sons friends being horrid to another child in class

[Rosenotinyorkshire]

more of wwyd but not sure where to post. Briefly, there is a child in sons class (Child A) who has had a very troubled background and is now being long term fostered by a lovely couple. My son has mentioned a few problems in the playground with Child A being picked on by Child B. To cut it short, this evening son and his friend announced that they feel really sorry for Child A as Child B and some of his cohorts are calling him a big 'fail' because his mum takes drugs and does not love him!!!! I was horrified. I am going out this evening with a group of mums including the foster mum and am torn as to raise it. Am thinking of the dinner lady case recently, but on the other hand I would want to know if it was my child. AIBU to raise it tactfully so she can address? My son has also said Child A is being picked on a lot at the moment by Child B, who is a popular kid with the sort of parents who will not take kindly to negative feedback concerning their DS!

[heliumballoons]

Poor boy sounds like he needs the adults in his life to stand up for him right now. I would mention it to the school what your DS has said. Ask them their advice on mentioning it to the foster carer. She should know, theres no question of that but more whether you or the school should tell her as its happening at the school.

[cricketballs]

the 'dinner lady' incident was with regards to someone who was employed by the school and therefore being bound by temrs and conditions and not breaking confidentiality.

Unless you have a formal arrangement with the school, i.e. volunteer etc than there is not a 'legal' issue with regards to you speaking to child A's foster mum.

I would def soeak to child A's foster mum about this as we all know that quite often bullying does not get reported by the victim and very often (I am a teacher) the bullying can be very underhand therefore unless Child A has said something at school, the staff may not be aware of any issues.

[cricketballs]

sorry for spelling mistakes - trying to watch coach trip whilst typing!

[brass]

could you raise it with the teacher instead? Deal with it as a school issue. They are better placed to monitor what goes on and they can keep an eye on the group. Better for your DS as well if he is kept out of it.

[suzikettles]

I think you should tell the school. My mum was in this position when I was 7 or 8 and told her about a girl in my class who was being bullied - one of my friends was the ringleader.

My mum chose to do nothing about it and felt enormous guilt when the situation escalated, the girl became a school-refuser and my friend was eventually threatened with expulsion. My mum felt it could have been nipped in the bud if the school had been informed sooner.

[RJRabbit]

I would mention it as I'd be devastated if that sort of thing happened to my son.

And too bad for Child B's parents - no one likes to hear when their kids are being horrible, but I'm sure they're old enough to take it (and be suitably ashamed. I would be).

[walesblackbird]

If it wasn't Child A's foster mum but birth mother what would you do? Would you raise it with her?

Personally I wouldn't mention it to fm but would speak to school about it. If they're not aware of it (and frankly if they're not then they're failing in their duties to this little man) then someone needs to tell them and they need to act quickly.

Poor boy. He's had his little turned upside down and will be feeling dreadfully upset and traumatised without this little bully making his life even more difficult.

[Rosenotinyorkshire]

Thanks everyone for taking the trouble to reply. I am going to say something as I just cant sit back and let that little boy have yet more crap heaped on him. Suzi Kettles: it was at the back of my mind about what if it esculates and I did sweet FA. I think I will bring it up this evening and let foster mum deal with the school. Poor little sod. Been thining of him all evening.

[cricketballs]

walesblackbird - "frankly if they're not then they're failing in their duties to this little man"; so all school staff have a crystal ball?

If we are not told about it and it is done on the sly (which often happens, e.g. only in the yard, on the way home etc) then how are we supposed to know?

[walesblackbird]

If it's on the way home then there's no reason that the teacher should know but OP says it happens in the playground and given the fact that this little boy is LAC and has been taken into care then the school should be aware of that and should be aware of the risks to him.

At the very least they should be supervising closely in the event that birth mother turns up unannounced.

I don't expect teachers to have crystal balls - I do though expect them to be aware of any potential risks to a child.

[fastedwina]

how can you not say something, even though it is hard - glad you're doing the right thing.