to think that this might actually work?

[OhWesternWind]

Here goes - any and all opinions welcome.

To cut a long story short, I am now a single parent with no family support where I live now. I desparately want to move back to the north-west where I have family. (It's also a nicer area, better schools etc).

The problem is work. This isn't really the time to be hunting round for a new job and although I have been keeping my eye open there is not much in my profession around.

This morning, I came up with a plan which would be to stay in my current job in the Midlands and see if my employer (large employer, quasi public sector) would allow me to work three long days and do my hours that way. That would mean I could travel down say, Sunday night or early Monday morning, work Mon Tue Wed and travel home Wednesday night. That bit isn't all that much fun but would give me four free days (apart from a bit of e-mail catch-up) to spend with my mum and the children. The travelling is about two and a half hours each way, so not doable on a daily basis. What a hotel would cost is basically the same as my morning childcare now, or maybe I could stay with friends sometimes.

Has anyone ever worked with an arrangement like this? Was it okay? Your thoughts on what this might be like in practice would be more than welcome. I've not spoken to anyone (either my mum or my employer) about this yet.

This might not be forever, but it would buy me space to sort out a decent house for me and the children, move before the new school year and then take time to find another job that's actually right for me.

Thanks all!

[FourFortyFour]

Why not do a pros and cons list for all options and see what happens?

If I said it wouldn't work would you feel disappointed or relieved?

[OhWesternWind]

Relieved in a way as I know I would miss the children whilst I was away, but disappointed as this does actually seem a feasible way forward so that we can move and make a fresh start. Aargh! What to do!

The pros and cons list is a good idea.

It's also quite possible that either my mum or my employer won't wear it so it will be kiboshed before I get anywhere with it.

[DayVLately]

I would say it's a serious consideration - and if your org is semi-public sector I imagine they would be quite open to looking at flexible working arrangements - compressed hours etc.

How many children do you have? And would your mum be happy to provide this intense level of childcare indefinitely on a long term basis?

[lesley33]

I know a few people who do this monday to friday as they couldn't find work where they live. They both stay in B & B's duing the week.

Not ideal, but certainly doable, especially as it is only 3 days a week. Presumably you have someone who will look after your children when you are away?

[OhWesternWind]

Hi DayV - we have a lot of child-friendly policies here and I already do a flexible working arrangement where I start and finish early so I can pick the children up from school.

I have two children age 5 and 8, nearly 6 and 9. I am not sure whether my mum would do it - I think she would but can't be sure until I have a talk to her about it. She is coming down to see me this weekend so we can talk about it then. The childcare will be getting ready for and picking up from school plus evenings/bedtimes three days a week and she's already volunteered to do all the school mornings and pickups for me so I can work, it's just the evenings that would be extra.

It just seems like this idea could be a ray of light at the end of what has been a very dark tunnel. I am finding it extremely hard to cope by myself without any support and it's not good for me or the children. I feel absolutely exhausted and worn down by it all.

[OhWesternWind]

Hi Lesley - how do your friends find it staying away on a regular basis? Do they have a family at home?

It would be my mum who would look after the children if she agrees, so no childminder etc issues.

Thanks for your message!

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

It could work, but the main person to talk to is your Mum. It is a lot to ask of someone no matter how close you are to them and how much they love their GC.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I have heard of a website called mondaytofriday or something like that. People rent out rooms in their houses for that period of time. It could be cheaper than a hotel.

[OhWesternWind]

Thanks for that tip Kreecher - I'll check it out.

[NeverAttributeToMalice]

DH works 12-hour shifts, so is gone before the DCs wake and not home until after they've gone to bed. He works 4 on, 4 off and gets to spend his days off with them. The DCs don't seem to mind at all. They still have a stable adult presence (i.e. me!), as yours would have with your mother.

The working hours are only one aspect of the issue, as I see it. If your mum is happy to do this, it is a massive commitment for her to make. She will have to deal with all the illness, homework, child-generated housework, etc. Will you live with your mother, or will she mind them in your house? (In which case, you might as well stay where you are, work the same hours, and ask her to travel to where you are now.) I think it would be unfair if you didn't offer to pay her something for all her time. And having your mother as a carer for you children may affect your relationship with her. Are your parenting styles similar?