To hate being a housewife/homemaker?

(99 Posts)
domeafavour Mon 25-Oct-10 14:07:23

I love being a mum, but hate hate hate the other stuff that comes with it.
The washing, drying on the line, on radiators, in a dryer that creases everything, the ironing, cooking , cleaning.
Sorting bills, car tax, direct debits, fixing everything that goes wrong. Organising, re- organising. Bring responsible for every bloody thing in the house.
Cooking, so sick of trying to think up new meals. Lost all appetite, don't even want to eat anything I cook.

Can't wait to go back to work, can you tell?!

domeafavour Mon 25-Oct-10 14:08:08

Oh, and one, just one unbroken nights sleep would be lovely

TrinityTheTwattyRhino Mon 25-Oct-10 14:10:10

would it help to think of it all as being a mum

I mean you cant be the mum you want to be without having a housem car, bills, food, organisation

I'll shut up, I know what you mean about sleep

but I've just started to become the motherand homemaker I've alwasy wanted to be

its been a long road and I'm not great at it but I'm doing the best for my girls

fandango75 Mon 25-Oct-10 14:10:56

Empthasise. went back 4 days a week sometimes work from home. Have part time nanny and cleaner / ironing lady. I know some of you 'earth mothers' will think i sound like a spoilt madam but the reason i did a tough degree and worked my nuts off for over a decade was so that i didn't have to clear up / organise other peoples shit, just have fun quality time with my family grin

preparing for enormous flaming but don't care

trixie123 Mon 25-Oct-10 14:12:42

YANBU. I had a year off with DS one and did enjoy it but have just gone back part time but after only a few weeks I am wishing I had gone back for more days a week and sooner as I am loving being back at work so much.
How old is your DC? The unbroken nights will come eventually, promise. In the meantime, can you try to explain to your DP that just because you are at home does not mean that you are not busy bringing up / caring for your child and that he could still contribute to household tasks to some degree?

granhands Mon 25-Oct-10 14:13:41

I know exactly what you mean.

I love being with my baby, but I hate being at home, it feels like a detached prison.

I am sick of cooking the same things over and over and over again.

I dont care about dusting etc and I never ever will, just because I am on maternity leave does not mean I have travelled back in time to the 1950s.


Oh and sleep, mmmmmmmmmm.

fandango75 Mon 25-Oct-10 14:15:51

i did some charity voluntary work whilst on mat leave so not all my time was 1950s housewife focused - is there anything you could do locally for a couple of hours a week?

ghoulishglendawhingesagain Mon 25-Oct-10 14:18:28

I don't want to piss on your chips, but won't you just be doing the same, plus working as well??

Have it all, my arse. OOOh I get to run a house and work, how jolly enlightened we are. David and Gidiot will us all stuck in the kitchen if they get their way. <and breathe>

wayoftheworld Mon 25-Oct-10 14:22:01

Oh- I could have written this post. Housework - will I ever love doing it? Do I have to love it? Currently loathe it- gets done because there is no more floor space!!

Feel like my brain has fallen apart so going to work looks even more scary. ..better not to think any of the above...ommmmm....confused

LynetteScavo Mon 25-Oct-10 14:23:21

But surely if you go back to work, the cooking and cleaning will still have to be done? confused

smallwhitecat Mon 25-Oct-10 14:25:05

Message withdrawn

bundlebelly Mon 25-Oct-10 14:25:45

I know. It can feel like death by drudgery. I never feel on top of anything.
But I hated working too, so there's no pleasing me!
Just keep it all basically hygenic and get a slow cooker to bung stuff in, then get out of there!

Onetoomanycornettos Mon 25-Oct-10 14:28:39

Well, I wish working outside the home meant you didn't have to do that stuff, the only thing most people buy out is a cleaner, so the washing, folding, cooking all still has to be done. I am personally aiming to get as high as possible professionally so I can pay to get a housekeeper/cook as I hate all these activities, so does my husband, it may never happen but it keeps me motivated

ForMashGetSmash Mon 25-Oct-10 14:32:41

No YANBU....doing all that crap just isn't everone's idea of happy...I also hate laundry and cleaning...but I LOVE being at home, I love gardening...hate cooking though and also never want what I have cooked.

Panzee Mon 25-Oct-10 14:33:10

I was so bad at being on maternity leave. I absolutely loved going back to work!

carryonupthehill Mon 25-Oct-10 14:45:28

Yes it is all dull, I just refuse to do it. I only agreed to having a family with DH if he agreed to a cleaner. We also have an ironing service who collects. I'm quite lucky in that DH actually likes cooking so he does it more than me.

