to be bored with myself and to want to become a Jilly Cooper character for the winter?

(745 Posts)
BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 12:32:43

I want to sit in front of a fire of apple logs, wearing only a Dark Blue towel.

I want a rosy-cheeked face which I have to tone down with green foundation, instead of looking like a corpse unless I put on loads of blusher.

I want to drink three quarters of a bottle of Moet before doing ANYTHING. (Including: getting up in the morning or taking an important exam.)

I want an Absolutely Filthy Mini instead of a people carrier.

I want DH to do thumb exercises so that the ball of his thumb becomes pudgy because apparently that's sexy or something hmm.

I want to lose loads and loads of weight every time I am a bit sad about something, so that everyone who thought I was a minger before is suddenly struck by my beauty, instead of eating cakes to cheer myself up and getting fatter.


sharbie Wed 13-Oct-10 12:33:36

grin me too - taggy i think

IvantaOuiOui Wed 13-Oct-10 12:44:17

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love Jilly so much. I want to slosh wine into glasses, play nude tennis with RCB and quote poetry in every conversation. cue blank looking playground mums

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 12:45:26

Yes me too.

I was always more of a Janey than a Helen anyway.....

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 12:45:53

I'll be your line judge Ivanta and measure how far he really is over the line wink

PortoFangO Wed 13-Oct-10 12:46:21

Oh Taggy yes!!!

sharbie Wed 13-Oct-10 12:46:43

bit cold today for nude tennis iykwim

IvantaOuiOui Wed 13-Oct-10 12:47:06

do you type topless in the garden, notwavingjusthaunting?

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 12:48:59

God yes, whenever the fancy takes me

<<hoists breasts up over the space bar>>

IvantaOuiOui Wed 13-Oct-10 12:51:01

I like the very wicked Chessie France Lynch - shagged everyone and did nude backstroke in her pool whilst being ogled by the staff.

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 12:52:15

Where's Getorf - she will most definately have a view on this grin

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 12:52:17

And when I am ill, I won't have to wait for three hours in some bacteria ridden surgery, that nice Dr Benson will just happen to be passing on his way to/from a dinner party and will examine me, whilst wearing his dinner jacket, as I lie in my four-poster with its rose-pink curtains

"She has been making too much green tomato chutney" he will say, "She needs to rest and must eat nothing but smoked salmon and scrambled eggs for three days. And she needs another ash tray."

< sigh >

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 12:53:32

And your fridge will always be full of stuff you can just throw together for a meal.

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 12:54:47

And I want hair with tendrils.

Well I think I do . . .

IvantaOuiOui Wed 13-Oct-10 12:55:29

Tagiie would have filled up my deep freeze with lovely food, and my "treasure" would have cleaned my minging house.

Orlando Wed 13-Oct-10 12:55:54

I want to walk down to the village shop (past hedgerows groaning with blackberries and Old Man's Beard) to buy quiche and Sancerre, instead of pushing a trolley past people I have never seen before in Sainsburys.

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 12:56:22

Nooo, you need "just got out of bed" hair that makes every red-blooded man in the vicinity want to shag you grin

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 12:56:26

Oh to be thoroughly over-excited!

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 12:57:52

And wander through the hedgerows on a hot summer's day, absently snapping off a bit of wild garlic, which makes you nostalgic....

(as opposed to getting run over by a 4 X 4/motorbike/tractor and breathing in toxic fumes

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 12:58:08

Gah, I haven't been thoroughly over-excited for years grin

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 12:59:34

And have a glass of wine on an empty stomach and feel "tight" confused

faverolles Wed 13-Oct-10 12:59:36

I think I'm like that hippy friend of Helens - the one who breastfed with triangular tits . My dh is nicer than hers though!

Oh to be drinking neat whisky out of a mug <<sigh>>

Lotkinsgonecurly Wed 13-Oct-10 13:00:08

Loving this - could do with being secretly tempted by dashing young males.
Having lots of children cavorting effortlessly around the house rather than them and me being glued to peppa pig.
Drinking to drown sorrows and forgetting to eat.

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 13:00:41

And I want a mobile phone that has a "receiver" I can "slam down."

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 13:02:35

Well no one's ever bought me a bottle of Quercus, that lemony perfume which slightly disturbs so many men...

I'm more Lizzie Jones than Taggie tbh

faverolles Wed 13-Oct-10 13:04:15

How lovely it would be to live in a romantic cottage, surrounded by sexy neighbours with loose morals, and to have a nanny - even if she was shagging dh and writing it in her diary in code!

MrsYamada Wed 13-Oct-10 13:08:21

I want to look hot in jodphurs and canter around on horses, rather than hot and sweaty and spilling over my bike seat.

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 13:13:23

Careful your breeches aren't too tight they split showing your arse to the whole of Wembley.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 13:18:27

Ah but that would be a very shapely arse though balloon, and you would of course be wearing nothing but Mantan underneath...

Orlando Wed 13-Oct-10 13:19:01

I'd like to tremble occasionally. Is ages since I had cause to tremble.

And I'm also taken by the idea of slapping on the dregs of a bottle of Arpege. Or reeking of Diorissimo. Or sex, come to think of it...

BrainMash Wed 13-Oct-10 13:20:15

I want to carelessly throw plates in the washing up machine before glugging down some Moet and dashing out with my dogs.

GraveyardMistsAreYellow Wed 13-Oct-10 13:20:48

I want to be lovely tall willowy Taggie with cloudy black hair and silver grey eyes envy

Forever though, not just for the winter.

GraveyardMistsAreYellow Wed 13-Oct-10 13:21:59

LOL at Helen's friend Hilary with the triangular tits that's me too!

Wouldn't mind being Perdita either.

IvantaOuiOui Wed 13-Oct-10 13:23:56

Reeking is such a Jilly Cooper word. Along with splayed and bush.

