Why do people NEVER say "Thank You"??

(78 Posts)
blue2 Tue 30-Nov-10 08:46:22

Its's great to see people thanking others on the "Secret Santa" thread. I seem to have spent the last few weeks doing things with friends who have yet to even text to say Thanks.

I had 3 friends for lunch a few weeks ago - cooked them a nice lunch - not a word of thanks from any of them. No text. Nothing.

Spent 2 hours volunteering and running village shop. Nothing from the chap I was helping.

Drove a friend to Gloucester and back (2 hours each way) and no offer towards petrol, no offer of a coffee and no word of thanks either. She even sent me an email the following day about something else!

Had brother, wife and 3 kids overnight while bro and wife went to wedding, so I babysat till they came home. No thanks, no box of chocs. Nothing

Am I getting old and grumpy (methinks 44 a bit young for that...) or is there another reason?

Manners cost nothing (as I keep telling ds), and sending a text takes seconds.

What is up with everyone??!!

Rant over....

belgo Tue 30-Nov-10 08:49:41

YANBU. What really annoys me is when I move the pushchair out of someone's way when the pavement is too narrow, and they walk past with no acknowledgement of me at all, as if I am invisible.

atswimtwolengths Tue 30-Nov-10 08:50:53

Having just driven my (thankfully temporary) lodger to work (five miles out of my way) as I have done every day for the last four weeks and not having received one 'thank you' so far, I completely agree with you!

TrillianAdAstra Tue 30-Nov-10 08:53:33

In my experience people often say thank you.

piscesmoon Tue 30-Nov-10 09:01:48

I find that people often do say thank you.
I have been very cheered recently to find how helpful people have been. I have been taking my mother out in a wheelchair and someone has always come forward to help-and some of them don't look tha most likely.

thumbwitch Tue 30-Nov-10 09:05:07

It is very annoying when people take you for granted - but lovely when they do say thank you. I always try to remember to say thank you, rarely forget and am mortified when I do forget (through mind on other things etc.)

Your examples sound very annoying though - and I wouldn't be so quick to help people who take you so much for granted.

FindingMyMojo Tue 30-Nov-10 10:56:02

well you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends - I must say my friends always say thank you at the time & usually follow up with a text or call etc (some even send cards which I think is very nice but sometimes a little excessive). I do the same & DD is always saying thank you too.

atswim why do you do it? I must be grumpy old lady cause after the first few days I would have said something along the lines of "if you want this to continue I'm going to need to have some appreciation shown on a regular basis or you can sort yourself out - thanks grin."

MrsSatsuma Tue 30-Nov-10 11:00:56

YANBU. I'm a teacher and although there are a lot of kids who do have very nice manners, taking things for granted seems to be the norm. I can't wait to bring some well-mannered children into the world!! [gets down off high horse]

aDarkStarWithStrangeWays Tue 30-Nov-10 11:04:22

As someone who always says thank you, I resent the title of this thread <huffs>

Earthymama Tue 30-Nov-10 11:07:24

This is one of my bugbears!
I really struggle as I feel I am the only adult in many children's lives who insists on 'Please' and 'Thank You'. I am a generation older than many of their parents but MY children have lovely manners, as do my grandchildren.

I always took flowers/chocs to my mum/MIL/friends when we went to visit or stay. It is a small gesture but so nice and gives a warm glow to giver and recipient.

Is this attitude part of the sense of entitlement and privilige that pervades society?

LaWeaselMys Tue 30-Nov-10 11:09:58

I haven't noticed this at all. I get a lot of thank yous.

blue2 Tue 30-Nov-10 11:54:50

The world seem to be divided into those who are thanked, and those who arn't!
It has never bothered me before, but as I said above, there has been a string of events where I've felt that a thank you would be nice, and none has been forthcoming.
Atswim - I think I'd have cracked by now and said something! What a nice lady you must be....

maktaitai Tue 30-Nov-10 11:58:02

Now you need to develop a bit more passive-aggression. If they don't say thank you, get a bit more heavy on their ass with the 'Oh gosh I REALLY enjoy this drive, it's so beautiful, I'd love to do it more often but of course I'm SO BUSY'. Then when they hastily thank you, say 'Oh nooooo, I absolutely love it every SINGLE TIME WE HAVE DONE IT FOR THE LAST FIVE WEEKS'

No wonder I have no friends left.

asouthwoldmummy Tue 30-Nov-10 12:01:54

Try visiting Southwold in the summer, hardly anyone says thank you here, they just look down their noses at you for being in their way. I have been known to stop in the middle of the path to force people to walk around me rather than move out of their way grin

we locals have to amuse ourselves somehow.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 30-Nov-10 12:07:19

Is it regional? I'm sure people say 'thank you' a lot up here in Lancashire. I know I do.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree Tue 30-Nov-10 12:10:49

I got a thank you at nursery when I picked DS3 up 1/2hr a go - from one of the other mum's that I don't even talk to.

