to not babysit for these people again?

[smupcakes]

I am a nanny and I recently cared for two children (10 months and 6) Friday 6am - Saturday 10am when their grandparents took over.

I am the only babysitter this family have that they can leave the baby with as I've minded them since he was 3 months and he isn't used to anyone else. He is v.fussy atm and cries even if strangers speak to him while he's in the pram etc.

Initally their parents quivelled about my rate - which I preemptively reduced because I know they are tight with money and wanted to avoid any awkwardness.

I offered, my hourly rate from 6am (when I turned up to find the mother still in her PJs - thanks for making me get up at 5 and then not leaving for 45 minutes!) until the little girl went to sleep at 8:30pm. And 40 quid overnight And then hourly rate 6am (when the baby was supposed to wake) until 10am.

I thought this was quite reasonable - they weren't very happy apparently but reluctantly agreed. Keep in mind they were going for a long weekend away to a five star hotel to gamble and shop! I arrived to find an A4 typed page of jobs ranging from batch cooking, ironing (kids only) to refilling ALL bottles for grandmother's start (which I would've done anyway as a courtesy but TBH seemed a little over the top as I'm sure the grandmother could have refilled 1 or 2 bottles if need be)...


Anyhow, the baby apparent sleeps through all night on every occasion. Well, not on this occasion. Woke 5-6 times. Fed, cuddled etc. Told the mother on the phone the next morning when she called - of course no mention of compensation, an apology or even commiseration for my being up all night. "Ohhhh, he hasn't done that in ages..."

Then the grandfather arrived to take the little girl to her swimming lesson, and said their grandmother would be arriving at 10am to relieve me (I stay home with the baby while they go to swimming). The baby starts screaming hysterically as soon as the grandfather comes in. The mother had previously told me he hadn't had much to do with the grandparents, but it would be fine. It clearly wasn't fine - he was absolutely distraught until the grandfather handed him back to me after insisting he should hold "misery guts". So after the little girl and grandfather left, I called Mum to say I was a bit concerned as baby obviously didn't settle the whole 20 minutes the grandfather was there and would only stop crying when I held him. Was back to happy, smiling self the minute he left.

I offered to have him for the day - take him round to do my jobs etc and just bring him back and put him to bed. I would have thought the Mother would be extremely grateful for the offer, considering her baby was obviously distressed being held / around someone he didn't know. Obviously completely her choice to accept or not but no word of thanks were offered only a curt, "No - it'll be fine.. Ok, bye".

The grandmother then arrives, cue hysterical crying from the baby when she steps through the door through to when I gather up my stuff to leave. As I close the front door she is holding him at arms length and he has his arms outstretched in my direction, becoming increasingly more red and out of breath.

I don't think I'll babysit for them again because I am a bit resentful about the pay and tbh - it makes me sad and this incident has really confirmed for me, they don't seem to have the best interests of their children at heart (all the time)..

So AIBU to refuse all future work? Or am I overreacting?

[BooBooImpaledOnBrokenGlass]

Why on earth would you expect 'compensation' for a baby that has been awake all night?
Being resentful of the pay makes you sound pretty mean tbh- you agreed the terms and tbh on an overnighter the baby waking is to be expected. Thank god you're not my babysitter

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

I wouldn't. You aren't doing them a favour. You're not a charity - This is your livelihood. You have to put your business head on.

If you feel the baby is at risk, (I mean it doesn't sound it, but I don't know if there's more that you're unhappy with on that score ) that is something to deal with seperatly.

I don't think that's how you spell seperatly. Sorry about that.

[2shoes]

yabu about the money, but not about the other bit

[Attenborough]

YANBU - if you feel uncomfortable with their parenting decisions and they don't pay well, then I think you'd be right to stop working for them. Poor baby.

[gingernutlover]

YANBU

but, you cant really blame them for you deciding to reduce your rate can you?

