Dealing with partner's nasty ex girlfriend.

(532 Posts)
chloeloveshim Mon 03-Jan-11 22:44:13

Partner and I have been dating for 9 months. He moved in with my DS, 7 and myself quite quickly and AFAIC, it's going okay.
I know my partner has some issues surrounding feelings of insecurity, but most of his issues were caused by her treating him so badly for years. He also finds dealing with some situations difficult, (authority figures telling him what to do) but he's really trying to make good changes and we are working on these problems together.

One of the situations he has struggled to deal with is that of his ex girlfriend.
Partner and ex girlfriend have a 2yr old DD and tbh she is crazy!! A real loon.

She made it difficult for him to see DD, but since I met him, XGF took him back to court shock and agreed to let him see DD at weekends.
XGF has since behaved very oddly and I'm not sure where we go from here.
A selection of her behaviour is: Attempting to tell me he is a thief/liar/cheat. Partner has told me XGF has begged him to go back to her, so I can only assume she is trying to put me off, but it hasn't worked, I'm prepared to stick by him. smile
She has told me my DS probably hates him (DS adores him) and that he will only get me into lots of debt (I pay my own way, unlike herself.)
She complains Partner doesn't pay maintenance (He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay) then she said he stole money from her. (Where will it end?)
Partner and I noticed DD had a few bruises on her body, her inside lip was cut, and she had a cut on her head, so we reported XGF to Social Services. They have carried out a full investigation. Partner doesn't trust them though (you hear the stories in the news of them getting it wrong) so Partner also made a report to the doctor about DD development.
Now nutty XGF wont disclose who DD's optician is, even though Partner has every right to know.
We have resorted to refusing to respond to any form of communication, unless it is through a solicitor, because of the abuse she gives us on picking up DD. (we do not have a solicitor at present due to financial constraints) and XGF solicitor has costed and closed the case.
Her abuse is mainly to tell me to keep out of it. I am just trying to support my Partner. She has led him a rough ride, and I am more than happy to help him.
I do not class myself as getting involved, I am just supporting my Partner as best as I can. (He would like full custody and I believe he is a good dad to DD) I have also written a few letters to XGF (from Partner of course, but he is terrible at letter writing), have answered his mobile when he does not want to speak to her, and we chose to put her hair in French Plaits, which Nutty XGF says is too much too young. confused DD looked beautiful.

I don't think XGF is a good mother. She shouts and swears in front of DD, doesn't appear to care about her very much, and smokes. (I have seen all of this with my own eyes btw).

It has got to the point now where XGF will not speak, and we do not speak to her, but it is a strain. Obviously, there are day to day things we need to know, especially when DD comes to ours, and although we have asked XGF to respect our request not to make direct verbal contact, or telephone either of us, she simply refuses to do anything. I have written to XGF, and she is being churlish and childish to refuse to reply. (Another example of how she doesn't care for DD much at all.)

How do we proceed from here? We can't afford a solicitor, but she is taking our written word to the ludicrous extreme.

What do we do to make her understand that we will not tolerate her abusiveness and total lies about Partner, and to see it is for the best for the forseeable future for Partner to see as much of DD as she does. (Partner very hurt about this.)
We have proposed to her in writing that DD lives with us for a week, then her, and hopefully that will get the ball rolling, but again, she has not responded to our request.

How do I get through to someone so stubborn and unreasonable?
I want the best possible life for her DD, and I know that is with me and my Partner.

Maybe I am just ranting, I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom for me and my Partner??

Sassybeast Mon 03-Jan-11 22:47:32

Perhaps him getting a job and paying some maintenance might be a starting point ?

I dont really have any advice as Ive never been in your situation..but he isnt paying maintainance because he hasnt found a job that suits? IDGAF how crazy an ex is..he chose to have a kid with her and the kid is his responsibility..she should have a job doing anything..even licking toilets clean..if he has to just to make sure his DD is provided for..

And quite frankly I feel a little sorry for her..theres you and him and your little family after only 9 months calling SS on her when she is probably doing the best she can but ye want to take her DD away from her..Id be pissed at you too.

chloeloveshim Mon 03-Jan-11 22:52:54

XGF has given his details to the CSA recently, so they will sort that out now. XGF only spends the money on cigarettes and gambling anyway, so understandably, Partner is reluctant to help her anymore than necessary at the moment.

We buy DD anything she needs while she is with us, but Partner, understandably does not want DD to take it home to XGF's.

pooka Mon 03-Jan-11 22:53:20

Yes that might be a start.

Not reporting her to Social Services would be a good one too. Did you ask her what had happened to your partner's dd before getting in touch with them? At the moment our dc3 has about 3 bruises on his head and a cut, and a scab on his knee. He seems to be magnetically attracted to doors and trouble generally (16 months).

pooka Mon 03-Jan-11 22:53:48

That might be a start referred to him getting a job and paying maintenance.

coldtits Mon 03-Jan-11 22:54:05

Maybe your partner should start living up to his financial responsibilities as a father?

TBH I would listen a little more closely to what the ex has to say about your partner.

As for your interfering (writing letters, answering the phone and restayling your partner's daughter's hair after only 6 months of knowing her IS incredibly interfering) - why don't you STOP interfering and see just how much parenting gets done by your partner, and just how much negotiating and comprimising comes from your partner ... and while you're at it, wait and see how long it takes him to TRY to get a job.

From what you've written, all I can glean is that your partner hasn't contributed to his daughter's life other than to make her mother's life harder, and now you're helping him to do that.

DitzyLiz Mon 03-Jan-11 22:54:06

Im sorry but from the sounds of your post it appears the exGF has every right to be frustrated with your partner and I think that you are probably being fed a very one sided story by him.

HerBeatitude Mon 03-Jan-11 22:54:31

How do you know that everything he says about her is lies?

He hasn't found a job good enough for him to support his child?

He sounds a real catch.

How old are you and how old is he?

Does he smoke?

He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay

Sorry you lost me here. It all sounds very childish on all your parts TBH. You have been with him for under a year yet you seem to think it's your job to write letters on his behalf? Eh? He also sounds a bit of a knob - insecure, problems with authority, terminally unemployed...fuck sake. You also reported her to social services? Now I work for social services but I would say I hope you had more evidence than what you describe to have referred her for a child protection investigation! And she shouts and smokes...shock

I'm sure she's petty and irritating, but you are not the child's mother, or even step mother after such a short time, Your 'partner' needs to man up and communicate directly with her himself, leave you out of it, and get a fucking job.

pooka Mon 03-Jan-11 22:55:18

Why does he not want dd taking things home? If he isn't paying maintenance, things must be pretty tight? He's willing for his dd to go without to point score?

Sassybeast Mon 03-Jan-11 22:55:57

You've swallowed his lines hook line and sinker haven't you ? How long before you and he have a baby of your own ? And then YOU become the crazy ex ? Read your posts back and take a long hard look at the situation.

chloeloveshim Mon 03-Jan-11 22:55:58

wheresmejumper, We are thinking of DD, if you knew a child was being neglected, how long would you wait until you involved prof services?
We will not feel DD is safe and properly cared for until she is living with us.

KangarooCaught Mon 03-Jan-11 22:56:10

I'm afraid that you are only hearing one side of the story.

Any man who has problems with 'authority figures' (read: police), is fussy about what work he does when he has a child to support, has accusations of theft levelled against him, possibly left debt behind, and reported the mother of his child to SS doesn't sound like a good man.

And you label the ex nutty? Possibly only made so by him.

You be careful and ensure he does not wrack up debt in your name/against your home.

BooBooGlass Mon 03-Jan-11 22:57:11

always beware a man who calls his ex a loon. It says far more about him that it does her. And why did you move him in with you and your son so quickly? I bet he thinks he has it made.

HerBeatitude Mon 03-Jan-11 22:57:24

Sorry I mean how do you know that everything she says about him is lies

Ah come on he is feeding you bull abput how she was.."she only spends the money on cigarettes and gambling"???How the hell do you know that? Is her DD malnourished? Is the leccy/heat switched off?Does she have a roof over her head?clothes on her back? Yes??Then no she doesnt just spend her mnoney on cards and lottery tickets..

gordyslovesheep Mon 03-Jan-11 22:58:40

she has every right to tell you to keep out of it - it's nothing to do with you

he sounds delightful

HerBeatitude Mon 03-Jan-11 22:59:00

Why was he with a loon?

Why did he have a child with a loon?

Are you supporting him?

When you say "we buy her everything she needs when she is here", do you mean that you buy her everything she needs - that it comes out of your wages (because he hasn't got an income, has he)?

TarheelMama Mon 03-Jan-11 22:59:17

"He has not found a job that suited him for long enough to pay"

Did he move in quickly so that you could support him? Sorry but that line throws up big red flags.

You reported her to SS and then refuse to speak to her. I'm not surprised she's stopped communicating with you.

iloveyankees Mon 03-Jan-11 23:00:21

I feel it's a bit harsh you calling SS, my kids have always got a bruise or cut on them but it doesn't mean I hit them! my 4 yro daughter had a bump on her head and cut her lips open after she decided to slide head first down the stairs lol

I can't see how you can say she will only spend the money on gambling etc because who pays for feeding her, clothing, making sure she is warm etc. It certainly isn't your OH. I don't mean to sound harsh but the reason you gave for your OH not to get a job is BS. I would do any job if it going towards looking after my child

macdoodle Mon 03-Jan-11 23:00:51

You want to take her DD off her and play happy families, I'd be fucking furious at you and totally nasty as well, you and your "D"P deserve each other!

emmyloulou Mon 03-Jan-11 23:00:51

Who the fuck do you think you are?

You have known him 9 months and have already shacked him up with you and the kids.

How do you know what he says is all true and what she does is all false. You don't know him.

Now wonder she can't stand the sight of you both, you both sound utterly toxic, start by butting out of her dc's life.

And no ye dont have her best interests at heat..her best bet is to be with her mother not with a "man" who wont get up off his arse and get a job to support his kid bit would rather shack up with someone who he barely knows and get her to do his dirty work for him..

You should probably listen to her story there is probably a grain of truth in there..

StrawberryMouse Mon 03-Jan-11 23:02:30

Be careful! This little girl is not your daughter, she is dp and his ex's and you have obviously upset her with your actions. I think you need to back off, particularly as you have not even been with him that long and cannot possibly know what actually happened between them. Also, if your partner is unable to afford to pay maintenance, how is he going to afford to support said little girl if she were to come and live with you? Just a thought.

charliesmommy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:02:52

He dumped this girl when the child was about year old. Take a long hard look at what you have written, because he sounds like a right catch... hmm

weedle Mon 03-Jan-11 23:03:28

"He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay"

Seriously? How sad for him, I'm glad everyone who pays for their children loves their job and cant wait to get up in the morning to go to work!

"We have resorted to refusing to respond to any form of communication, unless it is through a solicitor, because of the abuse she gives us on picking up DD. (we do not have a solicitor at present due to financial constraints) and XGF solicitor has costed and closed the case"

"It has got to the point now where XGF will not speak, and we do not speak to her, but it is a strain. Obviously, there are day to day things we need to know, especially when DD comes to ours, and although we have asked XGF to respect our request not to make direct verbal contact, or telephone either of us, she simply refuses to do anything. I have written to XGF, and she is being churlish and childish to refuse to reply. (Another example of how she doesn't care for DD much at all."

Also you dont want her to speak to either of you yet you want her to communicate day to day things? So you're expecting a single mother with maintenance has to communicate through a solicitor when you've already said you can't afford one?

He sounds like a right waste of space and you don't sound much better. It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle for me, must be a wind up hmm

HerBeatitude Mon 03-Jan-11 23:03:48

Why did you tell her to communicate through a solicitor if you can't afford a solicitor?

This guy sounds like he's got it made - 2 women discharging his responsibilities to his child. And himm comfortably cock-lodging.

What actual evidence do you have of neglect?

And what actual evidence of himi being a good father and putting his child's needs first, do you have?

coldtits Mon 03-Jan-11 23:04:22

You should stop referring to her as DD. She's not your daughter, she's your partner's daughter.

Why don't you want her possessions to go back to her home with her?

And, isn't it funny how he only wanted his daughter to live with him AFTER he moved in with a suitably gullible helper to do all the donkey work? This couldn't REMOTELY be connected to child tax credits and his reluctance to get a job, oh no.hmm

And how come this child's mother is churlish in not replying to YOU, but your partner isn't to be considered churlish for refusing to reply to her, preferring you to do all the stressful things for him instead?

Take my advice - sit down with this woman ON YOUR OWN, and listen carefully to every word she has to say. She has less reason to lie to you than your partner does.

Also, for the benefit of the child protection workers on Mumsnet, please could you detail PRECISELY why you feel your partner's daughter is at risk in her home?

AnyFucker Mon 03-Jan-11 23:05:56


there are no words

if ever there was proof of the adage "there are two sides to every story" this is it....

this cannot be real

pink4ever Mon 03-Jan-11 23:06:05

Ladies this is clearly a wind-uphmm

overthehillmum Mon 03-Jan-11 23:06:36

He sounds like a real prize and I would wager in a year or two you will be empathising with his ex when you find yourself battling with his latest girlfriend who will believe every word he says.

Pantofino Mon 03-Jan-11 23:06:43

He can't find a job that suits him enough to pay child support, moved in with you immediately and his is ex is a loon! Fuck. I would run for the hills! This guy in an utter twunt. Honest. They ALWAYS, always are. Jeremy Kyle makes a good living off this sort of man.