JandT Wed 13-Oct-10 13:25:02

DH would love me to be Taggy (is it bad I was impressed he'd read Jilly when we met?!)

boudoiricca Wed 13-Oct-10 13:25:55

Ah, but I don't think Jilly even liked winter... As dear Daisy once said, the only good thing about Winter is being able to cover up one's spare tyres and hairy legs under lots of layers - and real log fires, but cleaning up the ashes is such a faff. I suppose if one had a treasure....

twirlymum Wed 13-Oct-10 13:26:36

Oooooh, Rupert Campbell Black.....

Who was the lovely violinist with blonde curls like an angel, Baby something?
Must read them all again...

olderandwider Wed 13-Oct-10 13:26:44

I want someone to pour me a Huge G&T.

I want to lie back on leather seats in a purring Jag.

I want to make appalling puns - "Now this is what I call hardcore prawn" as I spear a glistening pink crustacean with a fork bearing the ancient family crest.

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 13:35:39

seriously good punning there, olderandwider

("Clitoris allsorts" is my fave Jilly one)

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 13:38:48

Baby Spinosissimo was in Score twirly and he's a tenor, albeit it a bi one who was turned by the lovely Flora. And her puns are some of the best.

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 13:40:11

I want to seduce someone with my juddering arse as I whisk scrambled eggs.

I want to behave as badly as perdita macleod did and still shag two gorgeous brothers.

I want to be the type of person who only exists in Jillyworld who LOSES WEIGHT whilst stressed as opposed to putting on 2 stone (99% of which is biscuits and crisps)

I wanna be Taggie O Hara <waaah>

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 13:40:37

And I want to go on holiday to the USA and find that over there they also drive filthy minis and eat sausage rolls at their millionaires' buffets.

twirlymum Wed 13-Oct-10 13:40:50

Ah, thanks Weblette. I really do have some brushing up to do...

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 13-Oct-10 13:45:28

Message withdrawn

MarshaBrady Wed 13-Oct-10 13:46:17

I will be an Evelyn Waugh person and find everyone simply tedious darling. And say to dh oh don't be silly darling, a lot.

And it's is all too sick-making

And be impossibly beautiful and young and bright.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 13:46:27

I'd love to be as feckless as Maud, frolicking through life sounds jolly good fun tbh although I'd probably draw the line at Tony Baddingham. Now Bas on the other hand...yum

Orlando Wed 13-Oct-10 13:49:58

If dh wanted to drawl every now and then I wouldn't mind that either. Especially if he started the sentence by drawling 'Ker-rist' and finished it by putting his hand down my cleavage.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 13:50:51


thelunar66 Wed 13-Oct-10 13:54:51

I want to get stuck into the gin on an empty stomach.

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 14:02:01

I want to be Taggie Campbell-Black. (Except that she was so devastated at not having children but, hey, Rupert must be some compensation)

I want my husband to arrive home by helicopter, the leaves whirring as it lands with its distinctive dark blue and gold colours.

IvantaOuiOui - <wheezes> HA! Your post made me laugh and then I looked at your name and I AM GOING TO GET SACKED.

Aym one of those characters who talks with a faux fake accent and wears too taight tops

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 14:03:24

And I would also like to be constantly feeding people smoked salmon sandwiches (ooh, I do this already! How fab!) and Sancerre (I don't do this, it's Chablis) while looking fabulous and drifting about the house reading and drinking instead of unpacking (a la Maud O Hara)

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:04:24

So what does looking boot-faced actually look like? That's one that's always puzzled me...

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 14:04:34

I'd also occasionally like a gorgeous man to call me 'angel' and drive me, too fast, to a stately pile to meet his terrifying old boot of a mother. Actually, scrap that last bit, make it a London restaurant.

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 14:06:40

And I'd love to have to flog a Gainsborough rather than think about working for a living. Even if it did leave a bit of space on the walls of my long, low, mansion which is made of warm Cotswold stone and lies like a lion in the Larkshire valley.

SatinandTat Wed 13-Oct-10 14:09:42

I will loose a few pounds which will reveal ravishing cheekbones and doe eyes. I will be whisked to the South of France by a mahogany tanned seventies tennis star with porn moustache where I will float around in pastel coloured clothes.

CJCregg Wed 13-Oct-10 14:11:33

Bootfaced is cats-bum-faced, surely?

I'd like to buy an outrageous dress for a party and eat nothing but grapefruit for three days in order to get into it.

traceybath Wed 13-Oct-10 14:14:08

I want to be really poor but still manage to live in a delightful tumble down cottage and have an affair and be given champagne and cashmere jerseys and have everyone fall in love with me.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:15:05

I think we need Jilly on for a webchat actually.....

olderandwider Wed 13-Oct-10 14:19:16

After being catastrophically sunburnt, my skin will mellow to a golden tan that perfectly offsets my mane of naturally sunbleached hair which is kept in place with an enormous pair of sunglasses propped artlessless on top of my head.

My huge eyes will fill with tears whenever words like "puppies" and "poor people" are mentioned.

The tetchy hero's eyebrow will rise appreciatively as I innocently bend over in my inadequate bikini.

I shall call everything and everyone "s-oooo sweeeet".

Euphemyknifeinyourback Wed 13-Oct-10 14:19:37

When I think Bootfaced, I see Molly Sugden for some reason. Which is a shame, cos she was lovely.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:21:32

That's maybe more it Euphe, I couldn't really see it as cat's bum.

Euphemyknifeinyourback Wed 13-Oct-10 14:21:56

I'd like the workmen who come to my house to look like Richard Armitage, rather than Rab C Nesbitt.