I do all the bills etc but that's also because I'm better at it, there's not much to deal though with online banking and direct debits.

MrsKarpet Mon 25-Oct-10 15:09:54

I quite like vacuuming, washing up, tidying, laundry, dusting etc etc [don't believe in ironing, 'tis the devil's work] But only once. What I can't stand is that you have to keep doing it over and over and over again. Till you die. Gaaaaaaaaaagh.

My house is quite frankly a tip because there's always something better to do, like go out!

tabouleh Mon 25-Oct-10 15:16:46

OP - have you got a partner?

(I know some have not got partners at home)

Not sure if people are aware that having a partner often adds to the work for a woman rather than decreasing it.

get this book: Wifework!

kenobi Mon 25-Oct-10 15:23:24

Can I make a suggestion? This website tells you what to buy for your weekly shop and what meals to cook every night. It's aimed at couples but I reckon it's adaptable.

Also, stop ironing. It is evil and should not be encouraged. The only things that genuinely need ironing are work shirts and even they should be discouraged from multiplying.

Mishy1234 Mon 25-Oct-10 15:24:03


I love being a Mum and tbh if I had the option of not going back to work I wouldn't. However, I do recognise that there would be parts of being a SAHM I wouldn't like and completely understand why people want to return to work and really enjoy it.

It can be very isolating being at home and completely relentless. At least there are baby groups and activities to go to in order to break up the day. My Mum says when she was at home with us there was NOTHING! What a nightmare that must have been. I take my hat off to her, I really do.

Hohumchops Mon 25-Oct-10 15:24:35

I am fed up with the housework too - and get fed up with having to tick 'housewife/homemaker' box on forms and stuff cos apparently 'parent' isn't important enough occupation.

Trouble is, to escape the drudgery and get my life and money back by working, I have to give up the important 'parenting' job.....and that I cannot do.

scaleymcnamechange Mon 25-Oct-10 15:25:40

Yanbu. I find all aspects of housework excruciatingly dull and boring and get v v v stressed about it.

3thumbedwitch Mon 25-Oct-10 15:30:56

Agree with ditching the ironing. I Don't Iron and I made that very clear to DH - I do all the washing and hang his shirts to dry on hangers, so it's up to him to decide on an ad hoc basis whether or not they need ironing and do it himself if they do.

I really do hate housework and do the bare minimum. So long as the place is relatively free of dust on the floor, the rest doesn't bother me (do hate having board floors for this reason - doesn't take long for the dustbunnies to build up!)

I am lucky that DH does some of the cooking - when I had DS, feeding him took forever so I refused point blank to be doing the cooking as well. We do alternate nights now, ditto with the washing up (or DH would just get away with creating huge amounts of mess and never clearing anything up - not having that!)

I love being a SAHM but really don't enjoy the housework side of things so I do sympathise. I get it relatively easy, by the sounds of things, because DH does all the bills too - he has to really, he's the one with all the money in his account - he pays something into an account for me every month but still hasn't sorted out joint accounts [note to self: get DH to sort out joint account pronto!]

ShirtyGerty Mon 25-Oct-10 15:39:49

YANBU. In a few months I'll be on maternity leave for 9 months. I'm dreading having all the house stuff to do. I'm seriously considering getting a secret cleaner who only comes when DH is at work to do it all while I just take care of the baby.

sprogger Mon 25-Oct-10 15:44:07

YANBU. I've noticed that the instant I'm on maternity leave, my DH starts forgetting to put his dishes in the dishwasher and leaving it to me to do. As soon as I go back to work, he stops slacking off.

OhLuckyYou Mon 25-Oct-10 15:46:14

Sorry, but as others said - when you go back to work you'll still be doing all the other stuff as well unless you can afford someone to do it for you!

I'm a SAHM and get really fed up with it, especially at the weekend when DH and the DCs have their "time off" but still expect me to do everything! So I have my "weekend" on Thursdays and Fridays when the DCs are at school and make sure I do things just for me and definitely no housework!!

TheRealChopin Mon 25-Oct-10 15:46:34

YANBU! I too HATE every single sodding bit of housework. I love my kids, I love being with them. But I hate the fact that just because I gave birth to our DC's, it somehow automatically means I also get lumbered with all the domestic drudgery of housework. I have a degree and a professional qualification. I am a full time SAHM partly because I wanted to and partly because after having DC's I was too ill to go back to work and so had to resign.