Please don't make yourself a victim to all this crap. Get some self respect.

mrscynical Mon 03-Jan-11 23:06:50

He sounds like a total loser and you have rather stupidly become involved in dramatics that do not have anything to do with you.

Why write to her saying you only want correspondence via a solicitor and then moan that you cannot verbally talk to her as she does not respond?

You are being totally and utterly unreasonable and making a fool of yourself.

Sorry to be so blunt.

ivykaty44 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:07:12

my ex refuses to pay any money towards the upkeep of our dc

he is out of work and lives with his girl friend

they report me to social service and when they found everything was fine he reported me to my gp to say that my dc wasn't developing

now he refuses to have any conversation about the care of our dc and everything he wants to go through the solicitor - he may get legal aid but it is £150 a letter

doesn't really sound to good does it.........?

Hmm not really a good catch is he?

KangarooCaught Mon 03-Jan-11 23:07:39

This has got to be a MN spoof, no? It's got almost every stereotype going.

Why is an adult man making his partner answer the phone when he knows the person on the other end is going to abuse her? It sounds very immature to me.

OK, didn't have to read your OP far to set the alarm bells ringing -

"He also finds dealing with some situations difficult, (authority figures telling him what to do) but he's really trying to make good changes and we are working on these problems together."

"He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay"

And he calls his ex a loon and nothing you say about her confirms that.

I'd say "Run for the hills", but you sound so besotted with this bloke (I hesitate to call him a man) that you clearly wouldn't. The best to be hoped for is that you sit down and spend some time THINKING about the situation you are actually in.

troisgarcons Mon 03-Jan-11 23:08:31

A tell all phrase from your OP = He also finds dealing with some situations difficult, (authority figures telling him what to do) - translation of that: kicks off at any given opportunity, can't hold a job down because he's a mardy fecker that knows best

And you have this man in your house? with your child?

Good luck, you'll need it.

penguin73 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:09:11

If your DP can't afford to pay maintenance how will he afford the costs of her living with you?

curlymama Mon 03-Jan-11 23:09:56

The two of you are made for eachother.


pink4ever Mon 03-Jan-11 23:10:54

Wind up FFS!!!

Sassybeast Mon 03-Jan-11 23:11:11

Pink4ever - In a way I 'hope' it's a wind up but it's some sick fuck who's written it, if it is.

bubbleOseven Mon 03-Jan-11 23:11:57


have you ever heard the term "cock-lodger"?

And, really, she isn't spending all her money on "fags and bingo" is she? that's just a silly remark. Obviously the kid is fed and clothed and transported and educated and heated, and not by your boyfriend either.

I'd also be interested to know whether it's you paying for all her things when she comes to stay? Are you? or does your charming boyfriend do some undeclared work, so he doesn't have to pay maintenance?

troisgarcons Mon 03-Jan-11 23:12:33

FWIW - I know of a 'stepmother' who manipulated and wrenched a child from his mother to satisfy her own needs for a family, on the pretext of 'doing it for the DH'.

You sound suspiciously like that woman.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 03-Jan-11 23:13:03

If this is not a wind-up then Chloe, dump him.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 03-Jan-11 23:13:46

That way you not only get rid of a loon Ex, but also a loser man.

scottishmummy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:14:04

chloe,why are you shacked up with man who wont maintain his financial commitments to his child.that should speak volumes

and if it doesn't you wont hear the warning bells either

or read the writing on the wall

unfortunately he has probably bigged you up, made you feel princess.whilst he rips piss out of ex-partner. and you are so busy demonising his ex that you are caught up in his shite

scottishmummy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:19:36

you want her dd live with new twinkie and non-paying ex?

you are a stranger to that wee girl.some new bird shacked up with her dad. stop trying to break up wee girl and mum

what does your ds dad think of all this?new man and potentially more upheaval

picmaestress Mon 03-Jan-11 23:21:16

'Her abuse is mainly to tell me to keep out of it.' You are a total joker.

Have you tried looking at the situation from her point of view? Maybe he IS a thief, liar and a cheat. He pays her no maintenance, and he reported her to SS (woah!), he wants full custody but isn't willing to get a job to fund legal advice, he's got a current girlfriend who is getting thoroughly involved which in my opinion is totally inappropriate, and who writes her personal letters (what? seriously?). Then who insists on no verbal contact, and who judges her to be a 'bad mother'.

This being annoyed with her because she's taking your written word to the letter, but you insisting on no direct verbal contact: There's a whole bunch of madness right there. How the hell is she supposed to contact you about any issues?

You aren't her mother - you can't just decide you're somehow owed custody.

I think you need to take a step back and see what you're doing in this situation. I'm really shocked you can't see that you're half of the problem. Jeez, that poor little girl. Charming bunch she has to look after her.

Oh, lay your bets on a disappearing OP now...

Janos Mon 03-Jan-11 23:22:17

pink, I hope it is a windup.

However, you would be surprised how many seemingly intelligent women are so desperate for a man that they will a) believe any old shite (can't find a suitable job, ex is unreasonable nutter..aye right hmm) and b) facilitate his awful behaviour. I speak from (unfortunate) experience.

midori1999 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:22:26

I have to admit, I do think new partners/Step Mums get a hard time on here sometimes, but I think in this case it is totally deserved.

You answer his phone when he doesn't want to speak to her? Why doesn't he just grow up amd realise he has to speak to the mother of his child whether he likes it or not?

He hasn't found a job that suited him long enough to pay maintenance? WTF!!! Why do you find this acceptable. My exH has managed to pay maintenanxe throughout having lengthy time off from self employment (which he doesn't get paid for) during surgery on his neck/spine and while he is limited in how much he can work due to needing further surgery. Why? Becaue he is a decent father and has planned for all eventualities.

Unbelievable you reported the mother to SS for sme bruises and cuts. You could come and inspect any of my three sons right now and find them covered in bruises, no doubt my next door neighbours three too, because children DO get covered in bruises. You refused to believe SS when they found ni cause for concern?

Unfuckingbelievable. Poor ex and poor little girl. sad

Muira Mon 03-Jan-11 23:22:29

If I was your boyfriend's ex, I'd be utterly fucked off at you wading in, talking about the little girl as if she is yours: 'until she's safe with us'. You barely know this man, how do you know the full story? The child was barely a year old when you met your boyfriend, stop talking like you're the child's stepmother. Get off your over-excited high horse, stop trying to wade into someone else's parent-child relationship, and stop being as pathetic as to fight the corner of a man who can't be fucked getting a job in order to support his 2yr old child.

To be honest, moving a boyfriend (of a mere few months) in with your 7yr old DS is not good parenting.

gordyslovesheep Mon 03-Jan-11 23:22:53

given his track record if I was her I'd be tempted to report you to SS - allowing such a charming man access to your kids after such a short time together

Shimmerysilverglitterybaubles Mon 03-Jan-11 23:23:17

Wind up and not actually a very good one.

Vallhala Mon 03-Jan-11 23:24:31

What the fuck is this "we" business?

This should not be a joint matter - it is your DPs responsibility to care for his child - and yes, that includes getting a job and paying for her food and bills too. Brushing it off by saying that the CSA are now dealing with it is ridiculous - their involvement shouldn't be necessary and besides they can't do much for the child if he has no income, can they?

"We will not feel DD is safe and properly cared for until she is living with us." hmm

You're trying to take a child away from her mother. You're not exactly discouraging the father from not paying his dues and you're interfering. No wonder the poor mother is pissed off with you.

And if I were you I wouldn't be too quick to write off her claims about his debts and problems either. Think about it. He doesn't have a job, he doesn;t even care for his own child's financial welfare...

Sorry, I think you're very deluded.

HerBeatitude Mon 03-Jan-11 23:24:36

Chloe, where is your DS's father?

Imagine if he moved in with a woman who did everything you have done to your DP's XP, to you? How would you feel about it? How would you handle it?

earwicga Mon 03-Jan-11 23:24:51

In the remote possibility that this is for real, I hope the ex moves far far away from you and your cock lodger.

Muira Mon 03-Jan-11 23:24:58

gordy, I almost wrote that too - you are absolutely right.

PTA Mon 03-Jan-11 23:25:13

If I remember correctly, the exGF posted her side of the story last week.

If this is not a wind-up then you should be ashamed of yourself. (In fact if it is a wind-up, you should be even more ashamed wasting other people's time on this.)

From the little I remember you and the exGF should sit down and have a frank conversation and you need to listen to her before you get sucked in any further by this waste of space. Heaven forbid you have a child with him, he can't support his DD with exGF, what makes you think he would contribute anything other than sperm.

Lastly, imagine how you would feel if the father of your child took up with a woman who left she was a better mother to your DD than you are? Try and grow up and behave more responsibly towards your own child and that of your partner.

chloeloveshim Mon 03-Jan-11 23:25:20

pooka, I did not ask XGF what happened when DD sustained these injuries, because she is so verbally nasty. I saw them with my own eyes though. How much more evidence do I need?

SassyBeast, I cannot imagine ever conducting myself in the fashion with which XGF conducts herself. I also do not want anymore DC at this moment in time.

BooBooGlass, Partner moved in with me rather quickly, because aside from the fact that this is what we both wanted, Partner has no one, and doesn't get on very well at all with his family (apart from his nan) so had nowhere to go. It was a logical decision as well as a heartfelt one.

HerBeatitude, As my Partner says...She who doth protest too much.
XGF became increasingly loony after DD was born, Partner stayed with her because he was trying to make it work. I do support him when he is not working, and I have bought DD a few small things she needed, like hair accessories and knickers (XGF couldn't even be bothered to begin toilet training shock. Isn't this what couples do, support each other, for richer and poorer?

Wheresmejumper, DD may not appear to be malnourished, but she has a terrible diet. (I am a veggie) smile . XGF has run out of electric before, and used this as an excuse to squeeze a few pounds out of Partner. BTW, it didn't work because Partner didn't get paid from his job on that occasion.

Gordyslovesheep, I think you will find I am as close to DD's stepmother as it is possible to be without being married to my Partner. We are co habiting. smile

Emmyloulou, I happen to live with Partner 24/7, so I think I know him as well as I need to. He has never stolen from me.

StrawberryMouse, When DD comes to live with us, we will surely be entitled to claim extra tax credits if DP is not working, possibly even if he is. DP is quite happy to stay home, and is a good housekeeper. smile

Muira Mon 03-Jan-11 23:26:28

"I think you will find I am as close to DD's stepmother as it is possible to be without being married to my Partner. We are co habiting"

WTF?! Fuck off.

TheBlessedVirginReality Mon 03-Jan-11 23:28:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:29:42

chloe cant you see dysfunctional pattern here
estranged from ex
estranged from most family
unwilling to work
issues with authority
demonises ex
got you embroiled in his much so you cannot accept he may be wrong

the common denominator is him

this is all v bad and bodes badily for you

chloe the only advice I can think of is
Never talk badly about the little girl's mother is there is even the faintest of faint possibilities that she could overhear.
Be a friend to the little girl and concentrate on making your home welcoming to her.
Get yourself out of the middle of this. Your DP really needs to be talking to his ex himself, having you involved is just complicating things.

Shimmerysilverglitterybaubles Mon 03-Jan-11 23:30:48

OMG! If thus is not a wind up then YOU are the most gullible person ever! This man ticks every single box on the "Signs you are dating a Loser" list and you tick a fair few yourself OP. It can't possibly be true it just can't <<prays>> .

HerBeatitude Mon 03-Jan-11 23:31:08

"How much more evidence do I need?"

Well, quite a lot, actually. All normal children have bruises on them all the time - they run around and fall over a lot. Those who don't, are either disabled or obese because they spend too much time in front of the bloody playstation.

Chloe, you are supporting a cock-lodger. And you haven't answered any of my questions.

Muira Mon 03-Jan-11 23:31:25

If this is true, scottishmummy is spot on. If it's a wind up, please stop, it is really offensive to real step families/separated families.

"Partner has no one, and doesn't get on very well at all with his family"

"DP is quite happy to stay home"

Well, who would have guessed? hmm

"He has never stolen from me." I expect he hasn't needed to - yet. I'm sure you hand over everything, on a silver platter.

bubbleOseven Mon 03-Jan-11 23:31:53

Chloe, that child will not be coming to live with you. Her mother won't allow it and there's nothing you can do about it.

Thank God.

Did you honestly think that just because you wanted it, it would be so?

Muira Mon 03-Jan-11 23:31:55

I hope it's a wind up, though.

pooka Mon 03-Jan-11 23:32:06

Wind up.

Has to be.

Cos now she's started toilet training someone else's child. Is anticipating the ctc coming their way. And doesn't need any more evidence than a few bruises to be certain that the dd is being neglected.

Plus the bloke doesn't get on with any one and doesn't have any friends.

Load of bollocks.

midori1999 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:32:15

when she comes to live with you? What makes you think that will ever happen? SS seem to be on the mothers side. I don't think any court will think reporting to SS without first discussing with the child's mother what could quite easily be 'injuries' got by everyday activities such as going to the park.

As for not toilet training, she is two years old FFS, maybe her mother didn't think she was ready for toilet traoning yet, lots of children aren't and it's not your decision!

