the lies that we tell our children to make life easier

[Asteria]

I convinced my DS that the red hazard button on the dashboard was for an ejector seat for naughty children - it was years before he found out it wasn't, but the poor chap nearly shat himself when we broke down and I reached over to press the button!!!

What other fibs have you told your children to make life just that little bit easier?

[MardyBra]

DBIL used to tell his DC that the chimes of the ice-cream van were actually the child catcher.

[PacificDogwood]

Our car won't start unless everybody has their seatbelt on

Carrots make you see in the dark (I know there is some truth to that, but DS still eats carrots by the bag hoping to never need to flick a light switch again )

Oh, I am sure there are many many more

Will follow this thread with interest...

[PacificDogwood]

Oh, oh, ice cream van chimes mean the van has run out of ice cream

[wannabesybil]

All the kids in the street below a certain age are convinced there is a dragon living under the steps to our house, in the little coal hole. You can see there wary expressions when I ask my dad to be careful when he goes in in case he wakes the dragon. I also ask next door for coal, to help out.

It started when we saw a fenced off, boarded up hole and my then 3.6 year old was fascinated. I said (really stupidly) that anything could be in there, even a dragon. He had to be carried past there for a while until it became the place where daddy punched the dragon on the nose. The dragon moved into the coal hole as while I keep an eye on my little one, other kids roam a bit and there is no lock and a tin of nitromors.

I like the idea of the ejector seat.

[Asteria]

Mardy - my friend tells her DC's that the ice-cream van music means that ehy have run out of ice cream!

[amistillsexy]

DCs eating a bag of crisps and you want one. You say "Stop! I just saw a bad one! Don't eat it!" Then take the 'bad one' out of the bag for them... .

[DaphneHeartsFred]

The M&S in our town doesn't sell DS's favourite sweets. I can only get them from the BIG M&S near where I work. And that's only if I get in early enough to pop in before work.

[Theonlyexception]

Coca cola is 'dirty' and you won't like it. Only mummy and daddy like it, it's a grown up drink, like wine

[Invisiblesoul]

My dad told me that this big statue in the city centre with a reflective light on top was the naughty girl detector. It shone and informed the police if we were naughty when shopping. He made us walk infront of it if we were playing up

[bigbeagleeyes]

We'll be stopped by the police if you don't wear your seatbelt and mummy and daddy will go to jail. I think it worked, he's 15 now and not traumatised.

[reelingintheyears]

It didn't make life easier but it made us laugh..

DP told DCs that the tops of 'soft top' cars were made from dead dogs noses..

They would shout..
*MURDERER,MURDERER' at people driving in open/soft top cars.

Then one day DD told this nugget to her class...

[reelingintheyears]

Bollocks, MURDERER,MURDERER..

[vintageteacups]

That the sprinklers in all supermarkets (there are loads!) are cameras that the man who owns the shop is watching

My children are really well behaved whenever in a supermarket now.

[PurpleSuedeHotpants]

An extraordinary quantity of things in our lives run out of batteries on a regular basis.

[Asteria]

I was forced to do the old "it's a back massager darling" the other day when my DS found my ahem... battery operated device...

[LadyOfTheManor]

asteria my mother used to use that one; with me it was "the ice cream music means there's none left", with my sisters it was "the van for the naughty girls"-and if they were playing outside and heard it, they'd run it hysterically screaming until he had gone.

Can't say I've told fibs as my ds is 11 mo. I imagine come vaccination time I'll be telling him "it won't hurt".

[SlightlyJaded]

Sometimes when DCs are playing up at night time, I do a 'ring round' - calling all the mum's of their friends and having a 'quick chat' to check if so-and-so is asleep, and oh yes, i thought whe would be, how long has she been asleep? An hour, goodness, what what good girl etc.

Finally, if they are still not settling, i 'call' Father Christmas and ask him to please try to ignore the children tonight as they are definitely going to sleep now and not go hold if against them come Christmas. DCs both believe that I have a special button on my phone that directly connects me to Santa.

[Asteria]

Ah - that's a blooming good one re Santa, although I fear that we have just had a last year of believing... DS's friend announced in the car on the way home that Santa was just his daddy and I told him out that with the increasing population Santa needed help now, so sometimes dropped stuff off early for parents to put out if he didn't have time... He tried to argue that it was all made up so I asked him how EVERYONE knew about Santa and that a story like that couldn't be worldwide so it must be true!

[thornykate]

I did the ice cream van has run out of ice cream if its playing the tune thing too.

[Goodynuff]

When my DD was little, about 5, she really wanted a kitten, but we couldn't have pets where we lived. My Mum, who has a farm, got her a lovely tiny kitten, and told her that she could keep it at the farm. Around this time, my parents were having problems with a wolf, that over the course of 8 months managed to kill 11 goats!
About a week after the kitten arrived, my dad was driving the truck down to the gardens, and upon returning, discovered he had ran over the kitten.
Rather than hold darling Papa to blame, we told her the wolf got it. We did get her a replacement kitten right away. We hoped she would forget in time, but every once in a while she still mentions "that darn wolf" 8 years later.

[Lollypolly]

That the red flashing light we used to have on motion sensors (linked to burglar alarm) in the corners of some rooms were actually rudolph keeping an eye on DCs and reporting back to Santa.

[giraffesisonadiet]

The ball pool is only open once a week - and that day is whatever day we go.

[ladela]

I tell my niece that bogeys are actually little bits of brain and if she keeps picking her nose she won't be able to read when she's big!

Oh and if she doesn't eat her dinner I tell her that her baby sister (who always eats whatever I give her) will grow bigger than her and go to school first - this one terrifies her lol.

I always make stuff up to bribe encourage her to behave - seems to work most of the time. Everytime she wants to play on my computer I turn the monitor off and go 'oooooooooh no, its broken - will have to wait for DH to fix it' - been saying this for 2 years now lol.

[giantfrillypigpants]

that the smoke detectors with their flashing red lights are actually 'santa cams' and how the elves watch to check they're being good

[giantfrillypigpants]

Oooh just seen another Santa cam - I thought it was just us!