To Have Doubts About "Bumsex Plus"

(133 Posts)
milliemae Fri 25-Mar-11 21:28:06

Good Friday night topic. A while ago, DH pester-powered me into bumsex. Not quite the real thing, but bumsex is better than no sex so we use it for a few days a month....

Now DH wants to try "Bumsex Plus": wants me to strap on a dildo & bumsex him!!!???!!! On the one hand, revenge would be sweet: it's great when he's gentle, but sometimes he gets carried away & I wouldn't mind him knowing what it's like!

On the other hand, it seems a bit pervvy to me, even though he says he can't bear the thought of a man doing it to him; says he wants to see what it's like for me - an experiment in empathy or whatever.

Anyone come across this before? Go for it or tell him to go f*ck himself?

Go for it - what's good for the gander is good for the goose!

allsquareknickersnofurcoat Fri 25-Mar-11 21:29:39

Go for it wink

amberleaf Fri 25-Mar-11 21:30:04

Only do it you feel happy to.

Me id be on him like a jackhammer grin

Happymm Fri 25-Mar-11 21:30:17

Hmmm! Not sure how I'd feel with that, but am not the most dominant of people. blush Love a Friday night bum sex thread though

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thenightsky Fri 25-Mar-11 21:31:48

<<joins in purely coz it's Friday night>>

Nothing to add but go for it, really.

troisgarcons Fri 25-Mar-11 21:36:59

*strandedpolarbear Fri 25-Mar-11 21:31:47
Do it, I'm sure DP is on the verge of asking me, he always wants my finger up his bottom! He pester powered me into twice (I was very drunk both times) and I have to say it is better than normal sex... But I couldn't walk the day after... Or poo for 3 days...

Clearly a Friday night - why cant YOU shit if its YOUR finger up HIS arse?

thenightsky Fri 25-Mar-11 21:37:55

I was wondering that too... perhaps it's psychological.

Think maybe he pestered her into bumsex, not sticking her finger up his bum!

lubeybooby Fri 25-Mar-11 21:40:00

Oh what the hell....Go for it. I've done it... I got a 'beginners one' It's 1) knackering and 2) difficult to get angles right but practise makes perfect....

Happymm Fri 25-Mar-11 21:40:13

Think polar bear meant he'd bum sexes her!

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall Fri 25-Mar-11 21:41:19

strap on sally chased me up the alley - we feared for our behinds!!

OP - give him ten of your finest grin

troisgarcons Fri 25-Mar-11 21:41:48

Mind you - you'd need arms like an orangutang though

thenightsky Fri 25-Mar-11 21:42:07

lubeybooby - really knackering? Wow?

<<new respect for blokes>>

southeastastra Fri 25-Mar-11 21:44:08

there will be loads of pensioners with flacid arseholes in the future

Men liking their female DPs to do them up the bum does not make them gay. It's physically enjoyable for men. Fancying other men is what makes men gay.
Funnily enough in purely physical terms, getting done up the bum is usually much more enjoyable for men than it is for women (we don't have prostate glands).

Strap-on hints:
Use lube
Do not use anything that is not firmly attached to a wide base. Or it will be your turn (as a couple) to give the A&E staff a good laugh and a story for the Xmas party.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

varyingdegreesofdeafness Fri 25-Mar-11 21:47:10

I'd love dh to try bumsex with me, but he looked mortified then sort of giggle really nervously then looked petrified. I really want to try it, i might shiek in horror when he does but at least i've tried it!

It can't get any saggier than my poor old fanjo!

thenightsky Fri 25-Mar-11 21:47:53

SEA grin

MotherMucca Fri 25-Mar-11 21:47:56

Do it! A man I was seeing kept hinting at bumsex. I said I would allow him, provided I could stick a dildo up HIS arse.

It was never mentioned again.

But if your man is keen, go forth and bumsex plus, says I.

varyingdegreesofdeafness Fri 25-Mar-11 21:47:59

Shriek? in horror, not shiek. Or Sheik. That would be strange.

