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AIBU?

I am fucking raging

52 replies

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:33

I have an assignment for uni due. I am working towards a second degree which will get me a much higher paid job than my current role with a better life/work balance.

Our house is not big, its hard to get away from other noise iyswim.

Partner knows I needed peace today, we agreed (he offered) he would take dd and dsd out for the day to give me a few hours to type assigment up, tweak it etc.

He is still here and they are making a fucking racket. DSD doesn't want to go out so they have some fucking dance game on the kinect turned up LOUD and she is shrieking and racing around downstairs. She is 10, old eenough not to behave like that. DD has taken refuge in her room.

Partner said I'm being selfish because I asked him why he was encouraging this.
Apparently its their weekend as well and its not his problem if I want peace.

I think HE is being selfish, we had agreed a plan, he is now not sticking to that plan and I cannot concentrate at all because of the fucking noise.

Am so fucking angry. I support him when he wants to do something, i respect his right to have some peace if he wants/needs it.

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CrapBag · 20/02/2011 13:34

"I support him when he wants to do something, i respect his right to have some peace if he wants/needs it."

Have you (calmly) told him this?

YANBU, why can't he take them for a walk or something?

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:38

Yup. told him. through gritted teeth

TBF, the weather is shite but they were going to visit a relative and have a pub lunch.

He just said he doesn't see why they should creep around because I want quiet but if he went out as promised HE WOULDN'T FUCKING HAVE TO!

Sorry. Am so cross. THe dance game is not something that can be easily ignored, loads of random american shouts and lady gaga at full volume....

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CoffeeDodger · 20/02/2011 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CameronCook · 20/02/2011 13:41

Is laptop in a Costa an option? Although as CoffeeDodger says you shouldnt have to as he's being unsupportive

mamadiva · 20/02/2011 13:42

I think as hard as it is you need to calm down first of all.

Then ask DP why he is'nt taking the girls out anymore when you had agreed that he would so you could get your assignment done.

Could you go out somewhere quiet or would that not work?

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:42

I did think about going to a friends house but she has two 1 yr olds this afternoon, not sure which would be worse......

Have gone downstairs and turned it down. Partner said "FINE! turn it off kids, no fun allowed today!"
I am seriously pissed off, I don't think I'm being horrid wanting to have a bit of if not peace, at least background noise that I can work through.

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CrapBag · 20/02/2011 13:43

I know what you mean. My house is tiny and there is no getting away from any noise here. My DH will happily take DS out if I need a rest (long term health conditon makes me very tired).

Your 'D'P is being an arse. Visiting someone and a pub lunch would have been a nice treat for his DD surely? Is he doing it on purpose?

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:44

Sory, am cross-posting (pardon the pun ), cafe not an otion as I have no money, payday next week and I did a weeks food shop this morning.

Agree I need to calm down, just so hard when the red mist decends....

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maristella · 20/02/2011 13:45

Are you near your uni library? I used to spend a lot of time there, as there are far too many distractions at home. We had a cafe at uni where you could use a computer and have a regular supply of drinks etc.

If you have similar, you could ask DP for some ££ as he won't be spending any if he is staying in

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:46

I don't think necessarily on purpose, he tends to pander to dsd so if she is not keen then he will change plans.

I do feel a bit guilty about being such a grump especially when she is just here weekends but its one chuffing day.

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alemci · 20/02/2011 13:47

he is being selfish and YANBU. does he not want you to do well in your studying. I assume you have no relatives near by you to go and work at their house.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 20/02/2011 13:47

Why not go in and say 'Fred, I thought you were taking the girls to XXX today - why haven't you left already'

Make XXX somewhere you know they love to go and will pester him to take them!!

I would be having serious words with him, he is being a very selfish arse and a complete wanker to involve the girls the way he did.

OR go out and don't come back until LATE (bedtime for you, not dinner time for the girls)

mumbar · 20/02/2011 13:48

Yes it is hard. I understand. I am a LP doing OU degree and if/when I need a few hours daytime study he knows its time for quiet activities. Eg 2 hours playing trains/ watching TV and then he gets an afternoon loud playing in woods.

compo · 20/02/2011 13:49

I think you should be the one to go out tbh
studying impacts on the whole family and if it can't be done when the children are in bed you should go to the library
I wouldn't be happy if my dh told me and the kids to eff off all Sunday so he could study
I'd tell him to go to the library

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:49

that is a fantastic idea about him givng me some cash!

Although, there would still be loads of distractions so maybe just transferring the issue.

I am on the OU so no local library, our town library does't open on a SUnday otherwise I would try there.

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SpringHeeledJack · 20/02/2011 13:49

oh God my dp used to do this

he'd promise to take the kids out if I had urgent written work to do

this would involve about 45 minutes of getting bikes out, dithering, finding shoes, dithering, finding helmets, more fucking dithering

then they would go out. For an hour

...sorry. That's not much help to you, now, is it?

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 20/02/2011 13:51

How can you not have money to go to a cafe when he was planning on lunch out for the 3 of them?

I don't care what the 10 year old wants - if Dad says they are going out then that is what's happening. While you are about it, tell him to get a spine before she gets any older!

Re DSD she may only be there weekends, but that does not translate to 'the world must revolve around her'.

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:51

I do get that Compo but he offered, I didn't tell them to eff off and it wouldn't be an issue them being in if they weren't being quite so loud.

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Vallhala · 20/02/2011 13:52

I'd be raging too!

Clearly neither your DP nor his daughter can respect your need for quiet, which imho amounts to not respecting you or your home. If he were my partner his next contact with his DD would be somewhere other than my home, regardless of whether it's his home as well.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 20/02/2011 13:53

Compo - it is one day, not every Sunday and he suggested it, now DSD doesn't want to go out, what he has promised Mini doesn't get taken into consideration

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 20/02/2011 13:55

Not to mention Mini's studying will pay off for all of them! She didn't just fancy day at home on her own (which would also be fair enough anyway).

EmmaBGoode · 20/02/2011 13:56

OMG, as an OU student myself, I am raging on your behalf! If you have a laptop, I would do what others have suggested and just spend all day in Starbucks.

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FreudianSlippery · 20/02/2011 13:57

Argh. I'd be raging too. You're doing this degree for a better career, the whole family will benefit from this!

ScramVonChubby · 20/02/2011 13:58

YANBU

Dh does this' we're both studying. If he wants to study he vanishes upstairs and I watch kids; if I want to study he vanishes upstairs and I watch kids.... says he is giving me space- yeah right!

Now Dh is on balance a good egg but massively pisses me off in all truth; we agreed his study would take pererence (it is funded and first degree where as mine isn;t and is post grad) but for eg he ahs a dealine after which I can work on my also-inpending deadline, so today he was going out to see mates and merrily push my time back a day (I did stand my ground).

So anyway OP: I wouldn't take it further when DSD is here, but serious words are a must.

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 14:00

They have turned it down a bit now but partner is being a grump about it.

I am going to suggest he can drop me off at the next towns library so that they can do what they want.

Its not really fair in my opinion but this assigment is fairly critical to my overall mark this year which is why we had spoken about what to do ths weekend.

I work full time, as does he and I do normally study; on the bus, during my lunch hours, in the evenings.
Its just that on this occasion the assignment needs a bit more care and time.

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