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AIBU?

To want to cook a nice christmas dinner but not to be expected to be expected to make in ott?

165 replies

springchik · 23/11/2010 20:08

We are having christmas dinner at home with my 2 dcs aged 3 and 5. My pils are also comming. They always made a huge thing of christmas dinner a starter 2 sorts as meat (a turkey and something else) homemade stuffing and masses of vegtables and homemade yorkshire puddings aswell followed by christmas pudding plus an alternative desserts if you like. I know because I have been a few times over the years (either christmas day or boxing day) also dh has told me many times! LOL!

Anyway I have made clear to dh that whilst I will cook a nice christmas dinner I WILL NOT go to town in that way. I want to have time as well to enjooy the dcs opening their presents and just be able to spend time with them aswell as cook! So NO starters, no homemade yorkshire puddings, no cauliflour cheese (dh requested this tho!) AND no 2nd sort of meat. I will be cooking turkey, roast pots and mash, roast parsnips, carrots swede, brussel sprouts and if pushed possibly aunt bessys yorkshires and stuffing (shop bought) alsoo christmas pud (which they all like plus an alternative for ds2 who didnt like it last year.

However when dh explained this to inlaws at the weekend mil nsaid dont be so silly its Christmas I'll buy some beef if you like and fil will make 2 sorts of stuffing. I just got the distinct impressiion she thinnks I should really go to town and make a bigger thing of the dinner than I am. She just seemed disaproving and dismissive. Are my plans unreasonable? By the way I find the whole cooking a big dinner quite hard and stressful anyway another reason to want to keep it reasonably simple!

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AnyFucker · 23/11/2010 20:11

Your house, your rules

You are the matriarch in your little family, remember that, and your IL's should too

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Tootlesmummy · 23/11/2010 20:11

YANBU, I'd say thanks for the offer but no thanks. You want to keep it nice and straightforward (for a change!) and whilst you appreciate the thought it's a no.

Stick to your guns unless FIL offers to cook the add ons on xmas day whilst not getting under your feet.

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/11/2010 20:13

YANBU.

Personally I think having 2 sorts of meat is a bit chavy, and totally unnecessary if you cook the turkey properly. I wouldn't bother with yorkshires at all either, as they are to have with beef surely rather than turkey?

I think they are being a bit rude actually - they are guests and so the menu isn't up to them. I find it odd that DH has told them what you'll be cooking - is he desperate for their approval in some way?

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FakePlasticTrees · 23/11/2010 20:19

YANBU - tell your ILs thanks, but we're doing it this way. Tell your DH if he wants extras, he can make them. But why is he discussing what you are/are not cooking with his ILs?

If they want to bring something, perhaps suggest they do pudding. One less thing for you to buy/think about.

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springchik · 23/11/2010 20:19

He hasnt told themm what I'll be cooking I havent really discussed it assuch just said imm not going ott and nos i've previously listed iyswim. Just said I am not going to go ott with a massive christmas dinner. Also both my dc do not eat if they are excited which they surely will be so whoo will I be cooking all this for. Its dh who always want yorkshire puddings with EVERY roast dinner hes sort of obsessed. I blame the inlaws for that too lol!

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midori1999 · 23/11/2010 20:25

Can't your DH cook if he wants something specific that you don't want to cook?

I never get the big deal with making yorkshires myself, they take no time. Also, if PIL make the stuffing and bring it over (if that's what they like) where's the harm?

That said, I wouldn't want someone altering or infringeing upon my Christmas meal, but then maybe I'm a bit like your PIL as I like certain things and don't like to go anywhere else for Christmas Dinner in case they do something odd like no turkey. Blush (I appreciate I'm a bit awkward in that!)

I would probably try and find a compromise, but ultimately, it's your meal and it's up to you what you want to cook.

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theevildead2 · 23/11/2010 20:27

WHy are 2 bits of meat chavvy? Genuinely curious. I'm a vegetarian so I have no frame of reference!

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springchik · 23/11/2010 20:29

not chavvy but ott surely?

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midori1999 · 23/11/2010 20:29

I did wonder that too...

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saffy85 · 23/11/2010 20:31

So they havve been invited to your home for christmas dinner and dismissed it as being silly? Hmm as AF said, your house your rules. YANBU to want a nice simple christmas dinner. Just say thanks for the offer but you've sorted the menu yourself. don't be pushed around.

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fruitstick · 23/11/2010 20:32

2 sorts of meat is ridiculous, especially when there are just 4 adults. You're not a fucking carvery. Blimey, I'd just do a big chicken.

I think your dinner sounds fab and really just a special Sunday lunch.

If it were me, I would do turkey, roast pot (no need for mash), parsnips, carrot & swede mah, brussels. ABSOLUTELY NO YORKSHIRE PUDDING).

However, in the interests of compromise, I would ask FIL to make his 'special stuffing' and bring it with him as there is no way yours would match up Grin. Make such a big deal of this that they will forget to question the rest of the meal.

I would also buy some pigs in blankets from the supermarket to add to the festive feel.

