To hate living in Manchester (and North in general)(650 Posts)
Moved here four years ago to be with DH, and I still cannot get used to it. We are in a nicest area of Manchester, and it is still feels very provincial and boring. I dream about living in London, but DH does not want to look for a new job. I feel like there is no point and dont want to decorate the house, make friends, etc, I just fantasise about being in London every single day. There is not much to do here, no nice streets or galleries, not much to do on the weekends as a family. I went to London this weekend, it was so painful to come back. Does anybody else feel this way?
YABU, Manchester is lovely. Try living in the Midlands THEN come back and moan!
I meant, "no, I don't feel this way".
loved London, love Manchester.
you need to get out more
Then leave him, get a job in London and move.
Charlotte, I try, but there is nowhere to go. We are in Hale, it is just a built up resedential area. No nice walks, hardly any parks, etc.
I thought Manchester was the new London?
Expat, I was actually thinking about doing it. But not sure I'll be able to afford living in London on my own.
you need to get a grip, in the nicest possible way
manchester is a hive of culture and fun and wonder, if you go and look for it.
try to make friends, try to make it your home and comfort yourself it's probably 50 % cheaper to live and travel in manchester than London
how old are your children?
i cannot believe you say there is not much to do! and if oyu can't find it in manchester, you're 45 minutes away from liverpool for example, where there is a lot of stuff going on...
look around, stop getting bogged down in your can't be arsedness
i don't blame your DH not wanting to move back just because you think it's provincial
Then leave him, get a job in London and move.
I live nearly oop north, and round these parts it's rumoured that they make the roads in Londinium out of solid gold.
But, I dunno, sounds like a shithole to me all them fagin characters and pea soupers...
Noooo dont say Liverpool! Blah. Awful, just awful
have you been to Dunham Massey park or tatton park or lime park or heaton park in north manchester or the manchester museum on oxford road or the museum of science and industry, ahve you been to chinatown? have you been out to cheshire, styal and beyond?
Move over the Pennines to Yorkshire,its smashing.We have the best beer,pies and nice cheeses and the sun shines every day
Also the people are very nice even ths southerners who have gone native
when did you last go to liverpool? liverpool 1 and met quarter are great for shopping, there is the world museum and plantearium
blue planet aquarium
although you seem determined to hate everything, so not sure i am going to bother !
Lulu, DH agrees that it is a shithole here, but can be arsed to look for a job. He would move if he could get job without going to interviews. He is just lazy.
Beer. pies and cheese - there is no more to life than thou.
You are never going to settle down anywhere if you don't make the effort.
I'm wondering if you're a little depressed. I wound up like that after relocating from the south to Cumbria and got into a real rut. (You want provincial, come and live in the
sticks lakes!) Once I'd sorted that out, I was able to make the effort to get out and make new friends and enjoy living here now.
No, London and Manchester aren't the same, but if you don't make any effort, you'll never enjoy yourself. Manchester is our nearest big City and there are lots of things to do for adults and with the family. Are you sure that you're not purposefully blocking them out just so it fits with your world-view that Manc is no good?
As I see it, you have two options. Make the most our of what you have or get used to being miserable.
well, if you will live in South Manchester....
get into town, to the Quays, the canal, out to Saddleworth....there's loads on. Don't know about public transport from your part of town, but here it's fab, so no need for a car to get out and about.
Provincial??!! Blimey, I spent ages looking for somewhere that stocked polenta before xmas, I used to buy it in the corner shop when I lived in London it was so bog standard - it is considered a bit 'exotic' where I live now! Bet you could but polenta in Manchester
This bit "I feel like there is no point and dont want to decorate the house, make friends, etc, I just fantasise about being in London every single day. There is not much to do here, no nice streets or galleries, not much to do on the weekends as a family." suggests to me that you have been determined not to like it!
I know you've been here 4 years and so probably feel like you've given it a chance, but if you're making no effort to make your house a home, to make friends, and if you really genuinely think that there are no nice streets or galleries, then it sounds a lot like you're just not making the effort.
I am a little biased as I am a Cheshire girl and think there's lots going for this area, although I accept it's not London. I don't feel overly defensive of it though, I just think your post suggests that you haven't really made the effort here.
Not for me there isnt
Yes Lulu. By the way DH's friend from work told him that some of the exhibits in industrial museum had been out of order since his childhood, and he just turned 30! We went there a few weeks ago with kids and the kids' part of the museum is closed down! LOL.
There are nice parks near Hale. And the theatre/cinema/art in Manchester is great. But that won't make up for missing London if you prefer it, I guess.
What did you do as a family in London that you can't do in Manchester?
If oyu think Hale is a shit hole, god help you
you need to accept that he is not going to move just to please you, i am always staggered anyone can afford to live in London anyway
how old are the DCs?
I moved to London from Manchester 12 years ago, after living there for the first 28 years of my life.
There is loads to do up there. You are in Hale you say, which is actually a very nice area, and you are only a short distance from Manchester City Centre, and you have parks and National Trust properties not far away.
Tatton Park is a lovely place to visit.
Manchester has excellent art galleries.
The lake district is only a short drive away.
Perhaps, if you stop wishing yourself back in London and make more effort in the NW, you would find it does have a lot to offer.
I would move back up there in a shot if we werent tied here to jobs and family.
Ok, I think I might understand a little. I moved away from my home town 7 years ago to be with my dh. We went back last year foe a year but foe financial reasons had to move right right up north! 8 hours away from my friends and family. We have been here 6 months and inicially, I hated it. But you need to make more of an effort to mentally move in. Join groups, decorate your house. Wander round aimlessly and find stuff you like. I have lived in Manchester, and its a great place, there is loads to do, you just don't wanna find it because you want to be in london. I understand that (I came home crying hysterically from the supermarket my 2nd week here because it was crap compared to the one back home ) but you really need to force yourself, and you will be surprised by how much you'll like it
i wonder if perhaps the problem is not manchester, but the fact you long for London
is that where you're from originally?
I think maybe wherever you were you wouldn't be happy because it wouldn't be London?
I've visited Manchester a few times and thought it was lovely, tons of stuff to do (though no, not like London at all)
perhaps you would consider moving to somewhere else in Manchester where you're closer to the city centre and more stuff to do perhaps?
to be honest, I do think it's a little unfair of your husband to not even consider moving to London. If one of you is desperately unhappy then the other one I feel should at least listen and consider other possibilities.
have you told him how strongly you feel?
I am not surprised you have made no friends, you sound totally miserable and stuck up about London. There is nothing a northerner hates more.
Can't afford London, husband won't get off arse, hate everything, blah blah blah.
You won't be happy there ever because of your appalling attitude, yet you don't bother finding a job yourself in London or doing anything to improve your own lot. Just moan and bitch (or this is another wind up). So be miserable forever.
Have a nice life.
London is a great place to visit, but I'd hate to live there. Not sure about Manchester. I've only visited once, and I must say I wasn't over impressed. I'm sure there must be things to do. Nowhere is great on cold wet days.
There is nowt wrong with the midlands!
Hale is a shit hole? Blimey. Someone better tell the estate agents.
Are you sure you mean Liverpool is "awful"? Surely it's actually "ghastly"?
It's neither, it's actually quite nice, and Manchester is HUGE and full of goodies, and I say all this as someone from the right side of the Pennines ie Yorkshire.
What exactly is it that you don't like? Too many poor people at too close a range? "No nice streets" - what a load of rubbish, there's loads of streets in Salford with lovely houses/trees etc cos I've seen them.
To give you the benefit of the doubt are you sure you're not just missing your old friends/job/life, rather than suffering from having to live in the wretched provinces?
Good God. Are you saying that the only British metropolis you could be happy in is London?
You should come to Liskeard
I think wind up too expat
no one can be that miserable, even if they are a Londoner
"Move over the Pennines to Yorkshire,its smashing.We have the best beer,pies and nice cheeses and the sun shines every day
Also the people are very nice even ths southerners who have gone native"
I am a southerner gone native in sunny South Yorkshire and wouldn't move back to The Smoke even for large sums of money. I'm not sure we would want a Londoner who looks down her nose at us "Northerners" anyway. I don't miss London at all. I go back to visit, but am glad to be back home oop North afterwards.
OP - you need to change your attitude. You first sentence got my hackles up straight away. Stop being so flipping superior and calling non Londoners provincial and boring. Make an effort.
'London is a great place to visit, but I'd hate to live there.'
As large cities that are also historical attractions go, I found it filthy, over-priced and over-rated.
Allnew, we went to some nice bars in Notting Hill and Hampstead, Kensington, Tate and V&A also some of my fav. shops are over there. Getting off a train in Stockport was a real shock, I just broke in tears.
Hale's not Manchester though is it? Isn't Hale just a fairly quiet posh residential area? It's like saying you hate living in London when you actually live somewhere outside London that's boring and posh and residential (sorry I'm from oop north so don't know the names of any Hale-equivalent places near London)
I think deliaskis has a good point - you sound low and that could be due to not feathering your nest and making it feel like a 'proper' home for you and your family. I know as soon as we'd finished doing up our house after moving, I felt much more settled.
Also the move from South to North is a big one but you have to make the effort and get involved with the community for it to work. Do you know your neighbours? Do you work? I honestly can't believe there is nothing to do in Manchester - there is LOADS.
If you take away the major landmarks in London, (that are over-run by tourists most of the year anyway).. London is a shithole, and an overpriced overrated one at that.
I think you need to expand your horizons a little bit more and take your blinkers off.
Galleries - loads, Manchester, Whitworth, Lowry to name but three.
Museums, libraries, theatres,
Northern quarter - well, quirky cafe's, galleries and lots of people watching.
Exhibitions a plenty.
There is marvellous countryside around Cheshire, Lyme Park, Tatton Parkand thats only two.
So many things to do and see on your doorstep and within driving distance. Do some research and get out instead of moaning.
I visit London as my sis lives down South, I absolutely categorically could not live there. I find it overwhelming, noisy, busy , dirty , expensive and I don't feel safe and secure. But chacun a son gout ! I moved from manchester to a little seaside town to be with my DH and was desperately homesick and upset and unsettled for a good few months.. but you have to get oyurself out there and not be hateful ! make friends and make the best of things
"Allnew, we went to some nice bars in Notting Hill and Hampstead, Kensington, Tate and V&A also some of my fav. shops are over there. Getting off a train in Stockport was a real shock, I just broke in tears"
Jeeze, you need to get a grip on yerself chuck. No wonder you havent made any friends if your nose is so far up yer own backside.
London is a dump anyway.
"Getting off a train in Stockport was a real shock, I just broke in tears."
Could be worse - you really COULD be in the Midlands
The Midlands - the region that the 80s forgot...
YABU... If you cut yourself off from people and don't put down any roots how are you going to fit in anywhere? And if he hasn't caved after 4 years of you sulking I don't think that's a good plan either. Life's what you make it....
awww bless... try calling it St. Ockport and it may soothe you a bit...
i used to live in preston, now i live down south. i miss the north so much it hurts sometimes. you need to stop living the london life in your head, you are not there anymore. enjoy the people, get to know people in your street, if they have kids too youl never be short of a babysitter once you know them! take the kids to owd nells in preston for food and fireworks its amazing.
the north has so much the south lacks not just cheap housing. there isnt much work, working hours are longer but id go back in a second
Sounds like you have a pretty miserable attitude really! I live in south Manchester and it's a fab place. There is loads to do in the city centre - galleries, cinemas, restaurants etc, and some lovely parks near where you are (Dunham Massey, Tatton) As for Hale being a sxxthole - erm, that surprises me! Similarly, Liverpool has lots to offer (lived there for years) and has some great galleries etc.
Nowhere will offer as much as London can but there is a wealth of stuff on offer up here if you make the effort.
I've been to Lowry so many times, I know every single painting by heart. Tate in Liverpool is just a joke. Seriously, cant you see it people.
^"Getting off a train in Stockport was a real shock, I just broke in tears."
to be fair Bupcakes, I felt like that once when I got off the train in Stockport. I'd meant to get off in Romiley.
I don't Manchester very well but good heavens, you sound like a bit of a misery.
If you can't get out if it, get into it and stop moaning.
TBH Hale is a bit soul-less, middle class nouveau riche.........you'd have thought............ok I won't say it
I suspect the problem is that you live in Suburbia rather than in Manchester. If you move right out and live in a village or somewhere like Debysire, the experience would be totally different, likewise if you moved into the centre of town. I grew up rather near where I suspect you live and I agree, there is nothing there. I don't think you need to relocate, but you may need to move.
Yes Bupcake, really, I am in tears right now... so please ignore my posts, as I am probably not in a right mind to post...
But crying? Prima donna, much?!
I was a bit when I got off the tube in Hackney, but that's life.
I am beginning to smell a wind up.
Maybe the Midlands would be more up your street OP, I hear they make a mean curry goat.
Meant to say, when you were in London, be realistic about how much of the wonderful cultural stuff you actually did and how often. I work in London and IME, the majority of people would be lucky to get to a gallery more than twice a year. You could easily go down to London that often (or more if you planned ahead with cheap rail tickets).
Ilikemilk - you sound like a total snob
Am very at you describing Hale as a "shithole"
I grew up in the South - in fact I am a genuine Cockney born within the sound of the Bow bells
But I went up North when I went to University, I am still here 18 months later. Have lived in South Yorkshire, Wearside and now in Teesside - and I love it. Beautiful scenery short drives away with rolling hills, gorgeous coastlines, friendly people and loads of parks, museums etc. With much less traffic and noise than in the south!
DH is originally from the NW, so we go over towards Manchester a lot as he has family there and we think it is a great place!
I do wish we could move back to Sheffield as I absolutely love Sheffield (so can understand you hankering after London) but I still enjoy living where I am because I have made an effort to find places to go and people to meet, rather than wallowing in self-pity like you appear to be doing!
I actually think somebody's hatred of a place often says more about the person than the place.
That's not to say people can't have preferences, but if you've got a loving partner and family there's no need for a place to make you absolutely miserable.
Sorry that should have been 18 YEARS later not months!!
I can smell something but its not a wind up. I have had gut ache all day
anywhere is crap if it isn't where you want to be
the problem here is not Manchester or the nw
You just sound lonely. That's not necessarily because of where you live though. I think London is great when life is good but very lonely when it's not.
The Tate Modern won't give you a hug and open a bottle of wine with you, do you have any friends who would? If they are real friends they won't mind you being a North-basher.
There is more to life than wandering around looking at paintings dear....
Goosey, I also lived in Bristol, Clifton, and I was quite happy over there. People are more relaxed, nice streets to walk around, nice little shops, etc. DH thinks it is just the norhtern thing, he was born here, so it is not as hard for him, but he admits it is not nice over here.
On a more serious note, if you are really and truly and completely refuse to make the best of where you are living, and your longing for London is more than your love for DH, why not leave him oop norf and move to London yourself.
If its his job that's stopping you, you could always make a break, move back to London and support yourself.
I'm a Londoner by birth but now live in a 1950s backwater, having also lived in other cities and parts of the UK and sorry to sound Pollyanna about it, but you need to look for the good in where you live. There's bound to be cafe culture in Manc. and chi chi shops. Do you belong to any local groups or have any hobbies? Make your house a home. Otoh, if you have closed your mind to it totally, then you only have 3 options already outlined.
