To think well done for not smoking for 2 weeks but please don't lecture everyone else,

[candyking]

Hi have a fb friend who is close to a family member of mine, She decided to give up smoking 2 weeks ago on the first anniversary of one of my family members dh, supposidly in memory of him.

He did die of Cancer but it wasn't smoking related although he did smoke,

I think she has done well and hope she keeps it up but I am getting so fed up of the constant fb statuses putting smokers down, she keeps refering to past family member and that she is doing it for him, She says if we had any feeling for him then we would give up now. every day is like a countdown on how fabulous she is,

Today she also stated how she had gone into every cancer related charity shop and spent what would have been her ciggie money. She had loads of her friends saying well done and bigging her up.

I wonder if she felt so strongly about it then why didn't she give up when he died,

Why not do it for herself and why the need for constant praise.

By the way I am not a smoker and never have been,

I have avoided commenting on her statuses as I know I would say say something I will regret.

I have blocked her from my wall as it winds me up so much but both my kids and my mum have her on theirs and tell/show me as it upsets them too.

My mum is a smoker and feels terrible when she see's this, We cannot say anything to close family member as she is going through enough and this person is her best friend.

[Panzee]

As the old saying goes, there's nothing more annoying than an ex-smoker. :o

I am of course the wonderful exception to this, as I never lecture nor cat's bum mouth my still-smoking friends. :o :o

Also, some people are just after medals and praise for everything they do. Grit your teeth and hide her updates is my advice.

[Panzee]

I see you already hide them. Teach your kids and mum how to hide them. Or tell them to stop telling you.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Some people feel the need to do that. Ex-smokers can be some of the very worst, possibly it's because they struggle to give up, feel stupid for having started, or some other pecadillo.

I can understand why you're irritated, I would be too. This friend is being unnecessarily ostentatious in linking her stopping smoking to the death of somebody, and promoting what she's done the way she has is really insensitive.

She possibly feels unvaliated unless somebody is bigging her up... and the fact that she's revelling in what internet people think of her shows how shallow she is and makes her achievement a little hollow.

Could you perhaps post a 'jovial' message on her wall at the next outburst of glory-seeking, saying something like, "Well done (again), your medal is in the post".... or just ignore the silly woman as you have been doing.

[candyking]

I just wanna smack her, she does my friggin head in,

[candyking]

she isnt the only person who has suddenly been a best friend to him since he left us, He was a lovely man and had an impact on many peoples lives, but it seems that those who didnt give a shit when he was alive keep feeding off him now, I just dont get it.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Ex smokers can be rather evangelical (I include myself in this description) because we just want smokers to know how great it is to be free of it all. To me this feeling is so overpowering that I would actually like to train to become a smoking cessation counsellor.

She will settle down in due course.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I think it's the appropriation of grief that is more annoying than the ex-smoker thing. Some people do that. Bugs the hell out of me.

DH lost 3 close friends (randomly and in v short space of time ) very young and the amount of people coming out of the woodwork to claim some special relationship or turning up at the wake to wail when they hadn't previously given them the time of day was just weird.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

Ah I see she is a close friend but still it is odd - doesn't her BF mind her behaving like this?

I am an annoying ex-smoker. It is true what bibbity says

[candyking]

I do understand that she should be proud of herself [she smoked for over 20 years] but 14 days not smoking does not give her the right to preach to everyone else.

I am very very cross that she keeps refering to my brother in law, Yes he did smoke but he died of a head tumer, When it was diagnosed he was told that it wasnt due to his smoking, it was probably hereditrey as cancer was common in his family, mainly among males.

Why do some people [im including family members here] think its appropriate to suddenly show concern when somebody dies,

There are a couple of family members I used to get on with but since this happened I see them in a very different light,

I can think of 2 off the top of my head who probaby visited my sis and her husband maybe 4 times in 8 years they were together, a little girl was born during this time. they had no interest in the little one. until he died but are are totally up her arse now and constantly saying how much they miss him.

The bf non smoker now is the same, maybe saw them 10 times as live not close but constantly refering to how she loved him. me and my kids saw him every day, he was like a dad to my son, I looked after their daughter every day for 4 years,

we don't want to be constantly reminded of him on fb day after day unless its from my sis, who has a right to mention her husband as often as she likes,

Especially when its from someone just looking for praises for themselves, maybe iabu and should just ignore but it is very hard.

[candyking]

She isn't my close friend. I have known her for over 20 years and she is my dsis's best friend.

We have fallen out before now [ night out, drunk, things said, not nice]
and didnt speak for a few years but resolved our differences for the sake of my sis.

Been ok for last maybe 5 years, in last 5 years really only seen her at sis's wedding, bro in laws funeral and nieces birthdays, she has also popped into mine for a cuppa when been at my sisters. we live in different area of the country to her,

She has been a good friend to my sis I just find all this going on right now hard, I commende her for giving the fags up, just wish she didnt bring my bro in law into it and make everyone else who smokes feel so guilty.