I read the Tiger Mother book

[kittycat37]

and when I was in the middle of it and thought she was ok I used one of her threats on my DD when she was being difficult.

I said 'if you don't do X, I'm going to give away your teddies'

It worked.

Then I read to the end of the book and decided I actually think the author is mad and much worse than I thought.

So now I'm confused - I feel bad I used that threat to my D. She's only 3 and she really believed me.

But sometimes I'm at my wits end.

Is it U to say that sort of thing?

[Fernie3]

I haven't read the book so cant comment on that but occasionally saying that sort of thing is not unreasonable in my opinion. For example my children are responsible for keeping the playroom tidy. They trashed it a couple of weeks ago I gave them 1 hour to sort it out and told them if they didn't do it i would remove a black bag of their toys which were left on the floor - they didn't tidy it so i filled a black bag and put it out the shed. It tidy now, lesson learned.

[backwardpossom]

Is it a threat you would actually follow through?

[candleshoe]

Only ever threaten things you will actually do otherwise your threats are meaningless. They need to know you will carry out your threat! If you have made a rash threat and then back down you will never recover your position of power! I once threatened (foolishly) that we would have to go home if my DTSs didn't stop arguing. They didn't stop so we had to pack up and go home ... we were at a friend's house and it was very embarassing to say 'Sorry we're leaving!' but I had to do it.

I listened to this on BBC Radio 4 - Mum was a certifiable nut!

[kittycat37]

I'd NEVER give her teddies away so I guess I shouldn't have said it. I might hide them though to make a point.

Yes candleshoe - she is a nut, very weird.

[poochela]

Go with your gut, if it feels like the wrong thing then drop it. Most mums are basically floundering about trying to make the right choices with their kids until they stumble upon the thing that works for them. I've done loads of things I now regret and would do differently but thats life innit? Most people use mild threats at some point with their kids don't they?

Dont beat yourself up about it, be glad that your the kind of mummy who cares enough to evaluate her behaviour and is willing to change/learn/adapt.

[prettyfly1]

Oh is that the awful american woman who told her daughter that her birthday present wasnt good enough? Seriously we all make daft decisions with our kids so dont beat yourself up but dont do any more from that crap book. The woman is insane - she was on this morning and just came across as awful.

[candleshoe]

Poochela - you sound a sane, moderate and reasonable person - well done!
(Between you and me, there are one or two nuts on MN!)

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

I wouldn't give away teddies just as a random punishment, it seems vindictive.
but 'if you don't tidy up your teddies you won't be allowed to have so many' seems reasonable to me.

we are all at our wit's end sometimes. I try to have consequences already lined up in my head for different things so if I am in a crisis situation where the kid won't do what I say, I come up with a sensible one rather than floundering around and coming up with something random.