Totally agree Goosey Loosey - we do MUCH more as a family since moving out of London and I lived there 18 years. Dear God, sometimes just getting on a bus was hard work if it was packed.......... urghhhhhhh the memories of ds in a buggy packed public transport!
No offense but you don't actually live in Manchester? You live in a nice-but-dull suburb about ten miles away from Manchester.
Suggest you get on the train and go to Manchester! Lots of lovely shops in town on King Street or in the Northern Quarter, and good bars there for music and stuff on at night, or south a bit there's Chorlton - Beech Road, the Green -you can go walking on Chorlton Ees and there are festivals in the park in the summer and loads of live music in the pubs and bars, a million little restaurants in Didsbury, and good pub food. There are good galleries within walking distance of me - the Whitworth, the Costume Museum in Platt Fields, Manchester Museum, City Art Gallery, Urbis (ok urbis is rub), or on the tram there's the Lowry and that whole complex.
There are some great theatres -the Dancehouse does some really interesting new things, and the Royal Exchange (in St Anne's) you can get cheap matinee tickets if you queue up in the morning, then go shopping, for lunch, then back to the theatre to make a day of it. Go and see the Wicked Bible in John Rylands Library, or the Hidden Gem round the corner...
I could actually go on all day.
Well yes I can see why Stockport town centre wouldn't exactly rock you boat!
I do like Hale village though I must say. Chorlton is a bit more 'interesting' - you been there? And further afield places in Yorkshire like Hebden Bridge are nice for daytrips.
Have you made any friends locally yet? What ages are your DC's?
This is quite a weird thread
I will quite happily take your Hale house off your hands, OP. I mean, if you're that desperate to move down to London, you'll be wanting a quick sale at a reduced price, non?
Jelly, maybe you are right. But i Loved the anonimity of London, not sure how to explain it.
I undestand where you are coming from but you do need to get a grip. We relocated from herts to rural derbyshire a while back and a few weeks later my then H left me and the kids in an area where we knew no one.
I had no friends at all and really missed the life I had. I remember feeling like crying as we drove round nottingham looking for school uniform for a school the kids didnt even want to go to! BUT as we couldnt sell and were stuck I had to grit my teeth and make a go of it. 2 yrs on we are doing OK. Its not the same but I like the life we have and I'm not sure I could go back to what was before.
Give yourself a six month target. Get out there, explore the area and see what happens.
You might be surprised
Have you actually been to Manchester OP? Or are you just staying in Hale?
Oh get real - Manchester is a thriving cultural city of diversity.
You just don't want to do anything or talk to anyone unless it's in London. YOU are being boring. And a bit obsessive.
Your 'won't even try' attitude comes over as spoiled, and your descriptions of Manchester are very childish and petulant.
Be an adult and make it happen for you where you live, instead of proposing to uproot your life and that of your husband, to accomodate a juvenile bottom lip out whim.
You have annoyed me.
I lived in London for 3 years as a student and hated it. I've loved in Salford for 27 1/2 years and love it!
There's loads to do in Manchester - get the tram in if you are near enough to a a station. Walk round the Cathedral area, visit the Cathedral and go to a free lunchtime concert a Chetham's School of Music (nearly every lunch-time in term time). Visit the ancient library at Chethams. Go to some of the galleries. Explore the quirky shops in the Northern Quarter. Treat yourself to afternoon tea in Harvey Nicks. Visit the European Christmas Market stalls in the run up to Christmas. Check out which weekends they have farmer's markets and go to one of those. Visit Greater Manchester's very own temple to shopping at the Trafford Centre (I kid you not, there are angel statues and everything). Go to one of the exhibitions at the Lowry - they do special stuff for families and children in school holidays. Walk round the Quays. Get a boat trip on the ship canal and hear all the historical stuff about the canal and docks. Visit Imperial War Museum North. Watch or even participate in some of the water sports at the Quays.
Well I could go on and on.
Have you made any good friends - maybe you are just feeling isolated. What about joining some kind of club or society in an a topic you have an interest.
BTW I'm awaiting input into this thread from God's-own-Manc, TheSecondComing.
babyheave I can smell something but its not a wind up. I have had gut ache all day
Salvador, I hope you said pardon. Its very rude to pass wind on a thread don'tcha know?
You sound like a real barrel of fun
Count yourself luckey, i'm from Cumbria, whichever window I look out of I see a big green hill, I am surrounded by fecking hills.....And no shops......
You love anonymity = you hate people, life, community
I live in Chorlton and it's great - lots of good little bars, cafes etc. Similarly Didsbury has a nice bustling atmosphere with some nice local shops, rstaurants and parks.
BluTac, when I just moved, I ised to go to Manchester quite alot, but it is so dull, grey and dirty, I dont feel like going there anymore. We go now once a month to China town and sometimes take kids to Museums, but even they are bored of them now.
The midlands hasn't forgot the 80's.....T'was a crap time thanks to Mrs T.
Are you from the soft south bupcakes?
I used to live in manchester and loved it (moved back to south wales to be near family). Surely you didnt really expect it to have as many attractions, shops etc as london? Whilst I agree with the posters who say there is plenty to do there, it's a smaller city and will obviously have less of that kind of thing. But it has its own strengths, things that london cant compete with, better cost of living, easier to get around the whole city due to its smaller size and there are some brilliant days out in easy reach - you can get to the lake district, the peak district, the north wales coast line etc. Why did you move in the first place? Oh and what makes you think hale is the nicest bit?! The crazy house prices?
Well, I guess I am in a minority here.
The kids are already bored because they have you as a mother ILikeMilk
lol at dull, grey and dirty. It must be quite difficult for your DCs to have a good time if you're feeling (and presumably therefore looking) miserable all the time
Dull, grey and dirty - how rude are you!
I'd happily swap with you - I live in London now and hate it. Manchester was a fantastic place to live, affordable enough that normal (i.e. not super-rich) people can live in a nice area, small enough to walk almost everywhere or a short bus-ride, lots of interesting stuff going on, and best of all only a short drive or train ride until you're out of the city and in the beautiful Pennine countryside - Peak District on your doorstep, Lake District, Yorkshire Dales and North Wales all easily accessible. It's quite a trek to get to anywhere remotely nice from London
Apocalypse, are you suggesting I am a bad mother just because I dont feel at home in Manchester?
Why do you need so may places to go? Maybe I'm just lazy.
That's a good questions from MrsGravy - I assume like most other people, the OP was attracted my middle-classness/expensive houses/air of affluence. That does not an interesting life make
It's not because you don't feel at home, it's because your negative vibes are being passed on to your children. I don't fel at home where I am but my DS would never know. I've tried to make the best of things. You're just putting obstacles in the way of every suggestion. I am convinced you're a WUM actually...
Hmm, where to start?
I could point out all that Manchester has to offer, but I have a feeling that Op would just continue moaning about it anyway.
You just sound joyless and pessimistic, and yes, like a stroppy whiney teen.
There is so much in around Manchester. Are you a member of the National Trust? There are loads of great places around Manchester.
Our boys love Styal Mill.
I do agree about Hale, it's not a shithole, just full of pretentious people imo (disclaimer: those I've met anyway )
'There is more to life than wandering around looking at paintings dear....'
charliesmommy - classic
(you're not the Queen are you??)
Manchester is duller and greyer than London? Seriously?
how old are your kids? what do their friends do?
YABU. You are very lucky to live somewhere as lovely as Hale. Sure, Manchester city centre doesn't compare to London in terms of culture but the suburbs are a million times nicer than anywhere you'll get in London.
Have you looked at moving to somewhere like Didsbury? It's a fab little village with a very cosmopolitan feel and realy lively and leafy as can be. There was once an article in The Times referring to it as "The Hampstead of the North". My friend's mum cut it out and pinned it on the fridge!
If you're so in love with London then clearly you shoudl move back. But I don't think you're giving Manchester a fair go.
Allnew, I moved to DH's house, was not my choice of area really.
Well somebody doesn't know how lucky they are (hint OP - it's you)
There's a tate in Lpool as well BTW
nagy I'm only from Worcestershire but I'm in the good old Black Countray now! Where abouts are you?
I think she's trying to put over that your defeatest attitude will be rubbing off on the kids. What about parks, city farms, the theatre, skate parks, theme swimming pools, local country parks, galleries, go karting, pony trekking....the list of things to do with your kids in and around any city is endless!
But oh no - let's all be bored because we live near Manchester. Woopie doo for mum.
I was thinking that too corns1lky. We only ever really need to resort to museums/galleries when it's either p*ssing it down or something. Don't really understand how someone can have been to each of these so many times that they are bored of them/know all the pictures. It does sound like the OP doesn't spend any time outdoors?
We spend most of our free time outside doing stuff, and don't have any time to feel bored. I'd rather live in my home country, yes, but that doesn't mean that anywhere else is boring. Don't they say that if you're constantly bored it means your boring?
She doesn't like the Liverpool Tate, corns1lky. Probably because it's not within the M25 circle.
You haven't clarified whether you have made any Hale mummy friends?
Christ OP, if you cried at the sight of Stockport, you should try living in Gloucester. Seriously.
I love Manchester, I plan to move the hell out of Gloucester as soon as dd is 18, and am moving oop north.
Seriously, are you that wedded to art galleries? You know every painting in the Lowry off by heart? God you must be a strange sight, wondering round art galleries looking all folorn like a Bronte character.
Are you just bored? Why don't you get a job or something, or go to an art course and paint your own pictures.
Or - plan to move to London, or Bristol. If you really hate it, do something about it. If not, get on with and stop blathering on about nowt.
You can be anonymous in any big city, not just London.
How old are the children? Don't you get any opportunity to meet other parents at toddler groups/the school gates etc?
I am from the London area myself and have had no problem making new friends, especially since DD was born. I have friends from work, from church, from toddler group, from school. No-one cares if I say grarse instead of grass or bus instead of booss, but they would mind if I kept saying that London was the centre of the universe and anything or anyone outside it was boring and provincial.
I'm from the good old east mids.....very close to Rutland....so almost home counties!
LadyBlahBlah, Hale mummies are not the friendliest bunch...
ILikeMilk, if you are serious, I kind of agree with you although not about Manchester as I've never even been there!
I moved back to my native country Finland last summer after 13 years in London...and I'm really missing London now, it's painful! There are LOTS of things I don't like about London, yes it is busy, grimy, the traffic is awful, there's no nature, it's disgustingly expensive and so on and so forth... But I still loved London and I miss it every day. There is a very particular atmosphere in London and I think it is one of the great cities in the world. And I know what you mean about the anonymity of London, I liked that too!
But living in London is impossible if you have children unless you are very wealthy indeed. And I worried about schools there. And the traffic. And being cold INDOORS. And not being able to afford even to rent a flat, never mind buying one. Despite having a reasonably well paid job. So I left.
Now trying to survive the Finnish winter...
Manchester is great,as is Liverpool.Lovely museums and galleries.I'm easily pleased though,I've lived in rural Leicestershire all my life.[removes straw from mouth].I nearly cried though,when dh was headhunted for a job in London.London is nice to visit,but not for me.
You get what you give.Have you joined in any community/school clubs or in initiatives,any evening classes,voluntary groups or book clubs? Wherever you live you have to make an effort to meet people and make friends.
This is definitely a wind up. Describing Manchester as grey and dirty, while simoultaneously longing for London, something just doesn't add up.
They're probably not unfriendly. They're probably put off by your cat's bum mouth.
Sorry dont want to mention the age of kids not to give myself away.
Yeah, every single one of them is a cow bitch
Ilikemilk - I am really struggling to understand this, however compassionate i try and be. I live in South Manchester, there is absolutely loads to do. I dont know how old your kids are, but we do the following:
Parks - dunham, tatton, John Leigh, Wythenshawe park, Heaton, Worthington
Stuff to do - Museum of Science of Industry, Eureka, Manchester Gallery, Imperial War Museum, that ski place (not been), Blue Planet Aquarium, Chester Zoo, Blackpool Zoo, Knowsley Safari Park, Martin Mere, Red House Farm, Stockley Farm
This isn't taking into account shops, play areas, restaurants, craft groups, kids theatre
I'm sorry to say this, but this sounds like this is more about you having a block in your mind around M'cr, rather than being around nothing to do......
'Blimey, i spent ages looking for somewhere that stocks polenta..'.
Polenta? You miss polenta? It tastes nothing. What is the fuss about polenta? The most tasteless food in the world.
Well whinging and stamping your feet because your bored will be picked up on by the children obviously, probably not the best parenting route to go down no...
We're surrounded bu Hills and not much else here, yet are very rarely bored, probably because only boring people are constantly bored and moaning about it iyswim ?
I will return to this thread later once I return from Chorlton water park - just one of the lovely parks in 'dull, grey Manchester'
Marianne, this is exactly what I mean! We could afford a nicer area of London, and DH promiced we'll move if I dont like it here, but now he is changing his tune, grr!
lol at laquitar getting distracted by polenta (I agree btw!). This thread is hilarious
We're relocating to Manchester this summer. ILikeMilk, which part of Mcr do you suggest we move to?
ffs Sainsburys stock polenta. It's not exactly exotic.
Strange choice of barometer on cultural n/s differences
iskra are you having a laugh - she hates all of it?
Iskra, I am the last person to ask, LOL
If this isn't a wind up, I think you are just pissed off because it's all on your DH's terms, you've moved to be with him and he hasn't compromised at all.
You sound so set that you will hate it up here so it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
iskra there was a thread on that very topic last year, which basically gave the full lowdown on each and every part of MCR and surrounding areas. See if you can find it, it will answer all your questions depending on what you're looking for
Are you stomping your feet and throwing toys out of pram because of your DH?
Few things been said about DH to indicate your problem with Hale lies elsewhere
OP the very rough age range of your DCs is relevant though, as you've mentioned lack of things to do as a family. Can't you say whether toddlers, primary or secondary age?
Lizzy, I know. I got quite an obsessive personality, and I think it is part of me hating it here and wanting to go back. I dont have any control over the matter, I am a SAHM so it is up to DH.
is your DH a footballer?
Go on, honestly tell us what you did in London that's so top banana that you couldn't do it in our beloved grim Northern city.
We've got farmers markets and everything doncha know?
They are primary and a toddler ages.
"ffs Sainsburys stock polenta. It's not exactly exotic."
No, it's utterly tasteless! Eeh by gum. I can even buy polenta in Barnsley!!!
Is it worth thinking about the root cause of your unhappiness. You mentioned earlier that Hale mummies aren't v friendly. Is the issue that you're struggling to make a life for yourself and a circle of friends there? If that's the case, i could understand your unhappiness, but that would be the issue that needs to be tackled, not the lack of children's activities or lack of nice shopping streets. Just a thought.....
Nowhere will ever have as much as London because the bottom line is London is a capital city and none of the other cities are.
You sound like you're thinking you can't ever bear to be in a not-capital city because you want only the very shiniest and best and classiest of everything, whether it's art galleries or streets or bars or whatever.
If that really is all you want, then you'll have to move back to London one way or another.
I think people are right when they say you're not trying though. Not everything is better in London - there will be individual bars, individual galleries, individual places to go that are better in Manchester than anywhere else - places you can discover for yourself if you make a mental commitment to where you are.
OK, being in London is a short cut to finding lots of good stuff easily, because it's the capital - but you can't live there right now. That doesn't mean you can't go down for weekends for treats. It's only four hours away on the train and it's still your capital city even if like most people in the UK you don't live in it.