I have a cleaner who touches the tip of the domestic drudge iceberg once a week and I might do a few bits and pieces if I feel so inclined. I like cooking so don't mind that side of it too much, although everyday cooking of DC's teas falls into drudge territory rather than enjoyable cooking.

I keep dreaming of building a lovely studio apartment in our back garden and finding ourselves a lovely housekeeper to live there and take over from me in being the general dogsbody around the house.

TheRealChopin Mon 25-Oct-10 15:49:44

Shirty, get yourself a cleaner and don't keep it a secret. Housework is not women's work despite what your DH may believe, it is up to you to educate your DH correctly if he is misinformed about this.

sprogger Mon 25-Oct-10 15:54:45

Sorry, LuckyYou - I do NOT doing it all myself when I go back to work. My DH steps up his game and does half without much prompting. It's like he subconsciously thinks that if I'm at home, it's MY duty to pick up after him as well as the kids, but if I'm working he realises he needs to do his bit. I realise this may not describe your partner, but I've watched mine go through this process 3x now and it's a definitely pattern.

Fedallio Mon 25-Oct-10 16:01:58

Well if it's any consolation I have it pretty easy and still find it a bore sometimes. We have cleaner, dh does help lots with housework, bills etc. It's the cooking that does me in. It's so boring and I'm fed up eating the same meals month in month out.
Yes Chopin I sympathise as I too have degree and PhD and has an exciting career that I had to leave due to ill health.
Would love to work at some stage but I agree that at the moment that would be far too hard.
Besides your dc are only little once so enjoy. I love discovering all the little moments with dc.

Glad I'm not alone!

DS is 8 months and I'm going back to work when he's 11 months. I can't wait!

I love DS with all my heart and love spending time with him, but feel like I have cabin fever being at home so much.

Can't wait to get back 3 days a week and stretch my brain a bit.

Some of the older women I say this to look like me like I am bad mum, but I just smile at them and ignore them. A happy mum can often = a happy child.

martha7731 Mon 25-Oct-10 16:54:10

YANBU at all. I honestly think I would get seriously depressed if I was a SAHM, and I mean no disrespect here, as I imagine many SAHMs would probably find my job/lifestyle equally depressing. Different strokes etc.

But I disagree with those here who have said 'when you work, you still have to do all that housework as well'. Somehow, it doesn't work like that, especially if you:

1. Have a partner who does 50%
2. Never iron, as others have suggested! Total waste of time.
3. Make quick meals, in huge batches for the freezer that can feed you for several nights.
4. If at all feasible, get cleaner. I would -and do - make many financial sacrifices in order to continue with cleaner.
5. Generally cut corners.
6. Do grocery shopping online in your lunch hour at work, if you have the kind of office-based job that allows you to.

domeafavour Mon 25-Oct-10 17:08:10

Thank you, I'm glad a lot of people can sympathise. I do have dh but unfortunately he works long hours and is exhausted so I'm not going to ask him now. He likes cooking and will sometimes do that at the weekend. He won't mind if I ask him to put on a wash load. I hate my washing machine, it's a washer/dryer and honestly everything comes out creased. I don't iron any of ds clothes unless special occasion. I love cooking, but just find it hard to find new things to cook and the leisurely time to do it. It's always rushed.
I fully intend to get a cleaner and send as much to the dry cleaner as possible. So I just need to find a lovely cook who would come in for maybe an hour a day and have something prepared to go in the oven? Any takers?!!
DS is 3 next week, but still wakes up at least once and wants me.
Anyway I will be eternally grateful for being able(financially) to stay at home for those 3 years, he gas been an absolute joy to watch grow up and I will treasure every memory.

Fiddledee Mon 25-Oct-10 17:09:22

I am a SAHM and after 4 years very bored of it. Love the DC but fed up of housework (even though have a cleaner once a week), preparing food - I used to love cooking and beginning to loathe it (DH will not cook lived on ready meals for years before I met him), its the planning not the cooking that kills me off.

I have two pre-school children, when kids are home most of the day they do create alot of mess. When they are at school/nursery/childminders for a large part of the day they just don't create the same level of mess. Also schools and nursery feed your kids at least once if not twice sometimes three times a day so that is alot of the work you are free from.

Being a SAHM saps my energy and if I have one more toddler group type conversation I will scream.