[booyhoo]

the baby waking trhough the bnight is par for the course i am afraid. as you know, babies cannot be programmed to sleep allnight and when you agree to overnigt care you are agreeing to teh cahnce that teh baby might wake up. i don't think you deserve any compensation for that.

wrt to teh baby crying, whilst very upsetting, it is up to teh parents who the baby is with.

but i agree with you, i wouldn't be happy doing taht again.

[laweaselmys]

I can see where both of you are coming from tbh. Baby needs to get used to gp's or they'll be paying huge amounts in babysitting for a long time.

I'm sure it was upsetting to leave him crying too though.

If you are not comfortable don't go back.

[letsblowthistacostand]

If they refuse to pay you your full rate I'd not sit for them again anyway. Don't think you sound resentful at all, they're not paying you enough and it sounds like bloody hard work!

In my nanny/babysitting days I struck off anyone who was stingy or had ridiculous expectations of what a babysitter could manage, just make an excuse next time they ask.

[Myleetlepony]

I agree with you, just turn them down flat next time, and tell them you weren't happy with the way you were treated this time. I wouldn't expect compensation, however maybe a "buy yourself a drink" wouldn't come amiss, or even a box of chocs.
Don't give discounts again, if you are charging a reasonable going rate stick by it.

[booyhoo]

letsblowthis you don't know her hourly rate. how do you know she isn't getting paid 'enough'?

[traceybath]

Do you think the mother had lied and the baby doesn't usually sleep through so had negotiated overnight rate under false pretences?

To be honest though you shouldn't have done it if you felt they were under-paying you - was never going to end well.

Definitely don't babysit for them again.

[letsblowthistacostand]

Booyhoo she said she lowered her usual rate for them. So presumably she feels she is not getting paid enough.

[frakkinstein]

Difficult as personally I wouldn't reduce my rate, I charge sleepover fees only for babies over 12months (otherwise it's night nannying rates) and that overnight fee starts at midnight, not 8pm but you offered what you offered and they accepted. It's a risk you take that children will wake up. That's why you get paid as a professional babysitter and not the teen down the road - you're there to deal with it.

The jobs seem a bit OTT if you're not their regular nanny, apart from preparing the bottles. Batch cooking though

You cannot, however, criticise their parenting decisions or infer they don't have the best interests of their children at heart. The parents have every right to want the grandparents to look after them, and the grandparents have every right to see the children.

I'd not be refusing future work, just charging my usual rates...But you have every right to if you don't feel you can work with that family.

[smupcakes]

I should have explained better. The reason I charged 40 pounds overnight (8:30pm - 6am) is because I was assured the baby would NOT wake. That was part of the mothers argument to convince me to lower my rate further which I declined to do. If I am caring for a child who wakes several times, as this baby did, I would charge my hourly rate all night - this is night nannying and many people charge a higher rate than their daily rate for this.

However, apart from this I am aware I did agree this rate so that is my own fault - I agree. I only have myself to blame for that lingering resentment on that point. However, they seemed to be wanting to get their monies worth by assigning me quite a bit of work aside from caring for the children - which I wouldn't usually expect for 24 hours proxy parenting. Not outrageous, but soured the deal a bit considering I was getting less than I usually would for quite a bit more work.

The most upsetting part was definitely leaving the poor baby in a situation that he found very distressing. To be honest I'd have cared for him for free for the day to avoid having to leave him there. His bigger sister and house work were the majority of the day time work..

[booyhoo]

i know she feels as if it wasn't enough. i was just wondering how you knew it wasn't enough.

[Caboodle]

Never had a nanny so don't know the form but surely it is not your job to batch cook or iron? Or to prepare for the next shift (ie g/parents) so yanbu here. As for the baby waking up - par for the course I would think so yabu - unless your £40 pay was based on the fact baby wouldn't wake, in which case how can anyone be sure Also, it's up to the parents how to bring up their children and they may want dc's to be with grandparents regardless, not your choice I'm afraid. Agree with previous poster that it sounds hard work though, don't reduce your rates in the future.