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Feelingsensitive · 23/11/2010 20:32

YANBU. I can't stand all this 'lets all run about like headless chickens making christmas dinner a la nigella' even though she is loaded and can hire a load of help if she so wishes. As for those blardy magazines parading 'how to make your christmas perfect' covers , well I would like to send them all to a distant deserted island and blow them up. Christmas is for relaxing and enjoying not spending the whole day in the darn kitchen cooking and then cleaning the squillions of utensils you've had to go and buy to make this damned feast that no one eats. I like a simple roast dinner (yours sounds great) no red cabbage with sultanas, mashed swede or buttered cabbage.Just meat (normally chicken as I don't like turkey), veg, potatoes and white sauce (yes I know it doesnt go with chicken but I like it) Christmas pud and cream. A bottle of sparkly and a box of Quality street with some nuts for later. Job done.

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fruitful · 23/11/2010 20:33

Personally, I'd tell them we're having spaghetti bolognese followed by a Walls Vienetta. Grin

Don't let them bring stuff though, they'll end up bringing loads and expecting you to cook it, and there is no way they'd manage to do it themselves without getting in your way in the kitchen.

Can you tell them this is your family tradition? "Don't be so silly, it's Christmas, we never have two sorts of meat at Christmas!".

And tell your dh that if he wants cauli cheese, he'll need to cook it. In fact, why can't he do the whole dinner? It is his parents who apparently need to be pandered too, and it doesn't sound as if you're confident in the kitchen, so there's no reason why it should be you rather than him, is there?

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ApocalypseCheese · 23/11/2010 20:33

Yabu for forgetting the pigs in blankets Wink

Yanbu for wanting to do it your way.

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Feelingsensitive · 23/11/2010 20:34

Also like pigs in blankets but only the ready made ones.

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dinkystinky · 23/11/2010 20:34

Will inlaws be with you on boxing day also? If they're so keen to cook stuffing beef etc maybe they can do that on boxing day and you can have a lovely lie in/play with the kids etc.

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traceybath · 23/11/2010 20:34

I really really hate 'your house your rules' its just so unwelcoming.

However I wouldn't discuss the menu with them - just give them whatever you want to cook. And if your mil asks if they can help perhaps suggest she brings a starter or pudding which is perfectly reasonable.

And your DH can make the cauliflower cheese/yorkshires now and put them in the freezer ready for christmas day.

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fruitstick · 23/11/2010 20:36

I think 2 meats is a bit chavvy too.

I have some friends who do this (who aren't chavvy now I think of it).

Anyway, I think it stems from generosity being seen in terms of quantity of food, rather than the quality of the produce or the cooking.

So a cheap slab of beef and a battery chicken is more of a gesture than a couple of slices of really good meat.

And as a matter of taste, it's very rare that 2 meats go together anyway, except bacon (see aforementioned pigs in blankets). Beef and chicken certainly not Hmm.

I'll get my coat.

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nbee84 · 23/11/2010 20:37

Well it sounds to me like your in laws are trying to do something to be helpful. Mine make the xmas pud and bring the cheese and biscuits. I'd accept all offers of help - it's less for you to do. Just because xmas din is at yours this year it doesn't mean you have to cook all of it (even if you are not - Aunt Bessie's indeed Hmm Wink)

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Prinnie · 23/11/2010 20:38

I would decline the offer of 2nd type of meat but accept offer of homemade stuffing - that saves you even having to think about stuffing and you can just put it in the oven to warm.

I actually think that you could cut your veg down even more - do you need mash AND swede?

Also don't forget you could do a lot of prep before the day.

Good luck!

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traceybath · 23/11/2010 20:39

Yes do agree beef and turkey slightly odd although turkey and gammon acceptable I think.

People are funny about christmas lunch though and many people want it just how their mums always did it.

You see I personally don't get roast and mashed potatoes surely just roast is enough but thats just me.

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AnyFucker · 23/11/2010 20:40

I don't think "your house, your rules" is at all unwelcoming

all you are saying is "this is us, you are welcome to join us doing things the way we do them"

would OP be favourably received if she criticised how the IL's do their dinner ? I think not

IL's have their traditions, OP has hers (sensible ones that don't involve being a martyr to the stove)

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Jumpty · 23/11/2010 20:40

YANBU! Your dinner sounds lovely and you're the host so it's up to you. I wouldn't let anyone bring anything that needs to be cooked on arrival - they'll just get in your way and need a ring or oven space that you have already planned to use. If they bring starters it will disrupt your timing of the main course and add a load of stress to you.

Must say, I hate pot luck in general and especially at Christmas.

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Baileysandice · 23/11/2010 20:41

Do you have a dishwasher?? Who is going to be cleaning and scrubbing those dirty dishes that what I want to know? Christmas should be relaxing, and all about having fun especially with young kiddies in house. Just my view tho.

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Truckulent · 23/11/2010 20:41

I'm cooking dinner this year, and my parents bring extra stuff to make it special (well my mum does) doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I've been asked for 3 different types of meat as well by my children. Surely your DH can help you cook?

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