On the way out of the nursery/school grounds this morning there was a car that was stuck on the drive going up the hill to the main road. There was already one person helping to push, and a bloke stepped into help, but I stepped in to help as well (the road was slippery and it was a big car).

I helped because I felt it was the right thing to do )but in my head was thinking "stupid women if you took note of the letters that encourage parents NOT to use the car park then you wouldn't have got stuck blush)

Anyhow, this women accosted me at nursery and thanked me for helping get her car out this morning.

MrsSatsuma Tue 30-Nov-10 12:13:22

Speaking of locals' amusement... when I lived in Stratford our amusement was to walk up and down in front of Shakespeare's birthplace to see how many photos we could get in.... (Might I add that I was a very bored student!) There also seems to be a trend in Oxford for tourists in very big organised groups to stand on the narrowest bit of pavement, completely oblivious to the fact that everybody else is having to dodge in front of buses to get round them. And this 30 yards away from a nice big pedestrianised area.

Sorry, tourist rant over...

Ormirian Tue 30-Nov-10 12:14:42

Not experienced this at all.

chicaguapa Tue 30-Nov-10 12:20:10

How topical! I have just had a big row with my dad as I didn't get anything for my Dbro for his 18th as he never thanks me for birthday and Christmas presents. He told me to get down of my moral high horse and I said I was surprised Dbro had even noticed as his head is so far stuck up his own arse! It has made for an interesting morning! hmm

I make sure DC always say thank you, especially for presents.

I also say thank you in the car to the rude people I have let pass and don't bother to say it to me. This amuses DC that I'm thanking them!

bumperella Tue 30-Nov-10 12:22:55

I cannot STAND it when people treat you as if you're invisible when you hold a door for them/ let them go in front of you, etc etc. I hate it more when people push past etc, but surely a smile of acknowledgement or even a "thanks" isn't asking too much????!
For bigger favours then I would make a point of making it clear expect the person to express some sort of gratitude: e.g. for a lift I would expect someone to say, and mean, "thank you, that's really good of you/helped me out/whatever". Otherwise I think I'd beat them to death. Well, maybe not literally, but it would really REALLY annoy me.

FindingMyMojo Tue 30-Nov-10 12:36:36

chicaguapa I have a brother & sister that are quite a bit younger than me. they never said thanks for birthday & chistmas pressies either so when they hit aged 12 I stopped - now they get a card. Now they are 28 & 22 respectively I've never anything from either of them for birthday of Christmas from either of them. Though sister was online chatting the other say asking if I'd like an Oxfax yak for Christmas - I think she's all talk & this kind of gifting suits her to a T as she won't actually do it, just say she's done it.

They've never brought anything for DD either & she is 3. They both work! I think it's piss poor - as I said earlier you can't choose your family!

JamieLeeCurtis Tue 30-Nov-10 12:37:58

In my experience people are mainly courteous. I try not to expend any emotional energy on the very small percentage who aren't. If someone doesn't thank me for holding a door, or stepping aside for them, or waiting, a give a cheery smile and a sarky "you're welcome".

I live in London

whiteliesaregoodlies Tue 30-Nov-10 12:38:16

Oh yes bumperella, I always seem to be the one holding doors open etc. and then growling "don't mention it" under my breath as others sail through without a glance.

I feel sorry for my oldest boys sometimes (8 and 6), having brought them up to hold doors open and say please and thank you because it's the "right" thing to do, it can then be hard to see them puzzled when other people don't acknowledge it at all. Ds1 was a bit upset last year when I sent him to the cafe till to buy himself a biscuit and two people pushed in front of him while the lady serving blatantly ignored him until the others were served (I was watching from the table and could see that she could see him).

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree Tue 30-Nov-10 12:42:25

The people I know are very good at saying "thank you", although some wont follow up with a card/text e.g. they will come over have lunch say thank you when it is put in front of them, thank me again when they leave and then I wont hear anymore about it (and nor would I expect to).