I want to be Tori for a bit so I can eat cornflakes with double cream under my duvet at night
Then losing three stone due to about a weeks lovesickness.

aquamortis Wed 13-Oct-10 14:23:57

I want to be totally disorganised and yet still find myself supplied with smoked salmon/Moet/cake/jam by my nicest neighbours

I want to live within stumbling distance of a pub with cosy little rooms and an open fire and a permanently cheerful landlord that serves delicious food

I couldn't bear to be as doormattish as most of Jilly's heroines so I might have to be Perdita

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:25:26

I want to be able to be a complete and utter screaming selfish bitch to all and sundry but at the same time dote on various scabby and/or incontinent animals and anthropomophise them to a degree that would normally only be tolerated in a four year old, as if that somehow makes up for my treatment of humans.

boudoiricca Wed 13-Oct-10 14:28:10

Haha BS, yes, I want to be Perdita too... (except I'd like to have a chance to have Ricky before my mother gets her hands on him). Still Luke... dreamy look

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:28:35

BS - that makes you Liz Jones, not a JC heroine grin

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:33:37

So it does!! grin

Do you think Liz Jones is trying to live the Jilly life for real?

We should send her a questionnaire:

1. How do you wash your dishes
a) in the sink
b) in the dishwasher
c) in the washing-up machine. Which is broken

2. What do you call your female genital organs?
a) my vulva and vagina
b) my fanjo
c) my bush

3. What do you wear on you feet when walking the dogs?
a) Jimmy Choos with five inch heels
b) wellies
c) gumboots

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:36:00

Who would you most like lying on your bed

a) Rupert Campbell-Black
b) Billy Fox-Lloyd
c) A mangy dog with fleas

GraveyardMistsAreYellow Wed 13-Oct-10 14:38:03

d) Lysander Hawkley

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:38:57

What car do you (un-rich person) drive?
a) Mini
b) Golf
c) There are no other cars ever invented in your price range, sorry, it'll have to be a) or b)

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:41:34

What's in your fridge ?

a)jars of home made chutney

b)casseroles and pies that others have made you out of sympathy for your plight

c)Bottles of champagne and caviar, but no actual milk

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:42:39

d) Drive? That's what the chauffeur's for

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:43:00


<howls> Stop being so fatuous!

GhastlyandUgly Wed 13-Oct-10 14:45:09

OK I'm won over by this. Have never read any JC - which one shall I start with?

laurely Wed 13-Oct-10 14:45:24

I DONT want to stuff my bush with leaves after having riotus sex outside.

I would like to waft around serving scrambled eggs for supper

I would stumble off sobbing if i was upset by some bounder/cad.

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:45:32

What's the best way for a man to get a woman to fall in love with him?
a) Take her out for a nice romantic dinner, talk to her and hold her hand in a respectful manner
b) Tip or spray champagne on to any or all of her erogenous zones and lick it off
c) Trap her into playing a sadistic sex game which she will end up enjoying far more than he does much to his surprise

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:45:43

How do you pay a bill?

a)Throw wads of cash down in an nonchalent manner without bothering to count it

b)Write a cheque and wonder whether the £100,000 overdraft has been called in yet?

c)Empty the jam jars in the cupboard of "housekeeping" and search for pound coins down the bag of the cat hair covered sofa?

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 14:46:13

Question: Which of these character names is also the name of a village in Gloucestershire:

a) France-Lynch
b) Somerford-Keynes
c) Hermione Harefield

I screamed when I moved to Gloucestershire and saw Jilly Cooper character names dotted around on countryside signs.

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:46:41

or "back" as we like to call it here. God I'm inane today grin

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:46:47

Got to be Riders, just such an ace book.

Embarrassingly I reckon JC would be my specialist subject on Mastermind blush

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 14:47:34

screamed with laughter

<so jilly>

aquamortis Wed 13-Oct-10 14:47:55

weeping at this thread

also: I am very much enjoying Jump

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:48:15

notwaving, you missed off

d) have some rich bloke fall in love with you so such mundane things will never trouble you again grin

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:49:10

What do you serve at dinner parties ?

a)Fabulous home cooked treats so that everyone will beg for the recipe

b) Jugged hair (not a typo - anyone tell me which dinner party that quip is from?)

c)Mousetrap and mouldy cheese and copious bottles of Krug

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 14:49:18


Now all you Jilly freaks are in one place, PLEASE tell me I am not the only one who gets mightily pissed off at the typos in the books.

In Riders it is Lady Grania Pringle, in Polo it is Lady Gloria Pringle.

In Rivals it is Dame Enid Spink. In Appassionata it is Dame Edith.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:49:51

d) Something rustled up by the divine Taggie

aquamortis Wed 13-Oct-10 14:50:07

yes you have to start with Riders, it is very dated but it's essential that you start off by hating Rupert C-B

then you have the joy that is Rivals to follow

then is it Polo? also wonderful

basically you have to do them in chronological order if you want to avoid spoilers

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:50:51

Jesus - I meant mousetrap and mouldy bread, not mouldy cheese.

<<studies book of comedy delivery and fails to understand the first module>>

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 14:51:18

ME ME ME <jumps up and down in seat with hand in the air>

Jugged hare was served at Hilary Spurling's dinner party in Riders, where Helen had cried off because she had just pranged Rupert's porsche because she saw naked photos of Podge.

<punches air>

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:51:23

Drives me nuts Getorf, and don;t forget when Kitty's hapless fiance changes from Keith to Kevin...

aquamortis Wed 13-Oct-10 14:52:55

it's not the typos that annoy me GetOrf so much as the repetition of particular phrases of which she is obviously very proud

<racks brain to think of one>

I don't mind that the wild garlic always reeks in springtime, or that the old man's beard in the hedgerow reminds us it is autumn, but it's when she has literary pretensions that I get annoyed, especially when she's nicked them

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:53:20

Very good GetOrf grin

And Hilary was annoyed because she had to go to all the expense of giving a dinner party, and Rupert thought she was disgusting and slovenly (although it didn't stop him shagging her)

BrainMash Wed 13-Oct-10 14:53:22

Where does the man who made husbands jealous fit in?

Haven't read my JC's for years but might have to start again tonight grin


BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:54:07

You can imagine her saying "Keith . . . Kevin . . . whatever . . . some ghastly common name beginning with K . . . doesn't matter, no one will notice"

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 14:54:20

<also racks brain to think of oft repeated phrases>

breastfeeding mums often have triangular tits, I find.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:54:59

MWMHJ comes after Polo

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:56:08


GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 14:56:08

MHWHJ left me cold.