Just do what everyone else does who is British but doesn't live in London - visit your capital city when you can to enjoy the sorts of cultural etc. things you can only see there, and the rest of the time entertain yourself with what's local to your home.
Do you also have a feeling of not being where the 'beautiful people' are, I wonder? Or are there specific friends from London who seem to look down on where you are now, by any chance?
All of London is still there for you. You just have to use it in a different way. You can do that while still enjoying what you've got in Manchester too.
I thought kids wre SUPPOSED to get bored of going to museums, isn't there a law about it ?
Do you have any friends or social life where you are? It doesn't sound like it, in which case it isn't surprising that you're a bit bored. If you've not made any friends there, then of course you will feel more "up" to visit London and socialise with your old freinds there, than you will being in a big empty house in Hale watchign telly.
Can you move from suburban Hale to somewhere a bit livlier? OK, Hale is posh, but it is quiet family-type area and not exactly in the midst of a city "buzz". It doesn't sound like it's what you want.
What hobbies do you have? What interests? Do you make any effort to persue them?
If it really is just galleries and museums then surely you can look out new exhibitions, or find a way to get involved in something "arty"? Is easy to get to Liverpool and Leeds as well as Manchester from Hale. If it's more academia /cultural stuff in general, then how about looking out free lectures - am sure you could find something that would interest you.
Of course there are more galleries etc in London: it's bigger! But that doesn't mean there isn't any anywhere else.
I don't think this is about Manchester or the North West; it's about you and how you choose to live your life.
You don't live in Manchester you live in a souless dull as shite nouveau riche footballers and their wives type suburb. Your attitude stinks TBH.
I live in proper south manchester loads of bars/cafes/little boutiques/little festivals/local markets etc.etc. Manchester has a very retro quirky vintage vibe and an amazing eclectic music scene. have you been to Band on the Wall, the Cornerhouse, the Whitworth, The Royal Exchange, Night and Day cafe, the Northern Quarter??? No probably not because those places are cool and probably wouldn't suit you.
well then tbh I can understand why they'd be bored sh*tless walking round galleries/museums on such a regular basis. Occasionally yes maybe
allnew, yes this was the most shocking thing in the thread for me . I just don't get polenta.
You do sound lame. Why on earth did you choose to live in Hale (NOT Manchester) and then complain about being bored? You live in a posh suburb, of course it's boring. Time-wise you could probably get
to all that stuff you "long" for as quick as you can in London. And London is one of the greyest places I've ever been. Manchester isn't any more unless you're in some kind of time warp.
If all you do with potential new friends is bitch and moan about how shit your life is living in the area, then its no wonder that they arent making much effort.
How about changing your attitude and showing a bit of interest in your surroundings rather than being so negative.
There are some fantastic places to go and things to do up North. Get in the car and go to them.
No, not a footballer. It is more the atmosphere of London, people being trendier, open-minded, etc. I used to feel that I fit in, but not anymore. I am a bit eccentric, but here people just find me weird. Hale crowd is too stuck up for me, more money than class.
I had a pie recipe where polenta was added to the pastry. It gave it a nice texture.
Oddly, I live near Bristol now and would say that Manchester was a more fun city with a million times more spectacular countryside around it any day of the week. I think you have got yourself into a mentality of "its grim up North" and can't get out of it.
Move out of suburbia.
Yes, you are being unreasonable, and snobby! The local mums probably aren't unfriendly at all, they're probably picking up on your belief that they're "very provincial and boring".
Seriously, I moved oop north too, it is different, but still good. In fact, in many ways it's better - cheaper, more open space, friendlier people, better transport.
(Never thought I'd feel the need to leap to the defence of folk that side of the Pennines )
Laquitar we don't have a Sainsbury's nearby! I was using that as an example of how remote where I live now is in comparison to where the OP lives.
YES polenta is vile, I made a Tescos recipe of cheesy muffin things and when I asked in Tesco for polenta they didn't stock it I will NOT be making them again
OK, so broaden your horizons, take the toddler to some baby groups in Didsbury or Chorlton.
I couldn't live in Hale without wanting to punch the rest of the residents to be fair. Such a "fake" place.
"Hale crowd is too stuck up for me"
I am seriously finding that rather hard to believe...
I once followed a polenta recipe where you had to stir it constantly for 30 mins . Can't say the result was exactly worth it!
Tesco round here stock polenta, Lancashire is so cosmopolitan
Tinier, as I said, It was DH's choice. We are in late 30s, so dont fit in Ditsbury and the best schools are in our area anyway.
Lizzylou - that made me laugh! I eventually found some in waitrose, I nearly fainted at the price, an it was such a waste. Oh well!
I know a few Hale 'mums'
They are a good laugh
I agree. I think the North should be banned.
If you want open-mindedness, eccentricity and interesting shops move to Chorlton. They seem to have an abundance of baby and toddler groups there too.
This thread is making me miss Manchester
Do you have to be under 20 to 'fit in Ditsbury?'
assuming this is real, you need to get a fucking grip. You are absolutely determined to be miserable - I live just around the corner from you, and while Hale is a bit souless, it's not that bad. Within 30 mins or less you have a vast amount of things to do and see. All I hear is that you're determined to be pathetic and whiny, which is pretty crap for your DCs. Grow the fuck up.
Hale's a bit of a sterile bubble though to be honest.
I completely agree with other posters who mention Chorlton and the City Centre. You don't get much more eclectic than Chorlton!!
It's a bit patronising to sweepingly assume that all Mancs are not trendy and open-minded.
You need to look at this in a different way. It's easy to feel isolated with a toddler if you don't get out and do things.
You could probably have worded the OP in a better way and avoided the flaming biscuits!!
Valium, if you like to listen all night to drunken students, then probably not..
"It is more the atmosphere of London, people being trendier, open-minded, etc. I used to feel that I fit in, but not anymore. I am a bit eccentric, but here people just find me weird. Hale crowd is too stuck up for me, more money than class"
You've hit the nail on the head, Hale is like that and I expect the mums are unfriendly. If you want eccentric similar types you need to move to Chorlton, West Didsbury or Didsbury village and GET OUT OF CHESHIRE. get copy of "babies and kids in the city" written by two Didsbury Mums LOADS of stuff to do including all the classes for toddlers and pre-schoolers.
You are living in the wrong part of town, I would hate Hale too. Maye try Rhythm and Rhyme or something in Chorlton and you may meet some more like minded people. But a tip drop the attitude.
Well if you're determined that you don't like it, then what are you going to do about it? Would you definitely be happy again if you lived in London?
People are people wherever you go. Some you like more than others.
If you hate everyone, then you have a problem, not 'them'- that's the problem here. London has some great stuff yes, but going round amazing shops all day on your own would be my idea of hell. A shop is a shop and only holds so much entertainment value.
So I don't give a flying fuck about Harvey Nicks or Polenta, all my life satisfaction comes from the social networks I have, OP is looking in the wrong direction.
Pop over to Altrincham. I'm not snobby.
If Hale is too stuck up for you, but you want the good schools, all you have to do is move to another part ofTrafford. But you'd have to get your head out of your arse first of course.
Would your dh be willing to move but stay North so he can stay with work Ilikemilk?
Also, if you have a primary school and toddler aged children and you've been here four years, chances are your life was completely different in London.
We can all miss our childless 20's and early 30's, but life changes.
And I'm a bit offended by being told if you're over 30 you don't fit into Didsbury - where I am told they are very trendy and open-minded.
Your mind does appear to be firmly closed.
What an odd thing to say. Didsbury doesn't have an age limit and nor does Chorlton. Schools are fine round there. I really wouldn't be complaining about living in Manchester when you don't, guaranteed to piss people off. You have probably picked the wrong area, I certainly wouldn't want to live in Hale.
I think you do need to try and be more positive if you can't move, either area or back down south.
Move to Hull for six months, then move back to Manchester and...hey presto! it will be the coolest place in the world.
(Disclaimer: my family is from Hull, so I'm allowed to be rude about it).
"It is more the atmosphere of London, people being trendier, open-minded, etc"
B****cks. I live in rural South Yorkshire and work in Sheffield. Everyone I meet is open minded. I don't give a toss about "trendy" because I accept people for what they are, not what I want them to be. You do come across as rather patronising in your posts. I'm not surprised that you haven't made many friends.
What is IWM?
Go back to London OP and stop moaning. End of.
You are actually proving the point as it sounds like you don't know Didsbury. There is more to it than the pubs in the Village you know.
We're getting a V&A in Dundee soon. Get us and our culture.
I think it would be fair enough to say you miss London, without having to amke yourself sound like an utter tosser about Manchester and its people.
Acanthus, we are in a bit of limbo. DH recognises that we'll have to move as I am not happy here, so he thinks there is no point in moving inside of Manchester, as it is a waste of money. But he is alo not looking for a new job, so I feel like I am not here nor there, had not even unpacked all my stuff yet, not getting furniture for guest bedroom, not getting my roots down so to speak.
Why don't you just move to a different part of the city? Or move north and commute into Manchester there are loads of places around. Or move out to Knutsford or somewhere?
Or don't be a SAHM and get a job? That would give you a different perspective on something.
Another Chester girl so biased but WTF would you want to live in the South for? Sky high house prices, massive commutes, expensive foods and restaurants and I could go on! In-laws are Southern so I know of what I speak! There is so much to do and see in the North West. Have you even checked out what there is to do there? Or in Liverpool? Or in my beloved Chester, where I sadly no longer live (sniff!)?
IlikeMilk we are late 30s in Didsbury, and so are all our friends, you're talking rubbish!! Younger people can't really afford to live here unless it's in house shares in west Dids .
Re schools all 4 primaries in didsbury are very good, if you want private option can always go for Moor Allerton/Ladybarn/Cheadle Hulme. Agree secondaries not as good and you don't have the grammars like in Trafford but still the option if outstanding independent schools, manchester grammar, Withington HS for girls.
I think you sound like a miserable person and you're just making excuses.
Could you put your dcs in nursery a couple of days a week and maybe work part time/volunteer at a gallery/museum/theatre?
God your poor kids. You've not even tried to make your house a home. That must be awful for them, that and you feeling miserable all the time
Didsbury is much nicer than Hale, just as £££ but not as snobby. I would love to live there.
Allnew, it is out of my control. I cannot feel happy on demand.
They sell polenta in Asian supermarkets, try a trip out to rusholme.
Hale is not Manchester, I would say most people who live there say they live in Cheshire.
you are wrong to claim there is nothing to do, I think you are perhaps depressed
"It is more the atmosphere of London, people being trendier, open-minded, etc. I used to feel that I fit in, but not anymore. I am a bit eccentric, but here people just find me weird."
You're looking in the wrong places. You're in Hale, ffs, that's like living in Henley and calling yourself a Londoner.
I live in London. If I didn't like my job, I'd be back up North like a shot. I LOVE Manchester and miss it still - the Cornerhouse, Trof, Big Hands, the Northern Quarter, the parks in Chorlton, Croma and the Chinese bakery, the chippy on the green.
No, Ilikemilk, you are responsible for your own happiness though.
You are not even attempting to make a new life for yourself, surely you can see that?
You are so pessimistic about living where you do that you are not open to any suggestions.
How can you feel at home in Hale/Manchester when you admit you've not even tried to make your house your home?
isn't there a saying only boring people get bored? I lived in London and now live somewhere in the sticks between Manc and Sheffield. and, in some peoples's minds there is "nothing to do". but only if you lack imagination and umph. I look back on London and I see a large part of the stuff to do as a prop, a substitute, a form of spoon-feeding - much of it grounded in having a choice of 5 or more sorts of coffee and "interesting" shops. make your own entertainment. get out and find the interesting people. do some voluntary work that benefits people who have real problems.
Didsbury is brilliant!
yes there are all the crappy chain bars but it's exactly the same in Islington.
It's really leafy, I live 5 mins from 2 beautiful parks and lovely walks along the mersey valley, every year there is a local arts festival, you can walk to the cinema, 20 mins drive from the City centre and the Peak district, excellent public transport links and so on and so on.
Move out of Hale. That's your problem. I bet if you lived in Didsbury, you'd be furnishing you guest bedroom in no time. No shortage of polenta their either.
Plus "all the best schools" are not necesarily in Hale.If you are sending them to state schools, there are plenty of other schools that are excellent in S. Manchester. If you pay any attention to the Ofstead reports, there are a number of other "excellent" schools out there. If you're sending you're kids to a private school, it doesn't matter where you live as long as you can drive.
That's not a reason to stay in Hale.
re Polenta - they sell polenta in my local Asda in rougharse Gloucester.
I don't think polenta is the barometer of aspirational living, tbh.
"No nice streets or galleries"?? In Manchester?? Erm, have you been into central Manchester recently?
OP, it sounds like this really isn't about Manchester per se. You sound depressed, like you just want to be down south. (I can't really blame you, try moving from London to a Midlands town!) I think you should take on board some of the advice here - a move to a different area? A job?
I dont even like polenta, LOL. It was another poster that mentioned it...
I went to uni in Manchester and hated every minute of the 3 years I lived there!!! So depressing and its true what they say, it does seem to rain a lot more in Manchester then it does anywhere else!!! Having said that though, I'm a country girl at heart and missed the countryside and the smell of cow poo!!!!
I agree with what others are saying and it sounds like you're going to be there for a while so you should try and make the most of it and make some friends. If you decorate your house it may start to feel more like home. At the end of the day if you keep fighting it your going to be unhappy for a long time so chin up put yourself out there and meet some new people and if you still don't like it at least you can turn round to the DH and say that you've tried.
sorry - my tone was a bit harsh. moving is difficult - but you need to make the best of it. and looking wistfully back to London won't do it. again - genuine apologies for my tone - I hope you start to find what want.
"I cannot feel happy on demand" - no, but that doesn't stop you adopting a positive attitude for the sake of your children. Nor does it stop you unpacking or making your house feel like a home for them. When you have children, your responsibility is their happiness, rather than your own preferences. So either you move back to London, or you get on with it and be more positive.
As I said, I really would prefer to live in my home country, and often feel really homesick that I don't. But I think of my son's childhood and want that to be filled with happiness, regardless of where I'd prefer to live. If he had to look at my mopey face and unpacked boxes every day then I imagine he'd feel very unsettled and unhappy.
Hey, let's sort it all out!! Give us a budget, we'll find you a nice house in a better place.
Cant move to a different area as DH thinks it will be wrong to sell the house. Mortgage states we cannot rent it out. Cant get a job because I got a toddler and doing my phd part time.
I live in London (get me) and I love it but while I miss my family in Manchester and I love going 'home' DH & I choose where we were going to live together. If moving back to London really isn't an option then you need to spend some time going to toddler groups in different parts of Manchester (Chorlton & Didsbury are good places) to see where you'd like to live so you can at least move out of Hale. I'm a shocker for whinging and not pulling my finger out but surely all these people are giving you options so maybe it wouldn't hurt to do some ground work yourself...might make you feel better about things? For what it's worth we've moved 'out' of central London, not too far but far enough that I had to start all over again with making friends for me and the DC's - I don't like having to be the newbie but usually people are kind and friendly and it's worth the effort.
LBsmum's right, is Hale taking more stick than it deserves? Sounds like you need some headspace, wherever that may be.
If you think you can learn to love it, have outdoors days in the Peak District, or coffee-and-film days round the Northern Quarter.
If you've tried that, and it's not that you feel depressed, give your DP/DH a date by which you want to move to London.
