To be pee'd off DD is not invited to friends wedding

[Kentmummy]

DH and I have been invited to a good friends wedding in feb. We live in Kent and wedding is in Scotland. DH has been asked to be an usher.
The bride and groom are good friends and we were very excited to be going... Until they said no children were invited.
I appreciate this is their wedding and I understand the no children policy if it was down to numbers but our DD is only 9 weeks old so won't cost them a penny or take up a seat. I said I'd sit at the back of the church and leave immediately as soon as she made the smallest noise.
They have refused.... The problem is I'm breast feeding so I can't leave her for the day and night as she would starve and my boobs would burst!
I've tried to give her a bottle so I can go and leave her with family but she just won't take it.
As DH is an usher he still has to go but without me... Also means we have to travel to Scotland so I can sit in a hotel while DH is at wedding.
AIBU to be pretty pissed off and think they are being a bit mean?

[LoveBeingADaddysGirl]

I think that little bf babies should be excused but that really doesn't help.

[SlightlyTubbyHali]

Normally I am on the bride and groom's side with the "no children" edicts (although it was lovely to receive a wedding invite a while ago with a letter beginning "we'd love for you to bring your children"). But in this case, with the baby being so new I think they are out of order.

As your DH is an usher they clearly want him there, so you'd think they'd make an exception to make it easy for him.

Why do you have to travel to Scotland? I'd have my DH go alone (if he went at all).

[WimpleOfTheBallet]

Why do you have to travel up there if you're not attending?

Dh doesn't "have" to go beause he is an usher...they've askd but he's not bound to it.

SOme people just have this precious (and a bit silly) ide of the "perfect day" an kids aren't in the picture.

They probably wont letyou because then couin whatsit will kick off because her boisterous 4 year old couldn't go but your baby could. One rule for all so to speak.

[RuthChan]

No YANBU.
Many people have child-free weddings, which is something I understand. However, I wouldn't expect that to include a 9 week old baby who clearly still needs to be with its mother.
Where do they expect you to leave her?
What would they say if your DH refused to go unless DD could go too? Maybe you could skip the ceremony but join the reception. A crying baby would spoil the ceremony, but parties are usually loud enough to mask any noise.

[WimpleOfTheBallet]

As a side note I don't think a wedding is any good without kids!

[compo]

Why do you have to go to? Can't you be apart for a couple of nights?

[TandB]

YANBU to be irritated but YABU to expect them to make an exception for you. Some people want children there, others do not. It is their day, their decision. Your only decision is whether to make arrangements so that you can go or not.

We went to a wedding in Scotland recently that was no children. Everyone had problems making childcare arrangements - some people went, some did not.

My OH is best man at a wedding in New Zealand in a few weeks. We can't affor flights for all three of us so I am staying here with 17 month DS. It's a shame, but just one of those things.

I never understand why people get so het up about this issue - two people are getting married and have every right to invite who they choose. The guests can accept or not accept - entirely up to them.

[IAmTheCookieMonster]

If it was me there is no way in hell I would go.

You will either have to pay a babysitter to come with you or be miles away from your tiny baby.

They are not being unreasonable as it is their wedding, but they will have to accept that it just isn't possible for you to attend.

[bibbitybobbitysantahat]

Just reply saying "We're really sorry but we cannot come. Hope you have a wonderful day."

[Serendippy]

What Kungfupanda said.

[PinkIceQueen]

Regret you can not attend etc etc.

[Kentmummy]

I don't have to go at all I suppose, but even so, DH has to go alone which is pretty miserable. He wouldn't turn down being an usher and he and the groom have been mates since they were very young.
I totally get that it's their wedding and they decide who goes, I just think in these circumstances, it's a bit differant as I would never feel comfortable with a hood friends wife not being able to go because of it.

[FakePlasticTrees]

They are totally entitled to have have a child free wedding if that's what they want.

You are not obliged to go to a wedding just because you've been invited. So don't go. I'd stay at home with your DD, if your DH really has to go, then he can go alone, for the minimum time possible. Ideally get someone to come stay with you that night.

If he doesn't want to go without you, he's allowed to pull out, even at this stage. I'm assuming when he agreed to be usher, you hadn't had DD and didn't realise they wouldn't be inviting your DD.

[curlymama]

YANBU. I usually think people have the right to exclude children should they so wish, but in your case they should make an exception.

Your Dh should be telling them he can't be an usher if he can't have you there. If it was local I would say he should do it and leave you at home so you could just pop in for the ceremony or whatever, but they are expecting you to travel to the other end of the country and either leave your baby at home or sit in a hotel room all day.

I honestly can't understand anyone who would do that to so called friends. Or why someone would be an usher for someone that was prepared to treat them that bady for the sake of their 'special day'.

[Kentmummy]

I think you're right kungfupanda. Guess I'll have to suck it up and DH will have to go alone. It is a shame but it's their day I suppose :(

[westlake]

to be honest i wouldn't go and hope when they ask why not and you tell them that they change their minds...

I do however think it is entirely acceptable for a bride and groom to choose their own guest list and it is BLOODY difficult to keep everyone happy. It is their day after all, and it is your choice to have a baby. I'm afraid not everyone is as in love with our children as we are, and we just have to accept that sometimes adults want an adults only day. I agree that the clincher is usually one rule for all on the no children front, and the couple may not be too happy about it either.

Personally, children were welcomed at ours and i would never have stopped a breast feeding baby from coming anyway. But YABU to be peed off at the no children policy, YANBU to be disappointed.

[nigglewiggle]

Have you told them about the breastfeeding bit. I'm presuming you had the invite long before now, so these discussions were theoretical rather than real.

I'd be tempted to contact the couple and explain that you would love to be there but as your baby will not take a bottle you will be unable to come. That gives them the opportunity to change their mind.

Otherwise, I agree that I would stay at home and let DH go.

[Bechka]

When I read the title I thought YABU. However, given your baby is but nine weeks old, then there is no way you can be expected to attend, and YADNBU.

I wouldn't go all the way up there either. Why put yourself out for them when they won't put themselves out for you.

[AliBellandthe40jingles]

YANBU. I find child-free weddings odd at the best of times, but if a baby is being BF'd and so can't be left it is ridiculous.

I wouldn't go, and I don't think your DH should feel obliged to go either. When they asked him to be usher they should have made the situation with regard to children clear at that stage.

[ChippingIn]

They don't sound like good friends to me - sorry. Of course everyone can choose who they want to invite to their wedding and whether they want children there or not, but to exclude a 9 wo baby is really just saying they don't want you there - you were up front and told them you'd take him out at the first sign of a squeek - sounds like she doesn't want to be upstaged by your baby!

If it was a toddler I'd be fine with it and send DH on his own to have a fab time, but if he went under these circumstances I would be very pissed off with him.

[hocuspontas]

If couples have never had children I don't think they necessarily understand the mechanics of breastfeeding, so they may not understand why they should make an exception. I'd look on it as an opportunity to save on airfares myself!

[coco2901]

What kungfupanda and fakeplastic trees said. I understand that you are a bit pissed off but no children means no children, I dont think its fair to expect them to make an exception as then it becomes a question of where they draw the line- it would, i imagine, open a can of worms for them.

[compo]

Won't your dh know other people there as well as the groom? I know my dh would relish a boys night out
but then we do things separately and together