Do you really think it's OK that your DP doesn't pay his way for his little girl?

penguin73 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:32:19

Do you think there is maybe a reason why he has no-one (apart from the one person he met who is giving him a home, paying his bills, looking after him financially and fighting his battles for him?)

Have you actually met/talked to anyone else who knows him from before you met who can maybe validate his version of events? If you think you are in love with someone it is far too easy to only believe what you want to believe, try listening to somebody who may not be as blinded by him/knows him better than you.

bethelbeth Mon 03-Jan-11 23:32:28

No wonder she has run out of leccy before- Your 'houseproud' other half doesn't give them anything to live on!

Just because he has never stolen from you does not make him a good person.

I am not working my arse off to pay tax to fund idiots like you who want to nab somebody's daughter just so that you can get more tax credits and so that DP can tidy up all day.

The fact that even his family want nothing to do with him must hint at something surely.

Leave this woman and her DD alone, concentrate on your own.

mamatomany Mon 03-Jan-11 23:32:53

So when step mothers come on mumsnet wanting their own child to have some comfort in their own home they are told to fuck off and stop upsetting the poor step child's sensibilities by putting their own kid first and then when somebody does step up to the mark and thinks of the step child's welfare and acts on suspicions they are to fuck off too ?
Strange strange strange.

LisaD1 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:33:01

I think the EXGF is being pretty reasonable to you and you "D" P. I would like to think I too am a fairly reasonable person but I can tell you now if some new bint came along and tried to take over one of my DD's I would rip her fucking head off and play footy with it!

If this is not a wind up I truly feel very sorry for the EXGF's DD - that's right, she is the DD of your Partner and his EXGF, 9 months of shagging him does not make you her mother.

pink4ever Mon 03-Jan-11 23:33:22

OMG why is anyone still buying this shite.ITS A FUCKING WIND UP!!!(the clue was in all the santa smileys in last post0.

Ok now I see...a wind up(or if not your fucked-up)..never mind...

TheCrackFox Mon 03-Jan-11 23:35:29

you moved a man you barely know into you and your son's house and yet you criticize your DP's ex's mothering skills. hmm

scottishmummy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:35:44

are you evevn reading same post mama.she is trying to take a wee girl away from her mum,to come live a new life with feckless father.shes been on scene 9mth and demonises the ex and her parenting skills.made malicious allegations to ss

HerBeatitude Mon 03-Jan-11 23:35:48

I didn't toilet train my DS until he was 2 and a half years old.

He wasn't ready till then.

DD was 18 months.

Children develop at different rates.

Luckily, no-one reported me to SS.

What does "problems with authority" mean?

Does it mean he gets himself arrested regularly, or that he gets sacked from jobs because he's not socialised enough to follow instructions without resentment?

Either way, what sort of role model is he for your seven year old DS, Chloe?

emmyloulou Mon 03-Jan-11 23:35:52

This has got to be a wind up it's so cliche.

Stupid fucker who is hated by everyone, fools some stupid girl that's it's all them and he is mizunderoods innit.

Then stupid girl knows him like forver and ever whilst spending 24/7 on benefits innit.

Trying to be a smug married, chav, benefit, maintenance doging, red flagging, loony control freak.

In before the ex comes on. Are you the one who did this with the BIL shagging threads too? Where the SIL, then DW made another thread about ohhhhhhhh 2 weeks later........

bubbleOseven Mon 03-Jan-11 23:35:57

Do you know what, i'm more offended that this is a wind-up than had it been true?

What a horrible thing to lie about

midori1999 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:36:17

Sorry, but I can't stop giggling at 'cock lodger', but how true...

Guess what Chloe? You sound exactly like my Mum, who has a string of loser boyfriends. She wouldn't listen to anyone that they were useless/would steal from her/were wasters/were lying about their exes etc. It ALL turned out to be true in the end, it took ten years for the last one to show his true colours, although they were apparent before then, my Mum was blind to it. She only realised what he was really like when she had to go for the AIDS test...

Janos Mon 03-Jan-11 23:36:39

Hmmm, I wonder what the outcome of the SS investigation was? Oh no, child with bruises, must be an abuse case hmm.

Whether it's a wind up or not, awful thread.

Women like OP do exist though - sad state of affairs all round, especially for the children caught in the middle of all this immature point scoring.

Vallhala Mon 03-Jan-11 23:37:15

"Partner has no one, and doesn't get on very well at all with his family (apart from his nan) so had nowhere to go."

Shhhh. Can you hear that noise?

Thy're alarm bells dearie.

"XGF has run out of electric before,"

I'm not surprised! The lazy fucker who is the father to her child is leaving her to support that child unaided.

"XGF became increasingly loony after DD was born, Partner stayed with her because he was trying to make it work"


Been there, got the T shirt. My ex tried this, whilst he refused to pay maintainance for our toddler and baby and whilst his girlfriend suggested that they take my babes away from me. He forgot to tell her about his 3 criminal records for domestic violence. And he forgot to mention his debts.

You're unbelievable. You're now trying to justify your wish to take another woman's child.

I really, really hope that the ex and that poor child move far away and don't leave a forwarding address. He doesn't deserve the child and she has a mother already, she doesn't need another.

You have a son... I wonder if you would have become so involved if your DPs child was a boy...

mamatomany Mon 03-Jan-11 23:39:15

Yes but we know she won't take the child from it's mum don't we it just won't happen, but how many times do we read on mumsnet if you've nothing to hide from SS you've nothing to fear hmm
The DP does sound like a twat, the mother doesn't sound like she'll win any awards either though and the main concern from the crowd is why the man hasn't got his wallet out.

Shimmerysilverglitterybaubles Mon 03-Jan-11 23:39:40

Do we know who actually coined the term "cock lodger"? Was it some one on here?

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 03-Jan-11 23:39:55

Oh Chloe Chloe Chloe. He really has done a job on you hasn't he?

You are shacked up with a man who is unable to maintain an adult relationship with anyone, his Ex, his daughter, his family, you.

You are the latest in a very long line of people who he got to step in, take over his responsibilities and will shortly dump and vilify when you wake up.

The saddest thing is that you have allowed him to get involved with your DS. Your son is really going to hurt when (not if) this goes pear-shaped.sad

StrawberryMouse Mon 03-Jan-11 23:40:17

Oh, I see. Extra tax credits. Well, that's fine then! grin

snowmama Mon 03-Jan-11 23:40:47

Listen to these ladies here ..

You have a nasty sounding,lazy, financially incompetetant (sp?) cockloger who will fuck your and (most importantly) your son's life.

Stay away from other women's children because I can assure you they are not better off with you.

zookeeper Mon 03-Jan-11 23:41:12

You need to back off and he needs to start paying maintenance. I feel for her.

SyriaSplack Mon 03-Jan-11 23:41:24

Wind up. Got to be.

If it isn't - OP, you and your partner sound awful.

scottishmummy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:41:41

mama are you being obtuse.yes no maintenance is v measure of how responsible man is.and the new girlfriend seems to excuse his abhorrent behaviours and coludes with wanting to take her child

pooka Mon 03-Jan-11 23:41:45

Sorry mamatomany, it's late. I've read and reread your post a few times - are you saying that on the face of the op's posts she is NBU?

Because if the posts are not some weird twisted fabrication (and that's a long shot) I sure as hell can see nothing reasonable in

Enabling a bloke to be work shy and not to pay adequate maintenance for his child

Refusing to talk to exp apart from through a solicitor, then not hiring a solicitor hmm

Calling ss on the basis of some bruises and THEN reporting the exp to the gp when ss pbvously satisfied.

Taking over the toilet training of someone else's child, who has known the op for 9 months if that.

TheCrackFox Mon 03-Jan-11 23:42:14

Chloe - the reason none of his family like him is because they know him far, far, far better than you.

btbetty Mon 03-Jan-11 23:42:26

Surely this can't be real - if it is I feel very sad for the kids in this situation.

you seem to be reading a different thread. SS did not follow up the referral. The main concern from 'the crowd' is that this woman is overly involved in this child's relationship with her feckless father who refuses to support his daughter, and the fact that this woman wants to steal the child, basically, based on what seems to be fuck all. The mum is hostile (wouldn't you be?) smokes, shouts and hasn't toilet trained a 2 year old. hmm

bubbleOseven Mon 03-Jan-11 23:43:24

does your boyfriend smoke?


Whereabouts on the childs body were the bruises?

mamatomany Mon 03-Jan-11 23:43:59

No, I agree it's a wind up mostly likely but the reaction just makes me laugh, in comparison to what some other poor sods have put up with on AIBU.

Vallhala Mon 03-Jan-11 23:44:52

I don't think you need to know the cocklodger to dislike him, do you CrackFox? The OP's managed to convince me without my having the displeasure.

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 03-Jan-11 23:47:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chloeloveshim Mon 03-Jan-11 23:48:32

HerBeatitude, I can see with my own eyes how much DP adores DD. He is fantastic with her.
XGF can communicate through her own solicitor, Surely, she need only apply for funding? As for evidence of neglect, My DS does not get bruises or cuts anywhere near as frequently as DD. I have seen the shabby clothes and injuries myself. Surely it is neglect to be screaming at me infront of DD? Would you have that for your child?

coldtits, We do not want DD to return home with things we have bought, because A, we would probably never see them again, B, We bought them and C, Maybe if XGF has to supply these things, it will mean she spends something on her DD rather than on gambling and cigarettes. Let's face it, XGF gets money from tax credits specifically to provide for DD. We, on the other hand, do not. DD is at risk from never being watched by XGF, which is how she came to sustain injuries. She has had nappy rash, cuts inside her mouth, bruises on her back shock and a deep cut on her head. She is also left to go outside with no footwear on, as well as DP having seen photos XGF has on her phone of DD with a cigarette in her mouth. shock Just as well it wasn't lit, or we would have taken DD that day and not returned her.

Pantofino, I have a healthy level of self respect, and would not class myself as a victim. My XP was awful and abusive, he was verbally abusive so I think I know what to look for, DP is not verbally abusive to anyone, even XGF.

ScottishMummy, My DS has not had any contact with his father for a while, he is a bit of a loser, and in fact he doesn't pay any maintenance and I manage fine, but then I work. (My XP is a loser and it's not because he doesn't pay maintenance.)
Maintenance will be sorted by CSA. Besides, nutty XGF told DP (I was there) that she didn't report him to CSA to get any money to support DD, but instead to make sure he 'feels like a fugitive on the run for the next 16 years'. And that's normal behaviour?

scottishmummy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:48:50

ex-gf leave country is bit radical.she not done anything wrong.why should she suffer upheaval and new country

Janos Mon 03-Jan-11 23:49:26

I've changed my mind after reading your post mamatomany.

On second reading, he sounds like a super role model for a growing boy. I expect the reason he can't get a job is because no-one has recognised his extra special talents. No doubt he is a troubled and misunderstood rebel, who is sticking it to the MAN. I'm sure he's not at all a feckless, idle tosser who can't hold down an job.

So he doesn't support his DD? Well his exgirlfriend is clearly a loony, money grabbing witch. How dare she even raise the subject. Doesn't she realise money isn't important?

Also, OP is a caring, loving, nurturing earth mother and certainly isn't a gullible, interfering desperate-for-a-man saddo and will make a wonderful step-mummy.

StayFrosty Mon 03-Jan-11 23:50:24

And, isn't it funny how he only wanted his daughter to live with him AFTER he moved in with a suitably gullible helper to do all the donkey work


If this cocklodger was as single as he deserves to be, he would be dedicating all his spare time to pot noodles, playstation and bollock scratching i expect.

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 03-Jan-11 23:50:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Mon 03-Jan-11 23:51:44

chloe you have two men who dont pay maintenance in your life.can you see you may have a penchant for bad lads (for want of a better phrase)

why do you replicate mistakes?why chose another avoidant dad

mamatomany Mon 03-Jan-11 23:52:04

He may well be a feckless idol tosser but children aren't pay per view as again has been stated many many times on mumsnet.

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 03-Jan-11 23:53:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamatomany Mon 03-Jan-11 23:54:34

I agree but the law doesn't work that way does it as we all know.

Vallhala Mon 03-Jan-11 23:54:55

"We do not want DD to return home with things we have bought, because A, we would probably never see them again, B, We bought them"

So, your care for the child stops there then, does it?

"we would have taken DD that day and not returned her."

It's that "we" again. When will you get it into your head that there is no "we"? that you have neither rights over nor claim to that child? That you are not her mother?

You sound like a very naive, single-minded individual to me.

TheCrackFox Mon 03-Jan-11 23:55:01

My children have all had nappy rash, bruises, cuts, and one went to A and E after falling off a chair and nearly losing an eye. This proves nothing other than children have accidents.

Chloe - does your "DP" (frankly you don't know him long enough, call me old fashioned) have any friends?

Does he smoke?

What sort of job is he after? Why are his own needs more important than getting any job and providing for his child?

You have already admitted you have a bad track record regarding relationships so why haven't you learned from your previous mistakes? Moving a man in, that you hardly know, is fucking stupid.

HaveAHappyNewJung Mon 03-Jan-11 23:56:32

Wow what a thread. And what a mess. If it's real that is hmm

perfectstorm Mon 03-Jan-11 23:57:56

I'm not. There are too many living, breathing kids in families like this. Far prefer a windup, myself.