I find strangers much more rude: those who will let doors slam in my face, or step in front of me in a queue etc seem to be everywhere.

JamieLeeCurtis Tue 30-Nov-10 12:47:54

whitelies - I remember this happening to me all the time as a child (the 1970s). I'd go to the corner shop to buy my comic and someone would push in front or lean over the top of me. It upset me a lot. Tell your boys to speak up! (as I do mine)

asouthwoldmummy Tue 30-Nov-10 12:50:07

The ones who don't hold doors open when you have a pushchair are the worst. I have literally had to quickly yank back the pushchair a few times to stop a door slamming against DS's legs.

Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara Tue 30-Nov-10 12:55:12

I think the best way to look at it is to feel sorry for people who have been so badly brought up they can't even say thank you to someone who's done something nice or helpful for them. Then never, ever do anything to help them out again grin

nikki1978 Tue 30-Nov-10 12:55:21

I always say thank you and have taught my DC to do the same (inc when someone stops to let you cross a road, opens a door for you etc). I am very hot on manners.

I usually say something if someone doesn't thank me to be honest - a sarcastic "no problem" might remind them to be polite next time.

My friends always thank me for doing things - I am often organising evenings out for example. If I were you I would either say something or find new friends.

RockinRobinBird Tue 30-Nov-10 12:58:40

I generally find people say thank you. If they don't, a very loud. 'you're welcome' sorts it out.

bumperella Tue 30-Nov-10 12:59:42

I usually say a sarcastic "my pleasure" or somesuch when people ignore the door-holding etc. But I still ahve the (intensely petty overreaction) of wanting to dismember them with a rusty spoon.

electra Tue 30-Nov-10 13:10:02

YANBU - those things would annoy me too. Where I live, there seem to be the two extremes. Generally people are gracious but I do notice the opposite as well.

Adversecamber Tue 30-Nov-10 13:19:50

I think people are quite polite where I live, East Midlands. When we went on hols to Scarborough two years ago complete strangers said good morning/evening to us. Older people still do that in the early morning near where I live. I yearn for the old gentleman that used to tip his hat to my Mother when I was a chjild.

feistychickfightingthebull Tue 30-Nov-10 13:19:53

YANBU, sadly there are more and more people who have absolutely no manners. I have also gone out of my way to help friends and distant relatives and none of them have bothered to say thank you. Just last week one of my many cousins was desperate for a personal statement for UCAS which I quickly whipped up for her and emailed..........did she even say thank you...Nope. I find that sort of behaviour shocking

iTigress Tue 30-Nov-10 13:26:15

It's a southern thing <runs>

whiteliesaregoodlies Tue 30-Nov-10 13:28:28

And what happened to the little wave or smile when you let someone out at a junction or let them through when you have right of way - eh? Eh?!

JamieLeeCurtis Tue 30-Nov-10 13:32:46

It's still here (mostly) whitelies, in London iTigress wink

whiteliesaregoodlies Tue 30-Nov-10 13:47:30

I think you're right JamieLeeCurtis, still here (in the south-east) just that as I get older and grumpier it rankles when you get ignored sad.

Funny someone mentioned Scarborough, we've had some wonderful holidays there with the dcs, but I have never in my life experienced the same degree of rudeness on the buses anywhere else. Every single time we'd get off to leave at our stop we were mown down by a grey army behind us, pushing and shoving to get off.

asouthwoldmummy Tue 30-Nov-10 13:57:00

I've never had birthday cards or presents from my brother since he was old enough to have to buy them himself, so I don't bother with cards for him anymore. He never even sends my mum a card on mothers day shock

the worst thing is his kids are being brought up the same way, never a thank you for Christmas or birthday presents. I'm not old fashioned and don't expect a hand-written thank-you letter, but last year I even saw them on boxing day and there was no thanks.

SeaTrek Tue 30-Nov-10 14:06:54

I rarely come across a lack of basic manners when out and about. No way I would manage to maintain a friendship with someone I considered rude.

