I need some cast iron responses to my sister asking for a lift this afternoon.

(115 Posts)
RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:41:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bramshott Tue 01-Mar-11 12:42:46

Just don't answer the phone?

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:44:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon Tue 01-Mar-11 12:44:40

"I'm afraid I can't as I am working. now fuck off"

TandB Tue 01-Mar-11 12:44:42

Just say you don't knnow exactly what time one of the other children is being collected so you can't leave the house.

Did you do a thread the last time this happened or was that someone else?

peeriebear Tue 01-Mar-11 12:44:54

Unplug the phone. Put it on silent, put it in a bag, in a cupboard, in a bucket of water.
Or answer the phone with "This better NOT be for a lift!!"

Tell her to fuck off. Seriously, she sounds like my SiL, stands still and the world revolves around her.

MadreInglese Tue 01-Mar-11 12:45:12

er, just say no..?

Keep ignoring it.

Bloody hell, sounds like your sister needs a bloody good talking to. She should NOT be making you feel like this!

DaftApeth Tue 01-Mar-11 12:45:34

Pre-empt her by texting now that you will not have time to collect her from the station and you will see her at yours when she comes to collect her dd.

Then don't answer the phone!

NinkyNonker Tue 01-Mar-11 12:45:47


TallulahDoesTheHula Tue 01-Mar-11 12:45:50

Yes, ignore the phone and when she arrives and asks why you didnt aswer, just tell her you were up to your ears in stuff and couldnt.
If she keeps ringing and you cant ignore then pick up and say quickly (before she can get a word in) 'sorry sis, cant talk now, am manic here, see you in 20 mins!' and hang up.

thell Tue 01-Mar-11 12:46:04

Send her a text now, perhaps?
Warn her that it's really important you be in the house for the mindees to be collected, and give her a cab number for if she can't get herself home.

You are not her personal taxi service!
Be strong!!

GiddyPickle Tue 01-Mar-11 12:46:17

Agree with Bramshott. She is obviously BU but she is also the kind of person who won't see this at all so rather than getting into a shouting match with her, don;t engage her on the subject at all (maybe mention to the mindee's parents you are only contactable on the mobile this afternoon and then you can see who's calling before you answer!)

CMOTdibbler Tue 01-Mar-11 12:46:18

Just say no - its all the answer you need

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:46:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeepCalmAndCarryOnMNing Tue 01-Mar-11 12:46:42

Unplug your ladline and switch your mobile to silent?

mmsmum Tue 01-Mar-11 12:47:23

Is she a big fatty that can't walk up the road?!

I'd tell her where to go!

And if she is a big fatty it'll do her some good lol

dinosaurkisses Tue 01-Mar-11 12:47:38

Just say you can't. You have other people relying on you to feed them and take them to Beavers- just because she is an adult doesn't make her request any more important because she cant walkthe length of herself.

walesblackbird Tue 01-Mar-11 12:48:13

Get your youngest and most chatty mindee to answer the phone and just allow him/her to burble away until sil gives up!

Always works in our house with cold callers!!

Alternatively just be honest and say No, you're busy.

BikeRunSki Tue 01-Mar-11 12:48:15

"I am sorry I am at work".

You wouldn't walk out of an office, leave customers hanging in a shop of anything would you?

She sounds about as hard work as my sister.

Sorry I am busy working.

If you had asked earlier I would have said I couldn't pick you up, and you would have been able to organise alternative transport.

It's your own damn fault. You shouldn't assume.

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:48:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun Tue 01-Mar-11 12:48:21

Say "Hahahahahahaha, sorry one of the kids has just shat on my leg, no I can't come and get you, you'll have to walk, oh my fucking god Tristram, take that out of your ear right this minute, byeeeeeeeeee'.

