AIBU to wonder why people ALWAYS outstay their welcome??

[proudnscary]

Right, we have tons of lovely friends and family all nearby and see a lot of them all. Great, love it.

But why in the name of Christopher Biggins do they all draw out every get together until dh and I lose the will to live???

1. 90% of our friends who come to Sunday lunch overstay their welcome. By 6pm I'm clearing up, 6.30pm offering visiting children sandwiches for the 'journey home', 7pm yawning, 7.30pm saying loudly to my dc 'BATHTIME SOON GUYS', 8pm - all of the above until they meander out at 8.30pm-ish. It's a school night, my dc are 6 and 8 - go home!
   

1. My mother. Saw her today from 9am til 3pm as I do most Saturdays, took her out for lunch, got coffee on way back, had great time, lots of fun with the kids in park. I think to myself that I have checked every single solitary box that she could want or need. As we get to the door: 'I'll just come in for another coffee'. Arrrggghh, no mother, I don't want you to come in. She did this once after a 12 hour day at Legoland - came in 'for coffee' at 8pm. I nearly wept.

[domesticdiva]

You're obviously too nice to them! I've walked out of the room before mid converstaion when my MIL had overstayed her welcome by 2 days (it was 6pm). When she asked where I was the DH found me tucked up in bed with DS1 who was 3 months old! She soon got the message.

[throckenholt]

my sympathy - I have friends and a mother who do the similar - and I always end up feeling really grumpy and antisocial and guilty.

But honestly you can get on well with someone for a few hours - but not want to spend a whole day, or longer with them. The bit that is really annoying is they don't pick up the subtle signals and you have to start getting really obvious and then they get annoyed because they feel unwelcome .

[TrillianSlasher]

Is it because you are a grumpy cow who doesn't really like visitors?

Or is it because you are too good at hiding your grumpiness so they don't get the hint and bugger off?

[DaisySteiner]

When ds1 was 4 days old my MIL, FIL, SIL and 2 BILs all came to meet the baby. They arrived at 10am. At 7pm I told dh in an angry whispered conversation that if he didn't make them go away I would divorce him. What was worse was that my in-laws don't really talk and we pretty much sat in silence for most of that 9 hours. I still feel ill thinking about it.

[proudnscary]

Yikes, that's serious breach of hospitality Daisy.

[DialMforMother]

My MIL and FIL do this. Last Christmas I thought we were going to have to get out a camp bed. Maybe they thought that their continued prescence made up for the fact that they arrived ready to eat a lovely big dinner snd drink all day sans presents and without so much as a bottle of wine or a mince pie (it didn't).

[DialMforMother]

And is it that they are socially retarded and genuinely don't pick up on the signs (possible) OR that they would rather be sitting here even though they know they're not wanted because they know they'll keep getting cake (entirely possible)?

[mitochondria]

My inlaws do this. Except they keep saying "oooh, we must be leaving soon" to raise my expectations.

Closely followed by "lets just have another cup of tea".

Any attempt to find out when they might be going is met by vagueness. I think it's only polite, if you are staying with someone, to let them know how many meals to organise. Or indeed how many people are coming - MIL is quite likely to bring hangers-on at the last minute.

I don't keep the children up. I put them to bed when I think they need to go.

Daisy - that's awful. Did they expect cups of tea and meals provided, or did they help?

[Lynli]

Mil came for Christmas on Christmas Eve, and left in February.

[lemonmuffin]

See, i would take this as a compliment really. They're obviously enjoying your company and having a great time and don't want the day to end.

Though having said that, we had a friend of dp's call in "for five minutes" the other day, lovely man, but he was an hour late, stayed for 2 hours, and all i could think about was our tea burning in the oven. Dp said he could hear my stomach rumbling from the other side of the room!

[onepieceoflollipop]

My mother isn't perfect, but one of her good points is letting us know how long they will be staying. For example, she will say "well if we are having lunch at 2pm, we might need a small snack around 6 as we will be leaving by 6.30 as it is a school night".

Sometimes it is tricky if we are enjoying their company and in the middle of conversation. :)

[saffy85]

Can top that Lynli. DP's cousin went to visit their granny for christmas 2008.

She finally terminated her visit... In June. This year.

[alfabetty]

My ILs used to stay all day, and lovely though they are, it used to eat up the weekend, esp with young children. They'd arrange to pop in on Saturday morning, arrive late at 11.30, hang around until 4 then head off for their shopping, evening out etc while we were left feeding/bathing babies having achieved nothing from the day other than a coffee with the ILs!

I have trained them now though, they know they have a 'window' as we have Other Things To Do later in the day!

[spilttheteaagain]

Lynli, that's horrific!

[ForMashGetSmash]

Yep...they're too comfy...my friends do it too, bring new babies round to spend the whole day...come with me for the school run...and my Mum....sometimes I am almost on the cusp of saying LEAVE! For Gods SAKE LEAVE NOW!

[AliGrylls]

We have a couple of friends who are like this. Once they came at 10 am and stayed until 4 pm even though we had not invited them for lunch and had no food in the house. I was starving by the time they left as I was determined not to feed them.

I have now adopted a more robust (probably quite rude) approach that my father introduced to me and started clearing up around them whilst they were still drinking their booze the last time they came.

I don't think it is so bad when you are single and have no children but once you have at least one child it destroys everyone's routine if you stay out too late.

[DeadPoncy]

Ar university, I used to tell people when I was throwing them out. It meant that people could be comfortable about staying - even for all-night talking! - until I chucked them out. Never did anyone refuse to go (unlike the norovirus ILs on another thread running right now!)

[sheepgowooohooo]

oh god my mother in law stayed for a week over her welcome! She was only supposed to stay for a night and a day but invited herself for the whole week and just refused to budge. It was awful and nearly split me and dp up. I couldn't say too much because he had only just got in contact with dp again after 5 years so we had to tread carefully.

She is a very odd woman though with some very funny ways. She does have learning difficulties though and I think she has aspergers like my dp.

Nowadays I'm more assertive with her but she still pushes it. We do lie sometimes as well

[DialMforMother]

OK I am obviously lucky with mine compared to these. Norovirus is a good descriptor - where's the other thread?

[echt]

I'm thinking of possible hints to leave.

Get into your pyjamas, and walk round cleaning your teeth.

Better yet, turn off the heating.:o

[DialMforMother]

Oh gosh just saw that thread. I thought you meant the pils were like norovirus - feel like a twat now

[Chil1234]

Three rules for getting rid of unwanted guests.

1. Stop giving them things to eat and drink
   

1. Work on your BIG yawn....
   

1. Practice saying 'it's been lovely to see you and we really should do this again sometime' at the same time as helping them into their coat and herding them in the direction of an open door.

[ArmyBarmyMummy]

Think deadponcy has it right. Say what time you need people to go. Invent an excuse if you feel you need to. Sunday p.m? "We're off to evensong at 5" Maybe not if you don't want to get found out! Or could suddenly need to go to shops for milk etc If they volunteer, give them the weekly shopping list - result!

[DeadPoncy]

Haha, very funny, DialMforMother! I'm going to start referring to toxic people as Norovirus Nora and Rotovirus Rob!

[mitochondria]

Deadponcy - I did used to chuck out one of husband's friends when we were younger, just after uni. He'd come round for the evening and still be there a week later, eating all our food and drinking all our beer. There comes a point when a sociable visit turns into taking the piss.