My heart goes out to you. This year, and the last few, have been horrible for those without the wealth, ambition and success to really go for things.
In 2008/9 I moved cities about 5 times, not always for paid work. I'm in London now, don't love it, but I'm gloriously happy to have a say in where I live and what I do for a living. Best of luck.
Hey you didn't mention the PhD! What in? Is it going OK?
"I look back on London and I see a large part of the stuff to do as a prop, a substitute, a form of spoon-feeding "
Well exactly hatwoman. If my DC tell me 'I'm bored?' I tell them to find something to do. There is always something to do just not always the same as they are expecting.
Look at it this way OP, you are where you are for a period of time. Make the best of it, look for the positives, and maybe in a few years you'll be off again. If you try hard enough you might end up not wanting to go. Make some effort fgs!
I lived about 20 minutes from Hale for over 15 years. Can't say I've really missed it from the moment I left. I do miss my friends, and I miss the easy life (Chester/Manchester/Liverpool for brilliant shopping, cinemas, theatres, loads of things to do with the kids, proximity to the Lakes and Peaks) and I even miss the ritual of getting dressed up when I go out (don't need to round here!) but even though I had lived in the North for the majority of my adult life, it never really felt like home. And that is no fault of the area, or anyone in it, it's because my heart always lay with another area of the country, where the shopping is mostly crap, the nearest decent theatres are miles away and it takes forever to get anywhere, but it's where I was brought up, and it's home.
So, OP, don't pick on Hale (or wherever), just accept that you can't take London out of the Londoner...
Betty, did not want to mention it as too scared to be outed by Hale crowd LOL.
OP - you have to make an effort when you move to a new place. You can't just sit back and say "well, here I am, Manchester. Impress me." There are all sorts of things that you can do pretty much anywhere. We have just moved south-west having lived in London for ten years and it is much easier to find things to do outside London as it is not such a mission to get to places.
You seem absolutely determined to be miserable and I am sorry to say that it does come across as a bit of snobbery. You say you hate living in "the north in general". Which bits of "the north in general" have you been to? Have you been to the Yorkshire dales? To York? To the Lake District? To Durham? Alnwick? Morpeth? Berwick? The north is not just a homogenous lump of not-Londoness. Again, you need to make a bit of an effort.
You say you lived in Clifton and liked it. Of course you did. It's an expensive, pretty little area with lots of quaint little shops and yummy mummies wandering around looking yummy. What's not to like? It's not the only expensive, pretty, quaint, yummy area in the country.
You do seem a bit inclined to dump all responsibility for your unhappiness at your DH's door. If you feel that powerless as a SAHM have you thought about going back to work? Or perhaps just going out and getting the details for houses in another area that appeals to you more? I would be more inclined to think about changing your own outlook and being a bit more proactive rather than sitting thinking that London would solve all your problems.
I'm not trying to make her think Manchester is marvellous, but if she is bl**dy miserable all the time, then she should really do something about it, for their sakes if nothing else.
And all this "DH says this, DH says that" - you must at some point have made the decision that it was ok for him to hold all the power in your relationship, and that, as a consequence of this, your preferences would not always be paramount?
London is okay to visit but to live? It is filthy, the crime rate is high the streets aren't safe of a night.
Allnew, fair enough, but even before we got married and I sold my property and moved over here, he always stayted that if I am not happy there is always way back. He is also moaning about how he hates it here and his job, but does not do anything to change it.
Just to add - saw your post about not being able to be happy on demand.
Maybe not - but being happy isn't always something you feel. It can be something you do. If you are unhappy because you are bored then find something to do that you enjoy and you may well find that you are less unhappy.
is your PhD based at the University? Do you go up there much, there's usually theatre/lectures/other evenst going on up there and all along Oxford road. I agree manchester has been hit very hard by the recsiion and the rows of empty shop units are horrible. Also the fact that the city centre is losing it's identity a bit and becoming very chainified.
did you go ice skating in Spinningfields at Christmas and to the Christmas markets? That's a great day out in itself.
re your mortgage chnage it to a buy to let then move and rent in a different area yourself.
Join a Didsbury/Chorlton based book group, start going out in those areas in the eve. restaurants in Chorlton esp very family friendly (try Greens and Croma).
I have lived up north ( Yorkshire though) and there are nice places and things to do up north. I do prefer London but that might only be because I met my partner in London. Umm I don't know anything about Manchester though. Only the two train stops down south- Manchester piccadilly and Manchester airport
Well if you're truly that unhappy and he doesn't care, then maybe you should split and move to London. You certainly don't seem willing to listen to any alternatives
Well, its not that easy. I cannot support myself and the kids at a good level in London, so there is no point to move, as I wont be able to afford even polenta from Morrison's LOL
So basically your reason for enjoying London is dependent upon DH's affluence, and without his wealth this would be pointless. Yet all the museums/galleries etc you mentioend are presumably free? Do you mean you'd have to live in a 'cheaper' area? Or not have so much in common with your friends any more? Could you afford it if you got a job?
I don't want to come across all xenia, but this is what happens when you make yourself financially dependent on a man. In doing so, you have to accept the risk that you have no say whatsoever in stuff
You dont sound like you are making much effort tbh.
You need to make an effort to get the best out of any situation.
Why's everyone banging on about polenta ??
It tastes like gritty spunk
Well, I used to have a good job and could afford a property with a reasonable mortgage. Now I got kids, and also a husband to support if we'll move to London without him finding a job there first. I doubt i'll be earning enough to provide them in the same manner that DH supports us right now up North. Maybe in a million years...
Well, there's your problem. You are relying upon your DH to fund a big life change that he is simply not that fussed about. If London is that big a deal to you then you have the option of investigating jobs, housing, childcare etc with a view to moving yourself there. Although to be honest if the only thing stopping you from leaving your husband and moving to London is the financial side of things then you have bigger problems than the area you live in.
Do you actually want to be with him? If you do, then you need to have a serious discussion about compromise. You can't force him to move back to London and, while I don't for one minute think that being a SAHM should make you subservient to his wishes, you do need to give some consideration to the fact that the non-earning partner may foster a good deal of resentment in the earning-partner if she tries to force a move that is for her personal social reasons, not for work or for the whole family.
Why not talk about a move to another area? If he refuses to compromise at all then you have a problem. But there are options you can look at. They may not all lead to the perfect lifestyle you want, but we all have to compromise on some things in order to get the things that are most important to us. If husband/family are most important to you then your compromise will probably have to be the north. If London is mos important then your compromisemay have to be size of house/standard of living etc
I think I'd be peed off too, if I had sold my property and moved for DH, on the express agreement that if I wasn't happy, we'd move, only to have him renege on that deal.
What's the bigger issue, here, OP? Is it really the area you're living in? You say that you haven't even unpacked some of your stuff- did you ever intend to settle in, or were you always angling to move back to London? Were you fully up for the whole idea in the first place, or do you feel you were pressured into it and wanted to keep a loophole open?
Seems to me this is not so much about where you're living as who you're living with and how you're feeling about him.
You could try doing a new deal with your DH- you'll give it one full year, throw yourself 100% into making friends, settling in etc. It at the end of that year you're still unhappy, you move- with him or without him.
Well I've got kids too but I earn the same as I did before. Having kids doesn't necessarily mean not having a good job - it's a decision. You made the decision, presumably, to give up a good job and in doing so, your DH now holds the decision-making power (obviously doesn't have to be this way, but it is in your case). So either you get on with it and try to make the most of your life, or you get yourself a job and some equality in the decision-making process
And I don't mean to sound harsh, but I guess your judgementalness has rubbed off and made me feel a little impatient with you
Why don't you rent while you're waiting for him to get a job?
Manchester has nice parts?
YANBU I hate the North/West Midlands.
Everything from the accents, I just think is dreary and boring.
Could be worse, you could be living in the N/E and have Cheryl Cole accents everywhere you go <shudders>
I am an accent snob. So shoot me.
Ladyofthemanor- is it ok to base your opinion of someone on their place of birth (ie accent)? Is that not just as bad as racism? Or are you just trying to wind us up?
ilikemilk, you lived in london as a single career woman and in Manchester as a wife and mother. Maybe what you are nostalgic about is not london itself but the carefree years.
If you went back to london now you wouldn't live the way you lived then, would you?
There was a thread about Hackney the other day and i felt nostalgic. Because hackney to me represents my young self. Full of energy and dreams, fit, going to bars, festivals. And Barnet (where i'm now) is full of families and i'm mother of 3 and middle age etc.
I agree with Kung, if the only reason you stay with your dh is financial then thats the crucial point and the most sad.
Well a lot of women are with men for financial reasons but there is usually some kind of acceptance that there is a trade off at some level, no?
You sound miserable, but I don't think it's because Manchester isn't a good place to live.
It sounds like you've moved house to somewhere where you don't know anyone, you've given up a well-paid career that you enjoyed and where you got to meet people, you're financially dependent on your DH when you used to have your own independence, you're doing a part-time PhD which is incredibly lonely and demanding and difficult no matter how much you love the subject, and you've got two small demanding children to look after. I'm not surprised you're finding it very tough. Have a great big Northern hug. [Northernhug]
The funny thing is that all the things you're looking for are things that I associate with Manchester. Having moved down south, I miss the quirky, trendy, open-minded people of Manchester. I miss the sheer amount of stuff going on, and the huge range of things to do for kids. I miss the nice streets, and the easy access to the countryside.
I think the real thing you need to do is to meet people you like, and then you'll find out where they live, and where they go at the weekends, and so on.
Have you tried looking right across Manchester for groups that you could join? I agree that you might feel happier in Didsbury / Chorlton - although we may have misinterpreted, and you might feel those areas weren't very smart.
You sound depressed tbh.
If you're not happy, you need to make a practical plan, and take steps towards achieving that.
Plenty of women have toddlers and work- if you find a job now, you could start saving towards funding your move.
Maybe you need to look further afield than UK? Paris or Madrid or Florence perhaps?
FWIW - I wouldn't live in London unless I could afford somewhere I'd be happy- Eldon Rd W8 for example... but it's never going to happen!
Not just an accent snob, Ladyofthemanor, and incredibly insulting and ignorant to boot.
I likemilk, OK. You're stuck here. So what are you going to do to make yourself happier?
How about trying something new every week? Visit somewhere new, something you perhaps wouldn't have thought of, loads of ideas on this thread.
And London is less than 2 hours away by train, DH goes to London for the day regularly.
You're not stranded! Embrace your new life, have a positive attitude, force a smile on your face and get off your arse and explore. You may even enjoy yourself!
I didn't base an opinion. I just dislike those particular accents.
If I had that makes them sound "working" class, or erm middle class for that matter, then I'd be placing a opinion.
OP I feel your pain. I moved from London to West Midlands for 5 years and did really make an effort to make friends, enjoyed my job etc but every time I came down to London I was just filled with longing to be back. I was living in a small run down market town with about 25 hairdressers and 3 skanky pubs. It was just so depressing and if anybody tried anything new it was just shot down and seen as threatening.
I am living back in London now and have to say I would never go north again. London, of course has its major downsides but it also has so much going on, and is so diverse and not as judgemental as small town life.
I would make a plan with your DH to have a timescale that you will stay there for. Then you won't feel its forever and you can get on with it without thinking you have to spend the rest of your life there.
I can't be arsed to read all 11 pages now.
OP, you will never like anywhere you live if you are so far up your own backside that you can't find the nice things in life!
Yes STockport train station is a dump - as are many high traffic areas in the country that have had funding withdrawn that was needed for refurbs.
There are so many nice things to do that in my 29 years of living here (SOuth Manchester) I haven;t done them all.
There is more than one art gallery - in fact even some student exhibitions are good
Not sure how Manchester is the same as a market town with skanky pubs, bunsandroses. It's not all dragons, tripe and racism once you leave Watford, you know.
Are you sure you are being truthful about this? I have never met anybody with such a defeatist attitude- and you don't write very well for somebody supposedly so cultured and studying for a PHD. I feel that you might be winding us up.
I mean, Hale is not in Manchester. You are not living in Manchester. You are living in Cheshire.
I am a Mancunian born and bred and now live in North America. I couldn't wait to leave, I hated it growing up so I can see where you are coming from but when I go back I see a vibrant city, it's not the same place it was when I was growing up in the 80's, back then it was bloody depressing. It has taken me a while to settle here and I still dream of going home but we have to amke the most of what we have.
Can't understand your point about not fitting in somewhere like Didsbury as you are in your 'late thirties' I know lots of mums (of toddlers) in Didsbury who are late thirties. When I first had my daughter two years ago I didn't know many other local mums so I got off my backside and went along to lots of local groups and met an abundance of lovely people. If you stopped complaining and actually looked to see what is out there you might be surprised. How about taking up an evening class - yoga, flamenco, French etc(all classes that I have done in manchester) and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Or come along to a toddler group in Didsbury (or Altrincham) where I can guarantee you will meet some lovely mums.
Perhaps once you've got your Phd you'll be able to dictate to your DH where you'll live cos you'll have the better Job!!!!! So stick it out and all will come good in the end!
You don't live in Manchester... That's like saying Kent and London are the same place?!?
I live 5 miles from the city cntre of Manchester and I love it.
I can't help but get the feeling that a lot of people come on here to abuse people. The poor women came on here for some much needed support and all some off you seem to want to do is have a go at her. If your not interested in the topic or are simply just not bothered keep your opinions to yourself instead of trying to make people feel worse than they already do.
Oh didsbury high five!!!
Bloody he'll I grew up in Altrincham lived so close to Hale if I sneezed you would caught it.Even back then there was loads to do and speaking to friends still living there .There is even more to do in Manchester
if was not for dc being settled at school I would move back like a shot.Oh and I'm only 20 mins from London as well but would swap it in a heartbeat.
Think your so determined not to like it,your not seeing what there is to do .
etta81, the posters on this thread have opinions and are entitled to express them, just as you have explained that you hated being at Man Met (I was a Manchester student and loved it, but because of the city itself.) People are patiently explaining to her that there is an awful lot to do where she lives or nearby.
Perhaps it's because many of us who don't live in London are tired of the idea that once you leave Zone 1 everything is a cultural wasteland - it's boring, ignorant and patronising. Unsurprising therefore that when someone starts their own Wife In The North (what, The North is some kind of novelty or mysterious jungle, is it now?) style thread it gets up the backs of some.
bupcakesandcunting Are you East Midlands? I am from the South East and lived West Midlands for 6 years (fine)and then moved to East Midlands ( I am in the land time forgot). When I asked for an aubergine at the veg stall in the market I was met with a frosty reply of " We don't get much call for aubergines here".
All the Mums in the playground thought I was a snob because I have a Southern accent. It has been hard going.
"YANBU I hate the North/West Midlands.
Everything from the accents, I just think is dreary and boring."
Yeah but you live in Wales. At least we don't flob all over each other when we speak.
<<runs off flicking the v at Ladyofthemanor>>
Are you in fact Morrissey?
adverse I am in Stourbridge which is Black Country bordering on Worcestershire. We have a Waitrose and can get aubergines freely
YABU I don't live in Manchester but the North is awesome and an awful lot cheaper than London
I ran away from the north at first opportunity but then again I did run away from a rather inbred decaying mill town (which now has five pound shops and no bookshops supposedly) in the nineties.
you're on the wrong side, of the pennines, that's where you're goingn wrong. you should move to Leeds, much nicer than Manchester
Seriously though you do sound like you are just determined not to like it.
bupcakesandcunting I have aubergine envy!