I did however become completely fed-up with the lack of acknowledgement, let alone thanks, from the 8 children I used to sent presents to on their birthdays and christmas. I simply stopped doing it and just buy them gifts when I am with them, they can usually just about manage a thank you when I am there at the time! I know that SIL (mother of three of them) is a bit annoyed with my new policy but I don't give a stuff.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman Tue 30-Nov-10 14:07:06

I find most people generally courteous, except at DD2's school.
It's strange, because all the mothers I have spoken to seem very nice and the children quite well behaved. However, at home time there is only one narrow gate to get in and out of and I don't think there has been one occasion where the flow of people has stopped to let me in. They see me standing there for ages but all keep filing past as though they somehow have right of way and not one of them ever says 'thank you' to me for standing there and letting them through. I could just barge my way in, but that would be rude, wouldn't it?

GrumpyOldHorsewoman Tue 30-Nov-10 14:12:46

Oh SeaTrek - I'm with you on that one. Only my sister's boys and one pair of sibling nieces ever thank me for gifts. I choose them carefully, wrap, pack and send them overseas and never even get acknowledgement that they arrived. At one point, my BIL was telephoning around, telling us not to forget his DD's birthday next week when a. Nobody has ever forgotten his DD's birthday, b. Nobody has ever been thanked for his DD's birthday presents and c. He rarely even sends a card to any of our DCs on their birthdays!
I think it's just an intrinsically selfish gene, causing poor manners.

Careful Tue 30-Nov-10 14:17:59

Other way round for me, I'm consistently surprised and grateful at how courteous and helpful people are, in general. Sometimes the thoughtful things strangers will do are really lovely - e.g. the customer who came over to help and packed my bags for me in the supermarket this week because I had a crying baby plus a toddler and was struggling. Got a big heartfelt 'thank you' from me!

I always acknowledge people if they have helped me or let me past with the buggy.
However, people often do not thank me if I do the same, particulary pensioners!
My theory is that they have spent all their working life being polite to people and now they have earned the right to be as rude as they like!

fridascruffs Tue 30-Nov-10 14:33:46

I say thank you a lot to random strangers and if someone's done something for me, but i am not very good at texting after I've been to dinner to say thanks- is it not enough to say thank you at the time? i just have too many things to do to remember to send a formal written 'thank you' afterwards, and I don't expect it from people either. And i never expect to receive written thank you cards etc for christmas/ b'day presents so I don't send them. i say thanks when they're given. i apologise to the world at large if I appear rude because of it.

HecateQueenOfWitches Tue 30-Nov-10 14:40:13

When people don't say thank you and I think they should have, I say "You're most welcome."

I also acknowledge thanks never given by other drivers when I have given way. In exaggerated hand-up-head-nod fashion.

hmm I suspect one day I will get thumped.

dustythedolphin Tue 30-Nov-10 15:53:09

YRNBU - manners cost nothing

Its very ignorant not to show manners & common courtesy

IMHO

trixie123 Tue 30-Nov-10 16:15:32

as a teacher, I and colleagues often make a bit of a game of seeing how many kids (and / or parents) say thanks at the end of a trip. Astonishing how many dont, even when it has been residential which means you are on duty 24 hrs for however long the trip is and have managed to bring back all the kids mostly in one piece (sometimes not if its a ski trip!)having had a educational / valuable / fun experience. The worst eg I ever saw was when returning from a 3 night overseas educational trip the coach parked up blocking the entrance / exit of the school car park so that we could unload the bags without them getting soaking wet. The first kid who grabbed his bag jumped in dad's car and dad then proceeded to hurl abuse at the coach driver and teachers because he had to wait unitl everyone else's bags were offloaded before he could leave.

RandyRussian Tue 30-Nov-10 16:19:49

I think it's because the generation who grew up during the 80s were taught the "me" culture so manners and consideration fell by the wayside.

Unfortunately it's that generation who are now parents and are teaching their kids likewise.

strandedatseasonsgreetings Tue 30-Nov-10 16:21:54

Is it just me who keeps reading this in the Discussions of the Day section as "MN'ers dying out"?

lottiejenkins Tue 30-Nov-10 16:25:52

I am a stickler for saying thankyou and i have brought Wilf up to be the same. Since he was 11 years old he has been taught that when we are on the Tube he stands up and offers his seat to others. He also holds doors open for people. If i hold the door open or step out of my way to let people past and they dont say "thankyou" I always say "THANKYOU!" very loudly within their earshot!!wink

tinierclanger Tue 30-Nov-10 16:27:50

Going against the grain but I dont get this thing that you have to send someone a text or card to thank them for dinner - saying thanks and making it obvious you enjoyed it should be enough. Most of my friends don't text thanks afterwards and tbh the one I know who does., I find excessive.

ln1981 Tue 30-Nov-10 16:34:30

OP-YA so, so, so, NBU!!