Get one of the kids to answer the phone grin

eandz Tue 01-Mar-11 12:49:00

you have a sister who can order you around? how did she get soo lucky? i can't order anyone around in my family.

pumperspumpkin Tue 01-Mar-11 12:49:05

I wouldn't not answer (or unplug the landline etc) as you still need to be contactable for other mindees' parents etc. She is a mindee's parent like all the others. It's unprofessional not to answer the phone because you don't want to speak to her. It is however completely out of the question that you would pick up her, or any other mindee's parent, from the station.

"No I can't. I've got 4 kids to feed, and I'm pregnant and feel like shit as it is. Get a taxi, with a receipt, and claim it back from expenses."

Besides, a 20 min walk is nothing, unless it's Arctic conditions or pissing down.

TandB Tue 01-Mar-11 12:49:23

She sounds like a pain in the backside.

It is very easy to say "just say no" - and it is what I want to tell you to do! It is less easy to do it where family is concerned.

We have a family for whom the phrase "sense of entitlement" was invented. If any teeny aspect of the world offends them then they somehow manage to find a particular family member to fall out with over it. It rains when they wanted to go out - it is MIL's fault. They are short of cash - it is OH's fault.

A 20 minute walk is probably a 5 minute taxi ride. Text her the number of a local cab company.

Have you posted about this before?

it sounds v familiar.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop Tue 01-Mar-11 12:49:50

Again? She really is a bit of a pain in the arse. Text her now... 'Your DH mentioned you need a lift tonight, you'll need to call a taxi or ask Mum, I have too many kids here to come for you'.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou Tue 01-Mar-11 12:50:10

"Sorry, it's not convenient."

nagynolonger Tue 01-Mar-11 12:50:20

Say No......just because she thinks you are 'available' dosen't mean you have to be.

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:50:50

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RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:51:30

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Tee2072 Tue 01-Mar-11 12:52:06

Just say no. And keep saying no. And if you cry, you cry. Blubber something about how mean she is to bully, because that's what it is, a pregnant woman when she is perfectly able to walk. Or take a cab.

thenightsky Tue 01-Mar-11 12:53:04

Does she expect you to load the mindees into the car to come and get her then? I don't understand how you have the space.

Mamaz0n Tue 01-Mar-11 12:53:40

i am at work, being paid to care for someones child not take them taxi ing my lazy arsed sister so no, sorry you will have to walk.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy Tue 01-Mar-11 12:53:40

A bit late now but get an answer phone and screen all calls.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop Tue 01-Mar-11 12:54:05

mmsmum - how is that an acceptable thing to say? Substitute that for black/disabled and see just how fucking offensive it is.

Will she be calling home phone or mobile? Get caller display. Or switch on the answerphone. Do not talk to her. Then when she arrives, having made her own way there like a fucking grownup explain that you have been up to your elbows in shitty nappies.

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:54:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BottleOfRum Tue 01-Mar-11 12:54:52

Do you think her sense of entitlement over you is something to do with the fact she is paying you, and therefore feels like you 'owe' her lifts etc?

I think try and pre-empt is also, go with a "hey sis, how is your training day going? am having day from hell here, everything is manic. BIL mentioned you might need a lift home from station this evening, but since I haven't heard from you I'm guessing you don't need one anyway. Incase you do, ring mum, not me, because I'm v busy. See you later.x" type thing??

BitOfFun Tue 01-Mar-11 12:54:59

"I can't possibly, Harold's mother is here to check my health and dsferty certificates, must dash darling, get a cab, byeeeeeeeeee'"

Basically anything that has "byeeeeeeeeee'" on the end.

bigbadbarry Tue 01-Mar-11 12:55:49

Like others have suggested, I just wouldn't answer and when she asks, tell her you were too busy

TandB Tue 01-Mar-11 12:56:14

Choose the bolshiest member of MN and forward your calls to them....

BitOfFun Tue 01-Mar-11 12:56:27

I did mean 'safety', but dsferty might sound even better.

Hi big M

(random nickname day today)

catinthehat2 Tue 01-Mar-11 12:56:51

follow my flowchart:

1)is it my problem?