I have never, ever called troll on MN in several years of membership. I hate it when people do that on threads that have a scrap of potential to be real. But c'mon, this is too carefully constructed as a pastiche to be anything but. People this self-deceptive exist, but they don't carefully expose it quite so blatantly obviously from the very start.

Aims80 Mon 03-Jan-11 23:57:58

Isn't this a plotline from shameless? I call b*llsh*t. Nobody could be this stupid.

Janos Mon 03-Jan-11 23:58:10

mtm - are you reading the same thread as everybody else?

If this is not a wind up then him not paying maintenance is the least of his faults, really. And that's saying something.

TheCrackFox Mon 03-Jan-11 23:59:25

Chloe - do the world a favour and make sure you are using contraceptives as you do not want to have children with this jerk.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 04-Jan-11 00:02:57

Chloe, you got out of one abusive relationship and yet you were so quick to move this man in. He's not your Ex (I'm sure he plays this card often), but he is abusing you financially (you pay, he stays) and emotionally (he has dragged you into the game that he is playing with his ex by getting you to communicate with her in any way). He is also using his daughter to facilitate his using of you.

If his EX is such a loon and he is such a devoted dad, why didn't he take his DD with him when he went?

Even if his Ex is a loony, his family know him sooo much better than you and they have distanced themselves from him. He is a loser and he is using you, your son and his daughter. He'll be off when a better prospect comes along and you will be the Ex from hell.

chipmonkey Tue 04-Jan-11 00:04:35

chloe, please read back your OP and pretend it was written by someone else. You are being taken in by this guy, hook, line and sinker.

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte Tue 04-Jan-11 00:07:48

I'm hoping this thread is a wind up because it's just sooo fucking nasty.

I'm a step-mum (3 yrs long enough to be called that) and it's threads like this that really upset me because people always seem to think badly of the step parent in any case.

If it's true op then you need to wake up and smell the coffee. The child is NOT your's. She is not a possession that can be just passed around and you 'd' p's ex has every tight to be fucking angry with you because you sound like a right spiteful cow.

If it's a wind-up then grow up and fuck off.

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte Tue 04-Jan-11 00:09:01

every right

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 00:09:06

< starts countdown to when this lovely "DP" comes on to thread to call us all evil, frigid bitches >

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:12:43

chloe dp will show up when he finds bajo and comfy chair on the porch and a fag

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 00:17:49

Anyfucker, you say that like we aren't. grin

Janos Tue 04-Jan-11 00:18:57

That's very cynical.

I expect he's out down the pub fundraising for homeless orphans. That'll be why he's not able to find a job.

mamas12 Tue 04-Jan-11 00:19:26


Isn't his the one where the poor mother has been asked to supply everything in writing re: contact?

Are you Op trying to be devils advocate here by trying to present 'the other side' or if you are the other side I pity you, you sound like lunatics.

Ah, now then, you see I saw this thread before anyone had posted a reply....

I forgot to post.

So here it is:


perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 00:21:29

No, no, he'll be out down the pub chatting up some sixteen year old fundraising for homeless tubercular orphan amputees.

Haven't seen the other thread - can anyone put a link to it?

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 00:22:36

And LittleMiss, I see your biscuit and raise you a bear.

Janos Tue 04-Jan-11 00:24:24

It's no wonder he can't get a job perfectstorm. Too tired from all his secret night time charity work for disadvantaged orphans.

My god, don't people care anymore??!!! I could, literally, WEEP.


AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 00:25:34

perectstorm, I know that I am an evil, frigid bitch, but I don't like to make assumptions about everyone else... grin

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 00:29:10

Lets just say if this is even true, if some stupid idiotic bint came in to my dcs life after only knowing said dcs father for nine months and then started to toilet train, interfere, or even try to get involved/take over in any way shape or form. I would do a lot more than tell you to jog on. Seriously who the fuck do you think you are? the Mary Poppins for the useless fuckwit you have shacked up with. The 'man' needs to grow a pair tell you to wind your neck in with the delusions of taking the child away from her mother. He needs to get a job and pay for his child. As for reporting the alleged 'neglect/abuse' to SS WTF?! You my dear need to take a step back remove your head from the fathers rectum and grow the fuck up.

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:30:06

chloe what dp do when you at work? internet?doss about

does he do domestic chores?shop ,cook,etc.if at home all day doing fuck all day he should do. does he collect your ds from school for you?

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:30:37

penguin73, I have spoken briefly to his family and they also told me XGF was a loon. It is XGF's fault DP has no friends from before he met me, because she has lied to them and told them DP stole money from them. DP gets on well with my family and friends. smile

Mamatomany, Thank you, I want what's best for DD.

HerBeatitude, You even agree in your post that girls are quicker to toilet train than boys. Problems with authority means DP is a skilled tradesman and likes to do a job well, his employers want to cut costs at the risk of a good job being done, DP disagrees, and usually resigns. He was once called a liar by his employer over a misunderstanding!!! Would you tolerate that kind of abuse? I think not!

Emmyloulou, I am not on benefits, I work. You are confusing me with XGF. She is the chav I'm afraid.

Thecrackfox, I doubt his family know him better than I do, He rarely spends any time with them, and hasn't done for the last 15 years.

Bubble0Seven, DP does smoke, down the end of the garden though, not right outside the backdoor as XGF does. The bruises were on DD's legs, bottom and back. shock

Janos, Your post came across as in jest, I hope you didn't mean it that way, because I would like to thankyou.

StayFrosty, DP has always wanted DD to live with him, since XGF and DP broke up.

DionetheDiabolist, I was single for a number of years before DP came along. He did take DD, but XGF took him to court and DP was made to return her, if only for the reason that he didn't have a stable home for her at that time. Obviously his circs have changed now.

And No, this thread is not a wind up, I'm astonished some of you think it is.

Thanks again to Mamatomany, I agree, DD is not pay per view, neither is DS or any child.

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:32:01

does he do chores,cook,etc whilst you work?

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 00:32:54

put your DP on, chloe

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:33:37

hang abbot af let him shave his knuckles 1st

emmyloulou Tue 04-Jan-11 00:34:48

There was another thread of a thread like this recenty where, the op had an affair with the BIL........Then 2 weeks later after the original thread had been pulled along came the DH who thought his DW and BIL were too close.

Remarkably similar. Typing style and whole victim, shitiness, type innocence, too many coincidences between the 2 threads.

So people link them as they are meant too and it all kicks off, troll successful. One part makes a thread then up pops the other about 2 weeks later and people start linking threads they have seen. BINGO.

Oh and when I suggested it was a thread about a thread, last time this happened quite recently, I was all evil, but seen as others have already done it, I'll pop that in here.

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 00:34:52

Thank you, I want what's best for DD.

SHEIS NOT YOUR DD! If he can afford to smoke he can afford child support.

Janos Tue 04-Jan-11 00:35:45

What, only the one post Chloe ? No need to thank me. It's clear that your DP is a prince among men. We should all be so lucky, etc

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:36:12

ScottishMummy, When DP is not at work, he cleans the house, cooks, shops, does all of the gardening, DIY, in fact anything which needs doing, and he does it remarkably well.

Yes he does use the internet, after all, he needs to find work and he does actually enjoy work, contrary to what some people on here may think.

It doesn't take all day to clean a house, he's well trained, and so yes, he has been known to watch television or use the internet. It is his home too!!

He is definitely not a waster. He's just had some bad luck. He has had 5 jobs in 9 months, not hundreds!!

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 00:36:38

"HerBeatitude, You even agree in your post that girls are quicker to toilet train than boys"

Er, no I don't. I said that my DD was ready earlier than her brother. I don't extrapolate on a sample of 2, that therefore every girl in the world is ready before every boy in the world.

And LOL at the girlfriend on benefits being a chav - and your unemployed cock-lodger boyfriend isn't?

And ROFL at him being a smoker but doing it further down the garden than she does, therefore being a much better parent.

You are the loon here, not the x.

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 00:36:44

"Mamatomany, Thank you, I want what's best for DD.... Thanks again to Mamatomany, I agree, DD is not pay per view, neither is DS or any child."

Erm... aren;t you forgetting something? Don't you mean DP's DD? You're speaking of your boyfriend's child as if she were your own.

She isn't. She already has a mother. One who... shock horror, smokes outside the back door of her own home.

FFS, you really are delusional, aren't you?

spidookly Tue 04-Jan-11 00:37:37

Definitely a wind up, for the reasons perfect gave.

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:37:58

does he talk to lassies on line?5 job in

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:38:22

Janos, Since you are being reasonable, I would like to say I wish every woman could be with a man like my DP. He has been so good for me.

nixnjj Tue 04-Jan-11 00:38:56

Did he manage to pay any maintenance during his periods of work?

SyriaSplack Tue 04-Jan-11 00:39:36

<It is XGF's fault DP has no friends from before he met me, because she has lied to them and told them DP stole money from them.>

Well, if someone said to me "X has stolen money from you" I'd go "Funny, I don't seem to have any money missing"....

So I'm assuming that these friendS (note the plural) ALL did actually have money go missing?

Bit fishy, don't you think?

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 00:39:50

Why do you unthinkingly believe everything he says?

You do realise you are coming across as a Jeremy Kyle participant, don't you?

I really really hope this is a wind up. It is a highly entertaining one if so, I'm beginning to see the attraction of JK...

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:40:11

chloe you are tenacious in defence of the fuckwit

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 00:40:42

LOL at wishing every woman could be with a man like your DP Chloe.

How could you be so cruel? grin

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:41:51

aye bet he has plenty lady lovin to give mn

Janos Tue 04-Jan-11 00:42:12

What can I say Chloe. You sound like loves young dream. Its like Mills and Boon, only more perfect.

bethelbeth Tue 04-Jan-11 00:42:43

I love how the OP is convinced that she was in the right...

You save up your benefits luv and take this one to court. You're clearly onto a winner hmm

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 00:42:53

Good point, SyriaSplack. My ex told all manner of lies about me shortly after we'd split. My friends looked him up and down and told him he was talking bollocks (which he was).

How odd that your DP's friends didn't do the same to his ex, Chloe, but instead dropped him on the say so of an alleged loon.

Doesn't that tell you something?

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:43:23

Herbeatitude, My DP does not claim benefits, so yes, imo, he has the higher moral ground if you like. DP smokes down the end of the garden because we care about the impact it has on DS and DD to see an adult smoking. I do not wish my DS or DD to believe smoking is a desirable pastime to take up, and DP agrees with me.

scottishmummy, I do not pry into who he chats to online if anyone. He goes onto social networking sites, so I suppose he chats to people, yes, but I don't ask him if they are men or women. What is your point?

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:43:45

only us repressed ole prunes dont get enough hot man.we is all obviously hankering for man who cannot hold down a job and dodge financial responsibilities

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 00:44:24

Seriously wouldn't want a man like your DP anywhere near me. I have standards and useless fuckwit doesn't quite meet them.

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:44:40

my point is you pay internet he has wanger in hand all day.talkin to birdies

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:45:07

There was a thread on here a few months ago that was the complete opposite to this one. I specifically remember the op of that one saying that her exes gf sent letter to her on his behalf hmm

There were other details too but that bit I clearly remember.

<wanders off to complete other half of 2,000 word essay>

monstermissy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:45:09

'he has been so good for you' - is that what he tells you? Sounds like hes still grooming you so when you are completly under his spell (not long to go) he can turn into the twat he is.

If you want a little girl to dress up and play with her hair have your own, leave HIS alone. Its up to him to sort access.

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 00:45:54

<clutches stomach larfing>

So you are financially supporting this cock-lodger while the father of your child doesn't pay any maintenance? And you are planning to financially support his child too (after you've kidnapped her from her mother)?

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:46:41

nixnjj, DP has previously paid maintenance, but stopped a while ago after XGF began ressurecting tales about DP stealing from her.

Janos, More Jackie Collins than Mills and Boon. wink

roomonthebroom Tue 04-Jan-11 00:47:09

I think this is a wind up. Looking at it from a lingustic point of view the OP can spell and has a reasonably good vocabulary, but fails to spot Janos' use if sarcasm. OP has obviously been watching re-runs of Jeremy Kyle this evening.

RockChick1984 Tue 04-Jan-11 00:47:24

Chloe, how does he afford to smoke if he isn't working and isn't claiming benefits? I appreciate how tough it can be when you hold different values to your boss at work re the best way to do a job, but could he not do like most of us have to (myself included) and stay working there but start to job hunt again?

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:47:28

chloe what your family think of new man

nixnjj Tue 04-Jan-11 00:47:28

So he doesn't work or claim benefits, how on earth does this wonderful man manage to treat you so wonderfully that you are prepared to put your DS future at risk. I'm sure if the EGF called SS on you they would quickly realise your are mentally unfit enough to be a decent parent.

Bogeyface Tue 04-Jan-11 00:47:40

I do not wish my DS or DD to believe smoking is a desirable pastime to take up


Re: the OP and the rest of the thread..
biscuitbiscuitbiscuit biscuit biscuitbiscuitbiscuit biscuit biscuitbiscuitbiscuit biscuit biscuitbiscuitbiscuit biscuit

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 00:47:43

Again once more with feeling
You are the dads latest --gravy train-- shag piece.

Janos Tue 04-Jan-11 00:48:09

Love on the Dole...their eyes met over the tax credit form.

"My ex is mental" he breathed, smokily..

TBC ...

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:49:07

HerBeatitude, I'm not convinced it would cost very much more to look after 2 children than 1 tbh, and we would be entitled to extra tax credits and child benefit. Money is not the be all and end all to everything.