Quickly read thread so sorry, if i repeat anything, but my irritations include not receiving a thanks when you hold a door open for someone (usually an older person, who porbably writes to the paper about those outwith her generation having 'no manners') angry and also drivers who dont give you a wave when you let them out. think someone else (Hecate?) upthread also mentioned this, and i too have taken to exagerated thumbs ups. Though usually the other driver is just staring straight ahead, which just pisses me off even more angry angry

am away to go calm down now...

Zone2mum Tue 30-Nov-10 16:41:02

I always say in a loud, bright voice "don't mention it" as if they have thanked me when someone fails to acknowledge that I have held door open for them, let them past etc. Doubt they even register the sarcasm.

SeaTrek Tue 30-Nov-10 16:55:53

Tinuetclanger - I agree. I didn't even realise that you were supposed to ring and say thanks again for dinner the day after the dinner date! When someone rang to thank me the day after, again, I felt it was a bit ott. Then I felt bad for not doing it myself!
Sometimes I send a note of thanks but I have always felt it enough to say thank you at the time tbh!

I have also realised I am inconsistent with my expectations. I do expect a hand written note from school age children (but the THANKS part is the most important so if they ring or say it in person then that is almost as good).
I do find it a bit weird when adults send out thankyou notes for presents (I am referring to two recent 40th birthday pressies here), especially when it is a one oor two liner with no specific mention to the actual gift and you see them almost every day. They is no way I would let my 6 yr old send a note so brief and not mention the specific gift!

ShoppingDays Tue 30-Nov-10 17:13:30

YANBU to hope for thanks, and of course it's rude not to thank. But YABU to expect it. Chocolates for a lift would be OTT. Perhaps your friends would happily reciprocate the favour?

HoityToity Tue 30-Nov-10 19:08:46

YA definitely NBU. And while we're on the subject, does anyone else actually bother thanking bus drivers when they get off the bus? When I was little I was taught always to do this, whether on a school trip or out in town. Nowadays I never see anyone else saying it (sigh)

I do it, HoityToity - and you'll be pleased to hear that my 2.5 year old DD does it unprompted, too grin.

She also always says thank you and goodbye to people who've served us in shops.

While I'm at it - does anyone else obsess slightly over how rude it is when parents don't get their kids to acknowledge adults? The number of times I've bumped into someone I know, and I always prompt DD to say hello and tell her who it is, and their much older kids act like I don't exist. I don't mean they should be fascinated by having to hang around and listen to grownups chat, but a simple hello would be polite, wouldn't it? Gah!

spongecakelover Tue 30-Nov-10 19:39:39

DS's primary school had a massive campaign about holding open the door for each other and thanking each other for doing so. One of the deputy heads thinks old fashioned manners are dying out. It made a big difference in the atmosphere of the school and when DS does it when we're out (at 4 years old) he gets a whole lotta love for it. Especially from older people.

dinosaurkisses Tue 30-Nov-10 19:58:10

I totally understand what you mean. Manners cost nothing, and it depresses me no end when I hold a door open for someone, or pick up a soft toy that their child has dropped out of them pram and get no word of thanks or even recognition that I'm standing right beside them. Having said that, I won't stop helping people- the one time I don't stop to help might be the one time a person wishes they had help getting their buggy onto the bus, or that they could really do with a seat on a busy train.

Friends are completely different though- I like helping people but I'm not a martyr. I'm not a taxi service, a PA or a Charity Shop for the exclusive use of my friends without thanks. Friendship goes both ways, and as much as a true friend will go out of their way to assist you, likewise any decent chum will say thanks.

I always say thankyou

and in my experience I have always been thanked

flybytheseatofmypants Tue 30-Nov-10 21:28:44

I try to always say thanks (wouldn't put it past me to have missed one or two buggy avoiders, but if anyone helps me lift the buggy on/off the bus I am effusive) and me and DCs always send thank you letters. In the past I would always have brought a gift when staying with someone too, but DP has drummed that out of me, it embarrasses him when I do it to his family... might insist again now, having read this thread.

