to feel a little envious of my friend for coping so well...

[mumtobe23]

I have a friend who gave birth to her first beautiful baby about three weeks ago, i'm over the moon for her, but does anyone else ever feel a bit when their friends seem to cope so well at everything?
I was a crying, nervous wreck for the first 3 months and barley left the sofa! It took me weeks to master breast feeding and get the courage to go out for a walk with my DD.

I'm so happy for her yet very envious of her as she seems to have taken to motherhood so well which is brilliant but... she has just given birth to her first child and not only is she breastfeeding esily, doing all the housework, cooking dinners & entertaining people she's been here there and everywhere with baby! And shes told all who will listen she's already back into her size 8's!
I'm just writing this because I feel a really sad about how i coped compared to her, AIBU?

[PussinJimmyChoos]

I hate mothers like this quite frankly

[SheWillBeLoved]

There has to be a catch, give it time, it'll come

[Serendippy]

Everyone thought I was a natural. I was rubbish (and still am). Fooled them, though.

[PinkieMinx]

YABU - be happy for your friend. Your last sentence shows the truth - you just feel sad for not enjoying it as much as you'd have wanted. FWIW same here. I had PND and still struggle - I see some mums & feel a total failure.

[Fibilou]

I was that mother. Dream pregnancy, really quick adn easy labour, easy baby, everything was a doddle.
but when bad times hit (teething, sickness etc) I have found it really, really hard to deal with as I had never had to deal with a screaming, unhappy, uncooperative baby before.

[jmc112]

I know exactly how you feel. Two points:

Don't compare your inside to someone else's outside. Who knows how she's really feeling.

Second, some people seem to get a rush of happy hormones after the birth, others find the opposite. My friend was making cupcakes the day after hers was born. I was still sitting on the sofa crying at 6 weeks afterwards. I'm positive it was mostly hormones.

[TryLikingClarity]

YANBU.... but it may not be true.

On the surface she may be coping very well and have sprung back to 'normal', but inside she might be fighting with her feelings and hormones.

When I had DS 8.5 months ago I was straight back to cooking dinners, out and about with him in pram, he took to BFing really well and I got back into shape quickly.

When anyone asked me how I was, I said "fine" cuz I guessed that was the answer they wanted to hear. I had a great, healthy boy and things looked good.

But at times in my private quiet moments I felt torn by my thoughts and sometimes I was like a swan - looked good on the surface, but under the suface I was struggling to save face.

Don't feel sad OP! Enjoy your lovely little baby and don't compare yourself to others!

[KurriKurri]

Don't compare yourself to others, everyone is different, there are no rules about how you should cope. people have different birth experiences, and some people's bodies take longer to recover and adjust.

Motherhood lasts a long time - tiny baby is just the beginning, - I was at a bit of a loss with what to do with a baby - but in my element when they got a bit older, DH was the opposite - great with newborns, struggled with teenagers. You do the best you can, that's all you can do.

Mum's come in all varieties. Supermum with sparkly house is one kind, but it's not the only kind and not necessarily the best.

You will be fine, your life has changed in a big way, of course it takes time to adjust and learn new skills, don't be so hard on yourself

[Sidge]

Oh please don't be sad.

I was much like your friend when I had DD1 - she was a dream baby, breastfed easily, slept well, and despite DH going away to sea when she was 5 weeks I coped really well. But I always knew that I had it good and would never compare myself to my friends; motherhood is so intensely personal and variable and we should NEVER feel inadequate for not doing things the same way as other mums.

When it boils down to it it's not about having the cleanest house and the flattest tummy - it's about having an adored, happy, well-developed and well-rounded child

[mumtobe23]

Don't get me wrong i am very happy for her, she is doing amazingly well and i tell her this when i see her, i know it is difficult having a baby and i'm sure she does have her tough moments. Glad i'm not alone in feeling a like it though!

[WinkyWinkola]

I remember feeling very sad when one of my friends had the peaceful water birth I'd planned.

I remember not understanding why my friends didn't have the same angry child that I have.

I think it's normal to feel envious. Some people have a really hard time adjusting to parenthood. Others don't. Often, it's not really something we can control. I know i"m very sad about the way I couldn't cope with the issues parenting brought.

Just be there for her when some sh*t does hit the fan because it's never always plain sailing.

[Olifin]

YANBU and you are normal to feel envious. I had a similar situation with a friend recently and felt really weird and perplexed about it. Bet you are a lovely mum.

