to refuse to make my neices birthday cake

[pud1]

i started making birthday cakes as a bit of a hobby. i have made them for my own kids( peppa adn hello kitty) as well as my dd2's christening cake and grans 90th birthday cake. my MIL asked me to do my neices last year and i did a patrick from sponge bob. these take alot of time, effort and money. it is coming uo to my neices birthday again and mil has aked me if i was going to do a cake again. i told her that i had not planned to. she has just called to tell me that my neice is expecting one and i told her that i will not have time. she then called back to inform me that my neice is gutted i am not doing a cake so i now feel like a cow. the reasons that i am not doing the cake apart from the general expense and time is that my SIL is a lazy cow and would not give my dd's the steam off her piss. she is always just expecting every one else to do things for her ut is never greatful. when my dd2 was born she didnt even get us a card and the same when she was christened. she did tell me that she had ordered a gift online but it had not arrived. it never materialised. it is not the lack of gifts that bother me but the lack of effort on her part when she expects every one to do things for her. why cant my SIL amke her own cake or just buy one from the shop like every one. MIL has now said that she will buy a cake.

[hardhatdonned]

Make her a cake, just don't buy a present.

Make it clear it's one or the other but not both.

[hairylights]

Well it's your choice, of course, but you sound very bitter about your SIL.

I think it is sad for your neice if there's a tradition in the family that aunty pud1 makes celebration cakes for everyone except her :(

[thisisyesterday]

i would offer to make it if she provides all the ingredients

[hardhatdonned]

Will you be buying her a present then?

[WillowFae]

I agree that it is a bit harsh on your niece because of what her mum is like. However, if I was going to expect someone to make a cake for my child's birthday (as a friend did one year) then I would pay them for the ingredients etc (she had to buy a certain size tin which I just bought off her).

[pud1]

i suppose i am bitter about my SIL as she is a lazy, selfish bitch. i just feel that if i dont put my foot down now it will just go on and on. i dont make cakes for the whole family just my own children and one for my grans 90th. i made my neices last year as she asked me herself, i just feel that her mother just expects one this year

[fedupofnamechanging]

If you don't have the time to make a cake, then just buy your neice a nice birthday present. Not her fault her mum is horrible.

I don't see why you should make a cake. So far as I can see, no-one has actually asked you! Your MIL has just assumed, which is a bit rude imo.

These things are time consuming and expensive. Nice of your MIL to be so free with your time and money.

Don't feel guilty. A present is good enough.

In your position I would probably ask my neice what she would prefer - one or the other, as suggested up thread.

[activate]

novelty cakes are about £10 in any supermarket

tell her to go and buy one

and tell MIL how pissed off you are at the lack of care SIL expresses for your DD but apart from that you don't have time

[Driftwood999]

YANBU and it sounds as if you were clear with your MIL. As you say it is a bit of a hobby, which should be enjoyable, not something that has to live up to other people's expectations. Don't let this fester.

[pud1]

course i will buy her a gift. i always do

[Heracles]

I'm on your side; it shouldn't be expected, that takes any joy from making it away from you.

[hardhatdonned]

Then you're fine to not make the cake :)

Personally i'd do it one or the other but not both, tell your MIL to stick it or buy the ingredients.

[whiteflame]

well while it is sad for your niece, i don't think YABU. It's more the assumption that you will do it, followed by the guilt trip. They can bog off, you have enough on your plate.

[pud1]

my MIL knows what i feel about her lack of care for our dd's. tbh my MIL is forever trying to overcompensate for my SIL. she understandably loves ger granddaughter and is always trying to make up for her mum.