I would rather not live in London as too much of everything. It is seriously poor and deprived where I live. It does mean I can get a really good hair cut and colour for 40 quid though and it is very cheap compared to SE. I have been accepted by local Mothers now, they do still take the p**s out of my accent though.
Oh yes, Adverse! We can even get polenta easily too
Thank you for your replies. Re my English - English is not my first language, and not even the second, but I guess it is fluent enough for my specific phd topic. Maybe that is also why I am not as accepted here as I was in London, as people are very suspicious of foreigners over here and always ask me about places to visit in Poland or Polish food, which I dont have a clue about being from a totally different European country. People just assume I am polish based on my foreign accent.
I'm moving from London to rural Cumbria this year. Can everyone in Cumbria stop saying to the OP "at least you aren't in boring, grassy, no shops Cumbria". Thank you!
lol ensure. I am sure it is very nice, lots of
cowpats fresh air etc
Ilikemilk, I didn't read all 12 pages but I would say if you have been there 4 years and have hated it all this time, you need to have a plan to move on. This does not mean it is something which is going to be implemented in 2011 necessarily but if Manchester is not for you, maybe you had really best look into trying somewhere else.
Sounds like you really need to print a few tshirts with "I am not from Poland even if I sound like I am from Poland" which may or may not help.
I wouldn't say London is good and Manchester is bad. For one thing, I don't know Manchester so really couldn't say. The point is it doesn't suit you and life is too short to hang about being miserable for years on end if you could do something else.
I'm presuming you have already explained in the pages I haven't read why you are stuck there and why your dh wants to stay etc, so won't ask you about that. Take it the relationship is generally good and anyway you want to keep the family intact, so your problem is how to convince dh to move. If it were me you had to convince, I would want to see some positive reasons and a concrete job with good income etc so it looks like a perfectly viable possibility. Get your phD under your belt and then see where you go from there.
Bloody bloody bloody hell.
As an exiled Manc forced through work to have to live in Stoke-on-Trent, your posts make me want to deck you.
I'd suggest you get your arse into gear and find out some history of my great and wonderful city. Go on one of the walking tours to open your eyes about it's industrial past, which opened up the world, and along with a whole load of other dirty, grey Northern cities, helped the South become the soft-handed rich place it is now. Look upwards at the fantastic Palladian warehouse buildings and work out which rich Hale-resident capitalist revolutionaries built them. Go to the Free Trade Hall (now a hotel - erk) and look up the history of the Peterloo massacre. Get your lazy arse on your immensely convenient tram that most of us don't have access to and get yourself to the docks in Salford where there is now a Lowry gallery in the Lowry Centre, and the Imperial War Museum. Find out about Manchester's industrial past at the people's history museum. Go to the Whitworth, Platt Fields museum, City Art gallery. Go and have coffee and watch the trendy kids in the Northern Quarter. Do a tour of the fabulous mock-Gothic townhall. Try Wythenshawe and Heaton Parks. And all the other fantastic public spaces in the city. Jeez, you have Dunham and Tatton parks on your fecking doorstep and you're moaning.
Spend the day mooching round little shops in Chorlton, or Didsbury, or Heaton Moor. Try a curry in Rusholme. Do a tour of the Bluecamp or <spits> the Theatre of Hate in Old Trafford.
Honestly, it's embarrassing how little imagination you have.
ZZZenAgain Haha, thanks for cheering me up! I like the idea of having a timescale for the move, after putting my thoughts in writing and reading replies in this thread I realised that I'll never feel at home in Manchester and staying is not really a choice.
she wouldn't want to go to any of those places because people would be asking her about Polish food. what is it with Mancunians and Polish food anyway? I can't help thinking the best thing would be to give in to local pressure and open a Polish restaurant.
Empathy with the op. I know what it's like to be dreadfully homesick for the South.
YABU - go out and see what's around rather than feeling sorry for yourself!
I'm shocked anyone can defend Stockport, it really is a dump.I grew up in Bramhall/Wilmslow and spent most Saturdays hanging around Stockport town centre (mainly in the grey miserable rain IIRC) so I speak with some authority here. Nipped into Stockport when we were up after Christmas...still a dump. It would make me cry too.
On the other hand, I do like Wilmslow, and the centre of Manchester is great. I do understand about not liking where you live, but can you not put a plan in place with your DH so in x number of years you will go back to London?
I will try lucky. Wilmslow is great, but it is not Notting Hill, lol.
You won't feel at home in Manchester because you are determined not to like it, you have the wrong mindset about this, Ilikemilk, honestly.
If it is not feasible to move at the moment then at least try and find things to enjoy in the meantime.
Honestly, you just seem determined to wallow and your not even trying to see any positives.
YANBU. I live an hour away from London and it's already too far.
Wilmslow is all fur coat and no knickers imo.
Please, Ilikemilk, just have a go at trying to enjoy yourself. There have been so many ideas and suggestions on this thread.
Make your house a home and throw yourself into finding things you do like rather than picking fault and comparing everywhere with London. They are 2 different cities, both have positives and negatives and you are no longer the person you were when you lived in London anyway, you are a Wife and Mother now. You may find living in London different now in any case.
No I agree. I moved to London for university(Camden not Notting Hill!) lived there on and off for years and now I'm stuck in the midlands so I have some empathy. I also lived in Tokyo for two years, and I pined for London then a great deal - nothing actually to do with there being nothing to do in Tokyo, or it not being a totally amazing place, it just wasn't where my friends and places I was familiar with were.
silly woman-the North is wonderful-Manchester has a great University, theatres,concerts,galleries,restaurants,amazing schools,a thriving cafe society,excellent shops,parks,sport-not just football-cricket,lacrosse etc too and the friendliest nicest people you could hope to find.I wouldnt live in London for free.In fact I dont much like cities but if I had to live in a big one then Manchester would be top of my list.
ZZZenagain - All the people who were so shocked that she cried when she got to Stockport. I just think that's a perfectly normal reaction!
Lizzylou - At least it has a fur coat. Stockport is dirty mac and no knickers.
Why not look at somewhere like Didsbury?
I live in the North and love it. A little while ago I lived a few miles away and hated it. I disliked the area and the people. It just wasn't me. One short move later and I'm nearer the city and a lot happier. Perhaps you don't have to move so far away to alter your life?
Oh I am no fan of Stockport (centre anyway).
I do think that the Op just needs to pull herself together and try things out, she has already said that they can't move back to London at the moment anyway. So why not just stop wallowing and explore?
I know I started slagging off the Midlands at the start of this thread but am now feeling rather defensive of it. Like "^I^ can slag my mum off but no-one else can" type of thing
I love the Plaza in Stockport, that's about it. Have you been there Ilikemilk? Gorgeous art deco building, with an organ that changes colour!
Wilmslow isn't that bad! Alderley Edge is much more pretentious. But I would move to Prestbury like a shot if I could. I like hills! (But not Macc. That has too many hills.)
I moved from London to Yorkshire. Lived in London all my life before then. It was a culture shock as we moved to a small mining town. I settled in quite quickly. However, my sister got of the train, saw that there wasn't a local m&s and cried. She hated it from day one and never tried to settle and make friends. She moved away as soon as she could and has only returned for 2 visits in the past 15 years ( we visit her though). She says she hates Yorkshire.
I would never live in London again and love where I live.
Do you think that as you were given a get out clause from the beginning that you didn't settle. Perhaps you thought that you would never stay and therefore didn't immerse yourself in your community.
It is quite easy to socialise when you gave small children. As it looks unlikely that your dh will move I would suggest that you join some groups and make more local friends. You can then go out together and this in itself makes things more fun
are Mancunians suspicious of foreigners though? Does she have a point? Because however many nice places there may be with organs changing colour (interesting associations...) , if she feels people don't like her, she isn't going to be happy, is she?
ZZZen - Manchester is hugely cosmopolitain and multi-cultural. I know quite a few mums of different nationalities (Polish, Spanish, Russian) who go along to some of the local toddler groups and they are treated the same as everyone else. From reading comments from the OP, I would guess that if people are suspicious of her, or don't warm to her, then it is probably due to her attitude and reluctancy to make any sort of attempt to fit in!
never been there so I wouldn't know and if I did go, I suppose I wouldn't pick up th same vibes, not being a foreigner.
I was just thinking you could go to Stockport with the best intentions in the world but if everyone you passed was throwing suspicious glances at you and muttering something that sounded a lot like "another bloody Pole" , it would be hard to warm to the place.
Well this is a bit flippant but nevertheless true: when I am down, what picks me up fastest and best is dancing (so long as I like the music). Honestly, haven't as I said read the whole thread but no doubt people suggested getting into some sport which usually includes socialising to some extent. You have to build up a social life bit by bit and it snowballs. Maybe though if you have dc and a phD to work on, you just don't have much time/energy for things at the moment.
'an organ that changes colour!'
It's apparently one of it's greatest assets
shush or all of London will be rushing to Manchester...
I started reading this thread feeling a little bit cross, now I just feel very sorry for you actually.
It doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship with your DH, or a remotely happy life.
You need to move back
We live in Salford, moved here from living in another town about 25miles away about 2yrs ago. I love Manchester, MOSI is great for kids but is undergoing alot of refurbishment and Manchester Museum has great exhibits, unfortunately my 2yr DD doesn't give me enough time to really look around. Its great living a short bus ride away from the city. We go to Heaton park quite alot in the summer as well as some of the local parks in Salford which are well maintained.
As I'm a cheshire girl, I love Tatton and Marbury Country Park is really lovely all yr round (especially in the spring with thousands of bluebells) with cheap parking.
When the weather is reasonable, we also trek up to Southport/Blackpool or over to North Wales which is not too far a drive.
Life is what you make it. I know how you feel, for you, being a Londoner is in your heart just as being a Northerner is in mine. Good luck!
ensure - cheer up, Cumbria is fantastic. I relocated here and there's a lot going for it.
Lots of little groovy shops, countryside and coast on your doorstep. Carlisle and Lancaster are both near enough for shopping. Granted, there's a lot of rain, sheep and hills, but you don't see them everywhere...not when the low cloud is down.
It's just that compared to Manchester, its a bit, well provincial.
<does her best to defend Stockport>
Actually, although the town centre is rather grim (as everyone goes into Manchester to shop), most of the suburbs are very leafy and pleasant to live in, and there's quite a lot to do in Stockport.
The Hat Museum in Stockport is actually pretty cool.
So are the Stockport Air Raid Shelters in the tunnels under the cliffs www.flickr.com/photos/stockportairraidshelters/set s/72157622732033688/
Bramhall Hall is lovely, and Staircase House is great.
And actually, I always really used to like climbing the cobbled streets up to the market and the area round that, especially when the shire horses from Robinson's Brewery were going past. It just felt like a wonderful trip into a more authentic past...
Um. The schools are pretty good?
you should try living here in the poorest area! BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE.
I know what you mean. I definitely prefer to be out the city. I hated London at first (and I was in South Kensington, so not rough or anything!), I had several panic attacks when I was first there, but I did adjust(I was only there for a month though). But then I don't like the centre of Manchester ether, I don't feel terribly safe there.
Have you tried the Trafford Centre though? It's good with buggies and there are plenty of places to eat/sit down if little legs get tired.
Firstly, you're not actually in Manchester, you're in Hale. An area where, when we moved up from Surrey, DH was most depressed to find he could get barely any house for our 750k budget (before the crash)
Secondly, there is lots of open space in Cheshire. We lived in Wilmslow for 3yrs and loved it up there. Our house backed onto fabulous woodland/park.
However, if you don't like it and are homesick it doesn't really matter where you are. Before moving to Wilmslow, we lived in a very sought after village just outside Guildford. I HATED it. Couldn't wait to get out. It's the sort of place where you're house sells in a day but I just couldn't settle and never felt I fitted in. As a consequence, I never did.
I think that's what is happening to you. Parts of your life are unhappy and so you'd be unhappy wherever you were. I think you need to have a long hard think.
I wouldn't bother, Grendelsmum!
Lots of Stockport, including the town centre is rough. It always seemed weird though because places like Bramhall and Woodford are very nice. Although we lived in Wilmslow, we did like Bramhall but the traffic put me off.
I am from up North and love Manchester (lived there for 3 years as a student).
I don't think Manchester, or Hale, is the problem. You need to sit down with your DH and create a plan for moving out of the area you're in. Then you need to try and make the most of where you are until the time comes that you can move.
Seriously, saying there is nothing to do, it's all so boring, is incredibly childish. There is always something to do if you can be bothered to do it. You've had a lot of good suggestions on here.
I think your attitude may be making people wary of you. If you're determined to hate a place then you will be miserable. Make the best of it and have serious words with your husband.
LIVE in Wales I'm not FROM Wales. In fact I used to live in Salford so I think I'm more than qualified to judge the state of MAnchester AND their accents.
Luckily I'm not BRitish so I can avoid all these arguments :O
<<flicks the Vs at Bupcakes and runs>> (If I was a Mancunian I would stand my ground but I'm not 'ard).
Oh and I remember Marple being nice too! I'm sure we once went walking around there.
Well, Ladyofthemanor, when we lived near Guildford, the accent was pretty much the same as in Wilmslow, I thought!
And you cannot judge S Manchester alongside Salford. Really, you cannot. That's like telling people in Richmond you judge them based on your visit to Dagenham!
I lived in NW Manchester for 7 years and didn't enjoy it much. But it's just an opinion, I've got friends who adore the place.
OP, you sound homesick, so you either move or look for the good in your situation and cope.
Not easy choices, but at least they are clear.
Thing about London is that it's great if you can afford to live in Highgate or Islington or Notting Hill blah blah but most of us in normal jobs probably could afford to live in er Hackney or somewhere which is not particularly a great area to live. In fact most of my mates in London who are on good salaries all live in dodgy areas in the East End as it's all they can afford despite great jobs!
London is lovely if you are strolling round Covent Garden but it is a shithole if you are in some less glamoures suburb. It is dirty, expensive and you can't drive round the city due to terrible congestion. I like to visit it but would hate hate hate to live there.
However I am a confirmed Northerner so suppose I have my own predjudices.
Ilikemilm - I do feel for you, but I don't think it's Manchester that is the problem, I think it's having no control of your life which has changed beyond recognition. I wonder if you are longing not so much for London, but for the person you were and the life you had?
We moved, not far from you, just 6 months ago and I love it. But I wouldn't live in Hale, despite everyone telling me that was the place to go. Far too coiffed for me!
Not having school aged children must make thing harder. At least at school there are a pool of parents to meet and befriend.
But you do need to invest in your life, your home and your family. Accept that life is different now, since having children and make the best of it. But your DH is letting you down, in your eyes, and you need him on board. I don't imagine it's easy for him to see you so unhappy.
Perhaps it's time for you and he to make a plan. You agree to pull out all the stops, and if, in 12 months things haven't improved you and he will seriously discuss alternatives?
Try MN local, or even arranging a meet up (I'm free most afternoons ).
When you are in a downward spiral, getting out of it is the hardest thing.
YABVVVU I'm actually offended for once at you calling it a shithole. Manchester is great and a lot of my friends live in Hale. I'd love to live there, but accept it's not the same as London (god, which bit!)
Quality of life (housing, commute, work environment for me) are much better in Manchester compared to the capital.
Second what others have said about you needing to get out more, make some friends!
