to find this a bit odd and not sure whether to go now?

[brokenmarrow]

Have been invited to a wedding which will cost about £300 pounds to get there (plus
whatever hotel/B&B costs)

Had assumed we would be invited because dh is paying rather a lot to go on stag weekend.

Got email to say there is no room for the meal so we would be invited to the ceremony and speeches then put on a bus and taken to a restaurant , presumably while the rest of the guests stay (not sure if we then pay for our own dinner or not ?)

and then the bus will bring us back for the
disco etc..

i would love to go to see other friends who are also travelling in but ?would be a bit when we had to make an exit thereby marking us out as less important guests than them?

wwyd?

[MilliONaire]

That HAS to be a joke? There is no way on earth I would attend a wedding under such circumstances. Crazy!

[Jimmychasesangels]

how odd I wouldn't go

[Vallhala]

How peculiar and how rude. I'm a firm believer in the old-fashioned idea that thee person who invites someone to join them at an event both attends that event and bears the cost of it.

I wouldn't go tbh.

[cornsilk]

that's weird and a bit rude I think

[rachelkarengreene]

Very rude, I wouldn't go. Catch up with your friends another time.

[bubblewrapped]

You are presuming that you may be the only ones not invited to the sit down meal, but it could be that there are a lot of people not going to that part of it.

The meal may just be for family.

[Deliaskis]

V weird and v rude. I wouldn't go, and would be thinking twice about stag/hen activities if they're expensive too.

And can you imagine how odd it will be on the day, ceremony, speeches, right all you lot who aren't important enough to get dinner, the bus will be leaving in 10 minutes.

D

[MrsNonSmoker]

That's mad. I wouldn't go, they might take you off the on the bus and leave you somewhere!!

[verytellytubby]

So rude. Sounds nuts.

[pumperspumpkin]

Is it really just you being bussed offsite or are the rest of your group of friends being treated likewise (in which case, you would at least be spending time for them). I might be assuming but if they are bothering to lay on a bus to a particular restaurant and back I'd have thought they are paying for your meals.

Sounds bizarre - I cannot imagine why the bride and groom have booked this arrangement - why didn't they book a bigger place or invite fewer people? Inevitably this is going to break up the day and I think they'll be lucky to get you all back from the other restaurant.

I wouldn't take umbrage and not go if my friends were also going to the other restaurant etc - if however I had good friends who were staying then I agree I wouldn't go and YANBU.

[PaisleyLeaf]

For me it'd depend who else is going on that bus.
It might be the better option and more fun than staying.

[mamas12]

odd, why don't you ask who else will be on the other party bus?

[GloriaSmut]

Sounds very peculiar and downright bad-mannered. Normally (if one can use the word "normal" and "wedding" in the same sentence) if the budget doesn't stretch to feeding all the people that the bride and groom want to invite, the event and the invitees would fall into one of two categories - guests who attend the ceremony and wedding breakfast and then stay on for the disco (in other words, stay all day), or evening guests who come along later for the disco (or whatever is planned).

I've never heard of a situation like the one the OP describes whereby the event appears to have been split into "deserving" and "partially deserving". Far better, imho, to invite you to all of it or just the disco bit. Only I don't quite see how this bussing people to another restaurant is supposed to work. Certainly you need to find out whether you'll be paying your own bill to eat there because if that's the case then you might prefer to choose what you do and where you eat while you are waiting to be allowed back. Also, you need to discover how many of the other guests are getting this strange invitation. Presumably quite a few if it is worth hiring a bus for you.

Personally I'd not go because I don't think I could be bothered with the comings and goings. I wouldn't be offended if I was only invited to the disco but this weird compromise seems a dead cert to cause offence.

[SparkleSoiree]

Ill-thought out and an insult to you and the other guests in the same position.

Why would you book a venue that cannot accommodate all of your guest list? Crazy.

[swanandduck]

Incredibly rude. Another example of a b&g thinking that normal good manners don't apply on their 'special day'.

[happycamel]

I had an invite like that. "come to church ceremony at 2pm, amuse yourselves in Milton Keynes for 4 hours", join us for the party at 7pm". This after driving 100 miles.

We went to the ceremony, wished them a lovely day and then left. Got a bit of a shirty email from bride a while later, I pointed out we couldn't afford a meal out (was v tight for cash back then) and not long after we lost touch.

In my opinion, if you can't have everyone for the meal then to ceremony, then tea and cake for everyone then it's okay to only invite some to stay for a meal after that.

[whoknowswhatthefutureholds]

In reality they shouldnt have invited you to the ceremony, would you have still gone as evening only guests?

[OutOutLetItAllOut]

weird, and rude.
dont bother going.

[swanandduck]

Maybe people should just have the wedding they can afford instead of going over the top on some bits and having to ask guests to dip in and out of the day. If you want to have 200 people to your wedding but can't afford to give them all a four course meal then have something simpler or accept you can't afford to have 200 guests.

[PlanetLizard]

YANBU

[GloriaSmut]

I'm sure that "no room" actually means "venue is too expensive to make enough room". Personally, I'd opt for a less expensive venue that had the capacity for everyone I wanted to invite but if you want location over affordability a compromise has to be made somewhere.

As I said before, it is not unusual to divide the event into day and evening guests but if you do this, you've got to accept that it isn't practical to expect the evening guests to attend the ceremony and then bugger off until you can afford to entertain them again.

[sb6699]

I dont think I would go tbh.

Its very rude and I'm not sure why you would book somewhere that cant accommodate the number of guests you have invited.

It does sound as if its not just you who will be shunted off if they're laying on a bus but its very 2-tier to have guests who are important enough to be allowed to stay and then guests who arent.

Tell dh to leave the stag-do and spend the money you have saved on that and attending the wedding on a lovely holiday.

[ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak]

I think it has been badly handled.

It is essentially an 'evening only' invitation with an 'if you want to come to the ceremony you are welcome' and they have also made it easier for people to do so by laying on transport to somewhere suitable to eat & wait for the evening event.

It does come across as very rude and it's a shame if you thought you would be invited to the wedding reception/meal but obviously it's either family only or a very small reception with the majority of people invited for the evening event only.

I can't imagine wanting to spend £300 on going to a wedding where I wasn't close enough to the B&G to be invited to the whole wedding, but I wouldnt' actually take offence at not being invited to reception.

Paying a lot of money to enjoy yourself on a stag party doesn't buy you a ticket to the wedding! Stag party everyone pays for themselves so you can invite the world and his dog, you choose whether you want to go or not. It has nothing to do with how many 'heads' they have space for or can afford to pay for on their wedding day.

However I do think the invites should be sent out before invitations to the Stag/Hen party then there would be less room for people to take offence in this way.

[piratecat]

maybe there will be loads on the bus?

find out about the bus. where will the bus be going,

what if everyone who is on the bus goes to the restuarant and has such a great time they don't go back to the evening do

brill!!