I was shamed earlier this year though, when a neighbour offered us a slide for the garden literally days after someone had just given us one, I arranged for a friend to have the slide and the friend then gave me chocolates for the neighbour to say thanks. At which point I realised I'd just taken the slide (and lovely wendy house) from the other people blush - I'd said thanks, obviously, but I was mortified! Rushed out and bought them a card and chocolates - tried to blame baby brain...

taffetazatyousantaclaus Tue 30-Nov-10 21:54:34

I think the problem these days (old gimmer) is that everyone is rushing around, trying to fit so much into their lives ( and brains ) and there is just too much to remember.

The other point I'd make is that some people are difficult to say thank you to. I have a friend who openly winces at thanks and thinks the person doling it out is weird.

I know these are excuses, but not everyone's manners are dreadful and often there are other reasons. You sound like a brick, a great friend, and sadly great people like you are sometimes taken advantage of. Some people I like are wonderful company, great fun etc but real princesses when it comes to expectations of them. These people will never be close friends.

sazzerbear Tue 30-Nov-10 22:28:31

What really gets my goat is when you are driving and let someone in to the traffic - not a wave or smile, most completely ignore you! As for manners in shops - don't get me started! Manners cost nowt! angry

adrenalinejunkie Tue 30-Nov-10 22:57:35

yanbu, my parents and family all taught me the importance of good manners and being considerate to others . we send thank you texts after having a nice day with someone ,cards and flowers depending on occasion , always give up our seats on the bus , they always said good manners cost nothing and get you a lot further in the world than being rude. i do enjoy giving an extra loud extra smiley your welcome if i hold the door open for someone and they say nothing.

AnotherSingingMummy Wed 01-Dec-10 03:36:30

nbu!

I am with sazzerbear!

onmyfeet Wed 01-Dec-10 04:38:15

Most times I do get thank-you. My pet peeve is people saying "No Problem" instead of "You're welcome". Like a csshier at a grocery store. It is their job to do it, so saying no problem seems to say they are doing me a favour. No, they are being paid, and should say "You're welcome".

Usually I ignore small things, but for some reason, oooh, it bugs me!

Anita1075 Wed 01-Dec-10 09:46:49

Oh my goodness blu2 it sounds like your family and friends have no manners at all! I always phone to thank after meals or buy a present when someone has helped me out. How could people think this is ok to take with no word of thanks. Just common decency. I would stop your offers of help and let them get on with it themselves!

Bahhhumbug Wed 01-Dec-10 09:50:33

Zone2mum - I say that - quickly followed by a chirpy - 'Oh - you didnt !' grin

MrsThisIsTheCadillacOfNailguns Wed 01-Dec-10 09:52:08

Not a manners post as such,but I just wanted to post about some lovely teenagers who live opposite us.DD1 who is 7 was playing in the snow on her own in our front garden yesterday afternoon,as dd2 wanted to stay indoors.I got a knock on the door and it was the 19 year neighbour,his 17 year old brother and their 15 year old cousin.They were going sledging in the field behind our house and asked if dd1 would like to go with them.Bless them,dd1 was overjoyed at playing with big boys and girls and I watched them from the upstairs window having a great time.They brought her back before it got dark,and waited to make sure I answered the door and she got in alright.They are lovely kids and I know their parents well,so shall be popping around to compliment them on their well brought up offspring.

midge161 Wed 01-Dec-10 10:09:42

I have found quite a lot of adults (particularly friends and family) DO say thank you - though not all of them all the time, but most teenagers / kids / youngish people don't.

I am quite horrified by how rude my teenage children's friends are, and nag mine to say thank you as I would hate anyone to think the same of them. When we have had teenagers for a meal, or to stay, even away for a weekend I can't believe they don't say thank you!

I am trying my best with the 3 and 1 year olds - I would hate them to grow up not saying thank you.

Sometimes when I am particularly irritable I will prompt the visitor, by going to collect their plate, giving them a hard stare and saying rather obviously, "Everything ok for you? You like lasagne (or whatever) don't you?" I usually get a strange look or a grunt, so it doesn't do any good!

Just the way people are, I suppose. I always like to say "That's ok, not a problem" or "You're welcome" to people who HAVEN'T thanked me - only once have I had someone say "pardon?" - I repeated what I had said, and explained I was just replying to them thanking me. I was very pleased with their slight look of embarrassment. You might like to try it - it's quite good fun!

dustythedolphin Wed 01-Dec-10 10:56:13

We moved to Ireland this year and I was astonished at how much politer the rural Irish children are than children in the UK.(Not sure if the Irish City kids are as polite as the rural ones TBH)

They all make a point of saying please/thank you/you're welcome and DS1 friends (aged 9/10/11) always insist on carrying shopping for me/helping clear the table etc when they are over

They're still normal cheeky mischevious kids, but their manners are delightful

Bahhhumbug Wed 01-Dec-10 10:56:38

Yes it is easy to generalise about young people. I remember once making a foolhardy decision in hindsight to cut through with my dog across a large field adjoined to a park near us - in the dark. Dog is a proper scoobie btw so does not have any protective traits only self preservation ones !