It's a matter of personal taste. I work in London infrequently and stay in hotels, meet friends. I like it to visit but couldn't live there. Love the well to do areas but could never afford to buy.
London is ace. I love it. I think if you're a proper Londoner, you won't really be happy anywhere else. I didn't really enjoy living in the North of England
Our local surestart is at least 50% of mums have english as a second language.
It's been said many times you don't live in Manchester!
"And you cannot judge S Manchester alongside Salford. Really, you cannot. That's like telling people in Richmond you judge them based on your visit to Dagenham!"
Oi Monty - watch what you are saying! I love Salford and it really isn't all fish and chip shops and Coronation St! I know some really
posh middle class people here and I love the lack of pretension. On average I really do think people are friendlier here than "down south" and far less likely to judge you on your clothes, type of car/house etc! There are smarter areas that aren't all street terraces and some of the newest apartments are like these:
[http://www.thehomesmine.co.uk/Manchester_property /To_Buy/Manchester_Property/Salford/Flats__Apartme nts/Property405507.aspx]
Salford gets a much worse press than it deserves IMO!
I'd rather live in Hale than NW London!
Look at what you could buy for same amount of money in London. I hate the tube, it takes hours to get anywhere.
I went to university in Manchester and there are theatres/shops/galleries there. Plus parks and countryside.
Make friends and you might even like it there.
ScatterChasse "Wilmslow isn't that bad! Alderley Edge is much more pretentious. But I would move to Prestbury like a shot if I could. I like hills! (But not Macc. That has too many hills.)"
What!? You can't have too many hills! But seriously - you think Prestbury and Macclesfield are hilly? They are on the edge of the hilly bits certainly but that's all. Not sure I would move to Prestbury even if I won the lottery (the only way I could afford it) I like Macc.
GrendelsMum "The Hat Museum in Stockport is actually pretty cool."
I have been trying to persuade DD that we should visit there for years and it has become a bit of a family joke. I will have to tell her it is "pretty cool" and see what sort of response I get!
To get back on topic - the OP seems to feel that her DH is not keeping his side of the bargain because he said they could move back to London if she didn't like it in the North. However, her unremitting negativity suggest that she never intended to like it and has made no effort to settle in. Consequenlt I am not sure if she has kept her side of any bargain either.
I am guessing that the OP is not a very "outdoors-y" sort of person otherwise with the whole of the Peak District National Park almost on her doorstep I cannot see why she would say "there is nothing to do with the family at the weekend"
Oh, there's many a great day out to be had in Stockport
I do sympathise, OP - I lived in Manc with my OP when we first got together, and would have ended up staying there if he could have got a job - as it turns out, the first job he got was in London, so we moved back to London, where I'm from.
I admit I was a bit relieved - not that I found Manchester boring, but I am a Londoner, and just missed it. We then moved out to the Home Counties, and only recently moved back nearer London - I have to admit I do love being able to get into London more easily; just the red buses cheer me up.
That said, we were in Didsbury, which is quite kicking, and had lots of friends there, so weren't so cut off.
Not surprised you found Stockport station depressing - I suspect even the most die-hard Stockportian probably feels like that. I mean, I like London but feel a tad unimpressed when I arrive at Luton airport, say.
Give Manchester another chance - as a southerner, it is a bit of a foreign country - I'm bilingual, now, after many years, and can 'mither' with the best of them, and we eat our fill of Eccles cakes etc. But there is a bohemian side to Manchester too.
I haven;t been to the hat museum yet - just the thought makes me and also [snore]
WHy is everything up hill in Macc? Even on your way out?!!
There are parts of every town that are shit....including Wilmslow. If you make no effort to see past a bit of graffiti and a couple of people being a bit 'off' then nowhere will be good enough.
I used to live in Manchester (for 2.5 years) and HATED it. Found it really insular and depressing. Wasn't far from Stockport, but never made it to the hat museum - maybe that would have changed everything ; 0
OP, I live in Hale. I love it. Well, I love the location more than the place itself, Manchester just a short tram ride away, the Peaks also really close. I ignore the overly yummy mummies in their £200 jeans and get on with being me.
But I'm happy being provincial. Because, to me, coffee with a mate is coffee with a mate, whether its £1.50 in M&S in Altrincham or £loads in Notting Hill. I think that perhaps if you had friends, it would be easier. We are not all footballer's wives.
In all seriousness, get yourself to Rhyme Time at Hale Library on Tuesday morning, or Altrincham Library on Friday afternoon. No one is up themselves in the slightest. Everyone has a chat afterwards, particularly at Alty.
Saying there are no nice parks is rubbish though. Have you been to the Devisdale? Stamford Park? John Leigh Park?
Manchester is grim, wet and grey - YANBU - the North however can be nice - try Newcastle - much sunnier ....
ilikemilk I live in liverpool and if you wern't such a snob you would find it is not awful it has some lovely areas.
You are a dredful snob, no question.
Why does no one ever spare a thought for those of us who live in the East? It's always a North/South divide!
'Bloody bloody bloody hell.
As an exiled Manc forced through work to have to live in Stoke-on-Trent, your posts make me want to deck you.'
Now, now Wilf you know you just love it here.
Seriously OP - life's too short. It's not where you live your life, it's who you live it with, lighten up a bit. Up North ain't that grim.
haha saggar: you'll be extolling the virtues of the pot banks and oatcakes to me when I'm moaning on, won't you?
I am a mancunian born and bred but now reside in hale (ish) and love it. Have lived in east Manchester, didsbury, chorlton, Sheffield and briefly London in my time and can see pros and cons to all but hale suits our needs.
If I had pots of money I'd live in London but I don't so I'll just visit thanks.
Also I've made loads of friends through school and ante natal classes, everyone very friendly round here.
I escaped sunny Stoke and fled up the M6 to be in Manchester 16 years ago Wilf
OP you don't live in Manchester you live in Cheshire there's a bloody big difference. Plus I won't lie there are parts of Manchester that are shit, really really shit. I won't name them but they are mainly in the north east aspect of the city.
But there's SOOO much to do in South Manc with little ones you can be spoilt for choice, the Peak District has some of the most beautiful countryside in Britain and is only 20 mins away.
I DO know how it feels if your heart is with a city to be fair. I tried Leeds for 6 months and absolutely hated it. Hot footed it back to Manchester at the first available opportunity.
No-one ever comes to or stays in Stoke willingly
Quite, Minx. I work in NE Manchester and it is seriously grim in parts. Though there are some lovely bits up there too.
And I do have some sympathy for the OP. I made my DH move out of Wilmslow as I hated it. When we go back I thank my lucky stars I don't live there with a baby as I'd not have been in a good place mentally. But it wasn't because it was provincial, it was because I couldn't get anywhere without a car.
There are grim parts in London, too.
Yes, London has its crappy parts too! Hackney anyone?
I feel bad for OP, she seems depressed, and it seems hubby is doing nothing to help.
I have to say, I'd go absolutely bonkers living in the sticks or someplace that is not really happening, like where DH is from (Sunderland). Its pretty grim.
But Manchester always seemed pretty cool and fun to me.
I live in Chorlton, and i can't imagine ever living anywhere else. We have a village green with carolling at Christmas good schools, boutique shops, great bars and resturants, a lake, Chorlton Art's festival, Beech road festial, The unicorn organic supermarket, the award winning Barbikan deli, the ees county park, true multi culture and the city 10 mins away.
OP you just need to move or stop expecting it all to come to you.
Start a moan-blog and call it "Wife in Manchester".
Burning - was at Unicorn and Chorlton waterpark today. Chorlton is fab!
Oh, and OP - I got the Hale and Altrincham handbook through the door today. There is a two page list of things to do at the back, with contact nos, etc.
If you don't get it through the door automatically, I will send it to you through the post. This is a serious offer. PM me.
I live in Hackney. I have a love/hate relationship with it. There is a lot to do in London but how much of it can an average family actually get through? You can't be in 5 places at once. The DCs won't like all of it. What's the point of taking them to family gamelan at the South Bank or whatever if they're as happy kicking a ball around or flying a kite on Hackney Marshes?
It's great it's there. What we do go to is top quality, amazing, fascinating, inspiring family time. 99% of it we don't bother with. It's what you make of where you are, not what it makes of you.
Ahh, Unicorn in Chorlton. The best shop in the world, ever. Nowhere in the world have I ever found anywhere to match it. Still miss it, even now, 9 years after moving back to London.
And hey! No knocking Hackney til you've tried it!
If you'd said you don't like living up North because the Northerners start spitting with fury every time they hear a southern accent and you just can't get them to be nice to you, I'd have sympathised, (been there, done that).
However, you just sound like you aren't looking for the positives: beautiful countryside, great history, wonderful culture, exciting urban life in Manchester, good people if you can get past the prejudice Northerners dole out to Southerners....
Perhaps you should try living in a different area in Manchester, and then, if you still don't like it, move back to London. If home is London, it will pull you back in the end
OP it sounds as if you and your DH are encouraging each other to be unhappy - has he n
ever tried to help you feel more at home there and build a shared life in all the 4 years? I wonder too if perhaps he is aware you've never made any effort to settle and your attitude is rubbing off....its not clear from your comments what you enjoy about life together.
YANBU to hate Manchester, for lots of it is shite, but then again YUBU to want to live in London or any city come to that. Dirty smelly places that they are
And BTW what is wrong with the Midlands? True I left as soon as I could, but would deffo prefer it to Manchester.
glances around furtively and whispers 'i quite like living in Stoke'
Ha ha ha, Cheshire set. Love 'em.
alittlebitcountry - have you ever lived anywhere else??? I was born in Stoke-on-Trent and I didn't rate it much at all. For most things surely you need to travel the 30 miles to Manchester anyway?
I actually live in Manchester, in a shitty bit and we are quite happy. I guess I just don't have the problems of living in a suburban mansion with too much money and time on my hands.
Suggest to the OP that there are 3 trains an hour from Manchester to London - take a cheap day trip out to Fortnum and Masons or whatever.....
Ive been too busy out having a life round this 'dull grey' city of Manchester but now trying to catch up on this thread. Feel I have to post to defend Hale mums, not stuck up with more money than class IME, Ive been lucky enough to meet Hale mommies with newborn dc same as mine and they are down to earth and lovely. Appreciate that you may have a different experience at the school gates OP but what makes you think that you wont find women just as 'stuck up' in glorified London?
So today I went to a baby class in Sale, and met friend for lunch at Trafford Centre, tomorrow I go for lunch in Chorlton, next day I meet (supposeddly stuck up , but not) Hale mommies at a nice pub in Bowden for lunch, coffees and general baby chit chat, and just in case you think Im not hip I spent my weekend hitting some of the laid back student bars before they are inundated with students back for the new term... not my choice but surprisingly good fun - trendy, ecelctic, chilled.... Im not saying its better than London... but it aint bad Agree also that we're never going to compete with the capital, but with the right friends and when you know where to go Manchester is great fun
Ah, now see it is only yer incomers wot call it the Ees. Us native Chorltonians all call it the Meadows.
No, really - the Hat Museum is really enjoyable. (At least for teenagers / adults with an interest in fashion and history - I don't know if small ones would enjoy it.) The machine that makes felt for the hats is definitely cool.
And actually, Stockport station is now loads better than it used to be. So there.
And for £3.50, there's a senior citizen's Tea Dance twice a month with a real Wurlitzer Organ in the beautiful Stockport Town Hall. So beat that, Hackney.
<has convinced nobody but herself>
Hmm, so the Hat Museum is interesting for grown-ups who like hats!
Actually, as a southerner, I didn't have any problem with my accent being accepted in Wilmslow. But then, as DH always says, Wilmslow is a little bit of Surrey that floated north under the weight of its bling!
Now down on the South Coast and I have actually met someone who looked frightened when I said we'd moved down from the North.
Snort. I also moved for DH benefit. Try living in a field on the west coast of Ireland for provincial! Particularly when it pisses rain for 85% of the time....
I lived in Manchester for 8 years and loved it; in fact would be more than happy to live there again though I doubt that'll ever happen. Some family there these days so still visit as much as we can via Bogger Airlines; with raingear to counteract the 85% rain Manc enjoys an' all!
Get out more and make an effort OP.
Hale is not the 'nicest bit of Manchester'. It's barely in Manchester.
I think the point is, it could be anywhere, the nicest place ever. If you don't want to be there and long to be elsewhere it's bloody hard to think of anything else. You can give suggestions of places to go until you're blue in the face, it's missing the point.
Agree with all those who say that this is nothing to do with where you live but more the phase of life you are in. At home with small children is very different to at work with interesting adults. Don't beat yourself up, the life of a SAHM is not for everyone.
For the record I have lived in London, Manchester and Liverpool and have loved them all but not because of what there is to do but the people I have met.
Pleased to see other Cumbrians on this thread - Babyheave and Apocalypse!
For me Manchester is where I go for my culture and nights out ! Its the highlight of the year ...
OP I think this is more about your annoyance at having to live where DH needs to be and the fact that you feel you haven't made a free choice. You probably wouldn't be happy anywhere. Its not Manchester that is the problem, it is your state of mind/frustrated wishes.
Personally having lived in London and Cambridge for most of the last decade, every day I wake up now I thank my lucky stars I am no longer in the South East where it is so busy, so expensie and where there is SO much traffic. I do miss the galleries/concerts - but then in an hour I can be in Manchester! Which I think is a great City and how it has changed over the last 20 years ...
Impugned, Wilfshelf! Born and bred in Chorlton, went to Chorlton Park and Oakwood-as-was!
Ees by gum!
PS to Ensure - Cumbria is really great! I don't like to harp on about it too much but each day I wake up look at the fells, chat to the friendly neighbours, and think I am living in the BEST place on earth. Holidaymakers walk down our lane - we are lucky enough to be here all the year round.
Gentler pace of life, leading to
Friendly chatty people
And Manchester just down the way when you need a lattucino in Harvey Nicks or a concert at the Bridgewater Hall ...
Back to the topic now!
God, I love Manchester - we moved to Warrington seven years ago, and I go to Manchester as much as possible with the kids, there's so much to do there. Chinatown is brilliant. I think the OP should try Chorlton. We lived in a town in Cumbria for five years where no-one spoke to us, it's much nicer here. But then I've never lived in London - too bloody expensive.
Thanks bumpsadaisie and babyheave, I'm feeling ok about it really. I think it'll be a nice place for DC to grow up.
people who live in london seem to think that there is nothig outside of london. but everyone else knows there is and many of us mock the fact most londoners pay through the nose to live in a filthy rip of place with no school places and high levels of crime. How much of london did you atually use when you lived there?
not much il imagine
I fricking HATE Manchester and have just moved there vowing never to return. (I am from there though.) For all its faults though you can't say there's nothing to do and it certainly isn't provincial. I just found it too grey and dismal and tied up with lots of horrible memories that I don't want to be faced with every day.
Where are you living, OP? (Or has that already been covered? Off to the start of the thread to read through...)
I love Manchester and I also love Liverpool which was criticised further upthread.
Put me south of Birmingham and I get a bit homesick
I'd hate to live in London and I don't go there unless it's for work nowadays. Even then I race back to Euston as soon as I can to get back to 'civilisation'. I do realise that I'm unusual
'The South' isn't just London Town, y'know.
aw yes I have a warm spot in my heart for Liverpool. Has it been bashed as well?! Sure you cannot leave your car unguarded for half a minute in some places but still I like it.