I would not advise my DD when she grows up to give up work. I would not do it again to be honest and am looking to going back to work soon once eldest at school and youngest at pre-school.

GettinGhoulish Mon 25-Oct-10 17:27:00

YANBU, I am a SAHM (had a couple of part-time jobs) and not very domesticated, after five minutes of doing housework my mind wanders, but I agree with domeafavour I treasure the time spent with my dc now 5 and 8, but I just need some variety.

I've shrunk the voiles and I'm not very tidy.

I'm looking for a job, especially as we don't know how much longer dh's job will last, but until one turns up I'm going to do more volunteering. I just need some variety then I might cheerfully tackle the chores!

I hate being at home on my own with DD. It's not the housework, it's the lack of other adults. I love being part of a team at work, discussing the news, having a laugh, but when I am off with DD it's the two of us and Beebies. We usually just go and look round the shops, go to the park and I seize any opportunity to talk to someone!

If I hadn't gone back to work when she was 1 I think I would have had to make a big push to find like minded other mums to go out with during the day.

One thing that really helped me was having one set night a week where I went out straight from work - fantastic - left work when I felt like it, sauntered around the shops, had a coffee, came home to a tidy house, dinner on the table and a sleeping child - bliss.

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 10:32:03

Ooh yes Sarf, dh planning on picking up ds from nursery 1 or two nights, supposedly so I could work a bit later if need be, maybe I'll pop out for sneaky glass of wine with my new colleagues!

EveWasFramed72 Tue 26-Oct-10 12:37:27

Another housework hater here!! I just went back to work full time, and we are getting a cleaner in a couple of days a week pretty soon. My DH is wonderful about helping, but I HATE that we have to spend a lot of our weekend catching up on housework instead of having fun with DCs.

I NEVER iron...DH does his own work shirts, and most of my work stuff doesn't require ironing, fortunately.


A1980 Tue 26-Oct-10 12:39:22

Oh god. I'm not even pg yet and you've all terrified the living shit out of me.

Backs away from motherhood before she ends up a domestic drudge. Is it really that bad?!


JodiesMummy Tue 26-Oct-10 12:40:48

I hate doing mindless chores - Id rather be at home "homemaking" ;)

3thumbedwitch Tue 26-Oct-10 13:00:34

A1980 - no, it's not that bad if you have a partner who understands that they are able to help out, that it's only fair for them to help out and that you are not "sitting on your arse doing nothing" all day hmm(AKA looking after the baby/children)

If you have a partner who believes that they, as "sole breadwinner", have earnt the right to sit on their arse the minute they walk through the door then indeed, back away from motherhood with such an antediluvian male chauvinist.

I do wonder sometimes about the relative ages of SAHMs who are 'happier' with being such - if I had been a SAHM when I was in my 20s, I might have been keener to get back into the workplace; but since I had worked for 25y already by the time I had DS, I was less bothered about it. But then I didn't have a glittering career with big bucks salary, so maybe that contributed too! Who knows...

Toffeefudgecake Tue 26-Oct-10 13:19:38

No, you are not being unreasonable. It has taken me years to cope with the drudgery of it all. I find the resourceful cook website here helps me to plan my weekly meals, I have a regular routine for housework (would definitely get a cleaner if I could afford it) and now that my second DS has started school I am finally getting time to myself and doing some work. Plus the house doesn't get so messy anymore because the children are out all day.

Looking after small children is utter drudgery, in spite of how much you love them, but it won't last forever.

merryberry Tue 26-Oct-10 13:25:12

think dh is probably scared to come home tonight. texted to ask if i had forewarned the plumber i've arranged for this evening is aware of what the problem is in case they can come supplied with parts.

was so intensely annoyed at implication of my stupidity that i called him to ask which part of my being housewife meant that the skills which have allowed to me run international, national and conurbation services he thought had dropped out of my vagina with the children.


Litchick Tue 26-Oct-10 13:41:44

I work from home and end up running the home by default as DH works long hours and is away.

I find every aspect of cleaning/tidying/washing etc mind numbingly dull. I don't understand how anyone with half a brain doesn't.

Sooooo I outsource everything I possibly can and do as little as possible of what's left.