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall Fri 25-Mar-11 21:49:08

DH always fingered my arse, i tried doing same to him once and he said No...i thought all men loved arse action on the sly grin

MotherMucca Fri 25-Mar-11 21:50:14

That should read that he wanted to bumsex my poor bum. I am just not keen. But that is a (w)hole other thread.

johnworf Fri 25-Mar-11 21:50:39

Def give him a taste of what you've had. Make sure he's bandy when you've done with him.

mwahahahahaha wink

beesimo Fri 25-Mar-11 21:54:31

Don't start down a road when you don't know where it might lead you this all sounds a bit gammy to me.

Don't encourage the beast in a man unless you really fancy living with a beast.

Keep some CS gas handy just in case.

Aunty B

CheekyLittleSox Fri 25-Mar-11 21:56:10

my dh wants this too - not tried it yet as not bought any "goodies"

twinkytonk Fri 25-Mar-11 22:04:02

Dp likes a bit of bum sex........not sure he'd like me to do it to him though. Not sure i'd want to either.

If you're happy to go for it!

maighdlin Fri 25-Mar-11 22:05:45

go for it

No-one should do anything sex-wise that they don't want to do, obviously. But if you don't want to do it because you're frightened that your man will turn gay, or that he will end up in nappies with a .45 arsehole, then these are myths that shouldn't put you off.

tethersend Fri 25-Mar-11 22:17:13

Bumsex plus CS gas sounds fun.

You kinky bugger, beesimo wink

JaneS Fri 25-Mar-11 22:18:42

SGB, no-one except you seems to be talking about the gay myths? confused

I quite like bumsex but I'm bemused/impressed by whoever said it was better than normal sex - how? Do you get him to reach around or something?

Maybe we're doing it wrong! grin

thenightsky Fri 25-Mar-11 22:25:19

Well it doesn't appeal to me TBH, but each to his own.

beesimo Fri 25-Mar-11 22:26:37


Laugh all you like, when i first got married my DM gave me the invaluble advice 'always keep a frying pan under the bed and any sign of touble whack the bugger'

I may not have phrased that correctly

beesimo Fri 25-Mar-11 22:28:32


tethersend Fri 25-Mar-11 22:31:33

I love your mum. And you.

Please don't mace me.

catchmeifyoucan Fri 25-Mar-11 23:38:27

Superb thread which does not deserve to be falling down the front page!!

marmaladetwatkins Fri 25-Mar-11 23:53:38

Give it to him hard and fast up the brown passage

HanBanan Sat 26-Mar-11 00:01:14

If he has such deep feelings about it who are you to deny him such a penetrating experience. fnar fnar.

I say reach for the supersize dildo and make Bumsex plus.

Bassett22 Sat 26-Mar-11 00:06:46

Great Seahorses reference.

The rest of you? You're all full of shit.

Makingaminime Sat 26-Mar-11 00:40:05

DO IT! OH does not seem to go for the "do as to others as you wish to be done to you" thing.. meh

PaWithABra Sat 26-Mar-11 00:51:19

i used to like all this arse malarky but my first experience of hemeroids has put my right off.

babylann Sat 26-Mar-11 00:53:29

I say yes! But then let everyone on MN know how it went of course! grin

PaWithABra Sat 26-Mar-11 01:31:32


Thruaglassdarkly Sat 26-Mar-11 01:43:42

I have stepped into a whole "other" world here...Bumsex??? Seriously??? Ewww.... (sorry! - flees back to nunnery)

Jacksmania Sat 26-Mar-11 02:10:33

HOW can bumsex be better than regular sex? Just... how?

Jacksmania Sun 27-Mar-11 04:56:09

Why do I always kill threads when I really want an answer??

spiderslegs Sun 27-Mar-11 05:03:53

Ohhh - it just can........really.

& OP - give it to him good.

& yes, keep the mace handy, you never know what you may unleash.