I live in Altrincham not to far from you. My wife and I would be willing to show you all the wonderful things to do locally if you like. We have two small kids (boys aged 2.5yrs and 8mths).
The problam with hale is that its full of rich snobs who would not give you the time of day. (similar to parts of London)
Let me know if you would like to take us up on the offer.
just wading through this thread but...
yes please move out of Hale - i live near there and dont really want to bump into you
Hale is not a shithole, in fact if you are a mother i am surprised you havent formed a Cheshire yummy mummy set!
<lives in N Manchester>
I swapped Trof for Slatterys
<<summerbird wondering how many of these Hale/Alty mums she knows through ante natal>>
Also Adele's pregnancy yoga class in Bowdon provided me with lots of mummy friends! Why dont you get preggers?!
Despite living in one of the parts of London ILIkeMilk craves in central London, I recently went to Manchester to see a play at the Royal Exchange Theatre. It was 'Faust' performed in the round, and an extraordinary and brilliant piece of experimental theatre that laughed in the face of the tourist tat currently on the London stage.
The Northern Contemporary Craft Show was also a brilliant exhibition by designer/makers and I was gutted I couldn't make it this year; it was an absolute delight the last time I went, and again vastly better than the Affordable
Shit Art Fair in Battersea.
Having said all that, ILikeMilk you seem to be profoundly unhappy with your situation but are blaming your location.
I do think it's interesting that you feel at odds with the locals because you're a foreigner; in Notting Hill almost everyone is a foreigner (because Brits can't afford to live there anymore) and consequently it appeals to people who aren't rooted in a local area.
There's also a very complex class dynamic in Manchester and Cheshire, and as an outsider it can be difficult to decipher or to know where you fit in.
The 'Cheshire set' are rich (£200 jeans and 4 wheel drive are compulsory for entry) but are usually self-made and have essentially working class values. If you're doing a PhD and crave cultural/visual/intellectual stimulation, I can't imagine you fitting in, I'm afraid.
Then there are the hunting/fishing/shooting outdoorsy upper class types, but unless you've lived in Cheshire for donkeys' years and went to school with the Derby/Aberconwy/Grosvenor children, you're not going to fit in there either.
There are Jewish/Muslim/Indian communities, but I don't know much about them (although would heartily recommend visiting the Geeta Bhavan Centre if you're an Indophile).
There's a huge bohemian academic community centred around the theatres, Chetham's School of Music, the hospitals and the university, and I think they might be your starting point. You don't say whether your DCs are boys or girls, but I'd get them into music or art classes at one of the central Manchester schools (MGS, MHSG, WGS) and take it from there.
Sorry, I should have declared an interest before I launched my essay - I'm from Cheshire originally. And would move back there in a shot if only work made it possible.
The schools I mentioned are Manchester Grammar, Manchester High and Withington, BTW. I didn't go to any of them but they are brilliant IMO, and the cultural life of MGS in particular is something any of the big public schools would envy.
I've lived in both - Manchester for 3 years and London for 10 years. I'm now live in the south west. I would not live in either place again (love/hate relationship with both), but if I had to choose it would be Manchester - smaller, less hetic,less crowded, surrounded by some beautiful, easily accessible countryside. Anyway, someone once gave me a hint about feeling a bit more settled to where you live and that is studying the history of the place. Even if you're not very interested in history in general, you can get a real insight into the place where you live and feel a bit more connected.
montysorry So who did you think the hat museum would be interesting for? As it happens, the People's History museum is interesting for people who like history...
Get ye to the Hat Museum!
<derails thread with obsession>
Sod off back to London, look in the estate agent windows, laugh at the bonkers prices, come back up north and realise how wonderful it is.
I lived in the "Golden Triangle" for 5 years and found it difficult - we were relocated for DH's job, so I was there as part of his work package! My family and friends were all in the south and I did feel rather isolated as I had to make new friends.
But, there were many excellent things about living there, e.g.
1. Excellent schools
2. Easy access to wonderful countryside - great to be able to drive into the Peak District for a Sunday afternoon walk
3. Great cultural opportunities in Manchester - theatre, museums, art galleries, concerts (I sang in Halle Choir which was a great experience). There was so much to do at the weekends!
4. Excellent housing and far less commuting time.
At the time, I thought it was rather provincial, but my experience of living there has made me realise that there is far more to life than London and the south east.
I was quite surprised by Manchester
Having got off the train there, expecting the natives to be covered in woad and it to be cultural desert ...
I found Harvey Nicks, lots of nice boutiques, bars aplenty, Barbirolli, reasonable (albeit limited) theatre, masses of good places to eat, lots of nice places close by.
I don't know Hale but surely the issue is that you don't like Hale. What about a posh village in Cheshire? Would that work?
Just had a thought... Can you imagine Carrie and Co from Sex and the City enjoying Manchester? Something tells me not.. Cant picture them in Stockport being thrilled with the Hat museum.
Oh shut up. Comparing yourself with Carrie Bradshaw indeed. You're getting very tedious now.
I've waded through this entire thread, and I don't know why anyone is continuing to try to help the OP out. She clearly won't take any advice or suggestions on board, so what's the point?
Bupcake, how could I! But I did spent a few years living in New York and I can assure you there is much more to do than in Manchester.
I've tried (and failed) to imagine Carrie Bradshaw popping into the Battered Cod.
Yeah that's New York. Did you do zero research before you moved there? You gave two options; leave your husband and move back to London. Understand that one cannot afford the lifestyle one is accustomed to in
living in London but can't have it all, can we? OR make the best of what you have. Stop projecting all this negative energy onto your kids and potential friends. They can smell it a mile off.
No, YANBU - it's grim up north
There is nowhere like London.
Give up on the OP, can we just talk about how great Manchester is?
ILikeMilk..I really think you need a plan to move back. You are allowed to dislike where you live but to say it out loud makes people's hackles rise. (Most of the people on this thread, I have noticed, grew up in the North so haven't experienced the longing for their hometown..I said 'most', before anyone jumps on me).
I get what you mean, I really do. Get a plan, Stan.
I also couldn't imagine Carrie Bradshaw wiping up baby sick/snot off her Halston Heritage dress or attending Baby Bounce and Rhyme or even pushing a buggy.
Bet you couldn't imagine you'd be doing all those things when you lived in NY or London, IlikeMilk. Your life has changed, so either stop wallowing and make use of the suggestions on this thread or move back to London.
<<Knocks head against brick wall again>>
Thank you Mango! I had a good talk with DH and he came out clean and gave me the REAL reason why we cant move right now. It does make sense but still means we are stuck for at least another year over here. Argh!
Lizzy, I do push the buggy but I draw the line at Baby Bounce and Rhyme lol.
I do sometimes go to That London. I put my best straw hat on and tuck my pig under my arm.
ILikeMilk, I've heard everything now. Carrie Bradshaw? You do know she's a fictional character, don't you?
Get your head examined and start earning £350k a year so you can afford the lifestyle in Notting Hill/Kensington/NYC you want.
Can't earn that doing what you do? Manage your expectations, or shut the fuck up with your whining.
Well you go and rent in London and your DH can join you in a year.
So are you going to have (another) miserable year or are you going to dust yourself off and try and enjoy yourself?
Stop nitpicking and comparing and appreciate the place you're in. It's not London, no, but it isn't all bad.
er......Hale IS a posh village in Cheshire
i hate it here too - but am allowed to say it, I am from here - but we certainly don't live in Hale lol! I don't need beleedin Harvey Nichs etc (though admittedly would not like to live in London either) I want beaches and moors - my dream to move BACK to the south west..............sigh. And we will
<high fives magichomes>
Your thread made me laugh as somebody said "try living in the Midlands"I experienced similar to you in ...... Nottingham. Dp used to take me to Manchester to cheer me up!!!!!!!! Have to say I loved it(particularly Harvey Nicks) and at least the people are friendly.
We moved from a beautiful part of the SouthWest to Nottingshite and I seriously have never been so miserable my entire life. When we came back from visiting home I used to start howling as we went past that masssive power station. Like you I used to dream of home(trees,hills,the sea,the moors in my case) constantly. We did our stint and got the hell out. Sorry but you need to be frank with your dh otherwise it will get you down. If he loves you he's got to realise that staying may not be a viable option.
Could you put a time frame on it as a compromise. You could say lets seriously aim to be gone by 2 years and focus on getting the house ready for selling. Break the 2 years up with holiday and home visit plans plotted on a calendar. I always find a plan gets you through most shitty times.
Ok, you are 'stuck' so stop feeling sorry for yourself and try and improve the situation. Honestly!
And fwiw I grew up down south and infinitely preferred Manchester.
Once you've lived in London everywhere else does seem a little bit backward.
A year will fly by..and you have a timescale now!
People can be defensive when they think you're criticising their territory but they're not the ones living somewhere that they can't stand. And it could be anywhere on Earth - Really anywhere.
Get looking on Rightmove and start dreaming.
Thank you Mila! I literally had a big cry on the train and then on the station, people stopped to look what happen, lol. I dont care anymore.
OP only responds to the posters who thumbs up her wallowing
The Carrie Bradshaw comparison of herself was both a high and low point of this thread.
Thank you for your narrative bupcake. Just for the record, I did not compare myself to Carrie, just thought if Stockport that great they should have shot Sex and the Sity over there, not in NY... could be funny.
Sex and the City grr
sorry for the typos
yeah, but BCAC..she is allowed to dislike where she lives. There is no written rule saying you have to like everything about the North, Amen. We are all different people.
But you don't live in Stockport, no more than you lived in Hackney when you lived in London.
You are a "Glass is half empty" type, aren't you?
Just a lucky guess
There is no rule she has to like it but I would say there is an unwritten rule that she shouldn 't whine on and on about it on an advice forum, totally discount advice given and blee blee blee on and on about how tough it is living in a very affluent suburb with lots of stuff to do if only she would take her head out of her arse to look.
<high-fives bupcakes right back>.
This is a wind up. No-one could study for a PhD whilst seriously considering Carrie Bradshaw a role model.
I just mention Stockport because it was the lowest point of the journey. We had to change trains there.
That is true Mango, but as Op has to live here for another year at least (and hasn't made any attempt to make it her home in any case, by her own admission), wouldn't it be better for Op to take a postive approach and try and find good things about her environment?
Instead of wallowing like a overdramatic teen?
Did you not go to rough/less salubrious areas of London? There are loads of them!
Stop being so bloody negative!!!
You changed trains there, noone mugged you, you don't have to live there and you don't even have to visit the Hat museum if you don't want to
Wait, so there is a law that people with phd cant enjoy SATC? DH got a high flying job in finance, 2 degrees and still loves watching it. Or do I have to watch documentaries and black and white movies because I was bored and started a phd to pass the time?
Oh yes, and when Ilikemilk is earning £350k a year, she'll be able to afford a house in.....Shepherd's Bush.
oh god milk, I'm in Stockport waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Yeah but does your DH compare himself to Carrie Bradshaw? Or is he more of a Miranda?
You'll be able to buy all the nylon nighties and fried chicken you could possibly want in Shepherd's Bush love. There's your London sophistication for you.
Bupcake, he says he is more of a Charlotte.
Bupcake unless you've experienced it you have no idea how dreadful severe homesickness is. It's like you're walking round in a bubble,you can't connect,it's truely awful.
I moved my entire childhood(forces) so experienced it a lot as a child but my Nottingham experience was the worst.After talking to my mother I discovered she experienced the same feelings when posted to Scotland(a posting I loved ironically).
It's a very strange feeling and awful,like a constant black cloud not depression just this feeling of being totally separate and constantly looking to the future not living in the present-horrible.
Ilikemilk-a year will fly buy. Sit down tonight and form a firm plan with dp with what you need to do each month towards the move. If you're actively working towards it you'll feel a lot better. My dp was job hunting back down south so we had nothing to focus on. The minute we had a date and a focus and I was actively working towards leaving everything seemed brighter.
ILike Milk just wants out.
Now't wrong with that. We all want to be happy. You'd all be moving if you didn't like where you lived, eh?! (But it's so fabulouso you won't be, I guess).
I love magichomes
get me some of that fried chicken. FWIW residential
areas of London are grotty unless you can afford Hampstead or the like.
Isn't the version of 'Sex and the City' shot in Manchester actually 'Queer as Folk'?
As opposed to 'Stockport, so good they named it once', the radio comedy?
I'm happily imagining Carrie Bradshaw and friends looking gorgeous and dropping into the Battered Cod, after a day at the Hat Factory.
We should form a 'Homesick Massive'!
Yep, MilaMae..it's hard, man!
Thank you mango, you made me laugh! I also liked the comments about "but there is more to life than looking at paintings" and about me being boring because I enjoy art instead of "real hobbies".
milamae, you summed it up well. For although I am from oop NOrth I sepnt my best years in the SW and long to return - that is also where all of my friends are
mangoandlime The OP doesn't want out. She's living in a crazy fantasy world and it won't exist even when she's back in London.
I know she does, Mango.
BUT she has to stay put for at least a year. No way round it.
So she can either moon around and dream of her SATC lifestyle or she can just try and enjoy herself.
And imo she hasn't really tried (from what she's said) these past 4 years.
I don't think the location is the only problem in any case. I think she feels railroaded by her DH into moving up here and is coming to terms with a completely different lifestyle now she is a Mother.
I'm not keen on where I live. It's full of smelly leggings wearers. However, i look on the bright side. Nice pubs/restaurants, parks, countryside and excellent schools make up for the fact that I'm not in the metropolis. If it were making me depressed I'd move. Easy.
Magic, but I DID have that life, so I know exactly what I want. I still go regularly to London, its just not the same being a visitor.
OP, I really feel for you. You are living in an area you intensely dislike, which is a pretty dismal experience if you're a SAHM. I don't know Hale as an area, but I gather it's pretty much suburbia - I can totally relate to hating suburban life after living in London. We've moved from central London to "London suburbia" and it does feel provincial. Living somewhere with just streets and streets of houses (and maybe some shops, but nothing to get your pulse racing) is a big adjustment when you're used to walking out of your front door and seeing an array of shops, restaurants and coffee places right in front of you. Not to mention the quietness of suburbia, which can feel really dull if you prefer a buzzier atmosphere. Some people are just not made to live in suburbia. Other people on here are disagreeing with you as they like the area you live in - but that doesn't mean that you're wrong to hate it, nor does it automatically mean that you've made no effort. It just means you like a different lifestyle.
Your DH did agree to reconsider things if you hated living in his house, so sit him down and have a serious chat about it. Explain how you feel and set out your three options: go back to London, stay in the area (for trial period) or, if your DH really needs to stay in his job, find somewhere else local to live (if your DH doesn't want to sell the house, then rent it out and rent somewhere else to live in). Good luck - and don't forget to tell us how it all pans out!
Blimey, a year is nothing! There's at least a light at the end of the tunnel.
I think ILM will change dramatically when/if a move happens. I really do. It's actually quite insulting to downplay the full effect of homesickness.
Oh I don't know, I reckon Carrie and co. would love an Abdul's chip naan.
I live in the sort of postcode an English Carrie Bradshaw would live in...and yes, Eldon Road W8 is down the road.
It's not glamorous/yummymummy/arty at all - everyone is always at work. Or shagging the staff.
Read 'Notting Hell' and you'll know exactly what I mean.
I seriously doubt your London life was all that you now imagine it to be.
Judy, I can just picture them strolling down the street with the Primark bags.. Than stopping for a coffee at Debenhams.