It came out when I was 16, I remember nearly crying with disappointment. There was nobody in it I liked, it was such a disappointment after Polo.

BrainMash Wed 13-Oct-10 14:56:41

Thanks weblette

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:56:49

People are always "ecstatic" or "suicidal" because there are no mental states in between, apparently.

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:58:02

I struggle with th dreadful puns which encompass pretentious literary association which I know should be clever, but because I spent most of my youth reading JC, rather than the classics, tended to go over my head somewhat. grin

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 14:58:11

exhorting - Jilly loves a bit of that

Agree Getorf, love Appassionata tho, maybe because I used to play viola grin

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 14:58:36

I hated Polo when I first read it, probably because I loved Rivals so much. But have just re-read it and enjoyed it (hence this thread).

MWMHJ I quite like. I think it was her last decent one sad

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 14:58:48

and I can't spell "the"

<<retires injured>>

boudoiricca Wed 13-Oct-10 14:58:51

although that was the night Rupert told Hilary that their particular party was over (and that Helen was upset about his shagging someone else (and it wasn't her)).

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 14:59:58

I think Appassionata and Pandora were great - back to her old strandards (near as dammit).

But the others left me completely cold, and only flicked to the Rupert and Taggie bits after a while blush

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 15:00:57

Oh I don't know, knowing three lines of Yeats and a bit of Houseman (all gleaned from Rivals) has meant I have blagged a few conversations in my time.

BrainMash Wed 13-Oct-10 15:01:07

I quite like 'Wicked' (Taggie is in it!) but not anywhere near as good as Polo et al

lottiejenkins Wed 13-Oct-10 15:03:11

Id like to be Harriet, and work for grumpy Cory!!!

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 15:05:15

back to her old standards = same story with different names

Although I agree with you about the others. The spark for me was the Rupert and Taggie story

yy boudoiricca - Hilary was pleased Rupert had come on his own and thought she was in there. Didn't her husband have a "ghastly beard" ?

TooImmature2BMum Wed 13-Oct-10 15:06:06

I love this thread, I love this thread...

How could you hate Polo?? Mind you, I started with Appasionata aged 12 and then worked backwards. Think I want to be Emily, stealing blood red roses in a see-through nightie on a Hebridean island and getting caught by someone terribly dashing whose name escapes me right now.

I was also saddened by MWMHJ. Lysander is no match for Rupert.

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 15:09:46

Notwaving - Hilary's husband was a ghastly milksop called Crispin. Their babies were called Kate and Germaine.

Why do I remember that shite but forget what is in my fridge for dinner?

boudoiricca Wed 13-Oct-10 15:11:39

Hilary already was in there... they'd been having a torrid affair whilst Crispin(husband with ghastly beard) took daughter Germaine tobogganing. It began after Billy and Janey's wedding reception, when she'd shaved her pits specially... RCB "they were getting so long you could've plaited them..."

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 15:16:29

grin at forgetting what's in your fridge for dinner. You're obviously operating on a higher plane darling

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 15:17:16

boak at "so long you could've plaited them"

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 15:17:43

Boudiriccia - it was Janey and Billy's engagement party, ackcherly <pedant>

boudoiricca Wed 13-Oct-10 15:25:47

where he was leading her around in a headcollar? (my teenage mind always found that rather disturbingly sexy)...

NigellaTufnel Wed 13-Oct-10 15:29:39

I can't believe no one has mentioned Viking O'Neil.


I had a lot of crushed on French Horn players in my time, but he was the best.

And if I had a daughter I wanted to call her Flora.

TooImmature2BMum Wed 13-Oct-10 15:29:47

Think it was a leading rein, actually. Then Rupert brought Revenge in and jumped the sofa and then he crapped all over the hall on the horrible sick-green carpet...

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 15:31:32

Didn't he lead Hermione round on a leading rein? In the indoor arena?

<<I must go and get on with some spreadsheets in a minute>>

boudoiricca Wed 13-Oct-10 15:34:18

oh god... I'd forgotten about that... that was Rannaldini and Hermione with a lunge rein and whip in the indoor school in MWMHJ (?) and was altogether more sinister...

aquamortis Wed 13-Oct-10 15:34:18

no it was rannaldini who led Hermione round on a rein

that really was not sexy

TooImmature2BMum Wed 13-Oct-10 15:34:39

He lunged her! Over jumps, with a whip, and she was wearing high-heeled boots and a dog-collar and nothing else! That was Rannaldini not Rupert, though.

Yes, I only logged on in brief moment of madness and have spent the last hour reading posts and trying not to giggle obviously (clearly, nothing work related could be making me giggle!).

Was it in Octavia that the big burly Welsh man gives the heroine a spanking on a narrow boat.

<finger in collar>

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 15:47:41

"narrowly" is another Jilly favourite.

'She ran across the road narrowly missing being squashed flat by a juggernaut.'

And dogs and horses don't bite or nip people, they "take bites out of" people which always makes me think of people missing actual lumps of flesh. <shudder>

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 15:52:48

What I could never work out from the Hermione being schooled bit was when she broke into a canter and Lysander's comment was 'wrong leg' - she's only got a choice of two, not four.

I do recognise I overthink Jilly sometimes...

Billy's first romp with Janey's probably one of my faves of the non-perverted sessions. Some of the Rannaldini ones were just weird confused

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 15:57:29

I'm not enjoying jump
Not usual jilly standard IMO

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 15:58:09

Lol at overthknking jilly

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 15:59:44

It's better than Wicked, Janna has to be the worst Jilly heroine ever.

Jump needed a much much better editor, there was so much repetition and waaaay too many characters. If I'd had to read one more time about the teeth that needed to be fixed I think I'd have screamed.

notwavingjusthaunting Wed 13-Oct-10 16:01:16


The ONE THING Helen asked Billy to do was to remember to put the butter back in the fridge. Did he? No, he was too busy edging down the bank.....

