Not to get my 12 year old son an indian take-away

[WherecanIhide]

Hello, please tell me if I'm being unreasonable...

I'm on a restricted diet (candida)so not eating normal meals. I do cook for family, obviously. My husband said he would make our 12 year old son some tea tonight (makes a change)and gave him a choice of 4 things all of which he turned his nose up at. My husband then offered to go and get an indian take-away which resulted in us having an argument cos I thought it was pandering to his fussyness. Obviously it wasn't right to have an argument over this, but surely it's not right to get your 12 year old a takeaway when he's being fussy?

[Chil1234]

YANBU... 12 year-olds get what they're given. And if a choice of four things isn't enough then they go to bed hungry.

[merryxmaswidow]

YABU over an indian takeaway anyday

[DrNortherner]

No, he was offered 4 choices which is generous enough I feel.

[PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice]

YANBU!!

[merryxmaswidow]

but its an indian takeaway! delicious....

[Chil1234]

Of course, what's probably going on here is that your DH wants the takeaway, can't be arsed to cook and has engineered DS's fussiness as an excuse...

[NestaFiesta]

YANBU. Your DS is lucky to have four options! In our house its "eat your dinenr or go hungry". If the DCs try hard and really don't like something I've given them (unusual as I cook stuff they hve eaten before) then I will sometimEs make them brown toast, but I will never go and cook an alternative.

I hate to use a cliche but your DH is making a rod for his own back with the takeawy option now!

[HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly]

If you do that, then you'd best get ready to be doing it every night!

pizza on mondays
indian on tuesdays
chinese on wednesdays
fish & chips...

I'd probably have said you know what, get yourself something. You're 12 years old. If you don't want what we're offering, get in the kitchen and do it yourself!

[merryxmaswidow]

chil1234, I was just thinking that as well, DH wants one too

[thell]

YANBU

If you're ordering a (delicious!) Indian takeaway for the family, fair enough - but shouldn't offer one if he's turned down four perfectly good homemade options.

[WherecanIhide]

Thankyou for your replies. I think you have to look beyond the next 5 minutes and not always do what is easiest for now. That is the crux of the issue.

[twirlymum]

I'll have a chicken dopiaza if you're going?

[MrManager]

What were the 4 choices?

[WherecanIhide]

Mr Manager the choices were:

Pumpkin soup and roll
beans on toast with grated cheese on top
Pasta with sweet chili sauce
pasta with cheesy beans

Nothing amazing, i admit, but perfectly acceptable imo

[frgr]

4 choices

That's massive! Ours get a choice of what's made for breakfast IF and ONLY if they settle down at bedtime on the weekend, and don't cause trouble together before about 9 or 9.30am on weekends during quiet reading time. that's a rule that's set in our house, and after the initial bedding in, it's stuck. and ours aren't anywhere near 12!

i think your DH giving your son a say in what gets served is good. giving him a choice of 4 things is making me say 'wow'. and then - the idea that your DH would go out and buy him a takeaway if he refused them i'm really shocked at.

maybe we're the ones treating our kids harsh

but my siblings and i never got a choice in what we ate (at all - sometimes i think too far.. i'm not a fussy eater but i just don't like the taste of red meat, and i don't think i should have been forced to eat it so often when i was a kid). we all turned out fine. it's all about balance, and your DH seems to be slightly too extreme in one direction IMHO.

[MrManager]

That sounds alright, I'll have the pumpkin soup please.

[twirlymum]

We used to have two choices - take it or leave it

[WherecanIhide]

I never give choices like DH did - it's a home not a restaurant!

[WherecanIhide]

twirlymum - NO!!

[Chil1234]

OH in this case has made the offer like this... "Pumpkin soup and a roll, son ? No? Beans? Pasta ? Cheese? Chilli? ? Or would you like to split an Indian with your old dad ?"

This will be going on country-wide come January when 'mum's on a diet'... OHs stick the lettuce, wholemeal bread and healthy food for a week or two but, first opportunity they sense a chink in the resolve, are sending out for pizzas and heaving a sigh of relief. Then MN is rife with 'why is my OH sabotaging my diet!!!?'

[twirlymum]

Not even some poppadoms and chutnies?

[Ryuk]

At 12 he should be capable of making his own beans on toast.

If your DH offered to get takeaway, it does sound a bit unfair to retract the offer. If it were me I'd probably have left them to it (when my mum went into hospital for a week, my dad and I had fish and chips one day, chinese the day after, etc. I don't think it did me any harm as it was a limited thing rather than a habit) but would have said to DH that in future I want him to give only a couple of different options (imo giving four encourages fussiness in the first place) and to make it clear that that's all of the options to discourage holding out for something 'better'.

[olderandwider]

I think the mistake was offering any choice. But your DH was in charge of the meal so he can take the consequences I guess .