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:49:26

does he play banjo whilst you wear priddy dress
do you snog to taylor swift

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 00:49:27

Right. So he rarely pays maintainance and when he does he thinks it's acceptable to withdraw it when his ex says something which he doesn;t like, yes?

(Which, btb, may well be true).

You've got a real catch there haven't you dear?

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 00:49:47

Oh right, his excuse for being a deadbeat dad is that his ex displeased him.

Vile, vile, vile.

I don't know why living off another woman who should be spending her money on herself and her DS, is morally more of a high-ground than living off the state.

scottishmummy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:50:28

money isnt everything when you only wage earning mug

SyriaSplack Tue 04-Jan-11 00:52:10

<Love on the Dole...their eyes met over the tax credit form.

"My ex is mental" he breathed, smokily..>

"... she winced as the second hand nicotine bounced off her limpid eyeballs. Somehow... somehow... she just knew that here, at last, was a REAL man. A man who would struggle with authority..."

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:53:18

I must go to sleep soon, but I'll answer a few more posts first.

Rockchick1984, I am happy to buy DP some tobacco and papers if he has no money and he is grateful. He is not usually out of work for long, his main problem is actually being paid when he does work. I am in this for the long term, for richer, for poorer.

scottishmummy, My family and DP get along well. They see he has some problems but he needs help, not criticism.

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 00:54:46

"I'm not convinced it would cost very much more to look after 2 children than 1 tbh, and we would be entitled to extra tax credits and child benefit."

That's why you want the child isn't it? So that you can have tax credits and child benefit and you can then justify supporting a deadbeat cock-lodger, because he's bringing money into the house in the shape of CB and TC? Thus making up for the fact that he doesn't have a job. Because atm, even you recognise that you're on v. dodgy ground, working to supprt a deadbeat cocklodger. Once he's actually bringing money in, you can pretend he's not a cocklodger. Because you've given up on him getting a job, haven't you? You know he's a wastrel.

SyriaSplack Tue 04-Jan-11 00:56:33

Wastrel! Ooh, good word!

nixnjj Tue 04-Jan-11 00:56:50

Well he's obviously working cash in hand. If the EGF is claiming benefits then a CSA claim must be made as part of that claim, the only reason for it not to be processed is if there has been DV. OP are you still claiming as a SP too ?

MumGoneCrazy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:57:34

Why the fuck does it matter if she smokes? What's that got to do with it?

"XGF has run out of electric before, and used this as an excuse to squeeze a few pounds out of Partner. BTW, it didn't work because Partner didn't get paid from his job on that occasion."

Your DP is a poor pathetic excuse of a man. Asking the father of your child for a few quid to help his DD is not an excuse to squeeze a few pounds of someone.

Being a single parent even with tax credits is fucking hard I did it for 4 years and there were a few times in that 4years that my electric or gas ran out. Oh and I smoke perhaps I shouldn't be a mother, do you want my 4DC? I'm sure you could do a better of raising them then I ever could hmm

Boudoiricca Tue 04-Jan-11 00:58:36


I agree with all those shouting wind-up. But well played Chloe.

This is making me wee ...

"<Love on the Dole...their eyes met over the tax credit form.

"My ex is mental" he breathed, smokily..>"

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 00:59:08

A man that would fufill her wildest dreams.... since the labotomy she couldn't quite get there with --a man-- anymore...a mental block if you like, untill that day, that meeting, from that moment on she was hooked by Luke Chadwicks doppleganger.

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 00:59:17

Herbeatitude, As I have already said, DP is never out of work for long, so I fully expect him to gain employment very soon. We are only just emerging from the Christmas holidays, so he will begin looking. He loves working!!
I do not want DD just for the tax credits, what a vulgar thing to suggest!! I want what is best for DD. She loves coming to our house and is happy here. The extra money will come in handy though. Do you only claim for one child then? If you have more than one living with you? Surely that is madness!

freerangeeggs Tue 04-Jan-11 00:59:42

His employer has called him a liar

His XGF has called him a liar

He is estranged from his family

He is estranged from all his former friends

He is unemployed

He has a 'problem with authority'

He can't write his own letters or make his own phone calls

He doesn't pay maintenance for his daughter

He won't buy things for his daughter to take home with her

He called SS on his XGF...

It's lucky you love him, eh? He hasn't got much else going for him

You're a mug. And you need to stop referring to this child as your DD - whatever your personal opinions, these issues are none of your business.

I'm sure your DH's XGF has lots of flaws. This poor little girl doesn't stand much chance, does she, stuck in the middle of an unholy trifecta of lunatics

MumGoneCrazy Tue 04-Jan-11 00:59:49

off not of

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 00:59:51

I feel sorry for your DS. You appear to be spending a disproportionate amount of time on a waster who you've only known for a very short time but have moved ibto your son's home all th same, you're financing this pillock and you're working hard at stealing another woman's little girl. You can't have much time or many resources left for your own son.

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 01:00:27

hahahaha yes it is vulgar isn't it.


HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 01:01:24

Yes, how does your DS get on with him?

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 01:03:59

MumGoneCrazy, If you cannot afford to have power in your home, maybe you should consider quitting smoking. I'm not telling you what to do, it is just my thoughts on the matter. XGF gets benefits to support DD, How is smoking benefiting DD at all?

I have tried to help XGF in the past, when she asked DP for help to put some credit in her meter, by giving her a few tips on how to save electric. Obviously the situation wasn't as bad as it is now. sad

SantaClausImWorthIt Tue 04-Jan-11 01:04:06

I have been working since I was 15. I am now 51. I have had 5 jobs in that time.

SantaClausImWorthIt Tue 04-Jan-11 01:04:55

Although, to be fair, I should point out that I wasn't working full time (continuously) until I was 21.

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 01:05:43

Herbeatitude, My DS gets on fine with DP. I always put DS first!

SyriaSplack Tue 04-Jan-11 01:06:51

<I have tried to help XGF in the past, when she asked DP for help to put some credit in her meter, by giving her a few tips on how to save electric.>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, I've heard it all now! This is DEFINITELY a wind up! grin

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 01:07:16

"I have tried to help XGF in the past, when she asked DP for help to put some credit in her meter, by giving her a few tips on how to save electric. Obviously the situation wasn't as bad as it is now."

FFS I hope that this IS a wind-up now.

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 01:07:17

How about he gives HIS DDs MOTHER his ciggarette money for heating and you don't get involved with 'advice' on heating. Thank fook verbal diarrhea isn't contagious as the exgf would have to stock up on immodium everytime you opened your mouth.

Bogeyface Tue 04-Jan-11 01:07:19

I have tried to help XGF in the past, when she asked DP for help to put some credit in her meter, by giving her a few tips on how to save electric.

I just wee'd a little bit!

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 01:07:43

Snap, SyriaSplack!

earwicga Tue 04-Jan-11 01:08:08

Best thread ever grin

Well done Chloe - offensive but oh so funny.

I'm not up on my celebrities and what not - is there one called Chloe who has taken on a cocklodger recently?

picmaestress Tue 04-Jan-11 01:08:25

tips to save electricity! nice touch! ahahaha

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 01:08:31

SantaClaus, Your work is probably in a completely different area of expertise. DP is a skilled tradesman. The work can be sporadic.

FreeRangeEggs, A recent employer called DP a thief! Do you think I believe this? No action was ever taken by police or courts over it. No, I don't.

MumGoneCrazy Tue 04-Jan-11 01:08:38

If she's not working then she also gets income support, how do you know that her fag money doesn't come out of that? Smoking does not benefit the child but it's an addiction and not always easy to stop (I have tried on many occasions) Try telling your DP to quit smoking until he can fund it himself then see what he don't!!!

FFS It's 3 or 5 quid and you couldn't be bothered to help her with it cos you wanted to be a smug cow and see her suffer, you're just as bad as your DP!!

SyriaSplack Tue 04-Jan-11 01:08:45

I'm LOL'ing like billy-o here grin

OP, you spoil us grin

Bogeyface Tue 04-Jan-11 01:10:18

All these people calling him a thief and all of them are wrong?!

Oh please, NO ONE is that delusional, I refuse to believe it!

SantaClausImWorthIt Tue 04-Jan-11 01:10:26

Chloe. Clearly I have no skills nor expertise. Sadly, my only ability is to hold a job down. How stupid of me. Curse my reliability and trustworthiness.

earwicga Tue 04-Jan-11 01:10:36

Chloe Mafia?

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 01:11:21

Exactly where is the funny side in trying to help someone to reduce their energy consumption to affordable levels?

I'm off to bed now. I may look in tomorrow evening, I may not.

Bogeyface Tue 04-Jan-11 01:12:11

Ermm...if you are easily offended, I would say dont bother looking in!

SyriaSplack Tue 04-Jan-11 01:13:17

I get it now. Your DP isn't a lazy arsed useless dollop. He's just keen on reducing his energy consumption, which mostly consists of "Not Going To Work" grin

Oh please say you'll come back tomorrow!

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 01:13:38

You learned your consistancy skills from the boyfriend then, eh?

earwicga Tue 04-Jan-11 01:13:39

Please come back. The tears are rolling down my face.

Bogeyface Tue 04-Jan-11 01:14:58

Syria, he is reducing his carbon footprint!

His sofa arseprint is another matter.....

MumGoneCrazy Tue 04-Jan-11 01:15:20

I too am off to bed as I need to consume some electricity for tomorrow grin

Boudoiricca Tue 04-Jan-11 01:15:35

2-1 A well-loved MNer who has had a very satisying evening snorting into their wine glass.

50-1 An unusually intelligent and amusing (if offensive) parody by a hairy handed trucker who figured out how to hit all the MN buttons.

100-1 Supportive and caring stepmum trying so hard to do right by her poor misunderstood DP and her soon-to-be DD.

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 01:16:25

Funny! its hilarious funny doesn't do it justice.

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 01:17:02

"Curse my reliability and trustworthiness." grin

This is too funny.

Does the xgf also allow her DC's to have fruit shoots?

MumGoneCrazy Tue 04-Jan-11 01:17:39

I'll put a tenner on the 50-1

I hope I get it back I need it for leccy and fags grin

whethergirl Tue 04-Jan-11 01:37:04

I felt so guilty for laughing at Chloe's posts for what might be a real life tragic situation but now relieved as if she thinks Janos is dishing out compliments then it can't be real. Can it??

Chloe, maybe you could come over one time and give me some electricity saving tips whilst giving my dd a hair makeover, I think we could be such good friends and I promise NEVER to smoke or shout. I also have a STACK of letters that need replying to, but one thing at a time eh.

Mypombearisveryold Tue 04-Jan-11 02:09:20

Can I just say when you are slating the mother of your step child for smoking, that your dp does too.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

He is not any better than her.

Don't you dare give me any energy saving tips, by the way.

bethelbeth Tue 04-Jan-11 02:20:39

Can I have the XGF's details please? I'd like to pay her electricity bills in sympathy for having to put up with you and DP.
Maybe if she had the money to pay her bills she wouldn't be stressed out and have to beg Dp for money for HIS daughter. Whether he has a job or not. Waster.

onmyfeet Tue 04-Jan-11 02:21:36

Perhaps the ex isn't a perfect person, but I believe the things she is telling you.
His old friends would not believe lies told about him. Think about that. Why would a persons old friends, who know him well, believe lies from his ex? They wouldn't.

Shame your ds will be subjected to a break up, once you do see the truth.

ChippingIn Tue 04-Jan-11 03:03:26

You know what's still annoying me this far through the thread - that you call yourself his partner (after 9 whole months) but she is his ex girlfriend - the woman he has a child <shrug>

and just for the record, neither shagging a kids Dad for 9 months nor letting the cocklodger live with you makes you that little girls step mum. She is not your DD, she is not even your DSD - she is your boyfriends daughter.

This must be a wind up though - surely no-one is this fucking thick naive?

MummieHunnie Tue 04-Jan-11 03:17:31

I am sorry to report a university educated woman with a good job, has behaved in similar ways, and believed similar things who is now married to my exh. They did the same carry on in a smarter way, court documents later showed she came from a family of dysfunctional abusers, co dependants, alcholics, bankrupts etc, and her parents had done the whole court thing and judging mother as bad etc when she was a kid, her mother is now a social worker deciding who can and can't adopt... she grew up with no money and seems to think my kids don't deserve any either, it is scary the messed up people out to destroy other women they don't even know that are out there!

I am unsure if this op is real or not after my own experience, there are many fools out there educated and uneducated, and I was one of them, although I had no warnings from an exwife or kids when I met him in my early twenties ( I am no longer that same fool now).

saffy85 Tue 04-Jan-11 07:26:27

If this is real I feel really sorry for the "loony" ex-girlfriend. My DD has plenty of bruises on her body, none put there by me. I'd be heartbroken if anyone went round saying I had. sad

As for the rest of it, OP sounds like a thick, deluded bully.

TyraG Tue 04-Jan-11 07:52:12

I haven't read the whole thread because I got stuck on one point of the OPs post so if I repeat something that's been said, I apologise.

I used to work for Family Support in the states and have seen men (and women) take a job, we find them, then they quit the job before we could start garnishing wages. I'm sorry, but it's totally disgusting that your OH can't find a job "that suits", that's total bullshit. He helped bring a child into this world and he needs to help support that child. And saying that he doesn't want to give money to the mother because of what she spends it on is crap as well. This isn't about his relationship with his ex, this is about supporting his child. Quite frankly, any man/woman who refused to support their child is a piece of crap.