TooImmature2BMum Wed 13-Oct-10 16:05:04

But if you were cantering in a clockwise circle you should be leading with the right leg, and vice-versa...

Jump is still better than Wicked. Didn't like Janna at all. Did anyone else notice that Jilly fudged Rpert's age in Jump? She says he's in his late 50s. If Perdita was born in 1966 and Rupert was 19 when she was conceived, that makes him 64.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 16:07:58

I bow to your better knowledge grin

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 16:17:28

Agree Jump is better than Wicked, really hated the vile stuff at the end of Wicked

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 16:18:29

In his late fifties ' but still Mecca for most women' ha ha ha

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 16:20:27

But there's also that horrid scene in Jump (which I won't go into detail about in case it's a spoiler for you lot still reading it!)

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 16:26:44

She also said a few years ago that Rupert was based on Andrew Parker-Bowles

There was a massive collective << heave >> << disappointment >> and << boak >> from all her readers and she has kept very quiet about it ever since.

Orlando Wed 13-Oct-10 16:39:46

Oh, I remember that BS. Thought at the time that maybe he had some thrilling kind of sexual magnetism that was overwhelming in the flesh but completely unapparent in photos (probably involving a sexy, clipped drawl and the ability to look you over 'lazily' and/or 'approvingly'.)

However the fact that his wife found Prince Charles more attractive would suggest not.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 16:43:26

Very very quiet BS!

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Oct-10 16:56:09

how can you have a clipped drawl though?

I thought clipped was saying things quickly and drawling was saying them slowly.

(not criticising you, Orlando, but Jilly)

ROFL at the Prince Charles comment grin

But then HRH has a HUGE amount of land.

Orlando Wed 13-Oct-10 17:03:44

<shrugs> Is just how they speak in Rutshire. Think there's a bit in Riders where she specifies that when Rupert says 'half past ten' he pronounces it 'h'pst'tn' or something. I guess that's the clipped bit. Drawling is probably more the tone of voice.

(blush at trying to make serious analysis of linguistic accuracy of JC novel. Super thread though, angel.)

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 17:06:07

My favourite accents are the cod northern and cockney. Flooora, mudgic, bluddy oh such gems.

Oh and Boris's Russian language eccentricities - zank you from the heart of my bottom

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 17:19:50

And I loved it when Tory got all embarassed because she overheard her father Colonel Carter hit his thumb with a hammer and say 'booger'

traceybath Wed 13-Oct-10 17:37:07

Jilly sent Caitlin Moran a bottle of champagne after she interviewed her - I do love Jilly.

Taggie and Daisy are my favourite heroines - would love to be taggie but suspect I am more of a Daisy.

Agree very poor editing in Jump, eg, Etta laments lack of bath in new house and then 2 chapters later she's having a lovely bath.

Also Etta was just too ridiculously wet and I rather shallowly prefer a gorgeous heroine for my escapism

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 13-Oct-10 17:39:18

How much would you just love a drunken afternoon with Jilly Cooper and Caitlin Moran.

LOVE the fact that Caitlin Moran was actually christened plain old Catherine, and changed her name to Caitlin as a nom de plume after reading Rivals as a teenager. I thought Caitlin Moran was marvellous anyway, since finding that out she has been raised in my estimation to a goddess

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 17:42:24

That would be a wonderful way to lose an afternoon.

Daisy is rather lovely isn't she. Not too wet or drippy.

Must confess, I really can't stand Taggie she's such a bloody wimp. Cloudy dark hair, grey eyes and the grace of a wolfhound or not.

kresley Wed 13-Oct-10 18:07:05

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

The dinner is burnt, the kids are MIA but I have howled over this thread grin

Thought Pandora was utter crap though wink

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 18:12:01

Ha ha at h'pst ten, I remember that and cod northern accents, I don't think Jilly knows anyone with an accent does she, bless!

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Oct-10 18:13:39

I re read Pandora a while back and it's not the worst. Not the best either mind you.

kneedeepinthedirtylaundry Wed 13-Oct-10 18:16:19

Yes, you are being completely unreasonable, opening poster, as Jilly Cooper characters are totally two-dimensional and dull as ditch water!

Alouiseg Wed 13-Oct-10 18:17:53

I want to go to Rannaldinis party where there is a condom and an ecstasy tablet in my napkin, and everyone elses. Then when I am off my pear drop shaped tits I will dance naked in the garden in the rain.

I am obviously whippet thin hmm

I long to be Caitlin O'Hara and have 'beady' eyes - always made me think of pigeons. But she has such tremendous fun eating all Taggie's food and shagging Archie Baddingham and making everyone scream with laughter.

Sometimes when I'm in a really bad mood I horrify myself by realising I would be one of the horrific fun-killing council employees in JC, and it does force me to lighten up smile

Alouiseg Wed 13-Oct-10 18:31:04

That's a good point bigkids. I'd be a "ghastly" jumped up trollop from essex.

I also wouldn't be whippet thin, nearer the truth would be Torys 11 stone bulk

I always wondered about Sophy's 'splendid' bulk. How is she different to Fat Tory? Is it a matter of boob?

Alouiseg Wed 13-Oct-10 18:49:54

I've forgotten who Sophy is, can you remind me?

She's Emerald's sister

Marries Alazarin, and helps Janna out in the school

PortoFangO Wed 13-Oct-10 18:53:24

I have decided that I would like to be Mary Wesley's Calypso, as she always seemed to have so much fun!

DP is one of those people who loses weight when stressed by forgetting to eat.

I am not.

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 19:02:27

Alouiseg you have just made me howl with laughter, thank you!

I do like Prudence Cartwright in Pandora, especially where she heaves all over the flower bed after Jonathan's lethal green cocktail.

Tippychoocks Wed 13-Oct-10 19:10:20

Worryingly though, isn't Tory described as being the size of an elephant when she's tall and less than eleven stone? I always though describing that as her heaving her massive bulk around was a bit off grin

I hated Jenna. What I hate most of all in JC though is the singing. Think of Jenna's song about "rising, rising" or the wrong lyrics of the "join me dancing naked in the rain". It's just crap really and kind of embarrassing to read - like your mum singing too loudly at the school carol concert or people at church trying to rap. Cringey.