Right am off to give my DH a good hard seeing to.

GotArt Sun 27-Mar-11 05:10:02

Jacks... Probably cause it is now 5am ish and the clocks went
I heard on a sex show a long time ago it has something to do with extra nerve endings in that region for both sexes.
Double Dipping is pretty good too. blush

Go for it. i keep meaning too as DH wants to try it and gets a bit of bum action with a butt plug, but every time I head to the sex shop for a strap on, I end up walking out with some other fancy toy for myself. grin

ilikemineundead Sun 27-Mar-11 05:55:31

Gotart for the sake of your vagina,please don't double dip! If you're using it in the sense that they do around here meaning arse, fifi, arse, fifi etc it's extremely unhygeinic & can cause infections! If you don't wipe back to front don't put something in your fanny that's been up your bum LOL x

To the OP there's no way you should do something you're not 100% with. Talk to him about it seriously first. You never know you might like it x

CheerfulYank Sun 27-Mar-11 06:04:15

I'd do it. To my own DH obviously, not yours!

pfilfaerie Sun 27-Mar-11 10:48:30

I have to say its not as easy as it sounds... took ages to find the right strap and stuff .. but loads of fun =0)

GotArt Sun 27-Mar-11 12:02:53

ilikemine Oh no no no... dildo and penis at same time. Oh no, once it goes butt, it doesn't go back, unless he wants to go and thoroughly wash his penis.

NorthernGobshite Sun 27-Mar-11 12:13:21

Am truly amazed that any woman would agree to 'bumsex'.

ohboob Sun 27-Mar-11 12:26:11

I love, love, love that the word bumsex has now become a verb.

I bumsex, you bumsex, he, she, it bumsexs.


I ave said it once I will say it a thousand times, one day someone will encounter worms the hard way.

<<wanders off muttering to self>>

helendigestives Sun 27-Mar-11 14:38:40


When my nasty, abusive ex used to pressure me into bumsex I repayed the favour with a toy lightsaber. [cackles] I hope he's still sore.

LDNmummy Sun 27-Mar-11 16:12:52

Lots of men enjoy it so I think he has prob been wanting to do it for a while and finally found a way to broach you about it. I would say go for it, nothing ventured, nothing gained. It will be a new experience for both of you and you can get 'carried away' for a change wink

unfitmother Sun 27-Mar-11 16:22:45

Tried it - hated it.
DH likes it though. sad

GotArt Sun 27-Mar-11 17:05:24

OOOHHHH... Apocalypse grin You're so right. lol

0891 Sun 27-Mar-11 17:10:56

still roffling at "on him like a jackhammer" [groin]

I love bumsex but there is no way I'd fancy strapping on a cock and doing my DH up the bum. <shudder> I am not going anywhere near his bum under any circumstances. Thankfully he has never asked me to. I do wonder why so many men love putting bits of themselves up women's bums yet women rarely reciprocate in interest. The women I know of who will do the finger up the bum thing only do it to be obliging.

GotArt Sun 27-Mar-11 17:15:07

hahahah [groin] grin
What a great conversation for a Sunday morning. I feel dirty.

dementedma Sun 27-Mar-11 18:13:12

doesn't it hurt?

No it doesn't hurt.

iamthere Sun 27-Mar-11 18:15:28

Please let me join the ranks of the shudderers... ick. But each to his own! I have no interest in anyone's arsehole, thanks.

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny Sun 27-Mar-11 18:24:36

grin and Laughing.

I am not sure what I would do, I am generally (by choice) on the 'submissive' side. Like being spanked but strangely reluctant to spank kind of thing. (so far in life anyway!)

I think you should go for it at least once so you have given it a try, you're a long time dead and all that but still chuckling.

Oh I do love MN!

NorthernGobshite Sun 27-Mar-11 19:11:54

My bum is a one way street! Even if dh was interested in anal sex he'd be told a resounding NO!