While we're at it, why is he living with you and your DS when he's not working? So you're supporting a child and your OH and he does nothing? Sounds like a piece of work to me.

GooseFatRoasties Tue 04-Jan-11 07:55:23

OP are you still not listening to what everyone is telling you? It's him that's the problem.Get out before you and your child are the next victims and leave his poor ex alone.

BootyMum Tue 04-Jan-11 08:04:31

OP - I think you need to stop concentrating on the "issues" of the XGF and to stop trying to save your partner and to actually start looking at your own motivations and problems.

You sound very controlling and unreasonable. Why are you involved in this sorry mess, is it a distraction from what is going on in your own life/history?

So many red flags in your OP, previous posters have mentioned these already.

TyraG Tue 04-Jan-11 08:11:51

Oh I forgot to mention, the XGF is right that you need to stay out of it. It's none of your business as it is not your child. It doesn't matter that you are with him (for some unknown reason) it's between him and her, so butt out!

twinkletweeter Tue 04-Jan-11 08:41:58

All ex's are "loons" even me hmm ....

monkeyflippers Tue 04-Jan-11 09:14:49

I read your origainal post and a few other things you've added and I just can't read anymore!

It's a perfect case of dodgy bloke, treats girlfriend and baby like crap, has serious issues (ex, family, working, authority), gets new girlfriend, moves in and ponces off of her, tells her ex is crazy, new girlfriend is a complete mug and believes the lot!

Seriously get your head out of the sand! Everything he has a problem with (and there's a lot) is apparently someone else's fault, not his.

It's such a cliche to slag off an ex like that and the new girlfriend believes the lot of it because she is so desperate not to be alone and thinks she can "save him" or some such crap.

If I were you I would think about everything she has told you about him and everything he has told you about her and think seriously about how you are sure which one of them is lying.

Also I noticed that you said his DD has shabby clothes . . . maybe that's because her really rubbish dad has never paid a penny towards her upkeep and she is living in poverty. Sure the mum get child benefit etc but since when has that been enough to support a little family on?!

You are making excuse after excuse for your partner because you WANT him to be right for you. WANTING someone to be right doesn't make them right. Accept what is staring you in the face, take your head out of the sand and get some common sense.

Also just like to add. Moving a new bloke in with your DS7, a bloke you had only known for 8 weeks, was incredibly stupid and irresponsible! I honestly am flabbergasted at that. What is wrong with you? You say she is a bad mum, well I don't know about that but I can say that YOU definately are!

coldtits Tue 04-Jan-11 09:23:38

How doesw buying tobacco and papers for your jobless partner benefit your son?

FabbyChic Tue 04-Jan-11 09:31:53

Funniest thread have read for a long time.

Nearly had an accident at cocklodger! ha ha ha ha

If it is for real then the OP is deluded.

I smoke and I don't smoke outside either, I have two kids does she want those? Oh stop it, mine are 22 and 17!

I've had to claim benefits because I've been sick for five years, even though I worked for 25 solid before that 12 hour days, am I now a chav?



monkeyflippers Tue 04-Jan-11 09:33:42

Sounds to me like the OP really is just a bit dim. I don't think this is a joke at all, she completely means all of it. SHE IS ACTUALLY THIS STUPID!

christmasrocks Tue 04-Jan-11 09:41:29

FGS you are not the mother, she is, how nasty to report her to social services. You`ve been with this man for nine months and you think you have some right for the pair of you to have full custody of her child!!!????!! Any idea of the damage you are doing to that child??? angry

shongololo Tue 04-Jan-11 09:45:10

The OP, if she is indeed real and not a figment of some idiot's imagination, doesn't actually want any advice. Her mind is made up and she just wants MNs to agree with her. Hence the "yes but....yes but...yes but" answers.

ANy woman who haa come out of an abusive relationship only to hook up with another loser has her own problems, and clearly needs to sort out her own head.

OP, only when you have figured out what the heck is wrong with you that you crave love so badly that you are prepared to put up with a man who scrounges and expects you to sort out his life, (and I think that there are other problems also, no? the really trying to make good changes and we are working on these problems together rather implies that there is more going on at home, and all is NOT rosy in the garden) - ONLY THEN should you even consider whether you and your partner are the best possible people to be taking care of this child.

You should also consider the effect on your child.

mjinsparklystockings Tue 04-Jan-11 10:04:12

Message withdrawn

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 10:25:18

I think my favourite line was the "insecure" (but all his ex's fault) one. I think that translates into he's a controlling jealous twunt, but only because he wuvs her sooooooo much.

Its not real, I can't see how it could be. The OP carefully spelled out all his faults in glorious technicolour, and those are usually dragged out of posters over intensive questioning. She volunteers his issues and financial slackness before she gets into anything the ex-g has "done" and people in denial usually only trot out the excuses for uselessness after having said uselessness prised out of them, because they try not to think about those aspects. It reads like a satirical short story, with the unreliability of the narrator shown so plainly, so early on.

HerBeatitude Tue 04-Jan-11 10:40:08

Excdellent literary analysis PS. grin

This is so not real. Even if the OP existed, surely she'd be on Netmums rather than here?

Anniegetyourgun Tue 04-Jan-11 10:42:29

It's not real because she posted in AIBU, where she knew the audience would draw blood. Anyone genuinely deluded would be more likely to head for Relationships.

GreenButton Tue 04-Jan-11 10:44:21

Oi Op - he's a cocklodger - time to get rid!

FabbyChic Tue 04-Jan-11 10:47:59

On looking at the title should it not read, Im the nasty new girlfriend, if in deed it is true and not la la land stuff.

trice Tue 04-Jan-11 11:14:02

very funny thread. Thanks Chloe

Babyramone Tue 04-Jan-11 11:26:04

read this and was horridied at the behaviour of "Chloe" then found this in Lone Parents..WWYD? WRT XP and his girlfriend?


TandB Tue 04-Jan-11 11:26:35

This is clearly not real. The OP is doing the classic troll thing of ignoring all the accusations of this being a wind-up. If you are real, and you are accused of trolling, you get cross and defend yourself.

I hope this isn't upsetting whoever it was who posted about a genuine situation.

sungirltan Tue 04-Jan-11 12:09:39

oh dear. what a thread!

if this is a wind up - nice work! please can someone link to the exgf thread?? pleeeaaase!!!

anyway if its not, chloeloveshim (and don't you just!) i think you need to research custody issues/the children act 1989 and so on. you and dp arn't going to get that child! the only circs under which you might are if the child is removed from exgf by ss and even then you and dp will be assessed first as to whether this would be a suitable arrangement for her. if dp has issues undisclosed to you she may end up in foster care. meanwhile if the abuse/neglect claims are unsubstantiated then a reasonable access arrangement is all you will be entitled to and in tis case the MOST the pair of you are entitled to. if exgf is assessed by ss as needing intervention then she will be supported by professionals to improve her parenting - this is a long way from having dd taken away from her. i assume since you haven't mentioned any more about it that the 'full investigation' didn't throw up any glaring issues.

even more meanwhile, is dp on the birth cert? i'll laugh if he isn't! but anyway i think this osunds like a civil matter regarding access in which case he needs to get a job and a solicitor OR better still begin to build bridges with exgf and make an out of court access arrangement (which you already have i think?)

lastly, if you think you are doing the best thing for dd then really think about what that is. the best you can acheive is to have a regular, upheld access plan that runs like clockwork so dd knows exactly whats what, and a civil, friendly relationship between exgf and dp. its not all about you pair and whether she is doing your head in. if you think dp and you have the moral highground then act like it!

Babyramone Tue 04-Jan-11 12:17:27

Rubbish at links but this looks like it might be it.

Lone Parents..WWYD? WRT XP and his girlfriend?

sungirltan Tue 04-Jan-11 12:17:47

thank you!

sungirltan Tue 04-Jan-11 12:20:56

here is the other thread - it is the exgf by the looks of it!

grumpywitch Tue 04-Jan-11 12:48:20

This is all very sad. I truly am appalled by you and your `partner`.
My youngest, is three and isn`t potty trained yet, as isn not ready, believe me have tried. My kids, being small children are always covered in bruises.
You have been taken in, hook line and sinker by this leech. No court in the land would give a dosser with no inclination to face up to his adult responsibilities and his latest gullible bit custody of that poor child. She por ex is probably doing her best on what she has, to provide for her child. You have no right to interfere, neither does the poor childs sperm donor, as he cannot be arsed to provide for her.
I do hope, for your, YOUR childs, and the poor other childs sake, you get a grip, wake up, and get out before, before your lives are ruined.

grumpywitch Tue 04-Jan-11 12:49:25

Should read, the poor ex, you need an edit button on mn!!

Muira Tue 04-Jan-11 12:52:37

BLOODY WELL STOP CALLING THE CHILD DD! And Valhalla is correct, there is no 'we'.


K12Mom Tue 04-Jan-11 13:00:26

Ugghh, what a vile person you are. I sincerely hope that your DP leaves you at the first available opportunity so that you can get out of this poor child's life.

You're sick.

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 13:03:37

Sadly, whether this is real or not, people like this bloody OP do exist. Save for the fact that my own ex was working but he and his new girlfriend were denying that he had a (self-employed) income and thus he paid no maintainance and that I had two DDs, this could have been written by my ex's GF. The suggestion that she and he took on my child, the accusations that I was a lunatic, the denial of his criminal/antisocial/unacceptable behaviour, the allegations that I'd made it all up out of spite, the dropping of him by his friends (because they knew which of us was telling the truth), the GF taking charge, telling me what I should be doing... reading this is like living my life all over again, to my distress.

K12Mom Tue 04-Jan-11 13:16:48

Sorry to hear that Valhalla. I think in this case, the OP quite liked the idea of having a daughter, so thought she'd pinch somebody else's.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 13:21:15

Yep, people like this do really exist

They can be found on the Jeremy Kyle show every morning...

grumpywitch Tue 04-Jan-11 13:26:05


Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 13:26:58

K12, i thought that too... IF it's real. Hence my pondering whether she'd be so involved if her child wasn't a boy.

Funnily enough, my ex's GF only had boys too. I reckon she liked the idea of having a girl, hence she suggested to ex-H that she took my two.

Must admit, I nearly hit the bloody roof when he told me that "Julie says I should go for custody and we should have the girls... " - he went from violent bastard with attitude problem to shocked at my fury bastard in a nano-second!

JennyRobyn Tue 04-Jan-11 13:34:15

Not very often am i lost for words but am astounded by the OP's attitude....Thats of course if it's for real.

I'm thinking it is a wind up, as op seems to have her fingers in her ears. And she keeps ploughing on regardless....pretty shitty thing to do if it is.

Mind you still a really shitty thing to do if it is real. And Sadly as vahalla says this does happen, probably a lot more than any of us realise.

Either way OP i think you are a bit unhinged, and thats putting it mildly.

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 13:34:56

Oh... and I did have to laugh when I called him about the fact that the children needed winter coats and he wasn't contributing a penny, along with the fact that he'd consistantly refused to phone, write to or visit the girls. It was the start of the new year and so I added how heartbreakingly sad it was that yet again he had failed to even send them so much as a Christmas card or a tupenny sweet between them.

Julie took the phone from him hmm and told me that the girls (aged about 9 and 10 at the time, though this had been going on since they were a babe and a toddler) should be sending him Father's Day cards "and then he might want more to do with them"! shock angry

She probably still doesn't understand why i told her to fuck off and put the phone down.

K12Mom Tue 04-Jan-11 13:35:55

That's horrible, Vallhala. What happened in the end, if you don't mind me asking?

By the way, I do think this thread is real. Here is the other thread referred to below, apparently started by the ex: -XP-and-his-girlfriend.

jessiealbright Tue 04-Jan-11 13:39:16

I love the little "XGF became increasingly loony after DD was born" snippet.

The ex- partner tried to get the wastrel to shape up and take some responsibility for their child, perhaps?

JennyRobyn Tue 04-Jan-11 13:42:46

Thats truly awful Vahalla Hope your DD's weren't affected to badly by thier behaviour.

K12 I read the other thread and am not sure if The OP has read that and made this one up or she is in fact the current girlfriend of the Ex. So gonna sit on the fence for now

saffy85 Tue 04-Jan-11 13:51:28

I love the little "XGF became increasingly loony after DD was born" snippet.

Yeah me too. Even if the ex did go "looney" who can blame her? Think most sane people would lose the plot if they had to put up with this shit.

I actually think this is real, up to a point after reading the other thread. Even if it was only started to upset/invoke the fury of the OP of the other thread.

RealityIsShaggingWithIntent Tue 04-Jan-11 13:56:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealityIsShaggingWithIntent Tue 04-Jan-11 13:58:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jessiealbright Tue 04-Jan-11 14:04:01

I certainly would go berserk. I can't imagine coping with a baby, recovering from birth, and living with such a pathetic loser.


I was actually wondering if this could be the linked poster's ex's new gf, but didn't know how to find the thread!

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 14:06:02

The truth, K12?

The girls are now 15 and very nearly 14. Ex-H is still a complete shit and his GF no better. Ex took to visiting us once a month, for about an hour, about a couple of years ago, to offer far less than the CSA would require and far less than 99% of you would give your teenagers in pocket money, in order to get the CSA off his back. He would enquire after my life, boast of his own, his holidays, his new leather suite, where he had taken GFs DS, his new computer and so on and leave.

