to be miffed at term ' don't have a dog and bark yourself!

[coccyx]

Saw a message from a friend to another on facebook. First one was complaining she had a load of ironing to get through, second one said 'what is the au pair doing? Don't have a dog and bark yourself. Tell her its her job as you are far too busy having a career.lol.

[yogididabooboo]

its not the saying that is annoying. it makes sense.

BUt the person who has said its perception that the au pair is some sort of slave who is beneath the employer. she sounds like a total nob.

[coccyx]

She is a nob thats true enough

[QuestionNumber]

YABU. It's just a metaphor, not to be taken literally.

[coccyx]

Didn't take it literally, she doesn't have a dog

[QuestionNumber]

What I meant was that it's not insulting as she's not calling the au pair a dog. She just means "take a break, don't do the work that you have paid someone else to do". What's wrong with that? I don't think anyone is implying the au pair is beneath anyone.

[Flisspaps]

I think the 'tell it's her job as you are far too busy having a career' makes me think that the friend thinks the OP is 'beneath' the friend's friend (IYSWIM)

[whatsbutter]

dont know if the OP meant the actual phrase itself or the connotations behind it

the phrase that reeeeeeally grinds my gears (just because) is, "we'll play it be ear"
makes me wanna rip my own ears off!

[nickelbabe]

the term itself is a useful one - if you employ someone to do a job but end up doing the job yourself, that's having a dog and barking yourself.

is the au-pair employed with ironing as one of the job descriptions? if so, then that's the right phrase to use.

however, the following "Tell her its her job as you are far too busy having a career.lol." is awful and very rude.

[dawntigga]

YABU I've said that there are plenty of fish in the sea when people have broken up (usually after a few weeks of seeing each other, longer and saying this would be cruel!) It doesn't mean that I think men or women are fish.

FFSTiggaxx

[MardyBra]

My dad always says this when I complain about him just sitting there and waiting for my mum to make coffee. [angry

[onimolap]

My pet hate is "suck it and see".

[nickelbabe]

oh my God, MardyBra, are you me or my sisters?
that's exactly what my dad does!


funny thing is, though, after he says it, he goes and makes him and mum a cuppa, and then mum confides that he always makes the and she never does!

[MardyBra]

nickel - don't have a sister so I'm afraid you haven't outed a sibling. Shocking tho' isn't it?

[nickelbabe]

i'm actually quite relived about that!
i have said some very truthful things abotu my sisters on here!

[duchesse]

My father, who is quite possibly the world's biggest misogynist and utter bastard, says this about us, his children. About my mother (from whom he is thankfully separated) he says "the most expensive dishwasher I ever bought" and expects people (his dogs) to find it funny. He is very slowly learning to keep his lip buttoned if he wants to see us regularly.

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

YANBU, I think it's more derogatory than anything and not a particularly pleasant way to talk about someone.

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

you know there's an entire very funny episode of Lead Ballon based around this issue?

The anti-hero is overheard by his Eastern European housekeeper saying it in relation to her and she is so upset she resigns and he can't see why she is offended....

[claig]

YABU. It's a clever use of lanaguage, and is just light hearted.

[MardyBra]

I can think of more clever uses of language tbh.

[claig]

I think people are being too harsh and reading too much into it. It's just a cleverer way of saying "what are you paying them for?", "he who pays the piper calls the tune", "you're the boss". Don't take offence where none was intended.

[MardyBra]

Actually I was being too polite in the previous post claig. It's not clever - it's a dull cliche. (Sorry don't know how to do acute accent on this keyboard).

Like Duchesse's dad, there is an underlying misogynist assumption when my dad says it. My mum was mainly a SAHM (although she got a part time job when we were teenagers) and there is a suggestion in such comments that she was "kept" rather than being an equal in the partnership. And also, I don't think it's particularly pleasant to equate one's spouse to a "dog".

[claig]

yes but in coccyx's post, I guess the friends are all women. I don't think that the use in coccyx's case was sexist. I think it is just about who is the boss, not about slavery. But if you want to reprimand any of your friends for using it, then that's ok.

[MardyBra]

Sorry still don't agree that it's an acceptable term. It's demeaning even when not being used in a specifically sexist case.

I also don't agree with DawnTigga's that it is analogous with being called a fish in the sea - as

a) being called a fish is nicer than being called a dog and
b) there are lots of fish in the sea and no one person is being singled out
c) I object to the element of being "kept" which represents an element of subservience.

Should I just bugger off to pedants' corner?

[TryLikingClarity]

I think the fact that it was said on FB to countless people was rude.

YANBU.

[AnnoyingOrange]

dh and I say it to each other quite often

it's a standing joke between us