to think this is rude? kids' parties taking priority all the time.

[mickeynminnie]

it seems that attending every kids' party going has become a priority for my friends.

this has happened 3 times to me now, I have invited friends and dcs for lunch on a Sat or Sun, they've accepted but then said their dc have a party to go to, so they'll have to leave early - but they'll come earlier, so we can spend a bit of time together. Inevitably they arrive late. So I've found myself hanging round at home for the morning, friends eventually arrive, 30 mins later sit down to lunch, have lunch, 30 mins later they leave to get dc to party. Leaves me feeling like a catering service. One lot stayed for barely an hour!

AIBU to think that if they've accepted my invitation they shouldn't accept the kids' party one too? If they've accepted the kids' party, they say they can't come to me and we find another date?

Everyone I know with kids in Reception, Yr 1 or Yr 2 seems to spend nearly every weekend going to children's parties! And are horrified at the idea that their dc should now and again "miss out" on a party.

Another friend had a go at me as we can't make her dd's 4th bday party as we have already accepted an invitation to see some other friends. (I do have young dc btw, perhaps I will change my mind once ds starts school? )

[freshmint]

you are not being unreasonable, v rude of them

my particular pet hate is people who have kids parties on a sunday between 1 and 3. How are the rest of the family meant to have sunday lunch? Those automatically get a "thanks but no thanks"

[nethunsreject]

Yanbu.

First 'booking' gets priority.

[nethunsreject]

Really, fresh?

I love lunchtime paarties - saves me the bother.

[sparkle12mar08]

I think this is quite hard. It's a large part of very young children's lives to be invited to a party, and in most junior schools they'll be with the same classmates for 6 years or so. You have to play the long game. But as an adult it's also very rude to alter arrangements you've already made. I guess I'm currently of the 'try to accomodate both events' persuasion.

[sparkle12mar08]

Fresh - eat earlier or later, not too difficult surely? Lunch at 12 leaves plenty of time to eat and get to a 1pm party.

[edam]

That is Not On At All.

Freshmint, Sunday parties at 11 are worse - I like my lie-ins! You shouldn't have to rush around on Sunday mornings, it is WRONG unless you are unfortunate enough to have to go to work.

[mickeynminnie]

sparkle, i think that's where the problem lies, you try to accomodate both but if you have to be at a children's party for 1 or 2 then you can't really go to someone's house for lunch can you! and if you say you're going to get there early then you should try harder to do so.

[Bonsoir]

I think it is a really important part of small DCs lives to go to their friends' parties. IME, learning to socialise at parties is an important precursor to playdates, which are an important precursor to sleepovers, which are an important precursor to overnight school trips, which are an important precursor to week-long holiday camps...

So I understand why parents prioritise children's parties for a bit. Maybe you should stop inviting families over for lunch at the weekends and change your socialising?

[sparkle12mar08]

True, it makes going out to lunch a lot more difficult and thankfully we've not been in that situation before. I think maybe I'd suggest we go to the lunch as normal and one of us nips out to take the child to the party and then comes back - I'm not worried about leaving my children in general as long as the party host is happy with it.

[mickeynminnie]

Bonsoir, how about their dcs coming and socialising with my dcs, sitting down to lunch together with the adults and playing together here? Is that not important too? Of course parties are important - but every weekend? If a best or close friend that's one thing but all-class parties do mean there are a lot of parties to go to!

When do you think I should get together as a family with my friends and their families if not during weekend days?

[freshmint]

you can't eat a sunday lunch at 12
not in my world anyway
and we don't eat sunday lunch in half an hour

no, rude I call it

[sobloodystupid]

bit of a sore topic with me I'm afraid. My dd needed to go to hospital last week, my sis wouldn't mind my dc for 2 hours as she was going to my dn's party

[mamatomany]

It's only for reception and year 1 at the absolute most, once every one has met each other and decided who they really like parties get smaller and smaller, DD1 has been to 3 all year in year 6.

[cece]

Oh dear, I always organise parties for either 11- 1 or 3 -5 on a Sunday. I thought it was better to have it at a meal time and feed the children a meal rather tha a snack so they then don't eat their real meal.

Why does it interfere with yourr lunch though? Surely it is nice to have a child free lunch before opping back to collect them?

[WomanOfMassDestruction]

I'm with Bonsoir on this.

[Bonsoir]

mickey - as mamatomany says, it only last for a couple of years and it is really important for children to make their own friends rather than hang out with the DCs of their parents' friends. Why don't you see your friends in the evening for dinner?

[fifi25]

Dont invite them for lunch anymore. Everyone does one party each, realises how expensive they are then most dont have another

[Dropdeadfred]

why not invie your friends nd their dc around for early supper on a saturday evening?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I don't think I'd agree that the sheer number of parties small DCs are expected to attend is really that important to development of social skills. There never used to be that many as there are now, surely? It used to be just for birthdays and special days... now they seem to be 'just because'.

I thik it's important for family members to fit in with each other and make time for family stuff along with all the other extra activities everybody does. I personally don't see that DCs suffer any barriers to learning to socialise in a variety of activities, not just parties.

By the same token, once the merry-go-round starts, you can't really get off... who is it? Who is it who starts these things? [anger]

[mickeynminnie]

genuine questions / points , not trying to be argumentative or do AIBU by stealth, but -

• don't kids make friends whilst at school? and by going for tea after school, and for playdates? why is going to a party the route to making friends?
  

• evening supper not so easy as I live in a big city and while friends are anything from 5-25 miles away, it can take up to an hour just to travel 5 miles. and if they've been at a party from 3-5 that won't work either!
  

• why are dcs of parents' friends not also counted as friends?
  

If people want to prioritise kids' parties above all else, that's up to them, but I don't think IABU to think they shouldn't then accept an invitation to my house on the same day and then say they have to leave early etc

The way forward is obviously for me to take the initiative and tell them we have to find another date that doesn't clash with a party...

[Hullygully]

YANBU

It is just as important for children to have a wide circle of friends of all ages, including adults, family and otherwise, who are nothing to do with school. School is a big part of life, but it isn't all of it, and if there are friendship probs at school (and when are there not?), then the child has the wider loving social network to be part of and to help put school life in perspective.

[slipperandpjsmum]

Agree with LyingWitchInTheWardrobe children do not need to attend the numbers of parties you describe as part of their social development. We have always declined invitations if they don't fit with existing plans as do my friends. (eldest ds now 15).

It is mainly the first couple of years when parties are at their height. But I do think it is rude to accept an invitation only to then decline it for something perceived as 'more important'

People are obsessed with their children friendships in the early years and take the whole thing way to seriously. These relationships are transiant and chances are they won't even be 'friends' with these children in a few years.

I don't think YABU.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"- don't kids make friends whilst at school? and by going for tea after school, and for playdates? why is going to a party the route to making friends?"

Going to a party is part of the route to making friends because of how a child feels being the only one not to be going to a party when all around them the rest of the class are talking about it before and after. It makes them feel left out, excluded.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Perhaps they let the children choose, either go to x's party or go to yours for lunch - most likely the children will choose the party and then the adults try and squeeze everything else in around that.

They are only small once, parties fade out after a few years but friends will always be there if they are good friends.

[Bonsoir]

"if there are friendship probs at school (and when are there not?)"

You make it sound as if children are inevitably going to encounter social difficulties at school and that home and home friends are going to be some sort of shelter. I don't think that is true at all.