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AIBU?

To think my dh is a total prick?

29 replies

Starlightgazer · 03/04/2011 06:39

I am so pissed off that I want to cry this morning. It's mother's day and although I am not a great believer in presents and being treated like a goddess, I would have really appreciated a bit of a lie in this morning, instead of having to get up at 5.50am to look after our dd.
I am so sick of hearing my dh tell me that it's not normal for our dd to get up so early (she's 2 and a half) and thinks that we should leave her to cry in the hope she will go back to sleep (she absolutely will not go back to sleep at this time). Every morning, he says the same thing about it being too early too get up and I am now so fed up of having the same conversation about 'life isn't the same as when we didn't have children...'
I am 38+5 pregnant and think that just for today, I would have loved my dh to just get up with no moaning and take dd downstairs so that I can face the day without feeling exhausted and pissed off.
AIBU?

OP posts:

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/04/2011 06:41

Yes, he is a prick. IMO, your DD is unlikely to cry herself back to sleep (and why should she) she is too old.
Go upstairs and tell him it is his turn. I don't think a lot about mothers day either, but it is the one day of the year that you should get a lay in.
What time does your DD go to bed? Maybe keeping her up a bit longer would result in a later waking time?
Go on, upstairs you trot and kick the prick.

feistychickfightingthebull · 03/04/2011 06:44

Yadnbu, he is being totally selfish and I would just go and demand that he wake up. Sorry op

Starlightgazer · 03/04/2011 06:46

Thanks kreecher! my dd doesn't normally get up this early but she's recently had a hip operation so is wearing a cast and it has meant that her sleeping habits have gone to pot. She doesn't sleep well at the moment because she is uncomfortable and she can't move!!

OP posts:

noodle69 · 03/04/2011 06:48

You should arrange it so you both have one lie in at the weekend each (if you are going out then you can trade the lie in for one of you babysitting whilst the other one goes out in the day).

Order him to get up and refuse to get up yourself. I would take her and lay her next to my husband and then go to sleep in her room if I were you. Then he will have to deal with it. Stand up for yourself, people will walk over you only if you allow it.

LtEveDallas · 03/04/2011 06:57

Starlight. Yes your dh is a prick. 'Normal' is whatever is normal for your DD. She may always be an early riser, she may be one of those children who don't need much sleep. She may stun you and suddenly start staying in bed ti 10!

My DD is 6. The latest she has ever woken was 9am, and that was on holiday when we let her stay up until 11pm! Until she was 4 she woke up routinely at 0530. Now she is at school she wakes at 6. She doesn't need much sleep, never has. She goes to bed at 8pm, whereas most of her friends are in bed two hours earlier. I am looking forward to the lazy teen years.

I'm sorry your DH cannot see this. For some men I think it is easier to moan and complain than actually 'do' something (I have one too).

Why not try going back to bed now, and ask him to get up? Or, could you get your DD to tell dad that she want to make mummy breakfast in bed? (can she twist him round her finger yet?!)

noodle69 · 03/04/2011 07:01

Dont ask him to get up, order him to get up. He gets out of bed and does it no arguments. You have to take a strong line if someone is walking all over you, like this man obviously is.

Starlightgazer · 03/04/2011 07:05

LtEve I am def going to point out your post to husband. He seems to think that children shouldn't wake up before 7am!
Tbh I would rather not go back to bed now - I won't sleep and it would just be totally pointless but will be having a serious discussion about this later on (along the lines of 'make some changes or else!!).

OP posts:

Fernie3 · 03/04/2011 07:36

Yanbu my younger ones wake up when it get light in the winter that means lie in in the summer it means early mornings. You can't leave a baby to cry itself to sleep when it is not tired at all. I have the cot next to my bed and a couple of toys, I out the toys for her to play with when she wakes up SOMETIMES she will play for half an hour while I doze on and off otherwise it means getting up - if my 2 year old has woken up then she makes sure that everyone is awake anyway!