Rannaldini Tue 26-Oct-10 14:19:17

yeah yabu

just throw yourself into learning this new job the way you would any other
luckily no real performance standards and you can't be sacked
(you can also never leave so a two edged sword there)

i'm miles away from being a housefrau but am taking a full mat leave this time and learning the art of it all
you are def busier at home than at work and you need to be very organised and systematic

thankfully you have a job to return to

i see it as a challenge but i have so much respect for those who are at home ft. It's an endless thankless v poorly paid role

Rannaldini Tue 26-Oct-10 14:22:23

also for all those who say that you have to be brainless to enjoy it, I disagree

i get a sick satisfaction from cleaning the skirting boards
cleaning out the herb cupboard
sorting out the belts and ties etc

treat it like a job for a fixed contract and try to do it as well as you can and try to implement as many new workflows rationalisations etc as you can

it'll help when you return

Litchick Tue 26-Oct-10 16:27:06

I find I can just about stomach a few chores during the afternoon play on Radio Four.
At other times, my brain just explodes.

NomDePlume Tue 26-Oct-10 16:30:58

Yup, I agree, it is boring as feck.

I speak as a previous SAHP (of 4yrs).

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 16:38:15

Rannaldini people like you make me feel guilty and I know that is not your intention either.

But how on earth do you get pleasure at cleaning the skirting board? I would love to be able to do it. I clean the house out of fury that no one else will do it and cant wait to run away from it..

Please teach me!!I will listen, promise! grin

monstermissy Tue 26-Oct-10 16:52:13

yanbu i left my job in July after the guilt of having ds3 in childcare from 14 weeks finally got the better of me. He goes to school nursery in the mornings the idea being we could spend the afternoons together. Except im really wanting to get another job now, hate hate having less money and not being able to do the things with him i want to do cause of cash flow. I adore my kids to the ends of the earth but hate the mundane that comes with it. There is only so much tea and gossip with friends you can handle before it all becomes rather dull i think.

Fiddledee Tue 26-Oct-10 17:17:27

a few people will be inspired to clean the skirting boards and enjoy it whether or not they are SAHM or go to work.

Most of us think its another pointless task we probably should undertake,but the whole day seems to be filled with pointless tasks.

onepieceoflollipop Tue 26-Oct-10 17:26:06

I once had a colleague with 5 young dcs and she worked 2 nights per week. She juggled the childcare with her sister who was also a lone parent.

I always remember her saying that it actually motivated her to get on with household tasks. I tend to find the same tbh. I get far more done if I know that I only have 2 hours before a late shift, while dd2 is at nursery, rather than a whole "free" day when she is home with me.

Realistically most household tasks take at most 10-15 minutes each. (e.g. hoovering downstairs, changing a bed, sorting one load of washing/drying).

onepieceoflollipop Tue 26-Oct-10 17:27:31

Also on days I really can't face it I just leave it (apart from the basics which I might leave for dh)

Another friend I have (she also had a large family) said that it was sometimes worth leaving stuff anyway as it made the job "worth doing" if it really needed doing!

Rannaldini Tue 26-Oct-10 17:42:22

I am completely lazy and untidy

i have to look at it like a paid job and not just never ending hell to make me do it at all

i do now tidy up as i go

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 19:41:01

Ahh, I do dream of one day being like Anthea Turner!! I even bought her book!! shock

alfabetty Tue 26-Oct-10 19:51:56

I agree with onepieceoflollipop - the chores expand to fill the time available. You need to get out of the house at a set time and be absolutely rigid about it. So join a gym, use the creche, and get there for 10. Preferably arrange to meet someone there at first so you're not just letting yourself down if you don't bother.

You'll then get up by 7.30, be fed and dressed by 8.30, and hour and a half to tidy round, put a wash on, check you've got food for supper, then out.

You have 1 hour of exercise, and it's 11 o'clock, your house is tidy(ish) and you have the whole day ahead of you, to pop to the shop, park, friend's house.

If you don't have a cleaner, you need to set aside a morning a week to do a proper clean.

And I'd second the suggestion of voluntary work - I stopped work for 2 years and am a trustee of a charity. Very rewarding, can take as little or as much time as you like, even looking over papers etc for an hour in the evening after the children are in bed makes you feel as though you've achieved something that day, other than just washing up!

Faaamily Tue 26-Oct-10 19:54:21

I went back to study/work to escape domestic drudgery.

I don't want to be at home all day, noticing what needs to be done.

Fit it in around other stuff, that's my motto. I do the bare minimum to keep the show on the road and spend the rest of my time doing worthwhile stuff with my kids, family, friends or at work.