0891 Sun 27-Mar-11 19:13:55

It just does not make for an elegant and graceful visual.

and apols for the [groin] grin - how apt blush

NorthernGobshite Sun 27-Mar-11 19:16:05

The whole idea seems grounded in a man being in a position of power and attempting to degrade a women. If he wants fucked up the arse, he obv wants degraded too. For me, sex isn't about degradation.

Northern - there really is nothing degrading about it, unless you make it so.

clitorisorclitoraint Sun 27-Mar-11 20:38:52


Faeces isn't sexy!

I've been told it really hurts.

phooey Sun 27-Mar-11 20:45:08

Hahaha [groin]

clitorisorclitoraint Sun 27-Mar-11 20:49:10

Hehe, you can maybe glean from my nickname that I prefer - ahem - 'frontal stimulation'.

There is no faeces

It doesn't hurt

<repeat ad nauseum>

I'm not insane, not into pain or poo but I like bumsex!

Mamaz0n Sun 27-Mar-11 21:16:38

he will enjoy it probably more than you do as you will be able to stimulate his g spot.

Get a strap on with an attached bullet which will stimulate you whilst he is being buggered.

I think once yo uget over the initial gigglyness you will enjoy it.

MrsSchadenfreude Sun 27-Mar-11 21:18:54

It only doesn't hurt if you have an arse like an old sock.
Mine is a one way valve.

NorthernGobshite Sun 27-Mar-11 21:34:33

Of course it fucking hurts.

No it fucking doesn't. If it hurts you are doing it wrong.

NorthernGobshite Sun 27-Mar-11 22:01:27

Clearly you're an expert.

Well I'm a person who has non painful bumsex with no lasting consequences, so I think I'm qualified to disagree with you!

LindaLaPlumeDeMaTente Sun 27-Mar-11 22:04:34

If I approached my H from the rear wearing a giant black rubber strap -on there would be an man shaped hole in the wall

And we are 3 floors up

NorthernGobshite Sun 27-Mar-11 22:04:38

I am so happy for you. Ick.

Horses for courses - clearly the idea doesn't appeal to you but it's a bit ignorant to go insisting that it 'fucking hurts' when it actually doesn't, and if you have had a painful experience, like I said, it was done wrong.

SaggyHairyArse Sun 27-Mar-11 22:09:52

How do you do it right confused

Thingumy Sun 27-Mar-11 22:10:50

'How do you do it right'

pissed with lots of lube in my experience

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny Sun 27-Mar-11 22:13:51

Still chuckling at this threadgrinhmmblush

MizzHyde Sun 27-Mar-11 22:14:12

OK, here we go again.
It's all been said before but, for the benefit of those who haven't heard it before...

1. Don't do ANYTHING you don't want to.
2. Don't JUDGE other people who happen to like things that you don't, or haven't even tried.
3. Anal sex obviously don't always hurt otherwise no-one would ever do it, repeatedly. However, for some people, it might, particularly the first time. Kind of like regular sex.
4. Regular anal sex doesn't give you an "arse like an old sock". Really.
5. Most men would love to receive anal sex if they actually tried it, due to a small thing called a prostate. If you are open-minded enough try it for him, you could give him the best sex of his life. However, refer to point 1.
6. A lot of women like it too. It doesn't make them dirty or slutty or weird.

End of lecture.
I'll bugger off now. grin

MizzHyde Sun 27-Mar-11 22:15:38

Oh yeah, and point 7. Condom and lube lube lube. And some more lube.

batsintheroof Sun 27-Mar-11 22:18:02

hahahaha everyone!

I'd love to bum sex my man. Unfortunately, i can get him to do ANYTHING with the mention of his bumhole and the sight of my finger. He hates me touching him there.

(evil grin)

Thingumy Sun 27-Mar-11 22:18:14

9. empty your bowel beforehand.

MizzHyde Sun 27-Mar-11 22:20:03

Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Enema anyone?

What happened to point 8?

Thingumy Sun 27-Mar-11 22:23:03

I guess some men dislike anal just as some women dislike it.

