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AIBU?

To be told to attend Cubs to observe son's behavior?

169 replies

carocaro · 07/02/2011 17:50

Have been sent a letter by Cub leader who wants me to attend two sessions to discipline my son and watch due to behavior issues.

This is the first time in 7 months I have heard of any behavior issues. The letter is non specific and does not say what the issues are.

I have asked DS and he said he was told off last week for giggling during the flag ceremony.

I can't go as DH away and DS2 is 3 and will be in bed; a friend brings DS1 home from Cubs. I have emailed back (don't have his number) told them this and asked them to be more specific so I can talk to DS1.

Is this heavy handed? There are four our of 30 this has been sent to. Why can't they just pick up the phone or arrange to talk to me?

Vagueness drives me mad. There are no issues at school or elsewhere with behavior, so am mystified and want to get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
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OhForBoonessSake · 07/02/2011 17:52

how can YOU be being unreasonable to have been told something? Confused that doesn't make sense.

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HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/02/2011 17:52

It would indeed by very odd for them to ask this of you just for one incident of giggling.

Hopefully their email will clarify things.

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stewmaker · 07/02/2011 17:53

that's just what I was thinking!

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belgo · 07/02/2011 17:55

You observing him at Cubs won't help at all because if he is usually naughty, then he will be on his best behaviour if he is being watched by you.

Phone up the cub leader and ask for more information.

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WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/02/2011 17:55

I suspect that your DS has only mentioned that incident and their could have been more?

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AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/02/2011 17:55

Our beaver group has a policy that if any one child has to be spoken to about their behaviour 3 times in one session, then the parents will be informed. I would have thought there must be more to it than one bout of the giggles.I'd try and get hold of a phone number from one of the other mums and give him a ring.

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seeker · 07/02/2011 17:56

In my sadly wide experience of Cubs, I would suspect that there is more to it than an isolated fit of the giggles.

They are expected to take things like Colours, and watching others being enrolled seriously - and it is spmetimes very hard to get them to - particularly if they've had a very boisterous evening first.


But they should have been more specific - and anyway he's hardly likely to be a horroe when your there, is he? (ot saying he is when you're not - but you know what I mean!)

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Chil1234 · 07/02/2011 17:58

It's not an unreasonable request. In our pack we have a three strikes and you're out rule. Parents are advised on the second strike that there's a problem - usually when they come to collect. If you can't get to the meeting I'm sure the leader will explain what the problem is over the phone

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DrSeuss · 07/02/2011 18:04

Please remember that Cub leaders do the job unpaid, in their free time. Why should they put up with bad behaviour or expect anything less than total parental support?

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mutznutz · 07/02/2011 18:09

What's wrong with going and taking the 3yr old with you? Ok it's past bedtime...but needs must when you have more than one child.

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PixieOnaLeaf · 07/02/2011 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nzshar · 07/02/2011 19:04

Have to say totally agree with DrSeuss total support is needed here. If you cant take younger child is there anyone who will sit for a couple of hours for you? Leaders need total support or they walk and there ya go no cubs at all!

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RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:12

I am an assistant beaver cub scout leader and your attitude really saddens me....we give of our time freely. I have just spent the last 2 hours organising a trip, for example. Is it too much to ask you discuss your childs behaviour with the leader when asked to?

If your son has been sent home with this letter then it would have been more than just a case of "giggling" once. If it is a large cub group then your sons behaviour could be affecting all the other children too and the activities they do.

Without parental support we cannot operate. simple as that.

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LibraPoppyGirl · 07/02/2011 19:12

I think from the OP has said it's not the fact that she has been asked to address a potential problem with her DS, it's the vagueness of the letter that she has been sent.

Come on, busy Mum's don't need to be sent letters with no real detail and especially with no telephone contact number.

I think she is justified in thinking that more information and a telephone number to contact someone would have been appropriate.

@OhForBoonessSake I think you're being a bit pedantic with your post, not a lot of value there!

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LibraPoppyGirl · 07/02/2011 19:14

@RMCW you are being unfair on OP. She didn't say she doesn't want to address it, in fact she says quite clearly that she wants to get the bottom on the whole situation. Read her post again...it's the vagueness in the letter and not contact number that has annoyed her.

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nzshar · 07/02/2011 19:15

I find Beaver/cub/scout leaders are usually busy mums and dads too that give up their time to do a lot of work , so not a valid reason IMO

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slightlymad72 · 07/02/2011 19:16

Maybe the leader was in a rush and needed to get the letter out quickly.

I've done the cub and scout leader bit and it does take up a lot of time and sometimes letters where very last minute.

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RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:16

We are bound by lots of rules and regulations I'm afraid.....most letters that go out are downloads from the scouting organisation/website as they have to adhere to certain formats.

Do any of the other parents whose children received these letters feel the same?

I know that IME as a leader, sometimes whatever you do, you just cant win.

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LibraPoppyGirl · 07/02/2011 19:18

What's so wrong about wanting more information and being able to call someone? The OP is not being obstructive, she's just frustrated at being sent a letter requesting her attendance without any real light being shed on why? Confused

Surely a contact phone number is not too much to ask, so that she can explain that her DH is away at the moment and could she discuss it initially over the telephone.

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Chil1234 · 07/02/2011 19:18

It's not all that vague, it's quite specific about attending some meetings to observe behaviour. Presumably, if the OP did so, the 'issues' would magically disappear because few kids play up when parents are present. (We like parents offering to help, partly for that reason) The OP has an e-mail address for contact and could ask for a telephone number via that.

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cornsilk · 07/02/2011 19:19

the cub leader may not want to be contacted though - they would have to give out their home number for a start and will very likely have a job, so won't want to be speaking to parents during the week
Just go along and take the little one with you and find out what's going on then

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RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:20

Thats what I thought chil Surely it doesnt take long to send an e mail and ask for a telephone number?????

Perhaps the leader has had bad experiences wrt putting his phone number on official letters????????

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slightlymad72 · 07/02/2011 19:21

Also if leaders gave out their contact numbers the phone would never stop ringing, I had a phone just for scouts it was turned off for most of the week to stop endless phone calls, so email addresses are used that way you can deal with them when you have time.

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compo · 07/02/2011 19:22

'Come on, busy Mum's don't need to be sent letters with no real detail and especially with no telephone contact number.'

ha ha, like the busy volunteer mums who run cubs want to be faffing around chasing you because you never turn up at the end to talk to?

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LibraPoppyGirl · 07/02/2011 19:22

Well my son was thinking of attending the Scouts and the leader was quite happy to take my phone number and give us his. We spoke on the phone a couple of times, with him calling us too. So I don't see this as an issue.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable to want to talk to someone. I hope that her email is received with understanding that she finds it difficult to attend without her DH being at home to look after her 7 month old.

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