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to hate being called m'am or madam by shop assistants

(125 Posts)
BadaBingBang Tue 04-Jan-11 07:08:42

Is it necessary to give me a title? M'am is a like being called Mum, and Madam puts me in mind of the lady in charge of a brothel.

bluebayou Sun 03-Nov-13 18:20:36

TGC , ..... ? I have finished reading now .

stella69x Sun 03-Nov-13 18:29:23

I irk at madam, but it's because my mum used to call me 'a little madam' when I was being a (what i can see now as) a PITA.

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 18:40:24

Can I just ask you guys something?

Why do you HAVE TO call someone Madam or Sir even if they ask you not to call them like that?

If it was no big deal, like you are all saying, it is also possible just not to use the term, is it not?

Well, I think that you are all just cold-blooded, heartless beasts who do not care about other people's feelings!

Even if you "like" it, you must consider the fact that many people HATE it, and actually hurt by being addressed like that, everyday, in everywhere. You can NOT just block your ears and ignore somebody else's pains!

They do not mean any offense by asking you not to call them like that, I just do not understand why you MUST hurt other people's feelings. What kind of person are you all?

TheOpposibleThumb Sun 03-Nov-13 18:47:33

TGC you are not making any sense at all. Have a cuppa.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 18:58:30

Tgc- you don't seem to be aware that 'you guys' is a real pet hate for some people!

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 18:59:38

Life is too short to ask every customer how they would like to be addressed and then some would get upset to be asked!

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 19:03:59

RaRa1988

When I was 20, younger than you are now, I did not boast about age nor the year I was born, I though it would not be fair and only hurt other young ladies. At the time I had friends who was 27 or 30 or 35, all sweet, lovely and even more prettier than me, I was a childish college girl who was wearing jeans every day with no decent jobs or money, whereas the other girls looked less childish, and a lot prettier and wears high heels and stylish bags.

I was happy for them, and looking forward to my own future, rather get jealous of them and try to hurt them by boasting my age.

If I was saying things like "Oh, ladies, I am a girl in my early twenties and I am quite young, whereas you are old now." I would have been hated and not be able to be friends with them.

But there were people who hated me because they did not know me what I am like, and hated me very much before even know me. They called me Lady, Madam, Ms.*, every word that has mature meaning. I wanted to show them that I think of anyone who is not even 50 as a young person but they did not listen to me.

I guess thus it remained as a habit, and also to prevent them calling me "Madam", I say greetings like "Hi, Girl" or "Hi, Love".

I still think that everyone is lying by saying that people would be offended if they are called by friendly terms. I haven't seen anyone gets angry so far, and this is an internet, thus you could be an old lady over 50 who enjoy hurting young people and make them the same as yourself. Who knows?

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 19:07:06

[Re-up] (There were error. How do I edit this?)

@RaRa1988

When I was 20, younger than you are now, I did not boast about age nor the year I was born, I though it would not be fair and only hurt other young ladies. At the time I had friends who was 27 or 30 or 35, all sweet, lovely and even more prettier than me, I was a childish college girl who was wearing jeans every day with no decent jobs or money, whereas the other girls looked less childish, and a lot prettier and wears high heels and stylish bags.

I was happy for them, and looking forward to my own future, rather than get jealous of them and try to hurt them by boasting my age.

If I was saying things like "Oh, ladies, I am a girl in my early twenties and I am quite young, whereas you are old now." I would have been hated and not be able to be friends with them.

But there were people who hated me because they did not know me what I am like, and hated me very much before even know me. They called me Lady, Madam, Ms.*, every word that has mature meaning. I wanted to show them that I think of anyone who is not even 50 as a young person but they did not listen to me.

I guess thus it remained as a habit, and also to prevent them calling me "Madam", I say greetings like "Hi, Girl" or "Hi, Love".

I still think that everyone is lying by saying that people would be offended if they are called by friendly terms. I haven't seen anyone gets angry so far, and this is an internet, thus you could be an old lady over 50 who enjoy hurting young people and make them the same as yourself. Who knows?

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 19:09:23

I am over 50 and not happy to be called 'an old lady'!

bluebayou Sun 03-Nov-13 19:10:08

TGC , what on earth are you talking about ?

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 19:12:59

Is English your second language TGC?

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 19:13:39

@SatinSandals

I would call you simply "Madam." Nothing more.

I love my mum, aunts and older women in town and they adore me because I behave like a good girl, like their own daughters.

But I can not say nice things to people who call me Madam and that I am just as old as them. Do you really think it is fair?

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 19:18:27

I can't really say, I don't understand any of your posts. Do you mean that you can only call people 'madam' if they are older than you?

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 19:22:08

@SatinSandals

Yes, it is my second language and I apologize for the mistakes I am making.

You are not going to despise someone who English is their second language, are you? Just because English is your language it does not mean you're higher than me.

I did not know ladies over 50 were here. I am sorry if I offended you.

But, I honestly think that there is got to be a certain border line to determine young and old. We can not just say, hey, all age is the same and all people should be called Madam/Sir, as it certainly would hurt many people as you can see.