The older ones (6 and 4) are allowed to go into the playroom and watch tv If they wake up first - I cant wait until all of them are old enough to do this.

We do it slightly differently in that I don't like lying in when I can hear everyone around I get disturbed so I normally get up in the morning but if I have been awake alot then I get the afternoon to myself while dh entertains/ bribes the kids to leave me alone. I normally just lie in bed watch tv and eat chocolate.

So yanbu you dh is being selfish.

FauxFox · 03/04/2011 08:02

My DH is still in bed. I have been up since 6.30am when DS got up, I have tonsilitis and spent the night sweating and shivering so my bed was gross, DS wanted to get in but I thought it would give him my horrid germs so as DH showed no sign of doing anything i got up, had a shower, cleared up the bombsite kitchen DH left in a state after cooking tea last night and put a load of washing on.

Happy mothers day to me

TattyDevine · 03/04/2011 08:06

Your husband has a point - though I've just read the bit about her hip operation and the cast which to be fair I think counts as extraneous circumstances!

If that weren't the case, and I had a 2 and a half year old still getting up that early, I'd be trying to take at least some measures to ensure they stayed in their room longer, even if it didn't mean they were asleep.

A few quiet toys, the bunny alarm clock where the eyes pop open when its an acceptable time to start the day, perhaps even a reward chart (I've never actually done a reward chart because I've never had to but apparently they are pretty effective for this kind of thing and this kind of age group). It wouldn't necessarily involve leaving her to cry but some pretty strong incentivisation to stay in her room quietly until at least 7am (hey why not aim for half 7!!)

At first it wouldn't mean any more sleep for you because you'd be coaching her into this, but in the long run it probably would. I dont think its too early or too young, at this age assuming no special needs or extraneous circumstances like illness or injury, it is totally possible and I've seen it be done without leaving them to cry.

But - there are different circumstances in your house at the moment and now is not the time to consider this kind of thing, by the sound of it.

Regarding your lie-in - with some partners (be it man or woman) this needs to be prearranged, mothers day or not. Today this board will be riddled with angry posts from people who didn't want this or that, just a decent sleep etc etc and at least half of them will not have even discussed their expectations with their partner. I dont know if you did or not and in an ideal world you wouldn't have to, but if you dont ask, you dont get...

washngo · 03/04/2011 08:09

He is being a prick yes. You poor thing - being heavily pregnant with a toddler is exhausting and he should be letting you have a lie in mothers day or not! Try to let him know how tired you are and make sure you get a break - have a nice bath or just a lie down.

TattyDevine · 03/04/2011 08:12

I'd also be either cutting out the daytime naps or sending them to bed a little later.

Most children will take their block of sleep eventually and adjust to a new timing - when the clocks change, after a week or two most children will still be having the same amount of sleep they were having before, just at a different time.

There are very few who, when the clocks change in winter and they go to bed an hour later every night, continue to get up at the same time in the morning for more than a week or so...

Mumofaflump · 03/04/2011 08:13

Hey OP, in the same boat as you this morning. In the three months since DS was born DF has NEVER taken him in the morning so I can have a lie-in. I'm having health issues at the moment so was awake at 6:30 in a bit of pain. DS was also awake and wanting to play. DF rolls over and tells me to take him elsewhere so he (df) can get some more sleep!!

Fucking wanker. Just wait til he surfaces... I'm going out, for the day, by myself.

BillBrysonsRucksack · 03/04/2011 08:15

Just so you don't feel alone, my DS wakes at 6am every morning (he is 4) and would generally get up a lot earlier than that when he was 2. He is very good and we have taught him to stay in his room until 6.30 on weekdays, which is when DH is ready to go downstairs, and until 7am on weekends. He's got a little clock so he's learning to tell the time too.

TBH, there is NO WAY he would have done this at 2 yrs, he just didn't understand and would have cried, just as your DD does. We used to take it in turns to lie in, or bring DS into bed with us and let him watch Beebies or a dvd for half an hour, just to allow ourselves time to wake up!