[pigletmania]

YABU, compensation for a baby being up all night, isent that part of your job as a nanny, not all babies are perfect text book ones, especially when with a stranger . Why don't the parents have their child's best interests at hear? What has happened to make you feel that way. Doesent really tell in the op I am afraid.

[smupcakes]

The baby was not ill, nor had anything out of the ordinary happened the day before. I am under the impression - from what I observed that the baby is likely fed during the night by his mother and doesn't usually sleep through.

I of course understand that babies sometimes wake during the night, and so when I nanny for babies overnight I usually charge my hourly rate. This mother assured me that her baby never woke and would sleep 7-6 so I agreed to charge only a sleepover rate.

I of course agree that the baby will need to get used to his grandparents and that may not be easy etc. However, it seemed harsh / drastic to do so when his parents had already been away 24 hours and he would be staying with the grandparents for 48 hours thereafter. Of course initially it'll be hard to leave him with anyone new at that age, it just seemed unnecessary to me when he was obviously distressed and his Mum had another option.

[ChippingIn]

[Booyhoo (Hi) because she said in the OP that she'd discounted her normal rate because she knew they wouldn't pay it.]

A4 page of jobs when you are babysitting is not on. I would have told her that I had quoted her my 'babysitting' rate & not my 'nanny' rate & if she wanted jobs (batch cooking etc) done, she'd had to pay my 'nanny' rate.

It's a bit crap that she told you the baby always sleeps through (sounds like she thought you'd charge her less for the night - as you did - but knew he wouldn't sleep through), but as you can't really prove this, you just have to suck it up really! If I had been her, I would have commiserated with you being up all night at least.

I would also have been very grateful that you had offered to have him the following day and would have wanted you to - leaving him crying with GP's that he doesn't know and who aren't caring is pretty shit.

I would still sit for them as I would want to keep seeing them (the kids), however, I would quote a rate I was happy with, stipulate it is babysitting (or she can pay the nanny rate & get some 'stuff' done).

At least if they have you babysitting occasionally you can keep an eye on the kids!

[BooBooImpaledOnBrokenGlass]

Well make up your mind. Why say you're unhappy about the money and then say you'd have looked after the baby for free to avoid handing it over to the grandparents? If you resent this family so much then just don't do it again

[GeorgeOsborne]

I wouldn't. Sounds as if the mother misrepresented the job (baby sleeps through - when she doesn't - 5/6 night waking if not sick doesn't imo just come out of nowhere) & also parents resentful at wage, hence adding on extra work.

It's not working for either of you - I'd say no, but think she may not ask you again tbh.

[Firawla]

it seems quite out of order for them to tell you to batch cook and iron, if you are there to look after the dc. although i dont know if that is normal for nannies?? but i think yanbu
and i would rather leave mine with someone they know v well and comfy with, even if paying, rather than with a grandparent they werent comfy with so yanbu on that one too. the grandparents do need to build relationship but if the child is clearly distressed then the relationship building should have been done another time when the parents and grandparents are there both together! rather than just leave baby with them if they are like a stranger to him

[booyhoo]

chipping, i get that. i was just wondering (as there were no actual figures) how letsblowthis knew it wasn't enough for what OP had been asked to do. her hourly rate could be £30 for all we know! sorry OP didn't mean to hijack.

[pigletmania]

The batch of jobs is U, especially if it has been agreed between you that you will only be with the children. I understand that the mother reassured you that the baby would not wake, but you can never be 100%, there is always a possiblity that it could happen. My dd 3.6 years, was dreadful at night, would not wish it upon anybody. She has settled down now which is good.

[smupcakes]

pigletmania - that's fine, I am not particularly surprised that a 10 month old baby wakes in the night. I am surprised that the mother told me he never did, and in some weird twist of fate he did 5-6 times, crying, chatting, singing into my baby monitor.