Well if you DID have that life you WON'T gave it now as you are a mother. Doesn't matter where you live. You will not be falling out of bars in Blahniks at 4am, before giving a bj to a random in the back of a taxi.
More seriously, I agree with LizzieLou.
The OP has to stay here for at least a year, and it may be more. She knows what makes her happy, so I think she needs to go and find that in Manchester. And if it isn't already there, maybe she needs to start it going? But either way, she really needs to start looking for like-minded people to talk to over the next 12 months.
YABU it's great - just move to better bit of it and make an effort
Or she could just stick her lemon lip out and roll her eyes at simply everything. Some people thrive on being miseries.
I wanna hang out in the back of taxis with bupcakes
Not the BJs, just the laughs FAOD
OK, massive cross-post, but would your DH consider a relocation within the area (renting out his house if need be)?
Don't lie magichomes
I live in the north and its not too exciting. Luckily Im not after exciting now. Ive done most of the things mentioned (except the hat museum - which my 79 year old mil is going to with her old dears club next week).
Where are you up to with your Phd ilikemilk? I would have thought that would take up some time.
Another thought - what is the reason you have to stay for a year? Is it something your DH was aware of when you agreed to move up there? I am getting the impression that you feel that he hasn't been totally honest with you. That is a much bigger issue than the Hale/London divide...
Zombie, we cannot rent it out, because the mortgage has this condition attached to it and the interest will double. Also it is a huge house, not sure will be easy to rent it out without doing it all up (which I dont have much interest in to be honest) and will cost a fortune. We would do it up but only if we were sure we are going to stay. We could sell, but DH thinks there is no point in selling and buying again in Manchester, as we dont want to stay here long term so it will be a waste of money.
Saturday I am just at the start. Had to do something with my brain, and also a reason to get out of the house.
Are you doing it through a manchester uni? That will tie you to there for longer, surely.
Well, if you are going to move to London, wouldn't making a start on getting the house saleable/rentable be a good project for you?
You can be as hands on as you want, get down with the roller and the paint in D&G overalls or project manage.
It would be a project that is moving you closer to where you want to be, wouldn't it?
It is not ideal saturday, but all I care about now is to get out of this place. Everything else comes second.
Yes Lizzy, but we were thinking to sell it as it is, it is not in a bad state, but needs some updating.
"Once you've lived in London everywhere else does seem a little bit backward."
Comments like this make Londoners seem so xenophobic and parochial.
I escaped from London to a better life in Yorkshire. Where I live the schools are better, the houses are cheaper, the countryside is on my doorstep, the crime rate is much lower, people I don't know say hello when I walk past them. Why would I want to live in London?
And look at this!!!
Primark? Debenhams? Nobody who lives in Hale shops in either of those!
Grendelsmum, can you fit Hat Facxtory into every post?
This is just nonsense. The life you dream about no longer exists. Not because you've changed cities but because you are no longer a young, single, childless woman. The Past is another Country and all that (or in your case another city...or two!)
And stop going on about Stockport, you don't live there, you merely changed trains there.
Obviously that should be Hat Factory.
You could sell and then buy in London. Or just sell and bank the money - if its a large house then rentiug a smaller place might be cheaper than your current mortgage, plus it would put you in a strong position to buy a property later if you have no chain below you (overall house market is predicted to be pretty stagnant in 2011, so minimal risk imo).
Fine. you hate it.
Do something about it. Start getting your house ready to put on the market, just do something so you feel you are making steps towards getting out.
But don't sit around moaning and doing nothing but bleating on about how shit it is.
Which it really isn't. you are just choosing to see it that way.
Having lived in London for 20 years I have uprooted, left my friends, made a huge move up here. And I love it. In 6 months I have not been shouted out when I am driving, have not nearly been run over by someone chasing a red light, spat at when I'm putting the LO in the car-seat (and I thought that was such a nice area) and I don't have to drive an hour just to get on a motorway out of town).
In 20 minutes I can be in town, or I can be running the kids ragged over some green and pleasant land.
And there are trams. I love trams, me.
I'm beginning to think that the only place you will be happy is back under your bridge
Either stop fucking wallowing or move (or at the very least make plans to move)
I don't even want to help any more. Frankly, you sound like you are putting a lot of effort into being miserable. So go ahead and enjoy that instead.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I have been to Santiago, Chile and I would not put it at no1
TheSecond, I would describe myself as somebody on the opposide side of spectrum...
opposite side of the spectrum... grr.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
She's not a wannabe wag, she's a wannabe Carrie Bradshaw. Which is marginally better. I think.
TheSecond, if you'll read the whole thread you'll find out. DH is in finance and I am doing a phd. Nothing to do with WAGS I am afraid. And if you cant read the whole thing - I moved to DH's house, he bought it before we met.
Tonight we have just eaten some spare ribs bought from the farm shop down the road. The pigs run around the farm freely and live a happy life, and the owner and I are on first name terms. Would you get that in London?
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
She doesn't want help. Can everyone stop wasting their breath please?
On the subject of Manchester, has anyone been to Fac251?
TSC thank goodness you're here!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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Have just seen on fb, sounds awful, hope the milk monster is ok?
Just wanted to know what people thought. I went in October and loved it but know some people who reckon Hooky can't run a club for shit. I liked it a lot
Anyone else really fancy a visit to the hat museum?
FWIW - OP I think you are being a bit of a baby about all of this. You are clearly sulking.
On the other hand I do understand. I moved to the sodding East Midlands in 1990. I cried every night for three straight months after I arrived. If you think Hale is a shithole.... you know nothing. I have lived here ever since and everytime I get in the car to go south my spirit rises. Everytime we come north, another little piece of me dies. I really don't feel like I belong here - and I have a great life with loads of friends, polenta, art galleries, parks adn all that. Some people just have their roots in the south.
What I don't do is mope around. I wouldn't gain anything from that. I just get on with it.
Just for info OP quite a few of the scenes from Alfie were filmed in the Northern Quarter (cool district of town near to picadilly, big creative alternative vibe) because the look at atmosphere of it is so similar to New York.
expect Carrie would like it there, take her to The Roadhouse then on to Common...
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I do too TSC - wonder if it's the same person?
Who is fatboy? ANd are they ok?
To be fair, I can understand crying at Stocport Station - it was in the recent Top Ten of the worst stations in England.
But Euston is a shitty station as well
Anyway, agree with those who have said it's not about location, it's about your frame of mind and your depression and refusal to do anything about it. Your husband must find you a real drain
TSC are kids welcome at the Odder thing? it looks cool, have been meaning to check it out...
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I feel old listening to you lot....
Just been talking to DH about this thread. As, I said, we're back down South now after a few years in Wilmslow.
DH is a lawyer working for an international bank and spends a lot of time in the States (Boston and NY). He is also in London a lot. He obviously eats out a lot and I never noticed him complaining when we ate out up there. He has just said that the good resturants are just as good IHO but that there are fewer of them.
We went to Damson just before we moved and I thought it was lovely. It had a sign up saying annual resturant award runner up or something like that. That can't be bad, surely?
I don't know why I'm bothering to stay on this thread as we no longer live there. However, if health reasons hadn't made me crave living by the coast again, we wouldn't have left. The other thing about S Manchester/Cheshire is that you're in the epicentre of a little pocket of excellent state and independent schools. That's not to be sniffed at. I certainly wouldn't want to be navigating the Central London schooling system.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Hi, Ohforfoxsake, I was on your very first moving up thread. I'm the one who recommended Wilmslow (MRC)
Just fancied a name change. Hope your enjoying Sale and that you managed to get a school place for all your DCs.
I'm the wrong side of 35 OFFS, there's too many things to do to mention, I'm always picking up flyers and thinking "oh i must do that, that would be really good" or "the kids will enjoy that i'll look on the web" and never get round to it...
Anyway listen to TSC, she's bonafide Manc royalty, knows all the famous DJs and everything
I live over the border. I lived in London for years and hated it. It made me ill.
No friendly interactions with strangers or people in shops
Couldn't see where London stopped. Pathetically I went up to the tallest floor dressed in my power suit, in the shiny sky scraper at lunchtime - just to see where it stopped.
Yes I could go to the West End or the BM or see whatever is latest... but it nearly killed me.
Now I live in a wonderful town where alternative meets new age meets media type. I am in wilderness twenty minutes from my door. I belong here. I love it with every single fibre of my being and hope I will never,ever leave.
You are probably much better off in a London suburb. Sorry that sounds harsh.
Where am I?
Oh that would be telling, obviously.
bella has a Bridge by any chance?
HellO Montysorry <waves enthusiastically> you were very kind and lovely on my thread (and off it IIRC). I hope your move went well and you are OK.
Indeed TSC, I think the pub is called for. I promised many MNers a pint when I moved up.
Have spent hours trawling through this whole thread and have come to the conclusion that it's not worth offering the OP advice on how to improve her life in Manchester.
I cannot for the life of me comprehend how anyone could say that there is nothing to do and nowhere to go with a family in Manchester, but as has been proven, it's not about the location but the individual's circumstances.
I have been living in Chorlton for 10 years and love love love the atmosphere - both of the city centre and Chorlton itself and there would have to be VERY good reasons given to move out of the area.
However I have to grudgingly admit that not everyone feels the same as I do and I suppose they are entitled to their opinions too.
Wanna meet for coffee?
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Chorltonesque type town in Yorkshire wilds, hippies, bikers and new age dreads (that's where Bella lives I think).
Yes a booze meet up would be good, I'm too socially inept to cope with coffee ones...
And yes TSC you need to detach from Mr boob for your own sanity lovely tho he is (although wait til he's better first)...
I think the OP should deffo move back to London, Manchester is far too good for her.
Anyone who thinks Notting Hill is the be all and end all is a complete tit.
Snob snob snobby snob snobbetty snob. Yes you you daft cow.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Coolio, fb or msg me off to bed now after camomile tea as part of jan healthy living detox...will break it to go to Pub tho...can it be Chorlton/Ox Rd maybe?
Love dids but need excuse to escape ocassionally..
o womma will you marry me?
i mean, like srsly?
(sorry, quick hijack)
5foot5 I have a deep and abiding hate for the hills in Macc after getting stuck on an awful lot of them whilst learning to drive. People hooting horns while I stalled and stalled... <curls into a ball and whimpers>
Yes. HB: Chorlton's wilder veg-growing matted-hair cousin. Both fully part of the Muesli Belt.
We have NO Muesli Belt here in Stoke. Just unemployment.
Chorlton? CHORLTON Huh?
No No No
We knot our own yoghurt and sprinkle organically raised sandals on our home-made soya-based yoghurt here.
Oh and we rescue a broken down ex racing greyhound per household.
And we always, always,take our canvas bags to the supermarket.
I will buy several rounds to the one who gets the final reference...
HB. My mum and dad's hippy mates used to live there. The ones my DH (back when he was boyf) boggled at when he first met them as he had never seen anyone with such a long beard in his life. Sheltered, my DH.
BM - final reference anything to do with a singly horned horse type thing? Though that's more Chorlton.
And can I just say to acumenin: you must be MUCH younger than me then
As for th first? Hmmph.
And the other reference
It's from Perth Australia if that helps. Not Chorlton.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
'Dirty carrots' etc were the lunch carrying bag of choice at my previous place of employment. I had a National Trust one instead, due to my greater proximity to Dunham Massey.
we all lentil weaved
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I'm still local - drinks would be good. Get a meet up thread going. You know you want to. I'd do it but it would die on its arse.
*ILikeMilk Tue 11-Jan-11 13:16:12
Moved here four years ago to be with DH, and I still cannot get used to it. We are in a nicest area of Manchester, and it is still feels very provincial and boring. I dream about living in London, but DH does not want to look for a new job. I feel like there is no point and dont want to decorate the house, make friends, etc, I just fantasise about being in London every single day. There is not much to do here, no nice streets or galleries, not much to do on the weekends as a family. I went to London this weekend, it was so painful to come back. Does anybody else feel this way?*
Ditch him and come back to civilisation [smile}
And I love Hebden, affectionately known round our gaff as LaLa land (we're very near!)
We're not far from Hebden Bridge either, we love it.
Somehow can't see Op getting her Hunters dirty navigating Hardcastle Crags to be honest
Horses for courses I suppose.
I lived in Leeds for a while, whilst at Uni, and I cannot understand anyone settling there. There is a vast difference between the North and South and my heart is firmly in the South.
"There's a vast difference between the north and the South."
That's a huge generalisation! You cannot compare Leeds city centre (or Manc for that matter) to the beauty of The Dales or The Lake District. Nor for that matter, to Tatton, the parliamentary area just south of Manchester which includes Wilmslow and Alderley. Margaret, you do know that Mr Osborne's constituency is the second most affluent in the country sitting just behind Ken and Ch?
Well Margaret I cannot understand anybody willingly living in the South either. It's overcrowded, expensive and dull. Strangely the people who are
trapped living there spout nonsense about how wonderful it is. Deluded imo.
There's a vast difference, the people are different, the food is different.....everything.
Northern.....I come from the country and so really can't agree that the South is overcrowded, even in the city centres we have gardens....unlike the 'back yard' to be found throughout Leeds. I'm not sure how you can say an area is 'dull' that includes our Capital city but ho hum. I couldn't bear to live in London either and find people who crap on about how great London is dull!! Where I live is perfect for me and my family.
ooh, is this evolving into a chorlton/northern quarter meet-up?
Well the DH would love us to relocate to Yorkshire. And it's lovely. I would go, I really would if MIL would relocate to London to maintain an appropriate distance of at least 200 miles between us.
ahh London - yes i often hanker for the green fields of Elephant & Castle!
I am up for a Alti/Hale meet up - maybe the OP can come along and we can get her blootered!
Margaret, I now live on the coast, close to Chichester. It is beautiful here, no doubt.
However, huge areas of The North as equally as beautiful. And people don't have 'yards' in Cheshire. What you describe is inner city. That format is the same wherever you are!
Must also add that I am, myself, a Southerner.
I think the OP is unhappy with her life and her marriage. It really has nothing to do with where she is living. She needs to sit down and talk to her DH rather than project the root of her unhappiness onto poor (or not so poor ) old Hale.
'poor' old Hale! monty
as a poster earlier up the thread said - i will gladly take her huge old house in Hale off her hands for a reduced price obviously due to the 'shithole' it is located!!
Summerbird - I'll fight you for it. We could do with a bit more space, as not everyone who lives in Hale lives in a mahoosive mansion.
But, what is that I can see out of my window? Is it a ... park ... ?
surely not the shithole and drugs den that is - erhem - Stamford Park??? no?
(gloves off MMB )
Not Stamford Park, no, though I could be there in approximately 3 minutes on foot. You see, Hale is so grey and dreary that it has more than one park.
But I agree. Stamford Park - junkies paradise. Have you seen the needles in the kiddies playground??? Have you??? Even the ducks are shooting up.
<<puts on knuckledusters>>
quack quack - oops!
yeah my 19mo regularly hangs out there for his daily 'fix'
aint Stamford Park in Alty? ok its only about 1 - 2 miles from Hale.
Stamford Park is on the Hale/Alti border so to speak.
MrSpoc, Stamford Park is in Hale. I think the Alty/Hale boundary is the railway line - its v close to Alty town centre anyway.
yes opperite Alty football club. I would never class it as Hale.
I hate the park though as soon as my kids enter there I can nver get them to leave the ducks