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AIBU?

to feel bullied at work

18 replies

napoleona · 26/02/2011 08:36

I work in an office environment and sit next to a young woman who is quite new to the company. most of the time we get on well, we have a laugh etc. but over the last couple of weeks i have started to feel really uncomfortable with some of the things she says to me. She found out that my DH is not 100% white and since then all i have had is ''does he eat with his hands'', ''i suppose you eat curry all the time'' ''does he know any good sari shops?'' . I should laugh it off i suppose as DH is a born and bred Northener! He is of mixed parentage. she mimics what she thinks his voice would be like but he has a northern accent - she does the stereotype Indian accent! Its really getting to me though and for the last 2 weeks i have come home from work really stressed by the end of the day. I have also been in tears on the way to work and i finish early most days when i can. I really dont need it right now as i am in the middle of some treatment for precancer and i am pretty stressed anyway, She also seems to actually enjoy upsetting me, i think thats the strangest part to me. she calls me old all the time, refers in a 'jokey' way to how 'old' i am and that my life is basically over because of this - I am not even 40 yet btw!! she calls me ''granny'' instead of by my name :)and yesterday i heard her tell someone else to call me it! It seems petty but i think the fact that she seems to get a real kick out of saying things to rile me is what is bothering me the most.she knew she had gone too far yesterday as i gave her an angry look she backtracked saying ''oh i have indian friends and they always eat lovely curry'' its laughable. She is the type that acts like she is stupid and so doesnt know what she said that was wrong, she presents this image of a young, naive girl but i think she has a really dodgy personality! Anyway, when i got home i thought to myself i actually need to do something about this cos its really stressing me. so am i being unreasonable to tell my Manager what is happening and asked to be moved? I dont feel as if i can have a go at her as she is so sneaky i feel she would turn it back on me.

OP posts:

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gapbear · 26/02/2011 08:46

I think you should definitely speak to your line manager. Write down everything you can remember first, so that you don't lose the thread of what you are saying (I am terrible for this - I felt very guilty when I was speaking to my union, despite how appallingly I had been treated by my 'mentor').

Even if she does try and make it sound all innocent, your manager should ensure that she doesn't do it again. She will know outright that you don't find it funny, and if she continues after she has been spoken to then she will be in deep doo-doo.

Lucyinthepie · 26/02/2011 08:48

Go straight to your manager and make a formal complaint. In fact, maybe get that worded over the weekend and put it in writing. It's obvious she knows exactly what she is doing and it is bullying. It also has serious racial overtones which should be taken extremely seriously. Does anyone else work with you who would have heard this? Start to make a diary of the incidents. But regardless, escalate this first thing Monday morning.
(ex HR manager here).

Lucyinthepie · 26/02/2011 08:49

I'm not sure anyone should just be having a word with her, this sounds like grounds for disciplinary action.

napoleona · 26/02/2011 09:34

Thanks. I work for a local council and the only experience I have had of the HR dept is that they will not take a record of any incidents - this was a colleague of mine who went to them after being threatened at work and she wanted it recorded, they said ''we dont do it like that at Council''. so im under no illusions that anything will actually be done here. but as long as other people think im not being too sensitive here i will go to my line manager and ask to be moved. if i can just go to work, do my job and not be stressed unnecessarily i will be happy.

OP posts:

youtalkingtome · 26/02/2011 09:41

Your HR department will have to record it and take action, or they will end up in deep shit here.

This is clear workplace bullying and the racial element will land this girl in big trouble.

Do you belong to a union? You should do if you're a council worker. If HR or your manager start talking about brushing it under the carpet, just say 'oh well, that's a shame. I'll make an appointment with my union rep tomorrow and take the next step.'

Please don't just put up and shut up. I can't believe there are people spouting these attitudes in office workplaces in this day and age.

activate · 26/02/2011 09:44

grow some balls and tell her outright that she is being insulting and in your view racist and that if she doesn't stop immediately with the racist comments and the stupid name-calling you will have no recourse but to take it further

activate · 26/02/2011 09:45

Why should you move? get her moved if you like where you are

CaptainBarnacles · 26/02/2011 09:51

Poor you. This sounds awful. She sounds like a racist cow, and she is definitely bullying you. Go to you manager and explain what has been going on. I would be amazed if s/he didn't act immediately. YANBU.

napoleona · 26/02/2011 09:52

thanks youtalking, yes the more i think about it the more i keep thinking of dodgy things this girl has said. for example she is always spouting that another worker ''smells'' which she doesnt, and i think it is because the lady is black that she says it. she actually reported this lady for having personal hygiene problems which ended up with the lady being embarassed in front of everyone, it was terrible. i do think one other person may back me up but everyone else including my manager seem to think she is funny. the trouble is that the culture in our workplace is just to sweep things under the carpet. can a union do anything??

OP posts:

CaptainBarnacles · 26/02/2011 09:53

Yes a union would absolutely be able to do something. I would go to your manager, and if she does nothing, then go straight to the union.

napoleona · 26/02/2011 09:57

sorry x posted there. yes you are right activate i should be able to be grown up about it and i did yesterday tell her to stop. she just has this really sneaky way of suddenly turning up her volume and going ''napoleona has just really upset meee!'' which then looks like i am the trouble maker. its hard to explain but she comes across so sweet and innocent to other people. seriously, our HR dept leave a lot to be desired.

OP posts:

upahill · 26/02/2011 10:04

I am shocked that your HR haven't got involved in the past.
I too work for a LA and from what I have seen with other colleagues in the past is that they have clamped down immediately on any behaviour that has caused huge offense whether it is sexist or racist. I have seen people been suspended (quite rightly IMO) for their behaviour.

There are few different unions that serve LA's (Unite, Unison etc) so there will be one for your paticular occupation.

Apart from this incident I would suggest that you join a union as you are in Local Government due to the rocky time we are going through and it is getting worse.

Animation · 26/02/2011 10:06

You could get HR involved - but I think a face to face with her first, 'knock it off with the racist jibes! ...'or if you don't I'm going to go and sort it' - is in order.

upahill · 26/02/2011 10:08

Animation It sounds like it has gone well beyong racist jibes and getting personal.

Normally I'm one to deal with things myself but this women is making other peoples life's uncomfortable as well as the OP's.

If you are due a supervision get it noted in their as well.

Animation · 26/02/2011 10:10

Upahill.

Well yes you could do both. Stand up to her - and get HR involved.

upahill · 26/02/2011 10:12

Good compromise!!!! Get her from all sides!!

Animation · 26/02/2011 10:15

And how about a custard pie in her face.

solooovely · 26/02/2011 10:22

Agree with the person who suggested you have HER moved and not move yourself. Why should you have to!

Write down everything you can remember her saying (times, dates if you know them) and stick up for yourself. Make it clear that you feel it is rascism and mention the black lady that she said smelt as well.

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