Good luck!

noodle69 · 03/04/2011 08:15

Why do the women on here put up with a man who is unfair and never takes turns in these things?

Animation · 03/04/2011 08:17

Noodles - yes I wonder that too.

SlightlyB0nkers · 03/04/2011 08:18

YANBU. I've got an early riser of a dd too. Since birth, she'll sleep 11 hours at night. No more than that, and will always start yawning about 6pm. Last night she headed off to the bedroom herself looking to go to bed and we had to battle to keep her awake until 7pm so then at least she'd sleep until 6am.

We sort out in advance who's turn it is to get up with her.

Point out that your heavily pregnant, it's mothers day and DD doesn't deserve to be ignored when she can't move from an operation. He's BU

SkipToTheEnd · 03/04/2011 08:27

He is being a prick OP. You should sit down and let him deal with all the boring house stuff today in protest!

My DS is almost 2 and a 5.30 riser too. Always has been. Unfortunately I have no one else to get up with him.

But my DD (10) sent me back to bed when she got up at 7 so she can make me tea and toast :o I'm still in bed now! he's made DS his cereal and is suffering some rubbish tv in an attempt to keep him entertained. He keeps coming in for a bounce and a cuddle as he's pretty confused as to why I'm in bed I think!

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/04/2011 08:29

you have allowed this to go on over 2 years, you need to sort this out asap.

in this house saturday is my lie in and sunday is df lie in, i got up early this morning as it it df lie in ( i could of traded it but went out friday night so wanted recovery time in bed saturday)

my son wakes up early, and still wakes in the night regulary and he is almost 5, where as my daughter sleeps from 8pm to 7.30pm......so i just chuck on a dvd or tv

saffronwblue · 03/04/2011 08:31

My daughter got up at 5 am every day for at least a year between 18 months and 2.5. It was hell. I learned that she could never go back to sleep - she had had many hours sleep and was hungy and busy immediately upon awaking. I used to get up with her from 5 to 6 and then DH would do 6-7 while I slunk back to bed.

BelleDameSansMerci · 03/04/2011 08:33

My DD also was/is a very early riser. She went through a phase of waking up at 5:30 when she was about 2/2.5. She stopped napping before she was 2. She's now 3.5 and still needs very little sleep. She wakes up at about 6:30am most mornings and doesn't go to sleep until 8pm. She's never needed much sleep.

Your DH is absolutely being a selfish prick.

microfight · 03/04/2011 08:36

Noodle I wonder that also, I mean there are so many ways to sort this situation out. I would probably go out and sleep in the car or at a friends and leave him to find out that leaving her to cry is not a solution!
But anyway, you shouldn't put up with this.

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SaggyHairyArse · 03/04/2011 09:14

He is definitely a prick.

I have 3 DC and all of them have gone through a stage of waking up very early and what with your DCs operation and the clocks changing etc, it is just one of those things.

I really think you need to have a talk about this and start a new regime where you take it in turns to sleep in. He needs a reality check. Perhaps even stay over at a friends one night so he has to get up and cope, if you can't arrange this soon then make sure you do it before your baby is 6 months so he wakes up and smells the coffee.

Also, when it's Fathers Day you could try giving him a taste of his own medecine. Stay at a friends or go out early and leave him all day to sort the kids and house.

Mwahahahahahha!

Starlightgazer · 03/04/2011 09:20

I know I need to sort the situation out. I am one of those people who just get on and do things because it's quicker and easier to do it yourself! Sometimes though, I would appreciate some help... Need to just talk more and communicate better. Agree with all of you about taking it in turns and planning in advance. And not letting him get away with being fundamentally lazy.
saggy - what's father's day?! Didn't know it existed! :)
Thanks for all the comments everyone.

OP posts:

diddl · 03/04/2011 09:38

Happy Mothers Day!

Well, it´s annoying at the weekend, but tbh almost 6am isn´t that early, is it, especially given the circumstances?

Ah well, one good thing about teenagers-they sure know how to sleep at the weekend!

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