The past 6 months have been hell for the DDs and I, with DD2, who is a challenging, suspected SEN child, off of school so with me all day every day (long story, involving bullying). I've fought legal battles, had serious meetings to which he has been invited (he lives 5 miles away, has a car), written long reports and cc'd him in to get no response, not even feedback from him, asked him to attend meetings only to be told he'll think about it and then heard no more and had a pal come all the way up from London to support me because the girl's own father wouldn't.

Then he turned up last month for an hour, sat drinking tea, asking "have they done anything about a school for DD2?" and remarking that the only activity offered in this village for a child of her age, which she takes part in and very much enjoys, was inappropriate in his opinion.

So, I very quietly, very calmly let rip. No, "they" (the LA) hadn't, but I had... alone save for a friend of mine who owes us nothing but has done more for the DDs and is more respected as a consequence than him, their own father. That he had no excuse for not even ringing to chat to the DDs, none for not visiting his kids, none for questioning DD2s sports class, knowing that I have no transport and there is noothing else on offer in the village and yet not offering to take the girls elsewhere, not even for an hour in his own house for a DVD or a chat and had no excuse for expecting me to feed, clothe and pay the bills for 2 teenagers on £10 a week each whilst he smoked, drank, enjoyed holidays and ran a car.

It was when I was adding that he was a disgrace, an apology for a man and an apology for a father too that he picked up his cigarettes and car keys and walked out, saying that he wasn't going to sit there and listen to this.

I guess it'll come as no surprise to you to know that my two daughters didn't get as much as a card and a tupenny sweetie between them this Christmas either as a result of my big mouth.

No worries... it was expected. The girls have kind of got used to it by now. It's me who still cries for what he does to them but I'd rather that than they do.

This has to be a piss take

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 14:07:00

Linked thread uses identical formatting, and posting style - right to emoticon use and multiple question marks.


Valhalla I'm so sorry. That's crappy, and must have been hell.

OTheHugeManatee Tue 04-Jan-11 14:07:06

I so hope this is a windup. If it's not, then how horribly sad for the exgf and the poor little girl, to have two such dreadful, delusional, abusive nutjobs in their lives.

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 14:07:48

What right to you have to assume daughter is better off with you? She is not your daughter.

What makes you think, after a 9 month relationship, your relationship is secure enough to take this girl away from her mother?

As for concerns for how mother behaves toward DD, if its half as bad as you say, what decent human being would move out leaving DD in that situation

Your partner needs to get off his lazy ass, get a job, pay child maintenance, and pay a solicitor to get contacts arrangements for DD

Shame on you both, him for being useless, and not caring enough to provide for his DD, you for thinking after 9 months of relationship,to think your in a stable environment for DD.

Sounds to me like, your pushing for DD to move in with you, not your partner.

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 14:10:05

I wonder how you would feel, if your DS father had recently met someone, and they both started behaving the way you two have

The thought of losing your son etc, think about that, it might be the GOOD SHAKE UP YOU BOTH NEED

OTheHugeManatee Tue 04-Jan-11 14:11:22

I so hope this is a windup. If it's not, then how horribly sad for the exgf and the poor little girl, to have two such dreadful, delusional, abusive nutjobs in their lives.

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 14:11:42

And having just seen the second post - Christ on toast, that's appalling. You must know you had every right to blow up at him? And his failure over Xmas compound his behaviour and are in NO way your responsibility, either.

Some parenting lapses should be punishable offences, IMO. angry

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 14:16:42

perfectstorm, I'm adding "Christ on toast" to my repertoire, along with Christ on a bike and Jesus and Mary in a speedboat.

emmyloulou Tue 04-Jan-11 14:19:35

OFC it's a wind up, this is the 2nd lot of this type of post I have seen in a month.

Lat time it was an affair situation, DW posted a confession, DH posts about 2-3 weeks later.

Posting styles exactly the same, far too many concidences, so people link said threads and it can become a bit of a fight as to if it's true, don't out the troll, blah, blah, blah.

Yet again those posts are identical in the format they are written and all the coincidences.

Just a shame so many people have tried to give good advice as it's a waste and has upset a lot of people it would seem.

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 14:22:44

Yeah, I do wish people wanting to troll could pick less personally distressing subjects. I vote weaning. That one's downright barking mad, IMO - both methods work, everyone's kids get nourished - yet people get so fired up.

Can trolls stick to subjects like that, please? Just as much heat and fury but less potential for genuine distress.

jessiealbright Tue 04-Jan-11 14:29:01

Well, you never know. Maybe a green young mumsnetter has read this thread, and will remember it when she meets her very own discarded sweetwrapper masquerading as a Soulmate. And she will turn down the opportunity to have her own wastrel.

OTheHugeManatee Tue 04-Jan-11 14:34:25

If it's a troll, I'm weirdly impressed by how sophisticated the approach is. I thought trolls just sat there going 'your MUM lolol!!!1'.

That said, it's still a bit gross.

I don't know, this two-sides-of-the-story twin threads has got me thinking ...

I'm now assuming this OP is not real for the well-analysed reasons perfectstorm gave Mon 03-Jan-11 23:57:56; and the author may well be the same as author of the "ExGF"'s threads - the writing style is very similar.

And the writing style is very polished. I'm thinking maybe a lazy journo looking to present one scenario from both sides and waiting for us (MNetters) to jump both ways? Then write about it in a ner-ner-ne-ner-neh way?

EvaLongoria Tue 04-Jan-11 14:46:32

I have just read this whole thread and also the 2 linked threads of the "Ex-Girlfriend"

As much as I would like for this thread to be a whineup it does sound that like Chloeloveshim is the new girlfriend of the ex partner that portaloo talks about. She mentions in her post that the new girlfriend does not believe anything that she warned her about and is standing by him no matter what. I just dont see troll in these two threads at all.

jonesybells Tue 04-Jan-11 14:46:44

Looking at the other thread I do think they are written by the same person, - I'm thinking that the 'ExGF' could be for real and she has now written this one posing as the new GF knowing she would get a roasting - and it's making her feel better.

maybe ?

Pantofino Tue 04-Jan-11 14:49:25

Someone's new novel maybe?

We're back to

<Love on the Dole...their eyes met over the tax credit form.

"My ex is mental" he breathed, smokily..>

emmyloulou Tue 04-Jan-11 15:01:00

Eva, that's the whoe point though, to get people to pair the threads up as they are so similar.

It's some kind of entertainment for the op.

The posts have exactly the same writing style.

Not the first time I ahve seen this kind of coincidence this month and it's so obvious.

fuzzypicklehead Tue 04-Jan-11 15:06:25

If they are linked, surely MNHQ can tell? i.e. they come from the same IP address? In which case, bye bye thread! (Which would be a shame, as it's been so very entertaining.)

emmyloulou Tue 04-Jan-11 15:10:23

Not necessarily..........proxy server.

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 15:14:18

Not necessarily, though maybe worth checking anyway.

Thing is, even if the OP doesn't have access to more than one connection (work/home) there are a range of services that disguise IP - it's how many people watch new release TV shows on the company site from overseas - and some providers, eg. AOL are automatic dynamic proxy servers, so you are assigned a new IP every time you log on.

Though the posts do look as if composed on a mobile device - that style of formatting often results - so maybe that would be identifiable.

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 15:15:09

Or, you know - what emmyloulou said.

Brevity never my forte. grin

JennyRobyn Tue 04-Jan-11 15:22:05

I honestly didn't think the two were written by the same person. The EX-GF sounds like she is going through a horrendous time and do believe this to be true

I just assummed this one was started to stir the shit and was either the current girlfriend or an unknown.

but now, thinking about what jonesy said would be plausible.

missmehalia Tue 04-Jan-11 15:22:49

What strawberrymouse said.

Protect your own finances. Your partner should be paddling his own canoe financially, sounds like you're ready to give him a really easy ride.

As for the little one, she sounds lovely and I feel sorry for her possibly being caught in the crossfire. Give her a great time while she's with you, but check with her mum before doing anything drastic (eg haircuts, taking her somewhere hugely beyond her current experience, etc.) Seeing your child parented by someone you hardly know can be excruciating. For all her mother's supposed faults (and I do hear you on that), she's still the mum. And possibly doing her best, all on her own.

You can support your partner, but I suggest you stay out of all communication with the mum - that's supposed to be between the two biological parents. You're a significant adult in her life, not a parent. Hard lines, sounds frustrating, but do be careful you don't become his mother. At the moment, you're doing a lot of caretaking. I hope he's offering you as much!

BerylStreep Tue 04-Jan-11 15:33:51

Have only read the OP so far, but tbh you sound like very hard work. Your partner doesn't have a job, pay maintenance, has reported the mother to social services and GP, and wants to take her DD away for her to live with you. I can fully understand why she is in no mood to talk to either of you. What about butting out of her life?

Off to read the rest of the thread.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 15:53:52

Arf at the Mills & Boon/Jezza hybrid novel grin This thread is awful and compelling in equal measure.

MrsPennySworth Tue 04-Jan-11 16:05:47

Exactly Chickens, like a car crash isn't it. You want to look away from it but you just can't help read a bit more...

The linked threads are too coincidental and the writing style is too similar too... can only assume that it's probably what jonesey said.

Bogeyface Tue 04-Jan-11 16:29:12

I wondered about the Journo thing too, or perhaps the ex is genuine (I cant say why, it just reads as being more believable than this thread) and she posted here as the new GF to see what reactions would be to the other side of the argument, perhaps to if she really is being a "loon".

I know that there have been a few threads on here (the smokers one particularly) where I wonder what the reaction would be if the OP was written from the other persons POV.

HollyTwat Tue 04-Jan-11 16:50:43

I'd put mOney on them being one and the same

The way the replies are constructed are identical

HattiFattner Tue 04-Jan-11 16:54:54

could also be that the XP has a type - and both OP and the mum are very similar age/education etc.

But it does seem strange that the OP has not returned....Im betting that she will be back as soon as this thread falls off the "active" page to tell us some more details.

BootyMum Tue 04-Jan-11 16:57:10

But why would someone do this - it must take a lot of work and effort [not to mention recall of imaginary factual information] to be writing as both new partner and ex-girlfriend...

I am intrigued to know why anyone would do something like that!

perfectstorm Tue 04-Jan-11 17:02:33

Because random people working themselves up into a frenzy is funny to an uninvolved party, I would imagine.

If people here react strongly to things, then MN will get trolled now and then. Just how it is online. All communities get trolled, just as all have splinter groups who go off and form private, "uber" versions. Tis the nature of the online beast.

monkeyflippers Tue 04-Jan-11 17:42:27

It seems genuine to me and the other linked posts do sound like they are from the XG. I don't think the writing styles are the same at all (as some people have said) as XG sounds more intelligent.

missmehalia Tue 04-Jan-11 18:48:43

Vallhala, cannot stop laughing at what you wrote. Esp the Jesus and Mary in a speedboat one. Shall shamelessly steal it and find at least 3 occasions to use it within my normal speech/posting tomorrow!

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 18:57:23


mommmmyof2 Tue 04-Jan-11 19:21:25

Alot of people have commented on you and your partner on the comments you wrote. Thing is you proberly do think you really no him but people do lie! you are quite happy to beleive all the things his ex says are lies.
And whether you like her or not she has been bringing that child up while he has not been there, and to now say he wants full custody sounds like a bit of a smack in the face to her.
She may be a liar, she maybe all those things you say but then tell him to go down the right paths to finding out.If she has anything to hide then it will come out.But i doubt it, as she seems as though through some of the comments you made she has also had to put up with alot.
You have every right to want to support your partner but she is not your's, be there for him yes but don't do his dirty work.
At least then you no he is with you for the right reasons.

So we've (potentially, but not necessarily had the troll, we've had the troll-hunters...

Have we had the troll-hunter-hunters yet? grin

Anyone actually reported it?

[not arsed at all in slightest]

<for once keeping my beak out>

<or, er, not, as the case may be..> grin

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 19:31:05

nah, couldn't be arsed to report

we might not get the lovely partner coming on to abuse us all if the thread gets pulled

I am looking forward to it !

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pantofino Tue 04-Jan-11 19:55:10


Animation Tue 04-Jan-11 20:08:00

It's possible that this guy is an an Anti-Social type who, so far is VERY good at eliciting the OP's pity and sympathy. Sounds to me like bad news.

poshsinglemum Tue 04-Jan-11 20:12:04

Alarm bells started ringing when yopu called her a loon tbh. Has he put this thought into your head?
He sounds like no catch and I would walk away tbh.

Animation Tue 04-Jan-11 20:15:32

Calling a two year old a "real loon" ????

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 20:23:48

no, the ex-gf is allegedly a "loon"

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 21:00:49

I can not believe a man who believes his DD mother is a harm to his DD, whould actually leave the home and not take DD with him.
If she really was at harm, you partner is a cock for not doing enough to protect his DD
Do not believe this is the case though, I think you both are just being twats

She is not your DD, after 9 months together you could not even be considered her SM.