I like washing windows - lots of suds and squeegey - I pretend to be a window cleaner <saddo>
I like doing the washing - easy and a nice walk out to the garden
I did love cooking, but tis a chore now, I hate always having to decide what we eat and then make it. takes all the fun out of it.

Rest of the time I spend my days making a mess, get depressed by mess, then have to leave the house to get away from it. <pathetic>

Luckily DH is a liberated male, who is very happy to come home from work and clear everything up. I <3 that he does that.

On the plus side my DD is very well behaved wondering around the shops and can't bear to be stuck in the house either!

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 20:01:11

My DH does not do shops or pubs. He claims to be good at tidyng up, only it rearly happens.hmm I should go to work...

pinkmoon007 Tue 26-Oct-10 20:02:08

I have been struggling with this dilemma, help! I have returned part time,baby is 18months, I earn reasonably well, have secretly got a cleaner in, used to be fortnightly and now it has sneaked up to weekly! am considering ironing service, but dread it when my contract runs out in 1 month's time and i am at home 24/7, i think i will be so it ridiculous to put baby in childcare for a few mornings while i clean, or have someone at the house to look after baby while i clean, i almost feel its worth using my savings until i get another job, does this affect baby? I always think about the realtionship i had with my dad, so pleased to see him after work and play, but would give my mum jip all day!

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 20:12:03

each to there own,think its better to enjoy work thus enjoy the time with your dc's

if you can afford then i should imagine that should make things abit easier especially if you hate it


if you are a SAHM do you really need a cleaner,have a ironing service,i can never get my head round this,but maybe my upbringing and education has been different,mine was bog standard if you were SAHM they were your responsibilitys and wouldnt dream of paying somebody to clean for you and would/are frowned upon

id imagine if you had a good education,career you wouldnt have such a block about it as i have

oh and another can understand a toddler going to nursery for a few hours a week with a SAHM what i cant get is somebody that has put there young child in childcare for 4 days a week and there not working (maybe going of tangent but hey ho)

sure i will get a flaming for that but being honest

alfabetty Tue 26-Oct-10 20:19:55

I used an ironing service and cleaner when I wasn't working.

Just the same as using a decorator, car wash etc. Labour saving, freeing up time to do something I do enjoy, giving someone else a job.

Can't see why there's such a hoo-ha about contracting out 'women's work' when it is perfectly acceptable for a man who works 9-5 and is home by 5.30 every night to pay someone to tile his bathroom for him.

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 20:20:26

I have a good education and choose to stay at home because it was best for one parent to stay home and we would have not been better financially after paying for childcare for three children... But I still dont like housework and the main reason is that I was into travelling and learning, so feel that there are better things to do with your life.. Currently doing a french course and loving it!!

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 20:21:41

Much rather learn the "er" verbs in french than clean the skirting board...just my opinion! blush

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 20:27:18

thats what im saying you dont have a problem with it

but i couldnt,its in my head that the division is one worker one homemaker (cringe)dont like the word myself,if economics allow

was bought up in a pretty traditional family,so these things stick,and like i said think it has alot to do with your upbringing,education,lifestyles etc these all effect how we see things

my friend has a cleaner,good for her she works bloody hard and see no problem with that but cant say i would think the same if she wasnt at work,studying etc

I know one woman who was a very highly qualified accountant, who is now a SAHM and loves it. Baking, cleaning, decorating, she does it all and photographs it and puts it on facebook!

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 20:30:25

i get a certain satisfaction out of a clean bathroom but not enought to put on

dementedma Tue 26-Oct-10 20:44:17

can't afford a bloody cleaner and work full-time so have to do it all, with some help from DH. What annoys me is that on his days off during the week - he works shifts and weekends - he manages to find the time to play computer games and watch TV because kids are at school. On MY days off, laughingly known as the weekend, I look after kids, do the shopping, cleaning, ironing etc etc.The weekend is just two more days of work for me. I never have any time just for me, its either paid work, unpaid work or looking after offspring.
Seriously, much as I love the DCs, if I had my time again I wouldn't marry and I wouldn't have children. i would rather have a life than an existence as a drudge, which is what it is now.

Can't your DH do the shopping during the week? Seems silly for you to have to do it all...

Fiddledee Tue 26-Oct-10 20:49:49

The reason many of us SAHM need cleaners is that is impossible to clean when you have toddlers/pre-schoolers, there is no down time when one of them isn't awake. Also its to do with the size of the house you live in, no way would I need a cleaner if I had a one bath, 2 bed house/flat. Although many mothers I know with school aged children who are SAHM still have cleaners for what I think is a very valid reason - they hate cleaning. People hate cooking so buy ready meals is not different IMO.