Next thing I am more or less in the middle when I hear two very noisy youths approaching - carrying cans - kicking a ball - chewing gum - the lot.

I thought here we go I'll be on Crimewatch this week with DH making a heartfelt appeal for witnesses !!

With that one of them clocked me and shouts to his mate 'over here' and they start running at me.

I absolutely froze with terror.

Then one of them flicks the ball to my dogs feet and they both start laughing their heads off (my dog loves football) as my dog starts dribbling it round and jumping up to head it etc etc - as he always does.

They carried on playing footie with him for about five minutes before walking off - giving him a friendly pat on the head and telling me they thought he was ace and finally a friendly - 'See ya' from both of them.

blushMental note - mustnt generalise !

dustythedolphin Wed 01-Dec-10 10:58:36

Sazzerbear - just wanted to add that the drivers are a lot nore polite here as well, they wouldn't dream of not thanking you for giving way to them

TheSmallClanger Wed 01-Dec-10 11:02:54

People mostly sya thankyou to me. I don't expect cards and texts, or letters, but people usually do acknowledge.

WhereToStartYetAgain Wed 01-Dec-10 11:19:51

Oh man, the world is a sad place when people do things for others just to have something done for them in return. Seriously, I may hold a door open for someone with a smile but I don't make a habit of waiting there long enough for them to thank me. I also don't expect thank you notes or phone calls after giving presents - I give presents because I want to, and being thanked verbally when handing them over is enough for me.

And the whole "parents not getting their kids to acknowledge adults", I can see why that happens. Whereas before, you would acknowledge adults as Mrs X or Aunty X, nowadays, people seem to find that either too formal (because a lot of people are on a first name basis only) or weird (i.e. "Why would they call me Aunty X when I'm not their [biological] aunt?" Where I'm from, kids always refer to adults as Aunty/Uncle/Sir/Ma. My son even calls a friend of mine who is old enough to be my mother Grandma Ruby, despite us not being related in any shape or form.

At the end of the day, not being thanked is hardly going to kill you. Just be glad/happy in the knowledge that you have managed to make someone's day a little bit easier - that should be thanks in itself!

Hmmm, just realised how sickly sweet all that makes me sound grin

Zoidberg Wed 01-Dec-10 11:40:35

I say thank you generally but once I was pushing DD round the streets here in her pram tryin to get her to sleep, v tired myself, in a world of my own. A young woman waited on the pavement where it was narrow as I went by and I gave her a little smile (not talking as baby on verge of sleep). She said "Rude bitch, you could say thank you". Felt awful! But equally, was thinking how ironic as I think it is somewhat ruder to call a stranger in the street a bitch than not to say thank you.

The same week I was cold called by a company not for the first time, I said you've called me twice already, please don't call again (friendly voice), woman on phone said "how rude" and hung up.

These both made me feel rubbish and cross and confused as I am generally polite I think. People can be most odd.

Mum2Luke Wed 01-Dec-10 14:07:36

I always ask 'what's the magic word?'if my ds3 and the lad I mind forget to say 'thank you and 'please' but usually I don't have to remind them which is nice.

I find some elderly people very rude sometimes, its like they expect people to be polite when they've pushed in front of you on the bus or in a queue!

holidays2010 Wed 01-Dec-10 14:15:53

I totally agree with the title of this thread, I find people's acts of politness or general manners are dying out!

I was on holiday in Portugal and found the people are so much more polite than in England (which shouldn't be, I thought we were the most polite and upstanding country for manners in the world!) but even young boys (who can be forgiven for not saying thank you) were polite and considerate over there.

I recently had to move myself and DD1 to the side of the pavement to allow a trio of woman to walk past (I didnt 'have' to stop), I waited patiently and the woman just looked at me coldly and continued talking to her friend as they past without even a smile of thanks! Put me in a foul mood! :P

But maybe this thread will remind a few to say thanks who wouldnt normally?
Hope it doesnt do the opposite!

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