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AIBU?

B-day party: Should the rude and hissing little girl be invited or exculded from the rest of the class?

140 replies

TigerDad · 26/02/2011 19:07

Good day.
My wife and I need your opinion. Our daughter will be 8yrs old soon and we are planning a party, after skipping one last year. It will be at a well known London landmark, and we want it to go well and for our daughter and the other children to be happy.
We know that at my daughter's school all the classmates receive invitations to parties, and no one is excluded. This time however, my wife wants to exclude one girl in the class as she is a really irrating, rude, and insulting to our daughter, and to top it off, she hisses at her and my wife. The little girl in question is awful, and her parents are just as hideous.
My wife realizes that it is not generally acceptable to exclude a child, and she repeatedly reminds our daughter to just ignore the other little girl and to rise above it, but she feels that for our daughter's party she doesn't want the stress and negativity on the day. My wife is a bit fed up with always looking away from those that upset our daughter. I can see her point, but I feel if we don't invite the other little girl it will go around the (small) school and it will become 'an issue' and irrate the other parents at the school.
What do you recommend?
I think we should invite her, but just maybe ignore her! I have to say we hate all this pithy school stuff, but real life means you have to think about it.
Please let me know your thoughts.
Thank you.

OP posts:
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rainbowinthesky · 26/02/2011 19:09

Gawd, I dont know what's worse - that you would choose to leave her as the only one not invited or that you will invite her and then ignore her Shock

I would either invite her and treat her nicely or dont invite the whole class.

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altinkum · 26/02/2011 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

privategodfrey · 26/02/2011 19:10

Why would you invite a child who clearly dislikes your daughter? I'm sure your DD doesn't want the girl there ruining her big day.

If this little brat behaves like this and STILL gets invited to parties what is that teaching her about her behaviour?

I wouldn't invite her. No way.

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zikes · 26/02/2011 19:11

Either down-size the party and only invite special friends of your child, or invite everyone and treat them all the same.

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worraliberty · 26/02/2011 19:11

This is always the problem with inviting the whole class to a party which in itself is a bit ridiculous imo. Why do you need the whole class there? The idea of a birthday party here is that the child invites a few close friends that are actually proper friends.

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ashamedandconfused · 26/02/2011 19:11

at age 8 i am surprised everyone is still invited to all parties, by then kids usually have their set of mates and dont expect to be invited to everyones party

but YABU to not invite just ONE child, so everyone including that child knows. She is still a child, even if prone to be vile!

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nancydrewfoundaclue · 26/02/2011 19:12

"my wife is a bit fed up with always looking away from those that upset our daughter"

Your wife and daughter both sound a bit oversensitive tbh, and your wife downright unpleasant if she thinks that a 7/8 year old is "really irritating" "awful" and "hideous".

I however think this is made up so have a Biscuit My first ever.

(The "well known London Landmark was overkill")

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parakeet · 26/02/2011 19:12

I really feel for you in this dilemma. She sounds awful but on the other hand, it would seem cruel to leave out only one child.

How about this: discuss with her parents and say you don't want to leave her out, but she's only invited if the mum or dad can attend, so they can take her home if she starts upsetting your daughter. Say it's happened in the past and you're just not willing to risk the upset spoiling your daughter's special day.

If the parents are as awful as her, they will probably have a fit and flounce off saying they don't WANT to attend, but at least you've made an attempt not to exclude her.

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BeerTricksPotter · 26/02/2011 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 26/02/2011 19:12

Normally I would say that YABU to exclude one, however this little girl's behaviour is unacceptable and she has to realise the consequence of her actions. You dont have to have her if you dont want to, and if its going to upset your dd on her special day, than no. Does she have any SN at all do you know, or is she just a little brat

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CrapBag · 26/02/2011 19:12

Don't invite the whole class and just invite your DDs friends, then you don't have to include this girl. Just because everyone else invites the whole class, doesn't mean you have to as well.

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curlymama · 26/02/2011 19:12

If your dd isn't worried whether or not she is there, invite her.

If dd feels strongly that she doesn't want this girl there and you can see that she has a valid and justified reason for not wanting this girl there, then you should respect your dd's wishes. I wouldn't want someone I can't stand at my birthday party either.

Ultimately it should be your daughters descision, not your wife's.

At 8, your dd is old enough to understand that the other girl might be upset not to be invited, but likewise the other girld is old enough to understand that if she is behaving in a way tht others don't like, then she was not invited for a reason.

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mmsmum · 26/02/2011 19:13

On one hand I want to say it's your party don't invite her

On the other hand I feel sorry for her being the only one not going

I agree that you either invite everyone, including her, or you only invite dc's good friends. But if you do invite her please don't ignore a small child!

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Flisspaps · 26/02/2011 19:13

The school can't make you invite the whole class, why not invite just a couple of friends instead?

I don't understand this palaver of inviting the whole class.

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madrose · 26/02/2011 19:14

I think he meant ignore the negative behaviour.

Tricky one, my dd's party is next week and we invited the whole class, there is one little girl who sounds similar to the one you're talking about, my dd wasn't sure if she wanted to invite her or not. I insisted that we did as it would be unkind not to and we mustn't be unkind.

She has yet to RSVP so I don't think she's coming, but that's her (or parent's) choice. - there are several others in the class who won't be coming.

I think if you don't want her to come, just invite a smaller group (special friends) for a smaller party. Even my dd and her friends (5/6 yrs old) understand that they can't go to every party.

good luck

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TigerDad · 26/02/2011 19:15

We do not generally ignore others at gatherings- quite the oppsite. We normally try really hard to make others feel wanted and respected. I was just trying to make a light-hearted joke about ignoring her. Of course we wouldn't do that; we would include her and we would be polite.
But should we invite her at all?
Thank you for your comments.

OP posts:
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oxocube · 26/02/2011 19:15

Invite everyone of course. The child may be unpleasant but you are the adult.

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solooovely · 26/02/2011 19:15

What do you mean when you say she hisses at your little girl?

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TheArmadillo · 26/02/2011 19:16

you can't invite the whole class except one.

So you either invite her as well or you chose a smaller group of your dd's friends.

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altinkum · 26/02/2011 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/02/2011 19:17

"We know that at my daughter's school all the classmates receive invitations to parties"

Why is that, OP? Can't you just invite a few friends from school and a few from outwith school? Why is it compulsory to invite ALL the classmates? I have never done that for my DS's birthdays.

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verytellytubby · 26/02/2011 19:17

You can't invite the whole class except one.

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pigletmania · 26/02/2011 19:17

Agree just have some special friends would be better. In terms of someone saying imagine your office was having a party and you were the only one not invited, well if I was badly behaved then i would expect not to be invited. The child is old enough to realise consequence and actions, this is what happens if you behave badly.

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toeragsnotriches · 26/02/2011 19:20

Eww. Maybe not inviting her will make her even more rude and hissing. The child may be vile but she is still only a child. What has she done? I'm intrigued.

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oxocube · 26/02/2011 19:20

curlymama, actually, I disagree that it is ultimately the OP's daughter's decision. I think 8 is very young to be given that kind of 'power'. As adults, I do think its important to model good behaviour and have been in the position of telling my kids they had to invite X to the party.

Yes, X may be a pain in the bum but they are a child pain in the bum and often the reasons for their unpleasant behaviour go back to their own parents. TigerDad says this girl's parents are horrible - poor kid.

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