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 20:51:03

Pinkmoon I don't think you should feel guilty about putting baby in nursery for the odd morning, Ime it does them a lot of good. Socialising with other little ones and especially if it makes for a happy mum. I made that very concious decision as soon as we could afford it because I knew ds wouldn't have that many little friends.
I think I would find it easier if I had more space, I have taken everything down to the bare minimum but kitchen is small and we struggle with storage space. If I had a utility room e.g. I wouldn't mind putting the washing in the maiden out of the way. Or I could put the ironing board in there instead of the downstairs loo!

So I have a week to get this house shipshape, organised within an inch if it's life , so I can go back to work on Tuesday!

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:05:40

fiddle,sorry but you really dont need a cleaner because you have pre-schoolers,i had twins and managed as im sure thousands have before me,most people i know me included have bog standard 3 bed house,so no big house for me,also as a single parent i do the garden, basic diy,etc as alot of mothers do,yes i suppose i sound a martyr

god i have 3dcs and if i didnt get on with these things nothing would get done,as i cant afford or would want to pay somebody to do things if i wasnt working

my kids have been to hairdressers with me,parent/teacher meetings,dentist for me not them,as thats life do people really,not have to take their kids with them to appointments,places because thats what happens in mine and many peoples lives

next it will be i drop them of at the grandparents because i need to do the supermarket shop

i must live a very downtrodden life,thats a joke by the

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 21:09:43

sorry, but there is no way i could have done the cleaning with DS in the house. Couldn't leave him by himself, and can hardly drag him round the house with the bleach and the mop bucket.
Every situation is different.Of course you don't need a cleaner if you are SAHM, but if you can afford one, why the hell not!!

TheLadyIsNotForNapping Tue 26-Oct-10 21:10:28

This thread is making me slightly panicky... I have an 8 month old baby and I enjoy being at home, would probably take a few years out of work if we could afford to.

But I am amazed that anyone with a baby finds TIME to clean properly! Never mind whether I want to or not, I find that between breastfeeding and the baby's meals and changing and settling her for naps etc etc, I can't get anything done at all. Each day I manage to get us both dressed and fed, put a load of washing on, do the shopping and usually make something for dinner, plus go to a baby group or something. On a very good day I'll manage to hoover, or mop kitchen floor- ie one small task. DP has to do everything else at the weekend!

I don't think I'd find "homemaking" dull, just impossible with a baby. Am impressed that any of you get anything done, whether you find it tedious or not.

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 21:12:32

don't be panicky, it's normal!!!
Obviously there are some who have it all down to a fine art, but I think it's perfectly normal to not get time to do everything.
I can't explain where the time goes, it just goes!!

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:13:50

sorry but that sounds pathetic,dont know your circumstances maybe different if your child has a disability or danger to themselves,but if not do you take him everywhere in the house with you???? i cant believe that you cant clean with a dc about

how do you manage everyday life?????

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:16:52

lady,you will find your own routine as you already have,toddlers love helping mum and find the most boring tasks exciting,even if we dont

onepieceoflollipop Tue 26-Oct-10 21:17:17

tbh I didn't get much done when dd2 was a baby. This was basically due to me choosing to spend her nap times mnetting/reading etc rather than getting organised.

I know it sounds harsh but once I went back to work I got my act together a bit more and managed to do most of the jobs.

In our house I work part time and dh ft btw, so imo on the days that I am off and he isn't, the majority of the tasks are my responsibility.

I would hate to leave it all for the weekend, even though he would do it I feel that if I am off at the weekend then it is nicer to spend time doing stuff with the dcs.

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 21:20:05

theywillgrowup, how long can you leave your DC for?
seriously, when they are 1, 2 or 3 how long would you leave them alone, 2 floors down?

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 21:21:37

theywillgrowup the point was that you are not able to do a "proper" cleaning or thorough job. It is hard when having a toddler or more. Add on top of it that should I have a choice much rather sit and do coloring with my kids that scrubbing the bathroom....

And different people have their own expectations of what a "decent" cleaning is...I have my mother's standard who was a sterilising freek- I am the opposite grin!