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 21:13:23

Why thank you all for your replies. I didnt realise caring for a DP who is having problems, and little wonder tbh, was a crime. I didnt realise that caring about a defenceless small child was a crime either.
Have none of you heard of 'in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer'? Or do you all give your DP's and children the big heave ho when they need you?? I came on here asking for some assistance, I do not pretend to be who I am, or anyone else. I'm about to look at the other thread, would be an amazing coincidence if it is XGF, but DP did mention she looks at this site, and maybe it will give me more clues as to a woman in her position's state of mind, so thank you for that tip off. smile

I have answered all your questions, except the stupid ones, and I get told I am the loon!!!

Had just as many insults as helpful posts on here.

Giving this a little thought, I think XGF must use the other site, because she definitely wouldn't be able to cope with the criticism people dish out on here, but off to have a look now.

Thanks everybody.

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 21:14:23

welshbyrd, i think i covered that further back in the thread. DP did take DD when they first broke up.

coldtits Tue 04-Jan-11 21:15:15

WHY the hell not? Your partner doesn't pay for his daughter's upkeep - is that not giving someone the old heave ho?

lucky1979 Tue 04-Jan-11 21:17:32

"Have none of you heard of 'in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer'? Or do you all give your DP's and children the big heave ho when they need you?? "

Is that not what your DP did to his ex?

coldtits Tue 04-Jan-11 21:21:28

I really really hope this child access case goes to court, and everyone's behavior is presented in public (or as public as they can be)

You have been ^unequivically derided for your absurd stance on this situation. that should teach you something about the situation, and the reasonability of your stance on it.

Your cocklodger's ex may or may not be abusive and neglectful - you don't know because you only have your cocklodger's word for it.

If your cocklodger's daughter is being badly treated, she needs input from her father, not from you. You are not the magic super nurse who can make everything better. This is not your situation to fix. Not Yours.

Seriously, withdraw from all dealings with your cocklodger's ex, and make it clear that he will be supporting, caring for, and paying for his daughter himself.

He will suddenly decide that his ex is a good mum, really.

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 21:24:07

I am getting annoyed now.

coldtits, My DP loves DD, he does not miss seeing her EVER, unless XGF makes things difficult. My DP has been homeless for crying out loud, and STILL XGF would NOT let DP into her house to see DD. shock She gave DP the heave ho, and now she wants him back! He will pay through the CSA. Not our fault the CSA take so long to set up payments, by that time DP has a job somewhere else.

lucky1979, DP did NOT finish the relationship with XGF. She finished it!

chloeloveshim Tue 04-Jan-11 21:25:44

coldtits, I doubt that, the day DP says he thinks XGF is a good mum will be the day I become Queen of Scots, PMSL.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 04-Jan-11 21:27:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Animation Tue 04-Jan-11 21:27:48

Why did she finish it?

FabbyChic Tue 04-Jan-11 21:28:05

You have a ponce for a boyfriend Chloe, you yourself make disparaging remarks about his daughters mother, you have no right to do that.

You have no right to report her to social services or act like you are her mother, she already has one.

You say you will not respond to the stupid questions/remarks, but all we see is that tis you who is the fool, the loon.

You are nothing to your partners daughter and never will be.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 21:28:22

he's had an awful lot of "sickness" in the short nine months you have been together, hasn't he ?

and you have certainly administered to his needs

but aren't you referring to wedding vows ?

so not only do you see his daughter as your new property, but also that you are fulfilling the rules of matrimony when you are not even married

could you be any more of a liar deluded?

coldtits Tue 04-Jan-11 21:29:23

So why isn't he giving the money to his ex in the form of a cheque? hy has the CSA had to step in with legal consequences before he would pay for her? And why is your partner's (no, still not yours, even though a whole day has passed since yesterday) daughter only being abused now that you have decided it would be lovely to have her live with you?

coldtits Tue 04-Jan-11 21:31:27

PS (and I expect a massive backl;ash from this one, but hey ho, that doesn't usually stop me telling the truth)

Men like him are just as happy to fuck off and leave you with their own child who ISN'T biologically yours as they are to leave you with no child at all, so don't think for a second that this would stop him leaving you.

It's the fact that you believe every word he can think of that will stop him leaving you.

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 21:32:10

Im aware he took her, but she was returned to her mother, because of his unsuitable living conditions. Had he had a stable job, to rent etc, he may of kept her, but he is a lazy fooker, that's why he lost her, to bone idle to get a job to give her a safe home. Having not learnt by that, he now pays fookall to her up bringing, hence why her mother is not playing ball.

As for buying her gifts, and not letting her take them home, you would not buy any other persons gifts, and expect them to keep them in your home. A few hair bobbles, knickers is the least you could give her, knowing, her clothes and food is bought by her mother.

You want to looking at your own state of mind

You have no right interfering his and his daughters relationship

9 Months together does not give you Step mum status, and Fact she will NEVER be your DD

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 21:33:49

Agree with anyfucker, deluded, and taken in by this shithead of a dad

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 04-Jan-11 21:38:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whethergirl Tue 04-Jan-11 21:45:49

Have you looked at the other post chloeloveshim?

Can't you see that even though you have posted YOUR side of the story, everyone here is giving you the same feedback? What will it take for you realise that you might be part of the problem here? How can you have such little self awareness, to not even step aside and THINK for a minute about your actions? And the feedback you've got on here?

You really need help. It's just not funny any more, if you want to ruin your life by getting involved with a fuckwit, that's your problem, but your behaviour towards ex girlfriend is DISGRACEFUL and HER dd is now in the middle of this sorry state of affairs. Even if the ex shouts shock, smokes shock, hasn't toilet trained dd or change her nappy very frequently shock this is her MOTHER, have some respect will you.

Based on the description of your dp, I would normally say no-one deserves such an idiot, but on 2nd thoughts, I think you do.

TheCrackFox Tue 04-Jan-11 21:49:59

How much housework/DIY does he do around the house?

"Have none of you heard of 'in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer'"

Oh yeah we have, but that is when you are MARRIED... You have known this bloke for 5 minutes. You don't even know him, but are choosing to believe him blindly when others that know him, really know him, even his own family are not keen on him.

Wake up love, WE are not the enemy.

let me tell you, if some bint shacked up with my total loss of a STBX and started, within months, as regarding my DS as anything to do with her....

Well let's just say that I would gladly hang for it.

Back off love, you are sadly not bright enough/wise enough to know what battle to pick and this situation of yours has DISASTER writ large all over it.

whethergirl Tue 04-Jan-11 21:57:38

CrackFox, OP already mentioned that he is really good around the house, does the garden and diy. Obviously he's a bit too cunning than to be sitting around doing nothing, this way he looks like a great bloke (to OP anyway). So for doing the chores, he gets free rent, all expenses (shopping, bills etc) paid for, all his fags paid for, someone to write his letters for him, someone to answer phonecalls from the ex because he can't face up to his responsibilities, and someone to fight his battles with his ex girlfriend with.

McHobbes Tue 04-Jan-11 21:58:36

Who's that clip clopping over MY bridge?

FabbyChic Tue 04-Jan-11 21:58:41

He also gets a warm moist place to park his cock.

jessiealbright Tue 04-Jan-11 21:59:09

I think the father should give up smoking and put the money on a supermarket gift card. If he's so concerned she'll mis-spend the money, it's possible to restrict such cards to food only, I think. Or maybe buy them lots of extra nappies, if you're concerned the ex is having problems affording them.

whethergirl Tue 04-Jan-11 21:59:41

LittleMissHissyFit, have you seen the other thread? I think the ex is BEING very calm and controlled about it. I daren't even imagine how I would react. I'm boiling just thinking about it.

TallyB Tue 04-Jan-11 22:00:21

Welshbyrd, apparently, this incredible catch of a man did take his daughter with him, but was the told to take her back to her mother due to his lack of housing. Which sounds odd, because if he was genuinely homeless, and the ex-GF really was the loon he claims she is, the courts would have found in his favour and the local council would have been obliged to house him and his daughter. I know a chap who was in that exact situation, and that is precisely what happened.

Anyhoo, still think the OP is a wind-up merchant because nobody could be so thick and/or self-serving. I hope.

pagwatch Tue 04-Jan-11 22:00:46

This thread is a tidal wave of experience, good sense and clear smart advice.
If you ignore this op and try instead to bat away the bloody obvious with limp attempts at sneering sarcasm, you will one day realise what a foolish move that was.

Everything about your situation is bad. And made worse by your stupidity in failing to see that.

Quoting marriage views makes you look daft. Get a grip before you make a pillock of yourself and assist your partner in hurting the mother if his child-and therefore hurting his child.

Seriously. Have a little dignity. Just a little.

whethergirl Tue 04-Jan-11 22:03:18

lol @ FabbyChic. He must be laughing his big screwed up dysfunctional waste of space head off.

TimeForACHEEKYWine Tue 04-Jan-11 22:16:35

hmm I do not know what to think about this one, specially after reading the 'identical' other thread! same way of emots, same punctuation, same way of responding to questions.

BUT i will say yes we have all heard of 'in sickness and in health' but fgs you have been with him for 9 months. Your not married. She is not your DD so you do not really have the right to call her that.

Whilst you are working, are you working full or part time? You get TC for one child at the moment, he isnt claiming any out of work benefits, if you work part time you would get more help. (Dont need to rely on extra TC then) also whats with the he hasnt had a job long enough to pay maintenance, well im sorry he has been paid for the jobs hes done so why not give her money then.

Also CSA are sorting it out you say?? But its taking its time, why not set up a mutual agreement with XGF of so much per week.

My mum and dad did that when they got divorced my mum got £140 per month for 2 children. And docked it when he took us away (which i can see as reasonable as we was in his care at that time - specially when he was taking us abroad) Is that one of the reasons you dont contribute towards a little something per week, by the sounds of it you have her a hell of a lot? Have you by any chance cut her hair too hmm

My DH has being in and out of jobs since July due to a health scare, he doesnt like meeting new people too but he has to to help provide for our family. He hates having to get up at 4.30am on a morning to go to a 6-2 shift but so what - thats life, thats work

Currently DH is out of work but starts a new job on 24th with training which is perfect for him. He applied for it even if he didnt think he would get an interview but he tried, doesnt sound like your DP is trying hard enough?

You mentioned about it 'just coming out of the christmas season so he will start to find work again?' - Does this mean that he gave himself a 2 weeks christmas holiday break from job searching???? If so pathetic.

Sorry its long but somethings not right, oh and if this is a wind up, i've just typed out that huge reply to a TROLL

TallyB Tue 04-Jan-11 22:17:03

"DP did NOT finish the relationship with XGF. She finished it!"

I wonder why?! He sounds like Mr Darcy brought to life!

OP, when you get bored can you pass him on to me? I mean, who wouldn't want a cock-lodger who not only sponges off them, but also manipulates them into stalking their ex-GF by proxy?!

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 22:25:16

You've been with him 9 months. I've had longer relationships with cheese in the fridge. The ex has all my sympathy.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:32:29

I've had longer thrush flareups, tbqh

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 22:32:50

What a catch you have OP confused
Id rather date a tin of tuna

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 22:33:32

Well, I didn't like to cast aspersions AF <passes canisten> Ahem.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:35:01


katiestar Tue 04-Jan-11 22:36:02

Your DP sounds like an absolute arsehole.It is totally normal for a 2 yo to have cuts and bruises on lips and foreheads- they bump into things and fall over!!
Do you wonder why she hates you?
What is this loser bringing to the relationship?You are her extremely naive and gullible or a complete arsehole too.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:41:16

I have had more enduring cold sores, than this relationship

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 22:43:06

<warms to the theme> I've had verrucas last longer than this relationship.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:44:13

my ear wax is longer-lived

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 04-Jan-11 22:45:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 22:46:37

I've been waiting to get DS1's bedroom decorated longer than the OP has known her cocklodger <sighs, prods DH>

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 22:47:14

Had a boil on my ass, longer then this relationship

And Im still adamant,In your shoes, Id sooner date a tin of tuna

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 22:47:31

Jeez the deluded twunt op still calling her useless fuckwit cockblockers daughter her own? Its all a bit freaky tbh. Who does that after nine months.

Thecatshatonthemat Tue 04-Jan-11 22:48:42

My piles have lingered longer than this relationship.

fuzzypicklehead Tue 04-Jan-11 22:48:42

Actually, now that you mention it, I've also had verrucas last longer than this relationship. Is there actually any cure for a verruca, or is it just there until I die?

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:49:43

fuzzy...amputation is quite effective

giyadas Tue 04-Jan-11 22:50:17

"I have had more enduring cold sores"
I initially read this as I have more endearing cold sores..I think both statements are equally true.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:50:40

much like the OP should do with this fuckwit...cut him outta her life

BitOfFun Tue 04-Jan-11 22:50:41

Yup- until you die, fuzzypicklehead. I sickness and in health.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 22:51:01

Mine fell off when I went on a German exchange trip to the Black Forrest at 14. I think it might have been the water <muses>

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 04-Jan-11 22:51:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:51:42

perhaps it was the gateaux

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 22:53:43

No gaeaux consumed, but there was some cheap wine imbibed <heave> Try getting rat arsed and being sick in a basement, then shower in a German's bathroom <helpful>

AnyFucker Tue 04-Jan-11 22:56:53

can that course of action cure thrush, as well ?

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 22:57:12

I have a longer, more loyal and more trustworthy relationship with my goldfish.

So ner!

welshbyrd Tue 04-Jan-11 22:58:43

Will not hurt to try AF, thinking of giving it a go, for me ass boil grin