Regarding pet rabbits - I feel I maybe being harsh but am I?

[bigpurple]

My dd who is a teenager (i.e. not a young child) got 2 pet rabbits at Easter.

She asked for them for over 2.5 years, so not a flash in the pan decision.

The whole deal before she got them was that she had to look after them, and financially they were her responsibility. Hence why we waited so long as we wanted her to be an age that she could take on the responsibility.

However, since she's had the rabbits, the cost for food, treats, innoculations, holiday cover has fallen on us.

Worse than that numerous times her rabbits have escaped, they have a large run, and large hutch, but she's been very careless with the latches. We've retrieved the rabbits, she's half heaterdly helped, the neighbours have kindly retrieved her rabbits.

We've told her off, numerous times, and have said they will get lost, be eaten by cats/foxes, weather exposure etc.

Anyway, the rabbits got out last Wednesday as she hadn't secured their hutch properly. I advised her when she came home on Wednesday, that they weren't there, and that I had tried to catch them, but was unable to. She said 'oh' looked out the back door and that was her amount of effort. She then went out for the evening, my dh and I tried to find the rabbits but couldn't find them. She asked Thursday and Friday whether we had seen them, I had seen one on the Thursday run through our garden, but couldn't catch it.

(BTW we are out at work all day - and she is at home technically more hours than we are if she didn't choose to go out with friends in the evening).

She didn't look Thurs/Fri for them, dh and I ddid but no success.

Saturday afternoon with no concern from her, I suggested she did a leaflet drop to see if any neighbours had seen the rabbits. Houses behind ours said they had seen them on the Thursday but not since.

Sunday dh and I looked for them, dd did not.

DD came home from school didn't look for them, went out at 7pm - still not going outside, came home at 9.30pm, and asked if I thought the rabbits would come back.

I said I doubted it now due to a) the cold, b) the number of cats around and c) the foxes.

She then burst into tears, and said she realy missed them. I said it is sad, but that I have absolutely no sympathy to her, and I just hope the rabbits didn't suffer, she thinks I'm being a terrible mother. Maybe I am but I can't get the sympathy for her - would you have sympathy for your child in this situation?

[Sorry it's so long].

[SuePurblybiltByElves]

Sad for the rabbits, tough titties for her I agree. YANBU at all. Please don't get her any more pets!

[peeringintothevoid]

YANBU. At all! I hope this teaches her a bit about the responsibility involved in caring for an animal, although from what you've said, it doesn't sound like it.

Poor rabbits.

[taintedpaint]

Yes, I would have sympathy. There's a huge difference between being careless and actually losing your pet. I suspect your DD has learned a valuable lesson from her loss alone, I don't think she really needs you telling her you have no sympathy for her. That's a bit of a kick in the teeth.

I think I might be in the minority though, I just think now is not really the time to be harsh with her.

[peeringintothevoid]

Yes - please don't let her have any more pets.

[mrsgordonfreeman]

Probably not, tbh. It sounds as though she didn't realise that they are in danger when they escape as they have done, and that they are damned hard to catch once they do.

I feel sorry for the rabbits though.

Domesticated bunnies are unlikely to last long outside like that, I'm afraid to say.

However, a word of hope: when I was a young teenager my sister and I kept 2 rabbits in a large run built by my father. The little bleeders kept escaping, constantly, and were sometimes gone for weeks on end. We would camp out by the run sometimes, or build elaborate traps, but the buggers would just come back of their own accord.

They both died of old age, in their run.

If the rabbits do come back, you should probably think about rehoming them.

[peeringintothevoid]

taintedpaint I'd expect better and more responsible behaviour from my eight year old!

[bigpurple]

No no more pets.

[Dansmommy]

When you say she's a teenager..how old?

But anyway, I agree with you. If they do, by some miracle, turn up, I think you should get them rehomed.

[SlartyBartFast]

yanbu,
i hope someone has rehomed them for themselves at least

[bigpurple]

Unfortunately we got woken in the middle of Thursday night by a cat fight in our garden, I expect the rabbits were part of it - we went out, but on opening the door, the cats scarpered, and there was no fur, or evidence of the rabbits.

[thisisyesterday]

poor rabbits :(

i'd have rehomed them a LONG time ago if i were you as she clearly wasn't interested in them.