Tippychoocks Wed 13-Oct-10 19:11:20


Are the poncey-girls-name books as good as the others?

weblette Wed 13-Oct-10 19:16:29

Haven't read any of them tbh, may have to have a look.

Orlando Wed 13-Oct-10 19:44:14

The girls' name books are BRILLIANT. Distilled versions of the finest bits of the others, and still v readable despite being over 40 years old. Best ones IMO are Bella and Harriet.

Acekicker Wed 13-Oct-10 19:46:33

I think Tory's 'bulk' was actually 10 stone at one point, or was that when she'd pined away.

If we're being Jilly Cooper characters, will we get to spread Oxford Marmalade thickly on fried bread for breakfast?

I always reckoned Flora was basically Caitlin's character reincarnated for some reason as Caitlin just disappeared after Rivals I think.

Agree absolutely that Jump! needed some serious editing. There were also way too many characters even for a JC novel.

staranise Wed 13-Oct-10 19:48:04

No, no, no, Octavia is by far the best (though I love them all to be honest) - I love her candy-striped pink blazer, walk across Putney Heath in her negligee, entrance at the vicar's party in her chain-mail dress and gradual, painful realisation that a working life is completely incompatible with having IT-girl shiny locks

Later JCs are far too long

<star displays inappropriately obsessive knowledge of early Jilly Cooper>

Orlando Wed 13-Oct-10 19:55:30

Okaaay, will accept that Octavia was also excellent (and has been adapted for either big or small screen recently, which fills me with dread given what they did to Riders and The Man Who) Octavia one of JC's rare feisty heroines. One of those women (like Perdita) you'd loathe if you knew her in real life, but when seen through JC's lens is bizarrely likeable.

elastamum Wed 13-Oct-10 19:56:54

Ohh I must go and get a copy. Havent had a good Jilly in ages! We live out in the countryside in rural Derbyshire,but I think I am in a parallel universe to Jilly. Not many Campbell blacks out here. More grumpy gamekeepers, miserable farmers and lots of mud grin

staranise Wed 13-Oct-10 20:00:25

In my alternate fantasy life, I am Octavia, despite the fact she is unhappy, frigid, bored and ends up with a border-line abusive Neanderthal who wants to keep her in her pinny (and nothing else) cooking his eggs.

Acekicker Wed 13-Oct-10 20:00:59

Am also glad that I wasn't the only one who counted on their fingers about Rupert's age reading Jump! I figured Perdita must be pushing 40 by now which made Rupert a lot closer to 60 than 55...

Over 40 years old? Bloody hell!

You lot counting on your fingers, are you certain Jump is set in the present day and not set in 2000 or something?

Maybe Rupert is James Bond or something.

I read Riders the other day and am now reading TWMHJ because I have a very incomplete collection. Waiting to borrow Jump - not willing to fork over teh dosh after the bad reviews.

fork over? hmm
fork out or hand over I think you'll find, you sily woman

oooh one of the Pandora girls for me. Can't remember if it's Sienna or Emerald though... the one that ends up shagging someone at the fireworks party.

But have to say 'Riders' 'Rivals' and 'Polo' are still the classics.

God I fancied Jake

dementedma Wed 13-Oct-10 20:41:29

love this thread. how you all remember all the characters are is beyond me!
angry looks bootfaced

Ronaldinhio Wed 13-Oct-10 20:53:52

taggie was so so wet but she got rcb and looked the way i want to look masses of cloudy dark hair silver grey eyes bitten lips

i've a worry that i am more like Freddy's wife Mousey

faverolles Wed 13-Oct-10 21:22:41

Getorf - Colonel Carter was Mollies (Tory's mother) fraightful boyfriend, and later step father. Was he the one who sold Revenge to RCB?

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Wed 13-Oct-10 21:23:58

James Benson would be smelling of Gold Spot when he visited your sick bed on the way home from a dinner party.

When I had a hangover, I will knock back a Fernet Branca (I saw it in a bar once and persuaded the barman to let me try it as I had read about it in a Jilly Cooper book. It was VILE)

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Wed 13-Oct-10 21:26:34

Haha - Freddie's awful wife Valerie "the silly mid on" (whatever that means).

DiscoSquish Wed 13-Oct-10 21:31:44

Yes CC sold Revenge to RCB. I'm not sure which heroine I'd like to be, Taggie is awfully tempting but I like men with dark hair, not blond. Not Maud, I never warmed to her, definitely not Cameron Cook, maybe Daisy hmm

DiscoSquish Wed 13-Oct-10 21:33:01

Something to do with cricket InThis, she was wearing a cricket sweater wasn't she?

TooImmature2BMum Wed 13-Oct-10 21:35:57

Ha, I never knew what silly mid on was either. Is it something to do with cricket?

I want to be Bibi - smart, sexy, red hair, gets to marry Angel the gorgeous Argentinian polo player and have his bit, Angel rescuing Bibi from getting a nose job and banging on the door of the impotency group and yelling keep it up one two three!

Acekicker Wed 13-Oct-10 21:38:19 png

She clearly didn't take to the cricket puns though as there are other great ones she could have worked in.

Perhaps when she wrote that pun she had 'the curse' and wasn't feeling up to it... seriously does anyone use that expression apart from in JC books?

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Wed 13-Oct-10 21:44:59

...or maybe she had dirty hair, you can't do a thing when you have dirty hair...

And when you have The Curse, you must use Super Tampax

But, you can make yourself feel better by cooking up some Bantam's eggs. These also make a good gift, along with a bottle of Moet, when visiting someone's home.

Acekicker Wed 13-Oct-10 21:53:26

Not just Super Tampax but take Buscopan as well. Not sure I'd be up to cooking the Bantam's eggs, think I'd probably just pop round to the local gastro-pub and pick up some delicious steaming boef bourguignon and take it home...

