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AIBU?

to move DDs school (again) because of lack of after school care?

22 replies

HarryDan · 27/01/2011 21:46

Please bare with me as this is long & complex.

Last summer we moved house (inner London to the outskirts - 20 minues car journey on a good day - over a hour on a bad day).

DD1 (8) got a place in school near the new house.
DD2 (6) did not :( She is top of the waiting list, but will not get in unless someone leaves or we go to appeal, which we are reluctant to do.

This makes life long, complicated & difficult and DH & I both work in schools and getting two children to two different schools in two different parts of town, then ourselves to work, is a minefield.

Luckily I work near the original school (that DD2 still attends) and can drop her to breakfast club every day, she then goes to afterschool club. These are subsided at the minute (peanuts for breakfast club and ÂŁ3.50 a day for afterschool club). The prices will rise when the government funding ceases in March, but not as drastically as

The new school that DD1 attends has a breakfast club that is ÂŁ5 daily, and afterschool club which is ÂŁ15 a day. This is extortianate over a week and beyond our means right now.

I love the old school as it is small (one form) fab wrap around care, and we know everyone. DD1 has settled well within the new school but we are having a nightmare arranging school runs. We currently manage through a comination of the kindness of another school mum, my mum & her friends help and by paying a childminder 2-3 days a week (we can't really afford one every day).


DD1 goes to a (free) singing club once a week which is a big help - but occassionally they cancel it with no notice until the day - and today we wern't informed at all (should have least have got a text, if not a phone call) Angry . Luckily her friends mum rang me and checked if we wanted her to take her home for us. Thank God she did, as she is the only person we know at the school who could do this for us, and we were both in meetings, an hour away.

We obviously complain about this, but each week is generally stresful arranging childcare for DD1 even though we have both changed our working hours as much as possible to be able to do school runs. Sometimes we have meeting or workshops that do not allow this.

I wondering if it is unreasonable to see if we can move DD1 back to the original school in Sept? She was very happy there, still has lots of friends there, and I would feel so much better knowing that she was safely in afterschool club each day.

DH thinks IABU and it'll work itself out eventually.

I am stressed and tired and reaching the end of my tether with this.

Thanks for reading & sorry its so very long.

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onceamai · 27/01/2011 21:57

But DD 2 might have a place at the new school in September - lots of families do a big move just before the eldest child goes up to the juniors. Then you could have one local childminder instead of two lots of after school club fees. Can you keep your options open at both schools and take a raincheck nearer the time?

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Onetoomanycornettos · 27/01/2011 21:58

Is the only difference between the schools the after-school club? I have had mine in two different schools and it is a nightmare, so you have my sympathy. I would try and get both of them at the same school, whichever is the better school. For example, you could find out where you are on the waiting list for dd1 and then move her. You could then get them to be picked up by a childminder.

YOu are unlucky as one afterschool seems very cheap, the other very expensive. If it's just a location thing, perhaps them both being back at the old school would be fine, but I'm not sure if the schools are all equal.

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Onetoomanycornettos · 27/01/2011 21:59

Sorry, I meant to say where dd2 is on the list. In other words, I agree with Oneceami!

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risingstar · 27/01/2011 22:00

gosh, what a dilemma. what were your intentions when you moved? were you lulled into a false sense of security through the cheap afterschool care and thought that all schools were similar?

it sounds like the main problem is financial- ie not being able to afford the childcare that you need to make it all work. do you both get nursery vouchers? you might find a childminder for the whole thing more feasible.

i do feel your pain but dont think moving older child back will be answer- did you move for more space, better secondaries etc? does dd1s school act as a feeder? doesnt the max 30 in a class only apply to year 1 and 2? if so, your dd2 should get into the school within another year or so.

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narkypuffin · 27/01/2011 22:00

I'd try to move her back sharpish.

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narkypuffin · 27/01/2011 22:03

Providing your DDs would qualify for a secondary in that area/attend a private school in that area.

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:03

I know OnceaMai, you're right. I said to DH, If DD2 doesn't get a place in Sept, lets try and move DD1 back. Its hard to keep options open - the first school is likely to have a place for dd1 (small classes) but if a place becomes available for DD2 in the new school, we will need to snap it up.

Its really hard to know which school is better 12Many..I love the first school as it is like a home from home now & we are all so comfortable there.Lots of extra curricular stuff going on & the benefits of being in central London. High staff/pupil ratio's etc. The new school is much more yummy mummy/formal and prob abit more academic - I have no history with it, so don't feel any attachment with it. DD1 likes it, but shes the kind of child who would probably do well anywhere, iykwim?

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KnowNothing · 27/01/2011 22:06

If you changed jobs it would then become a big
pita that DDs school is so far away. I think I would do everything possible to get DD2 into the new school and find a childminder for them both. That's just me though, I hate being trapped in a job out of convenience.

