To ask my sister to leave home?

[ReindeerBollocks]

I am going for an op next month, along with DH. My amazingly wonderful mother is taking my DC for the first two weeks whilst I recover (honestly I cannot reiterate how much I adore my mum, as a friend as well as her being my mum).

I will be home three days post op. DH will be in a week at least, if not two weeks. My mum is worried about me being at home alone, and has asked me to stay with her, specifically so she keep an eye on me, whilst she looks after my children (told you my mum was fabulous).

Personally I see benefits and negatives in both. I will recover in peace if at home, but will miss the children terribly. Plus my mum is being very insistent that she doesn't want me in my own house post op.

But there is the issue of my younger sister. She is still living with my mum and step dad (she is mid 20s) and not really working. I don't get involved as it is none of my business. However, my Dsis treats my mum and step father appallingly. She speaks to them in a very rude and derogatory manner and is always belittling them and calling them names. Bearing in mind Sis is living pretty much rent free and they do a lot for her (as they do for me, just in different ways).

I have gotten involved in the past to defend my mum, but then mum gets upset at the arguing, so I have kept out of it for many years. However, my main concern is that if I stay at my mums house I will have to sit and endure seeing my mum treated like that, plus the children will see it too and I don't want to encourage that type of behaviour.

My mum is aware of my sisters attitude and knows that sis will probably have the same attitude towards me after a couple of days of me being there, so my mum has suggested kicking sister out to her boyfriends for the time period, but I don't think this will go down well with Sis, and I don't want my mum to deal with the backlash (although my mum seemed quite keen on the idea).

I would like to stay really, so I can see the children but don't want to cause more hassle generally. More of a WWYD, but is it unreasonable to ask her to temporarily leave? (she does stay at her boyfriends every weekend anyway). I think it is UR, my mum on the other hand doesn't.

[disclaimer: my sister has very nice qualities too, but she just has a very bad attitude, especially when tired or grumpy].

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

sounds like your mum would like shot of her and is thinking this would be a great reason!

How is she going to phrase it? "You are such a cow that you will make it horrible."

I think if she can put it in a tactful way, then she should give it a shot.

[JeremyVile]

Well your sister sounds a horror but I can't see any way that she would not react badly at being asked to leave her home while you are there.

Don't think you should not go though as I imagine you'd worry about her behaviour around your children when you are not there.

Could your mum not come and stay with you?

[WimpleOfTheBallet]

YABU

My Mother has one of my siblings at home with her...this sibling is very unreasonable in some ways but it is their home.

I would NEVER ask them to leave because I wanted a "cleaner stay" with no emotional stuff I did not agree with...or heaven forbid my children should see my sister being rude!

YABVVU in my opinion.

You're getting a place to stay...a carer for you and your DC. You will create a huge bitterness if you ask your sister to leave.

[OhForBoonessSake]

i think it's up to your mum but i wouldn't feel happy about what she is proposing. i speak as a grown up moved out sibling with a younger 23 year old sis at home (very spoiled).it is her home and she would not be happy about being asked to leave so i could stay. if it were me i would stay at my own house. it wouldn't be worth teh row.

[emsyj]

Can't your mum stay with you in your house?

[DuelingFanjo]

why not offer your sister your home while you're not there? perhaps she and her boyfriend could house-sit for you?

[Bogeyface]

I wonder if your mum is hoping that the few days will turn into a week and then a few weeks....

Also, those saying that she is BU, what about the mum who might be looking at this as a double whammy? She gets to spend time with the OP and her kids, who she clearly adores. And she also gets a break from bad attitude sister?

It is the mum that would be asking the sister to stay at the BFs for a few days, not the OP. And I dont think that given what she has to put up with, the mum is BU at all!

[ReindeerBollocks]

Wimple - that's actually what I thought. Read the bottom of my post - I agree with you, it's my mums suggestion that Sis leaves. She has left several times (boomerang baby) over less things.

My mum has suggested coming here but I think she would like to stay with her husband in her house, if that makes sense. I don't think she would feel as comfortable here and although she has mentioned it, she hasn't really been forthcoming about staying, so I want to do what my mum wants, rather than put on her more.

[WimpleOfTheBallet]

If your Mother wants sut of your sister then don't le her use you as the reason. She must do it alone.