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Wed 13-Oct-10 22:05:08

So long as it's in an earthenware pot

PommePoire Wed 13-Oct-10 22:08:53

So happy to have found this friend! Excellent knowledge of JCs finest texts being displayed, has made me 'shudder with barely suppressed giggles'

YesYouOldJordan - Lady Valerie Of Vulgaria, is my favourite of the 'awful' characters. The ginger knickerbocker suit with matching deerstalker, "Naughty, Monica, call me Mousie" whilst 'wagging a ginger suede finger', deciding it's Upper Class to be interested in gardening: the clashing petunias, the plastic Venus de Milo. The powder blue strapless ball dress with gauzy top layer, covering throat and arms, finished with a 'pussy cat bow' at the neck. Wanting to sew up the bottom of her red flannel nightie so she doesn't have to perform her 'wifely duties' for poor, sweet Freddie.

PommePoire Wed 13-Oct-10 22:12:18

Gah! Happy to have found this THREAD of Jilly friends. Too 'wildly over excited' to type properly.

Must add - if you haven't alreayd then do try the early Jilly's e.g Bella, Emily, Prudence etc. Utterly fantastic. My favourite is Prudence, who goes to a country house sherry and fireworks party wearing a green culotte dress with 'enormous cut outs back and front' which has to be removed and laid on the bathroom floor so she can use the loo.

Alouiseg Wed 13-Oct-10 22:19:11

If we could have read Riders and Rivals for English Lit I would have sailed through, and possibly have passed.

PommePoire Wed 13-Oct-10 22:22:38

That's how I got through my A Levels, including Eng. Lit. Nothing like a chapter or two of Rivals before bed to get the more depressing bits of Thomas Hardy out of your head. In fact, in times of stress I always turn to Jilly, so comforting and familiar in a way that Jackie Collins just isn't.

twirlymum Wed 13-Oct-10 22:25:10

Who died after being impaled on a statue? Was it a ghastly journalist or something?
Lordy, I need to re-read them all!

Splendid, splendid thread of splendidness. My absolute all-time favourite ever Jilly moment comes in Rivals, when awful James Vereker (Corinium's oil-slick-smooth anchorman) is having breakfast with his daughter. His wife, the wonderful, long-suffering, slightly plump Lizzie (regularly a victim of the Curse of the Dirty Hair), is having a very jolly affair with common-but-twinkly electro-whizz Freddie Jones.

"I saw Freddie bare," says child, ("dreamily" as I recall). "Who's Freddie Bear?" asks James. "No, I saw Freddie, bare!" repeats the little urchin. "He was on the bed with mummy, struggling."

Then it comes, the line-to-end-all-lines: "She was wearing long socks with her bottom hanging out."

grin grin grin

DiscoSquish Wed 13-Oct-10 22:25:26

Nobody beats a spot of Jilly grin Alouiseg I shall look out for you on Mastermind - specialist subject 'Rivals' by Jilly Cooper.

DiscoSquish Wed 13-Oct-10 22:26:41

He was on the dining room table struggling with mummy I think grin

TaggieCampbellBlack Wed 13-Oct-10 22:27:17

can't believe you lot are droolin all over my husband! he is rather gorgeous thopugh, although somewhat jealous and obsessed with horses.

TooImmature2BMum Wed 13-Oct-10 22:27:31

There was someone posting on here a couple of weeks ago saying she did her final English essay on the role of the hero in JC books - wonderful! And she got an A.

I never got why Prudence was so hooked on Pendle, though. He starts off by nearly raping her and then goes all icy cold and distant, but she still really fancies him (until she meets Ace, of course). Masochist.

twirlymum, I believe that would be "ghastly journalist" Beattie Johnson, in Jilly's one venture into murder-mysteries, the late but underrated Score! (her exclamation mark)

Discosquish, it shames me to confess that I am planning a trip via the bookshelves to check up on the location of the "struggling" on my way to bed! grin

PommePoire Wed 13-Oct-10 22:29:53

No, it's a young Tabitha C-B who interrupts her father shagging Cameron on '25 feet of polished mahogany' (some dining table!)
"What are you doing to my daddy?" demands Tab "Just keeping him warm" replies Cameron through clenched teeth.

BeatieJohnson Wed 13-Oct-10 22:30:49

i'll have you know i am a well respected serious journalist. just check my regular exposes in the scorpion.

i've been crusing the pages of mumsnet for yonks and selling pieces on the side to the telegraph.

DiscoSquish Wed 13-Oct-10 22:32:21

Please report back I need to know and my books are all still packed

PommePoire Wed 13-Oct-10 22:33:13

TooImmature2B - I thinks it's his 'aloofness and enigmatic self-control' that keeps Prudence hanging on. I like the dinner party she gives to impress him, wearing a rust velvet medieval style evening gown and her flat mate, wearing jeans, no bra and a tight t shirt, hands out pieces of loo paper to the guests in the absence of napkins!

DiscoSquish Wed 13-Oct-10 22:34:54

Didn't you get fatally impaled in a rather unfortunate place by a unicorn statue's horn, Beattie? hmm

BeatieJohnson Wed 13-Oct-10 22:37:44

not fatally but desperatly injured. Jilly changed it for the sake of her masterpiece, Score!. I spent months in hospital being soothed by comely nurses and was visited by the Polo fraternity who brought me grapes and lucozade and Fernet branca.
whaturt most was wenthey removed the meadowsweet and monkshood orchids from my fanjo.

BeatieJohnson Wed 13-Oct-10 22:38:11

what is fernet branca anway?

PommePoire Wed 13-Oct-10 22:42:49

it's a really strong tasting Italian herbal liquor, drunk as a digestive aid. It's basically so noxious and powerful it kind of steams and boils it's way through your body purging as it goes. Someone with a constitution for booze as strong as yours Beattie would have no trouble.

DiscoSquish Wed 13-Oct-10 22:43:33
BelleDameAvecBroomstick Wed 13-Oct-10 23:02:37

Am I the only one who thinks Declan O'Hara is highly shaggable then?

