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AIBU?

to get annoyed with the way English people communicate?

151 replies

BobMarley · 18/10/2010 09:59

Now, I am not English so you can tell me to sod off to my own country if I don't like it here Grin.

BUT I'm getting sooo tired with people talking in circles. For example, the hinting when someone need a favour or something. You don't have to have a 5 minute conversation with me just so you can ask me the question in a roundabout way. Can you just ask the question? And I'll answer with 'yes' or 'no'.

Simples and time-saving, no?

It makes me paranoid, as where I'm from you just say what you mean and what you want. No guessing and reading in between the lines involved. Half the time I'm completely missing the point of the whole conversation as it so cryptic!

AIBU?

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Heartsease · 18/10/2010 10:01

The way people do things like this is part of their culture and should be respected as such. YANBU to find it difficult to adjust, but YABU to be annoyed. YABVU to use the word 'simples'.

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flowerybeanbag · 18/10/2010 10:02

AIBU to find the OP a bit cryptic and not to have noticed (us) English people all communicate in the exact same way?

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lollipopshoes · 18/10/2010 10:03

heastsease - the OP did say that he/she wasn't from this country so perhaps he/she really is a Russian meerkat in which case he/she INBU to say "simples"

Wink

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mumblechum · 18/10/2010 10:03

Hmm, well, I'm English and I do know what you mean, however I'm used to it and I prefer it to my Nigerian MIL's incredibly rude and forthright communication style, eg

"Ahah. There is something wrong with that boy. You should put him in a home." as a typical example.

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fedupofnamechanging · 18/10/2010 10:03

This is deeply entrenched in our culture, so will never change. It's part of our charm and will grow on you, I promise. Don't know how long you've been here, but give it a while and you'll be doing it too Smile

If you really do want 'blunt', best stick to MN!

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laweaselmys · 18/10/2010 10:04

It is annoying. They're just trying to be polite and not seem demanding though.

I found an eyebrow raised 'you are a fucking loon' expression quite effective against non-violent people suggesting I go home.

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Heartsease · 18/10/2010 10:04

That all makes sense now lollipop Grin. Impressive typing with those tiny paws.

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discobeaver · 18/10/2010 10:06

Sorry mumblechum that made me lol!

BobMarley maybe if you think a hint is being dropped, just ask outright if the person needs a favour? They probably will be relieved to be able to ask outright.

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GloomyTubeNosedBat · 18/10/2010 10:07

Yes YABU to be annoyed about this particular aspect of communication. There are many things about English communication that annoy me intensely (and I'm English), but they mainly relate to txt speak, incomprehensible regional dialects and inability to use even basic rules of grammar.

It can (but not always) be very rude just to be so direct unless you know your interlocutor very well.

I was just wondering, in a kind of... erm... don't want to be too nosey or anything,... Did you see that great programme about ornamental rose gardens last night by the way? would you mind terribly telling me what your heritage is or is that terribly rude of me.

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BobMarley · 18/10/2010 10:12

Almost missed your question there Gloomy, hidden away in ounces of text...

I'm from the Netherlands.

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AMumInScotland · 18/10/2010 10:12

If you're struggling to understand a conversation, just say "Can you be more specific?" and feel free to add "I've only been here X long and (or "but") still find it hard to follow sometimes." People will gradually learn that you prefer them to be direct.

I do agree to an extent - some people take ages to get to the point, and I'd sooner they just came out with it!

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Francagoestohollywood · 18/10/2010 10:14

Lol.
YANBU, it is difficult to adjust.

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GloomyTubeNosedBat · 18/10/2010 10:14

That was the whole idea Bob Grin

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BobMarley · 18/10/2010 10:16

I'm not struggling to understand a conversation as such, AMumInScotland. It is more that quite often I miss the purpose of the conversation.

So as an imaginary example, I think we are talking about the weather and actually they are trying to tell me that my child is over- or underdressed for this particular weather.

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Goldenbear · 18/10/2010 10:17

I actually think this is a cultural stereotype that is inaccurate. I seem to be surrounded by English people that come straight to the point and I call their frankness 'rude'! Some people don't like being put on the spot with questions because it makes things akward if the response is not what the person asking the question hoped for.

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GloomyTubeNosedBat · 18/10/2010 10:18

But British people love talking about the weather. Maybe they really ARE talking about it.

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MmeBodyInTheBasement · 18/10/2010 10:20

LOL

YANBU

My DH gets annoyed at me for doing this, he is German. He always thought it was a woman thing, maybe it is a British woman thing.

An example from yesterday:

"I could do with new gloves" - Translation - "Buy me new gloves for Christmas"

"These gloves are fine, but not warm enough" - "Buy me warm gloves"

"I would really like wool lined gloves, they look really cosy" - "Buy me wool lined gloves for Christmas"

Must ask him if he understood that.

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BobMarley · 18/10/2010 10:21

So Goldenbear are you saying that people don't get straight to the point so people can ignore the question, to avoid saying 'no'? How complicated!

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lollipopshoes · 18/10/2010 10:21

"I'm from the Netherlands."


ah, not a Russian meerkat then Wink

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Stillcounting · 18/10/2010 10:21

Personally I quite like it but I can see why it drives my colleagues wild (I live abroad)

Because Brits have a tendency to say things in a very circumlocatory fashion, it gives us a reputation for being insincere or not backing our words up with actions.

I'm not saying this is the case in reality -
we just perhaps give the wrong impression because:

(a) we have a horror of confrontation
(b) we are lacking in confidence
(c) we try and be polite
(d) our wonderful language allows us to express our ideas in three different ways using three different combinations of words - other languages don't allow for the same flexibility

I've experienced this in reverse and found my Dutch, Flemish and German colleagues to be direct to the point of rudeness. It really took me back at first. Now I'm used ot it, I find it refreshing and effective.

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BobMarley · 18/10/2010 10:23

Stop making fun of me Gloomy Grin

Good example MmeBody, exactly what I mean. Why not say 'I would really like wool lined gloves for Christmas'?

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madonnawhore · 18/10/2010 10:23

This isn't just an English thing, the Thais are esepcially bad for talking in circles and not saying what they mean.

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Francagoestohollywood · 18/10/2010 10:23

I think on the continent we are more used to a much more direct chit chatting.
We are less concerned to appear "awkward", I think.

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MmeBodyInTheBasement · 18/10/2010 10:25

I don't know, cause I would like him to pick up on my wishes and desires and buy me something.

He is not all that good at shopping for presents, so I hint.

I agree Stillcounting, mix of überpoliteness, waffling around in the English language, and lack of confidence.

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Francagoestohollywood · 18/10/2010 10:26

Great post Stillcounting:

"(d) our wonderful language allows us to express our ideas in three different ways using three different combinations of words - other languages don't allow for the same flexibility"

So true!!! And this is why the English language is indeed wonderful Smile

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