[taintedpaint]

peering, yes, and normally I would agree, but I am a bit soft when it comes to animals, and I would never punish further a child who had just lost a pet, and parental judgement is punishment, no matter what the age. I would expect that any child brought up to love animals would take care of them more than OP's DD, but I do think the loss of them now is likely punishment enough.

[ChippingIn]

No - I wouldn't have any sympathy for her, but tbh as her parents you should have made her look for the rabbits, you all should have put more effort into finding them.

They are animals that you allowed a child in your home to have and you should have had more responsibility for their welfare - should they come back, please find them a new home.

You should have re-homed them before this.

[peeringintothevoid]

taintedpaint I see your point, and I hope that the loss of them is punishment enough. I also am very soft when it comes to animals, hence my stronger reaction. I guess we're coming from the same place but with different approaches.

[thisisyesterday]

yes but she didn't technically "lose" them did she?
she didn't do the hutch up properly, despite knowing they had got out before and that she NEEDED to make it safe

so it was her own fault they got out, and when she was told they were out she couldn't be bothered to look for them

so no sympathy deserved at ALL IMO

Also worth noting that she was supposed to be financially responsible for them.... so am assuming she isn't 13 but old enough to earn money?

[Myleetlepony]

If she'd gone searching for them I might have some sympathy and say she's learnt a hard lesson. As she was too 'effing lazy to go out and search then she needed a kick up the arse and I guess she just got it. Don't get her any more animals. If you ever do again, then rehome them the very day she doesn't care for them, pay for them, or in any way look after them as agreed.

[Myleetlepony]

Honestly, I had guinea pigs from the age of 11, and if they had got loose I'd have searched high and low for them. And even at that age I'd have had the brains to understand that they were in danger being loose outside.

[bigpurple]

ChippingIn Wed/Thu/Fri my dh and I spent 2 hours searching the bushes in the evening, we made a number of different places for them to go into, I spent up to an hour looking for them every morning, before work. DH and I searched 3 different occassions on Saturday, then again Monday.

We got up in the middle of the night, like I say when we heard the cats.

I don't know where they've gone, and I do appreciate that with the amount of searching that my dh and I did, then my dd would probably not have been successful.

But if she had put in the effort, then I would of still been cross that the latch was unsecure, but I would of at least had sympathy that she was looking for them.

[bigpurple]

I meant to say Sunday (3 occassions on Sunday).

Had a look this morning, and again this evening.

[HumphreyCobbler]

YANBU or harsh

[ChippingIn]

Are you still putting food in the hutches? Can they still get in the hutches?

I doubt they'll come back now - but it's still a bit too soon to give up entirely.

Why didn't you make her stay home and look for them? There's no way I'd of let her go out with her friends when they went missing...?

[fireblademum]

you had every right to be cross with her. remind her that you can be prosecuted for failing to look after an animal properly, regardless of how much you claim you cared emotionality for it. harsh but true. poor rabbits.

[BexVN]

As you said she is not a young child so I think you are right to be firm with her re: lack of sympathy.

She is not ready for any more pets of her own.

However I will just point out one thing, the law states that a child under 16 cannot be held accountable for the well being of an animal so responsibility does actually fall on parents and guardians.

tbh this would apply more for a cruelty case situation more (eg a parent blaming a child for the fact a rabbit has become ill and the child did not do anything about it. This would be the parents fault for not double checking on the pet) Not many people know this.

[Desiderata]

Think of it this way; even if they've succumbed to the weather, or a hawk, or a cat (although I doubt it, because rabbits are pretty savvy), they've had a bout of freedom, and I bet they loved every minute of it!

Teenagers and pets! Never a great idea, but I'm sure she's learned a valuable lesson, despite her emotional standpoint.

[bigpurple]

Food in the hutches - they've got their regular hutch, and then spaced round the garden are two other shelters, each has food in, and every other day I have put in fresh treats such as apples/lettuce/carrots in the hope that will encourage them. None of it has been touched at all.

I've been having so many battles with her recently I was trying to get any sign of a conscience from her. I.e. are you really going to go out? what about the rabbits? I'm going out now to look for them are you going to look for them etc. I am trying a different route with her, of right lets not shout, and order as that's doing bugger all, but so it appears is the other method, until tonight was the first sign of emotion, but it almost seemed more for her than the animals.

Like I say DH and I have been searching for the rabbits, we've not washed our hands of the situation, as you rightly say as the adults we are still ultimately responsible.