It does nothing for me but dh likesloves it.

I think if your DH is wanting a good pegging, you should start with some 'smaller' man toys and see how he finds it (and you),there are plenty on lovehoney.

Online shopping for sextoys with your partner is always a turn on I find...

Thingumy Sun 27-Mar-11 22:24:17

Sorry I meant 8


hellymelly Sun 27-Mar-11 22:33:33

The only thing thats ever gone up my bum is a morphine pessary after a c-section. I am laughing at the thought of the man-shaped hole in the wall.Made me think of the bit in the tv "tipping the velvet" where the dildo peeps round the wall... (my DH would be out the window too,if i appeared thus clad)

FlaminGreatGallah Sun 27-Mar-11 22:41:35

"If I approached my H from the rear wearing a giant black rubber strap -on there would be an man shaped hole in the wall

And we are 3 floors up"

That is the funniest line I've read on MN all weekend gringringrin

Eurostar Sun 27-Mar-11 22:48:56

I wonder if those saying it doesn't hurt have blokes who are below average in girth?

Anyway, as I always say on these threads, it can have lasting consequences, particulary hpv infection which can lead to anal cancer. Unprotected bumsex is not really a risk worth taking.

GotArt Mon 28-Mar-11 00:58:11

What if you approached him with giant pink one? grin

It hurt initially, but you work it slow, find the right angle, use some lube and after a bit, the sensation is great. Just like vag sex.

MaisyMooCow Mon 28-Mar-11 01:04:33

Eurostar very good points!

Lindalaplume... grin

MaisyMooCow Mon 28-Mar-11 01:06:14

Doesn't anyone worry about getting one of the those enormous a-holes like you see in anal sex porn?

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny Mon 28-Mar-11 07:36:34

What anal sex porn is that then MaisyMoo? grinwink

grin MizzH to the rescue!

She's quite right. And no, none of the men I've done bumsex with have been small of dick. I don't do it unprotected, use a condom even with DH for hygeine and ease of lubrication. I don't worry about getting an enormous a-hole like in anal porn grin because 1) we do it gently 2) we do it occasionally. It's not an everyday thing, once a month at most. You also can't really bang away like they do in porn, gotta remember the aim of porn isn't generally to give the woman a good time hmm

JessicaDrew Mon 28-Mar-11 10:00:03

can't imagine DH wanting to be "banged away" initially
and i think h would want to be involved in the strap-on buying grin
imagine the fun you can have convincing him how manly it would be able to take that big oneshock

Eurostar: You won't get an infection from putting a dildo up anyone's arse. Not unless it has just been up someone else's arse and not subsequently washed.

Eurostar Mon 28-Mar-11 18:41:53

This is not just a thread about dildos is it, it's about anal penetration too and I have no qualms in spreading the word about anal HPV as so many people have no idea of the risk.

As for pegging. All well and good if they want to do it but frankly it's rather sad if it's meant in truth rather than jest that OP wants the bloke to have some of his own medicine. If he has hurt her during anal sex she should be able to say and he should never be so rough again. It doesn't bode well for a relationship if you are thinking I'd like to do this to get my own back rather than for his own pleasure.

As far as damage outside of infection, this page has an excellent explanation of how to do anal with the least likely chance of damage and the risks of not doing so.

They sum it up quite well "This (communication about anal sex)takes a lot of trust and a willingness to look at sex as a journey two people go on together, not a performance trial or a measure of self-worth. If this level of communication isn't present during anal sex, physical damage results including incontinence, muscle tearing, rectal prolapse and, last but not least, hemorrhoids".

Well it is predominantly a thread about pegging, which doesn't involved real cocks.
THough I would agree with you that pegging should not be about 'giving him some of his own medicine'. It's actually something that's great fun for a lot of people and no more risky than a lot of other sex acts as long as you do it sensibly and carefully (lube, condoms, taking care of each other and stopping if there's any pain or discomfort).

clitorisorclitoraint Mon 28-Mar-11 20:10:10

incontinence, muscle tearing, rectal prolapse and, last but not least, hemorrhoids

...still not converted...