[sethstarkaddersmum]

I was thinking you were a bit unreasonable until I got to 'And shes told all who will listen she's already back into her size 8's!'
which makes me think there may be something else going on here: it's not just that she's coping well, but is she perhaps showing off about it a bit, or at least not being terribly tactful in making everyone aware of how well she's doing even though she knows you didn't have such an easy time of it?

anyhow 3 weeks is early days yet and sometimes babies sleep much more in the first few weeks than they do subsequently. It may get harder for her (not that we want it to, obviously )

[Guitargirl]

I had DD by emergency c-section after a long, horrible, induced labour. On the post-natal ward was a new mum I knew by sight locally. She gave birth to her baby (naturally) when DD was 3 days old. My milk came in that day, I was suffering terribly with engorgement as DD would not latch on properly. I had cracked nipples from the hospital's industrial strength expressing machine and I had slept about 4 hours in total over 4 days.

I remember watching through a miserable, zombie-like fog as this radiant mum left the ward a few hours after giving birth, wearing lipstick and beaming for photos with her baby and the midwifes. My DD was on antibiotics and I passed her on the way out as I shuffled off to SCBU for the latest dose.

But then fast forward 2 years to DS's birth and I saw some women on the ward in such a terrible state. It's all relative I guess!

[TattyDevine]

I think it balances out somewhere along the way. I really coped well when my babies were born and thereafter - I now have a 3 year old and 1 year old and they slept well, fed well, are really good at entertaining themselves, and are generally delightful. I got through the terrible twos with very few problems. So its all good.

But I really did have the worst pregnancies in the world - its like nature had already punished me in advance. Not just uncomfy or a bit sick but life threatening conditions in both to the extent that I wont be attempting a third.

And whilst these baby/preschool years are coasting along well, who knows what I might face when they are teenagers or whatever.

Its bound to balance out a bit somewhere along the way.

[HMTheQueen]

I was that woman. I had DS in 3 1/2 hours, back home quickly, breastfeeding well, sleeping okayish, going out for a friends wedding when DS was 6 days old - seeing lots of people - bouncing back into my figure quickly...

Then DH got ill and he ended up in Hospital with cancer. He died when DS was 7 months old.

Now I have a 2 1/2 year old with very strong opions about everything... including whether or not to go downstairs.

I love DS more than life itself, but it is hard work...I put it down to having such an easy time to start off with.

[mamsnet]

Jesus, HMThe Queen..

And I was going to start whinging about colic, sibling rivalry and the likes..

[HMTheQueen]

Sorry - brought it down a bit

What I was trying to say is that you never know what is around the corner - so don't be too envious of her... your DC could be fabulous teenagers! And then you'll be the envy of all the school mums!

[LaWeaselMys]

I coped easily... But DD was an easy baby.

She is not an easy toddler! Before she was 18mths I'd had to deal with a ling phase of her pretending to be hit by other DC. At 20mths we have fantastically irrational tantrums and swearing at my MIL!!

She is still lovely though.

It's never always easy for anyone. Don't tell her it will be terrible later though, it's a bit stomp-on-your-parade.

[pommedeterre]

She may also be hiding some of how she really feels including from herself.
I think I may have appeared a bit like that at various times over the last 8 months because I survive on adrenaline and feel upset after. I have two evenings last week where I cried all evening once dd had gone to bed. Solidly. Just thinking about how hard everything had been in the early days and trying to get it straight in my mind. I only cried a couple of times at the actual events though.

[ProfYaffle]

3 weeks is still early, sleepy baby stage. Dd2 was a dream for the first 6 weeks or so, 9 - 12 months was a whole different story though!

[sethstarkaddersmum]

So sorry for your loss HMtheQueen.
It sounds like you are getting your terrible twos in now, when you're meant to, and by the time he is three he'll be out the other side. Mine are late developers - they hit terrible two behaviour around 4

[MarineIguana]

I "coped" very well with my new baby, despite really suffering with breastfeeding problems - I was cooking from scratch, ticking off DIY jobs around the house, heading out with baby and DS to take DS to stimulating activities, etc. My GP was worried about me and I couldn't see why - turned out I had PND and was filling every second with activity in an attempt to feel on top of things. I was getting everything done, but emotionally detached and exhausted.

I also remember ages ago, with my first baby, my HV saying she worried most when someone was perfectly turned out with a gleaming house and big grin because that meant they were pushing themselves too hard.