IF YES - deal with it
IF NO - ignore it


I think this is not your problem. You could say to your sister " this is not my problem, I shall ignore it", but I wouldn't go any further than that.

Shouting? Screaming? "It's not my problem"

Too much emotion, not enough fact in the world I always think.


You need to string out the eeeeeee until you hang up

TandB Tue 01-Mar-11 12:57:07

I was going to ask BoF but given it is you, I thought I might not want to know the answer. I thought there might be [whispers] pictures!

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:57:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSleepFairy Tue 01-Mar-11 12:57:27

Unplug the phone & pretend one of the mindee's/your children must have unplugged it.

I hope you charge her extra for being late, our childminder used to charge £5 per 15 minutes late.

catinthehat2 Tue 01-Mar-11 12:58:30

admittedly I have no friends or relatives IRL, but at leas nobody pisses me around

compo Tue 01-Mar-11 12:58:42

Are you sure she's as fab as you think she is? She sounds a rude ungrateful biatch to me grin
I think we've advised you to stop cm'ing for her before because she doesn't pick up on time?
You're one of lifes martyrs grin
what's happening when you're on mat leave? Still having her dd?

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 12:59:48

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expatinscotland Tue 01-Mar-11 13:00:20

'Now that is a tactic I haven't tried. But she will just keep ringing and ringing.'

Then unplug it from the wall.

She can get a taxi or a bus if she doesn't want to walk.

And if she thinks you do nothing because you're a child minder, I think I'd tell her she needs to find someone else to mind her child so she can see how much they charge people who take the piss.

LadyBiscuit Tue 01-Mar-11 13:00:35

God I don't know how you deal with your family Reality, I really don't

Send her the number of a cab company that she can call from the train

ShowOfHands Tue 01-Mar-11 13:01:14

Tell her to man the fuck up. You can still say byeeeeeeee if you want.


RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 13:01:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rubyted Tue 01-Mar-11 13:01:36

What a twat. I hope you tell her where to go! ......one foot in front of the other until she gets home! grin

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 13:02:20

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BitOfFun Tue 01-Mar-11 13:02:40

Shank's pony, aye.

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 13:02:51

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DaftApeth Tue 01-Mar-11 13:04:47

Tell her you have left her a pair of trainers tied to the railings for her to wear home grin

TalkinPeace2 Tue 01-Mar-11 13:05:18

set up 1571 this afternoon
then DO NOT answer the phone unless you know its not her

BaadRobot Tue 01-Mar-11 13:05:43

I have seen women change out of their high heels and into their trainers in order to walk home. Suggest she does this. 20 minutes is not a long walk FFS, my DD can walk further than that without moaning.

mmsmum Tue 01-Mar-11 13:06:06

If shes the opposite of fatty then I'd tell her the walk would tone up her legs and bum a bit so she won't be so saggy. You can tell that my sister would never ask me grin

ShowOfHands Tue 01-Mar-11 13:06:46

High heels? Brilliant. She'll have some annoying click clacking to listen to as she huffs along cursing you. And you'll hear her coming 'click clack chunter click clack moan'.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 01-Mar-11 13:08:26

Well she should pack a pair of trainers then!

Just say 'no, I'm a childminder not a taxi service, call a cab'.

Please update us later! grin

Inertia Tue 01-Mar-11 13:09:09

I wouldn't unplug the phone in case parents of other mindees need to get in touch. But surely if she does ring, "Sorry, can't pick you up, I am working" requires no further explanation. And if she whines, then you can hang up on her.

compo Tue 01-Mar-11 13:09:42

Ooh let us know what she says in response to your text!!

coatgate Tue 01-Mar-11 13:16:05

Marking my place. stdavids - sorry, just wanted to try that....

getabloodygrip Tue 01-Mar-11 13:16:16

Oh, this is a hoot, what an utter spoilt cow your sister is!! Just tell her to absolutely get stuffed. With bells on.

Cannot WAIT to see the updates later... How fucking fantastic. Actually, please could you record the phone conversation (if indeed it takes place) and post a link.