PeterAndreForPM Mon 28-Mar-11 20:13:44

I would say that haemorrhoids would be the least horrid sequelae out of the disturbing list... smile

thenightsky Mon 28-Mar-11 20:44:08

I've got to ask this....

But doesn't the whole process smell of poo? (boak)

No. Your passage isn't pooey unless you have a stomach problem or really need to go.

FlaminGreatGallah Mon 28-Mar-11 21:23:37

It can cause damage though. I had an ex who used to pleasure himself (so he said hmm) that way and he had anal labia. Pretty terrifying to happen across.

So be careful with that implement OP.

<deregs again>

GetOrfMoiLand Mon 28-Mar-11 21:27:56

anal labia

<crosses legs several times>

PeterAndreForPM Mon 28-Mar-11 21:31:30

wtf did he use, FGG ?

a prize-winning courgette ?

FlaminGreatGallah Mon 28-Mar-11 21:36:45

Bicycle pump apparently while he was on speed.

So there you have it, the link was quite right, slow, steady and fairly sober is the key grin

PeterAndreForPM Mon 28-Mar-11 21:37:46


there is gentle, consenting bumsex between a loving couple and there is THAT


GetOrfMoiLand Mon 28-Mar-11 21:39:08

Just say no to drugs, kids.

FlaminGreatGallah Mon 28-Mar-11 21:43:03

Absolutely! They don't tell you about anal labia in the public information films.

wtf is anal labia confused

PeterAndreForPM Mon 28-Mar-11 22:01:17

fgs, do not google it

FlaminGreatGallah Mon 28-Mar-11 22:06:26

It's my own term sorry, just thought it was a descriptive way to describe the <shudder> flaps.

Of course now as in all things a MN thread will soon pop up should anyone happen to Google it. Anal labia you say?

I googled..... I am now plotting vengeful mischeif wink

NorthernGobshite Mon 28-Mar-11 22:07:31


always with the pooey questions.

Your rectum is not used to store poo unless you are about to have a poo.

DOn't have bumsex if you need a poo. Common sense, no?

PeterAndreForPM Mon 28-Mar-11 22:10:54 is a recognised affliction

although some people seem to be overtly proud of it shock

The most disturbing thing about this thread is that the OP implies that her H hurts her sometimes when he gets carried away, and the answer to this is not to talk to him.

no talk of flaps please

FlaminGreatGallah Mon 28-Mar-11 22:18:27

Proud of it? Recognised condition? shock

I coined the term (in my head) eighteen years ago. Perhaps I should sue for copyright.

PeterAndreForPM Mon 28-Mar-11 22:19:36

you should

are you a sufferer yourself ? < cocks head in concerned fashion >

FlaminGreatGallah Mon 28-Mar-11 22:24:43

No I do not suffer from anal labia and have been told by several not-very professionals that my "area" is quite neat, thank you grin

Now we should adjourn to the new thread.

This is very disorientating stuff for a Monday night confused

PeterAndreForPM Mon 28-Mar-11 22:30:16

what new thread ?

did someone not tell me ?

< panics >

FlaminGreatGallah Mon 28-Mar-11 22:40:08

I tried to resist I did, I did blush

milliemae Sat 02-Apr-11 23:24:00

Having scientifically analysed MN opinion (which is 90% "Go for it!!!" / 10% "Whoops! Sorry, wrong thread...") I've told DH "the game's afoot ... " (Trouble is, he's an engineer who thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing estate near Nottingham...).

A significant anniversary is coming up, and I suspect that I will be given an unusual present with several straps etdc I will keep MN info-ed...

PS. DH would DIE ( in REALLY big letters!!!) if he knew about this thread - he thinx MN is for breast-feeding info, not breast-chomping info etc; those who know where I'm coming from, PLEASE keep quiet!!!

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