd leave it open-ended, not commit & see how you feel nearer the time.
I should have said we drove to wedding 3 weeks before due date.
One of my DH's mates asked him why he was not out on a boozy night when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy. If I went into labour and needed to get to the hospital, I could just do what people that didn't have cars did and get a taxi/ambulance. Fortunately he had the good sense to decline.
Like previous posters have said men have no clue and it isn't deliberately selfish in a lot of cases. That said you need to stick up for yourself and your baby, this sounds like a good time to practise. His family may have just asked out of politeness, at 37 wks though you are definitely not obliged to do anything you don't feel comfortable with.
Good plan - say yes for now. As the time gets nearer and you get larger, I think he might come to see the error of his ways!
I gave birth 12 days early (convinced she was going to be 2 weeks late and I would be induced), my cousin had hers 6 weeks early, another friend 5 weeks early.
Also full-on labour started with a bang. Contractions very strong quickly. None of this hanging around "is that a contraction or isn't it". It was emotionally difficult in my own home with my own dp. Can't imagine doing it somewhere else with other people around. I was very lucky, all kicked off at midnight. I do feel for people who are out and about in the daytime - that could have been me easily as I was so blase. (12 hours before went for a walk by myself on the local common - it was so beautiful and spring was springing).
If you want to be at home, then stay at home.
I discovered that dh had arranged to go to a Rolling Stones concert at Wembley on my edd.
Quite how he thought he was going to make a quick exit out of thousands of people gyrating to "Satisfaction" I don't know.
yanbu, these kind of things depend a lot on whether you are comfortable with it or not and if not then your dh should be the 1st person to understand and support that!
37 weeks is very late to be going on holiday. i don't think i would go @ 37 weeks. i am actually going to lake district from london this summer too, but at about 34 weeks and i have to go because of a family wedding, otherwise i don't think i would bother as it's pretty far. and there's quite a difference between 34 and 37 weeks
hopefully your dh will start to show a bit more understanding between now and then anyway, maybe as you start to get bigger and a bit further on he might have a bit more realisation what pregnancy entails and that sometimes you may want to take it easy a little bit, and he may start to get a bit more excited. i would try to talk to him about it a bit as its not nice that these things are making you less able to enjoy your pregnancy, especially as its your first and first pregnancy should be very special and exciting for both of you
YA definitely NBU. I think its all about how you feel and the problem is that you wont know how you are going to feel in August and are obviously being asked to make a decision now, so I would say no. The drive at least would be horrendously uncomfortable in my opinion.
Personally, i wouldnt have been happy being away from my hospital and the place I planned to have my baby just in case.
My DH was a bit unsupportive in the first six months of pregnancy. Tutting with annoyance at my morning sickness and saying everything was inconvenient and absolutely refusing to be interested in the shopping/planning stuff. He seemed to change when I got big and after my DD was born, and has been so great since, so try not to worry too much.
I wouldn't feel it was worth it. I did a similar trip for a wedding at 32 weeks and it was OK but very uncomfortable.
When I did have dd ( a few days early), I was in hospital for 9 days. Of course that is unlikely to happen to you - but if I were going to be in hospital for a few days I'd want to be near home (and your dh certainly would want to be able to get home I'm sure). I also wouldn't want to be driving a long way with a newborn straight from the hospital.
NO, NO, NO say no now, otherwise he will pressurise you into it. ask your midwife what she thinks and quote her. i am sure she will give you lots of reasons why you shouldn't. Don't let this set a precedentof trailing all over the country wwith a new born, and when (if) you are expecting dc 2. he has to show you some respect and support.
I wouldn't I moved house at 37 weeks pregnant last time which involved a 5 hour van ride. Never again it was too much I actually felt Ill by the the we got there. You need to rest and relax ready for your baby, especially if it is your first IMO.
Also 2 of my 4 babies were born before 37 weeks
I'm going to buck the trend here, as I went on a long weekend for a wedding from the Midlands to Aberdeen when I was 36 weeks. We stopped at Glasgow and Kirkcaldy on errands, and the whole drive took 12 hours. It wasn't that bad, in fact I was more uncomfortable sat at my desk all day.
But that is my experience. See how you feel nearer the time.
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