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:29:53

dome take them with you if walking,assume you have safety gates

if not walking take bouncy chair etc,or sit with pillows around babe,few toys or any household items to play with

get them to help,i do say that in the looses term though

its not impossible and no parent is by their dc's side every minute,you just cant be

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 21:33:07

...are you my mother???hmm

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:33:13

cleaning when you have dc's at home is not impossible,if you dont like cleaning fine but dont say cant be done,dome how many do you have DC's i mean

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 21:33:54

..or my MIL? Now that could be funny!confused

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:36:04

way maybe i am but my DC's are twins 11yrs and nearly 4yr old so probably

i do have OCD, seriously so maybe thats why i am how i am.though more of a tidy freak than deep deep cleaning

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 21:36:17

well, I'm very happy you have such amenable children, mine would not stay still and yes, needed pretty much constant supervision. Like I said every situation is different. Of course it's not impossible and I would always be able to do something,and I could always do it when they were asleep, but not a thorough house clean, moving the furniture etc.

TheLadyIsNotForNapping Tue 26-Oct-10 21:37:20

Yes, clearly am pathetic. Had not thought of that.


domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 21:39:51

it's not really about me, I always did the cleaning around DS, when he went to nursery, or when he was asleep, I just couldn't do it with him around my feet, but I can just see how or why people would want a cleaner.
I'm not saying it's impossible, just a bit more difficult for some.

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 21:40:30

i think the pathetic was aimed at me grin

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:41:02

dome mine werent are not amenable,3 boys god no way but was/am on my own

never forget when they were about 2yrs old went in another room 4 boxes of cereal all emptied on floor into a real variety box in seconds

i laugh about it now,didnt then


wish you well

TheLadyIsNotForNapping Tue 26-Oct-10 21:42:30

Ah. [raw nerve emoticon]

MrsFlittersnoop Tue 26-Oct-10 21:45:50

I;ve just gone back to University at the age of 49 in order to avoid the "H" word. I'm using my student grants/loans to fund as much domestic outsourcing as possible.

I have a teenage aspie son and a v.v. aged mama to care for, as well as a high maintenance self-employed DH. I run two households under one (large and crumbling) roof.

Uni is a walk in the park in comparison. If I play my cards right I'll still be working on my PHD in my 60's.

theywillgrowup Tue 26-Oct-10 21:53:12

now thats multi-tasking

domeafavour Tue 26-Oct-10 21:55:11

Well in MrsF!

wayoftheworld Tue 26-Oct-10 21:58:56

That is what I much rather do!! How do you go about it Mrs.F ..<already forgot about the skirting board>

MrsFlittersnoop Wed 27-Oct-10 15:39:09

Thanks for your words of encouragement!

I'm doing a 2 year Foundation degree course in Heritage Management, with the option of going on to the third year of the BA honours degree course in History (provided I get high enough grades during the first 2 years.)

Foundation degree courses are designed with "accessibility" in mind, ie if you've been out of formal education for a long time (30 years in my case!) or left school without formal qualifications then you will find it much easier to begin with. They usually have a strong vocational element, which is great for mature students who have already worked in the Real World! They are usually run by FE colleges in conjuction with local universities.

The entrance requirements are considerably lower than for most honours degrees - my course required 160-200 UCAS points at A level (ie BC, or CD + AS grade C) which is actually pretty high for a Foundation Degree, OR relevant work experience, plus a demonstrable knowledge of or interest in the subject.

Funding is exactly the same as for a standard 3 year degree course. You can check out your potential grant and loan entitlement HERE

You don't pay back student loans until you are earning over a certain amount - around £30 per month once you earn £15,000 pa IIRC, and the amount you pay after that is staggered according to income.


Fernie3 Wed 27-Oct-10 16:25:49

I am a sahm, I hate tidying up and washing clothes etc but that only takes maybe half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening. I love all the other bits, cooking, decorating, nipping out whenever i feel like and i do things like making clothes crochet/ knitting. I am probably hopelessly old fashioned but who cares do whatever makes you happy - if you don't like ring a sahm then don't be and its fine to look forward to going back to work!

Fernie3 Wed 27-Oct-10 16:27:16

Forgot to add i also have a home binder that i keep thing out of magazines in that i want to try - i got this idea frorm my 87 year old grandmother. I am 27 there is no hope for me is there.

Fibilou Wed 27-Oct-10 19:31:08

"Cooking, so sick of trying to think up new meals"

can I suggest a 1 week/fortnight/month (however many dishes you have in your repetoire) rotating menu. No menu planning and dead easy to write the shopping list

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