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:09

Rising Star - we were totally lulled into a false sense of security with a/s club! We just checked that the new school had one, and that was it. We just had to make a pretty quick descision about weather we wanted the place - I went and saw lots of schools, and this one came out on top for me, I like the atmostphere better then any others I'd seen, plus it is generally thought well of by local people/ Ofsted etc.

They told us when DD1 was attending DD2 would get sibling priority - which she has, but two term later and we are struggling big time.

We moved for more space/ better quality of life and secondary schools, yes. I don't think feeder schools should be an issue as we would still be in the catchment area for two good secondary schools close by.


I am reluctant to go to appeal for DD2 as her current class is 27 and I would be pushing for her to go into a class of 31 and expensive afterschool care I can ill-afford! Ultimately I want them in the same school though, wherever that end us being.

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:11

Know Nothing - I'm nodding at your post as am currently going through redundancy consultation atm - will hopefully be redeployed, but if I do loose my job, home-edding will become a serious consideration tbh! Or appeal, for sure..

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Dawnybabe · 27/01/2011 22:18

Why don't you ask you dd where she would like to go before you uproot her again?

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:28

Dawny - as she is eight, it depends on her mood tbh. She loves her sets of friends at both schools, but doesn't really like either breakfast club or the new childminders! I honestly think she would be happy in either school.

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WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 22:31

Reading this makes me SO ANGRY on all our behalf's....people should be ABLE to go to the school which they want!

I think you should appeal...do you not want to for any specific reason?

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:32

Wimple - I am reluctant to go to appeal for DD2 as her current class is 27 and I would be pushing for her to go into a class of 31 and expensive afterschool care I can ill-afford! Ultimately I want them in the same school though, wherever that end us being.


Thanks for everyones replies by the way. Am really sick of this situation now.

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WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 22:33

Ah...I see why you don't want to appeal...but in all reality I don't see that there is much difference betwee 27 and 31....if you were talking about 20 and 30...well that might be different...

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WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 22:35

x posts HarryDan...you want them to go to the same school but can't afford aftercare..is ther ANY other option re the care...would a childminder be as bad?

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:37

Do you think so? I'm not sure - the old school has a lot of extra staff too (1F/T, 1 P/T TA in a class) and I don't think the new school has a F/T TA in class (that might just be juniors though, I need to check).

Plus,, DD2 is not v.academic, still struggling abit with the basics of reading & writing, and am worried as 'average' children often get overlooked in bigger classes.


I talk myself all around these issues, all day long Confused

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:40

Wimple..I'm kind of thinking that if DD2 gets a place in the new scool, then one of us can pick both of them up, leaving the other to work longer hours iyswim? And then take turns. We can't do that at the minute, as we are chasing our tails travelling to opposite ends of the city to get everyone where they are supposed to be.

Then if we do have to pay for some childcare, it at least won't be every single day.


Thanks for helping me think this through x

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WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 22:42

DD2 is only 6...she isn't formed academically yet...some of them ae slower than others...my own 6 year old takes AGES to pick some things up but I know it's not due to lack of ability...her teacher tells me she's simply one track minded...all the effort goes into the things she loves!

If you are worried about her development then you just push for extra homework. You can worry yourself crazy but at 6 she will settle...and a long as they have you they'll be fine!

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risingstar · 27/01/2011 22:43

i guess dd1 has more chance of going up to secondary with local friends if you stick with the local school? this is also true for dd2 ultimately. agree the ÂŁ15 per day seems high but not unfeasibly so- i think it is around ÂŁ10 per day plus a bit extra for breakfast club here but they do take childcare vouchers which helps.

i think that maybe you need to foster connections with dd1s new school, which i know is hard when working. is there anyone you can share picking up with on a reciprical basis?

would also encourage you to find out how much afterschool club is going to be without funding- it sounds heavily subsidised to me! our local schools are all ÂŁ10 plus per night and are not for profit so this must be the true cost of running them.

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WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 22:44

there are a number of parents at my DDs school who do that....it sounds like you're worying about moving DD for no reason...she's only 6! In some countries they don't even start full time education till' 7 and here we are worrying about their academic abilities when they're only 6!

I'm very like you...I latch onto a worry...get over it and the find another. Make the choice and you'll feel a lot better.

I am just going through a similar thing myself!

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HarryDan · 27/01/2011 22:57

Rising, I really don't know. There is one family I could possibly ask to Nanny share though.

Wimple, I'm not worried really about her academically, just don't like the thought of her in a big class & being overlooked I guess.

I think I'm going to wait and see how things look by the end of this academic year. Just had a bit of a moment today where it all felt a bit too much.

When written down, it would be alot easier if DD2 moves to the new school. Our childcare costs will rise, but I think for sanity it will be alot simpler in the run.

Thanks again for letting me offload, it has really helped. x

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