LadyShapes Tue 01-Mar-11 13:17:07

I have learnt an amazing technique for saying no off my dad...You just don't say anything - or say that it won't be convenient, and then don't say anything. The other person will find the silence awkward and then start talking to fill the silence and before you know it they've talked themselves into an alternative solution.

My dad told me he does this - which was a mistake as I now do it back to him and I know when he's doing it to me.

It sounds a bit weird, but it's amazing how the other person will suddenly start coming up with other solutions, just because they can't handle the silence.

Don't answer the phone, but do 1471 straight afterwards to get the number - and if it is her, don't ring her back - then your other mindees' parents can get in touch if neccessary.

compo Tue 01-Mar-11 13:17:19

I'd tell her to get a bloody grip


olderandwider Tue 01-Mar-11 13:18:25

I think you know she is BU and YANBU.

Lots of suggestions here for ducking the question and not engaging. I imagine you have had years of her shouty bossiness, so think that you can't easily turn the tables on her.

Well, every journey starts with a single step (or in her case a 20 minute journey with a few hundred steps grin)

Let your DS phone and ask for a lift. Leave a silence when she has finished talking. Then say, "Sorry, I am too busy to pick you up." Don't enlarge on that statement, or reason, or weep, or get angry or upset, repeat ad infinitum. Put down phone if she argues and/or shouts.

I am shock that anyone would ask a pregnant woman looking after six children to get in her car to give an able bodied person a lift to save a 20 minute walk.Are her shoes made of fairy dust and unicorn skin?

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 13:25:00

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RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 13:25:24

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alfiesmadmother Tue 01-Mar-11 13:27:55

just be completely honest with her. Otherwise this will either happen again, and again, or it will brew into one unnecessary fallout. Just explain it's too much for you and she needs to find an alternative way of getting home. End of.

TheSleepFairy Tue 01-Mar-11 13:28:38

You can't feel guilty for minding so many children as well as you dn & not dropping everything to pick the princess up!!

Buy her a pair of trainers for her birthday.

olderandwider Tue 01-Mar-11 13:32:33

Reality - nooo. You sound great. But remember, looking after your own (greater)needs isn't a crime, and it certainly doesn't stop you being a nice person.

tinkertitonk Tue 01-Mar-11 13:37:13

So it's OK for you to be hormonal and weepy but not her?

Next time I need a favour I'm asking you wink

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 13:43:05

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Mamaz0n Tue 01-Mar-11 13:47:44

tinkertitonk Tue 01-Mar-11 13:37:13

So it's OK for you to be hormonal and weepy but not her?

Is the DSis pregnant then?

diddl Tue 01-Mar-11 13:49:40

"When you put it like that it sems so obvious, Olderandwider, but I end up feeling guilty that I haven't put myself out for her."


You are working.

You have to be there for the children to be collected.

I know that CMs can´t be expected to stay in all day with their charges, but I´d be pissed off if I went to collect my child & they weren´t their because the CMs sister couldn´t/wouldn´t walk/make her own arrangements to get home.

Perhaps if people stopped rushing to do her bidding she might stop being so demanding.

diddl Tue 01-Mar-11 13:50:11


clam Tue 01-Mar-11 13:53:06

Good plan, Trillian.
I'm a bit short of milk, reality. Can you nip out to get some and drop it round. Am in Herts...

So, not only do you have a deranged demanding SIL, but your own sister is pretty high-maintenance as well?

Are you still making up for wild teenage years by trying to prove that you are good to your sisters and mum?

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 14:05:16

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RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 14:05:43

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ragged Tue 01-Mar-11 14:08:31

What exactly have you texted her? I hope the taxi company no.

I really don't get people who don't "do" walking. confused

SugarPasteFrog Tue 01-Mar-11 14:11:02

Rolling out the MN classic 'no is a complete sentence'.

