to think that sons of single mums make good partners?

[darleneconnor]

A common theme on the threads where women complain about the lack of housework/childcare their DPs do is that they gew up with Mums who spent their lives servicing them and their Dads.

I know I'm going on a small sample size but the men I know who've been raised by single Mums are much more self-sufficient and self-servicing in the domestic sense than men who've been raised witnessing the traditional male breadwinner/female homemaker roles.

Has anyone else noticed this or is it just a blip?

[Panzee]

I don't know for sure but for my son's sake I hope so! :)

[HowAnnoying]

My Brother was raised by a single mum and he's very good at doing his share, and generally quite sensitive.

My DP is from a 2 parent family but his mum is a witch who did all housework, tidying, cooking etc but never played or gave any LOVE, as a result he's a fucking 'mare to live with!!

[pagwatch]

My DP is the son of a couple where the mother is a total run around while the father does nothing. I remeber her trying to hand him a bacon sandwich she had made him. He was talking and watching the telly , didn't look at her and waved her away .

DH is a better cook than me, does all the shopping, tidies and takes on more than his fair share even though I am a SAHM.

I am a sahm but all the Dcs contribute, clean and tidy and all cook a bit ( depending on their age)

YABU. I think people are far more compicated than that.

[webwiz]

Waaay too simplistic! It is possible for single mothers to raise domestically lazy men and for mothers with partners to raise men who do their share.

[2shoes]

yabu
my dh was raised by a couple, but he is great arround the house.

[violethill]

Agree that people are far more complicated.

As a teacher, I actually come across quite a few teenage boys who live with just their mother, and have little or no contact with their dad, and the mother is pretty ineffectual. Some of these lads are out of control, and manipulate their mother. I wouldn't call them great partner material. However, I wouldn't judge everyone on that basis.

Also, as a married couple, we have always led by example. We both earn, we both cook, we both clean.... I would hate any of my children to think that there are set roles for either gender.

[Meglet]

I'm workng on this with DS. He can already load the tumble dryer and put clean clothes away.

His Dad was a lazy oaf , his dad worked his mum kept the house spotless and picked up his crap. XP thought things were cleaned by the cleaning fairy.

[taintedpaint]

Too much of a generalisation IMO (although I do see why you're making it).

[brimfull]

better is son brought up by single father
like my dh

[Boobalina]

my ex-h was bought up by a single mum and he was totally fecking useless - couldnt cook, clean, shop - just pathetic. It was even made a feature of in the best mans speech!!!!

My son when he leaves home (as will my daughter) will be a credit to any person who has a relationship with him and fully independant and have a big emotional tool box to boot.

[GypsyMoth]

Single mum here too

I doubt many 12 year olds have this morning told their mum about some loose skirting board they have discovered whilst down on their hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor..... Mine just did lol! It's chore time here today, and with 5 dc they ALL need to pull their weight

Even the 2 year old makes his bed daily. And helps around the house. My 7 year old is sweeping leaves. And then will Hoover out the car.

Not sure if it's more because we are a lone parent family or not tho.......

[TrillianAstra]

I wouldn't say that sons of single mums make ny better partners than sons of married mums - and if you are happy to make generalisations then how about the 'fact' (complete guess) that you are possibly more likely to have a clingy MIL.

I think sons of non-doormat mums who demonstrate good equal relationships would be the best partners.

[BOOMyhoo]

yes you are generalising just a teensy bit i think.

my best friend's husband was raised by two parents and does just as much as his wife at home. they both work FT and both shares chores and actually he cooks more often.

[Goldenbear]

Going on my own personal experiences I don't think this is true. My DP is not great domestically atall and my brother only irons his shirts in his family set up. I must stress this is the arrangement my SIL wants. Both have been raised by single mums but both are very old fashioned in their domestic arrangements. My DP and DB are very concerned about being the income providers in the family almost compensating for their dads limited presence believing that's what a man should do. It's not that either won't do domestic work but they definitely are not supremely better at it because of their upbringing!

[RobynLou]

my brother is the son of a 'traditional' family set up - sahm who did most the housework and baked/ran around after everyone and dad who worked and cut the grass.

but that mum was very much a feminist and he had two big sisters who taught him that women and girls are to be respected!

He's now an excellent partner

[DollyTwat]

Interestig thread because in theory this should be the case but I have noticed that my two boys have no idea what a dad is supposed to do.

They just think that women do everything. I'm doing my best to rectify this. They do jobs and help. Buy they see it as helping me rather than their shakes of the chores.
Single mum here by the way

[DollyTwat]

Oh bloody iPhone!

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[EternalBlame]

I think TrillianAstra has it right - it's the sons of non-doormat mums who make good partners. I think single mums have a high proportion of non-doormat mums as many of them have decided they'd rather be on their own than be a doormat to some idiot. But of course some single mums will still be doormats, it might have been their ex who decided to leave or they might be widowed.

My son is the only boy I know who has a single mum as a parent and based on that sample size of one, I can confirm that boys of single mums are likely to be gorgeous, witty, clever, helpful and entertaining.

[DollyTwat]

EternalBlamey boys are all of those things of course!

I'm just a bit disappointed that whilst I thought I was teaching my boys that women are equal And can do anything I also seem to have given them tbe impression that they don't have to do anything!

They are only 5 & 8 so there is a limit to what they can do to be helpful but it's a battle.
So it's hard to give them an example of what a dad or partner does.

[hifi]

dont agree, dh is one and hankered after a traditional set up,which we have.hes also a crap cook.hes also crap when it comes to taking the kids out .

[DollyTwat]

Hifi so do you think your dh lacked an example like my boys?

[hifi]

yes i do, hes quite instinctive as a parent but doesnt do the outdoorsey/play stuff.

[Serendippy]

YABU. Sons of mums/dads/couples who set good examples make good partners. Sons of parents who do not teach/encourage them to be helpful, considerate etc make not-so-good parnters, from single parent families or not.

[hairytriangle]

YABU - my ex was the most useless person I've ever ever met in terms of doing anything for himself.

[blueshoes]

Dh is great in the house (though his DIY skills less so). Raised by SAHM who kept a nice house. His sister is woeful.

I guess we should look at brothers/siblings raised in the same household and see if they turn out differently. I am guessing they will.