My mum is over 50 and very nice lady, she does not wear teenage clothes like some people in my town, she looks beautiful and respectful
, I think that would be more ideal.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 19:28:17

I don't despise anyone, I was just trying to work out why I couldn't understand your posts when you obviously have strong feelings about it. I think that you are saying that there is a borderline between madam being acceptable or being rude- am I right?
I think it may be the cultural differences. I am actually over 60yrs and have just run my first half marathon and I guess you wouldn't approve of me!

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 19:31:00

@ SatinSandals

I am just quoting the bible, the bible described people over 50 as "older people" rather than "old people", I think God worried that it could hurt people and I also trying not to hurt your feelings.

I think of young people who are in the range of young era, "from 20 to under 50", as almost the same, it is no good to say "Hey, I am older than you, or I am younger than you" in those ranges, again, it could hurt people. Like I said before, one can not boast about being "early-twenties" for example, because for some people it could be only the era that they are trying to improve their life, they could be poor, or ugly, etc. (I was)

If someone finally succeeds to get something even at 40, I think that is their prime time of youth, rather than "early-twenties", they deserve to enjoy their reward.

Thus I often say "older people" rather "old people" and certainly use "lady, madam", rather than "old lady". But in order to not use "old lady", the young ones must be "girls" or "young lady" right?

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 19:38:23

I would definitely stick to 'older people' , rather than 'old people'.
English is a difficult language, it is more how you say it, than what you say. 'Madam' can be polite or rude to any age. Many would not like 'young lady' , and again it depends how you say it.

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 19:43:36

@ SatinSandals

I am just saying nobody has rights to insist that "everyone" should be called Madam.

I still think that there are other kinds of happiness when you are old, I myself looking forward to it rather than afraid about it. But, I am looking forward to it in a way that I could be a bigger person who treat young people like my own sons and daughters, rather than insist that they are as the same as me, and I could do EVERYTHING that they can, or even better.

I already told you about old men wearing teen clothes at supermarkets, I think that this way of thinking is affecting many people, including my father, who always trying to flirt with young girls and saying that he is a young boy (he is 70). This made my mum very sad, and he looks like he lost his mind, it made all of my family sad.

I feel sad to see him like that. I wish he was as respectful as my grandfather.

When you are old, it is only natural to feel a bit weak, but, I think that is a blessing, because by being nice to young people, they would give you a hand and your old days would be not so lonely, you would be like a queen who always brings servants with you. I think this is God's design, in life on the earth.

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 19:55:22

@ SatinSandal

I like being called "young lady", it could be said with affection from the older ladies, like my mum or someone old enough to be my mum, or they say it when they scold me also or advise me strongly, but that is also fine, too.

I follow God, and his first rule was to respect your own parents, and in the bible, all the nice young believers obey to old people, and old people adore them like their own sons and daughters.

Like I said, what we need to find, is the "ideal" way, the God's way.
And if once found, we all must stick to it, otherwise we shall all be only get angry with each other. There is only one ideal way, if we follow God.

I met the other day, on the road, an old woman who was lost, she came from neibouring town, and had 5 children and 10 grand children, but nobody escorted the lady. I walked all the way to the place where she was going.

This is what is happening right now. The young people are leaving their parents and grandparents, when they are supposed to be escorted like kings and queens in the family.

My father is the pain of family now, he says I am old, my brother is old, and he is still young, and gives pain to my mum, whereas my mum is a very nice lady who does NOT deny the fact that she is old now. My brother and I help her all the time and obey any hard work she tells us to do.

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 20:00:55

You see, one could be angry about called "Madam" or not be angry.

I still think that "Madam" should be addressed to older women over 50, rather than before. It can not be vice versa, that young people being called "Madam", and older ladies not being called "Madam."

I also think that if you are a nice young lady who is able to respect the elders, you would not get angry by being called "young lady" or "girl".

You see, it all depends on what decide, and the whole life perspective behind it. Without God, how are you going to decide them all? Must we hurt each other's feelings and go on like this?

Madlizzy Sun 03-Nov-13 20:08:23

I use "Madam" for ladies over a certain age and I also use "Sir". I use young lady too.

fanjofarrow Sun 03-Nov-13 20:10:22

What would you prefer they called you? ''Random person''? ''Customer whose name I don't know?'' ''Oi, you!''? confused

Salmotrutta Sun 03-Nov-13 20:15:12

I can't understand why anyone would be hurt by being called Madam confused

Unless they thought the person was insinuating that they were the Madame of a brothel or something confused

I think you are overthinking this tgcounselling.

Salmotrutta Sun 03-Nov-13 20:16:15

And what constitutes a "nice young lady"?

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 20:19:06

My grandfather died at 98, and at his death bed there were about 100 young people including non-family members. They were all crying bitterly and beating their hearts, as if their own father was dying.
He died like a king.

As an old men, my grandfather never denied that he was old, nor called any young person "Sir" "Madam" in a scornful way.

He worked as a station manager until he was 50, and then suddenly became a pastor. Through his life, I got the idea that when you are old, you can do even bigger works, because you are wiser and have a lot of experience. He was called to be a pastor by God at 50, and was able to lead the people better than anyone in the church BECAUSE he was an old man with such high wisdom.

Do you notice that in order to become a president of a country, normally it is someone old enough rather than young? Normally it is also over 50, and there is reason for it.

But, it does not necessarily mean that you should force yourself to do great, hard-working physical work, as if you want to prove that you are just as the same as young person. I do not think that is right, nor ideal.

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