Stand firm grin

Asinine Tue 01-Mar-11 14:16:24

YANBU If she phones you say you're far too busy and just stick with that. If she gets silly just say you've got to go and put the phone down. When she picks up daughter do not apologise but ask her to help you eg take your dd to beavers. Make a point of saying no and asking her to help you instead every time she phones. Then she'll find someone else to pick on. smile look after yourself

If I was a parent of one of your mindees I'd be pissed that you were stuffing my child into a car to drive all over creation to act as your sister's taxi.

That comment is to stop any guilt you might feel for not helping her.

You also have to be consistent with this. She'll keep trying to get you to give her lifts from the station until five or six polite refusals get it through her head that the Reality Executive Car service is out of business.

solooovely Tue 01-Mar-11 14:33:34

If I was a parent of one of your mindees I'd be pissed that you were stuffing my child into a car to drive all over creation to act as your sister's taxi

I was thinking this too. You sister is spoilt and a brat! You don't need to give loads of reasons, if she asks say no you are busy looking after 6 kids (your DH is busy also). Does she think you owe her as she pays you to childmind?

thefirstMrsDeVere Tue 01-Mar-11 14:51:14

Where the blumming hell did stdavids come from?

I got all excited and thought it was a fairy wand but now I see it is a daffodil [disapointed]

Yeah anyway tell her to shut up and walk the lazy mare grin

RunAwayWife Tue 01-Mar-11 15:05:19

You could try.............
sister dearest I would love to pick you up but both my legs have fallen off and I can't drive.

Or sorry but the cat/goldfish/her DD has swallowed the car keys.

I will be there as soon as I finish this bottle of Vodka Hic

A monkey escaped from the zoo and stole my car

I have been boxed in by George Clooney and may be some time getting out

missmehalia Tue 01-Mar-11 15:09:24

I'd avoid the word 'sorry', as you're obviously not (I wouldn't be either!)

Just say 'no can do, here's the taxi firm's phone no. And then don't pick up. Turn the phone down! You've got enough on your plate.

prettymuchapixiegirl Tue 01-Mar-11 15:11:05

I would tell her to make her own fucking way home and that she's a grown adult and should sort out her own travelling arrangements. She sounds like a spoilt child tbh

starfishmummy Tue 01-Mar-11 15:20:43

"I am afraid it is not convenient" and put the phone down. Ignore it when she calls straight back.

Getting into conversations about why it is not convenient will only give her "openings" to find a way for you to do it.

ivykaty44 Tue 01-Mar-11 15:26:33

send her a text asking her to pick up a "peice of shopping" on her way to your house this afternoon when she comes to pick up her dc and you will give her the money when she gets here

LineRunner Tue 01-Mar-11 15:45:52

Well, obviously you can't pick her up because you can't leave all these young children on their own or cart them around in an overcrowded car; so I'm not really sure why she would even ring you. Is it so you'll send someone else to get her? In which case, agree with above posts - text her in advance and tell her if she needs a lift she'll need to sort out her own lift or cab because she knows you can't help her out today.

BettyCash Tue 01-Mar-11 15:51:54

Can't believe she's so cheeky to ask when she knows you're busy, and you've already refused before!!

carryon Tue 01-Mar-11 15:51:56

Just say you can't for all the reasons you gave. Simple.

Channel your inner Alan Rickman. What would Severus Snape do?

at 'what would Snape do?'

FlouryBap Tue 01-Mar-11 16:04:37

what happened?

PaperView Tue 01-Mar-11 16:05:03

Did she ring?

In any case - how will you fit in the car with all those children and have space for her to sit? DO you drive a bus?

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 01-Mar-11 16:11:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ha! Have been lurking.

She so was going to ask, but you've headed her off at the pass and her only way of saving face is to say that. Well done Reality, bet she's fuming grin

For any future convo, a policeman friend once gave me good advice. When you are about to say or do something unpopular, do not say 'I'm sorry...' or 'I'm afraid...'. You are not sorry nor are you afraid.

It was quite enlightening the first time I remembered to not use those words.

compo Wed 02-Mar-11 16:30:40

Lol love that she didn't ask!

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