Love, love, love this thread. Rivals is my favourite but haven't read it for ages. May retrieve it from the shelves this evening...

Acekicker Wed 13-Oct-10 23:03:56

Beattie - was there a comely Irish nurse at the hospital? I believe all hospitals in Rutshire have at least one of those on shift all the time!

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 14-Oct-10 07:43:29

Alouise - (I have mentionedt his before but it is one of my crowning glories in life) - I chose Riders, Rivals and Polo as my books on which I wrote an essay which counted for my GCSE literature exam (20% coursework). I got the highest result in the country for the Northern Examining Board, it was given 100%.

Dumbing down? Pah.

Discosquish, belatedly ... bed! They were struggling on the bed. The sauciness was confined to the long socks and the hanging-out bottom: location very conventional grin

CJCregg Thu 14-Oct-10 08:02:59

BelleDame - no, I would fight you for Declan. Although in reality I don't think it would be long before I started saying 'give it a rest with the fucking poetry and take the rubbish out, would you, sweetie?'

Rivals also my favourite. Am also going to dust it off and reread when no one's looking.

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 08:15:23

Thanks L&S I am going to have to get the bookshelves up asap I see. I am suffering from JC withdrawl symptoms and I do not mean Mr Clarkson.

Absolute favourite JC book everyone? Mine is Rivals, I soo wanted to be Taggie.

Ronaldinhio Thu 14-Oct-10 08:18:10

during university entrance exams i was asked what my favourite book was during the supervised "free time" at hall...amongst the earnest Dostoevsky type answers was me piping up Jilly Cooper's Rivals/Riders

i think that sealed the place

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 14-Oct-10 08:20:22

grin Ron.

All my other friends at school were doing serious type books for GCSE, Austen, Dickens, Henry James etc. And there was I, trouncing them all with Class A chicklit.

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 08:23:40

It is serious, mainlining, Class A chicklit though. The very pinnacle of it's genre and therefore v v worthy of being studied seriously. On a regular basis, preferably with a hot bubble bath, wine and chocolate to hand grin

Finn15 Thu 14-Oct-10 08:32:19

I lived in France Lynch for 9 years

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 08:36:48

I live in JC's books. Forever.


<could possibly be considered v odd though in a sad and groupyish way>

This thread is fantastic! Am at home, fed up waiting for belated baby to arrive and re-reading Rivals - it's undoubtedly her best, RCB at his finest I think! Although must re-read Polo as I'd forgotten all about some of the characters mentioned here.

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 14-Oct-10 08:43:15

<lays prostrate on floor in front of Finn>

We're not worthy, we're not worthy

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 08:48:35

Bollocks, we're not are we

<flaps around on floor with GetOrf>


GetOrfMoiLand Thu 14-Oct-10 08:51:41

I thought I was a bit special because I drove past a sign to France-Lynch and shriekingly pointed it out to DP (who couldn't give a fuck, to be fair).

I also channel my inner Daisy Macleod whenevr I use the toilets in Cavendish House in Cheltenham grin

Finn15 Thu 14-Oct-10 08:54:59

AND my friend Vicky used to help as her housekeeper in the university holidays (rather a long time ago). Her house was apparently exactly like you'd imagine it - full of dogs, cluttered as hell, totally chaotic and utterly amazing.

wins again

AmazingDisgrace Thu 14-Oct-10 08:58:29

Oh must go and re-read riders and rivals. Fave of the girls names ones was Imogen, Octavia ace too though. Oh and I'd be Chessie..rubbing Fracas into my thighs or something

weblette Thu 14-Oct-10 08:59:12

Or Lizzie Jones... isn't that where she buys a ton of Aramis for James after shagging Freddie?

What I would love to find is a jumble sale like the one in Paradise where Marigold finds a bishop's chair and sofa in blue ticking. They're all pretty scuzzy round here.

I would have loved to written about the sainted JC at GCSE but think it would have been a step too far at my northern Catholic comp. They threw a fit when I did an essay on pornography for S-Level...

weblette Thu 14-Oct-10 09:00:02

Finn, I am in awe. You are the JC goddess grin

Finn15 Thu 14-Oct-10 09:04:32

Alas all attempts to get the boyfriend to dress as a psychotic world-class conductor with murder on his mind have failed miserably

weblette Thu 14-Oct-10 09:07:47

Probably just as well Finn unless you want him to learn a few handy tricks with a three-fingered vibrator and a few vials of amyl...

Ok do any of you know anyone who's actually painted their labia with olive oil? Never mind photgraphed them or entered them for a competition?

BalloonSlayer Thu 14-Oct-10 09:11:48

... and with a pastry brush IIRC, weblette.

I hope he bought Taggie a new one afterwards.

Why would you need olive oil "down there" anyway, if you were married to Rupert?

Finn15 Thu 14-Oct-10 09:12:04

No but I think I might give it a go. I will enter my fanjo in the Turner Prize. It will be called Olive Oil Vagina and people will flock from miles around to come and see it.

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 09:17:28

But will it beat last nights knitted vulva with glow in the dark clit? hmm

weblette Thu 14-Oct-10 09:22:07

I think it might have to be the German Turner since that was where Flora found such success...

Not maybe one to put on the CV though

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 09:35:47

Wasn't it Chessie that had one like coral? <checks, nope looks more like trimmings off stewing beef>

zisforzebra Thu 14-Oct-10 10:19:23

I wanted to be Caitlin first then Taggie but finally Cameron Cook simply because (if memory serves me correctly, it's been a while since I read them) she got to bed both the O'Hara men. I've only read the girls' names ones, Rider, Rivals and Polo though.

WideWebWitch Thu 14-Oct-10 10:24:22

Ah Declan O'Hara, now he was a great hero too, really loved Maud, was kind but cleaver <swoon, swoon>

WideWebWitch Thu 14-Oct-10 10:26:02

Yes Cameron slept with Declan (did she? Have I got that right or was he far too in love with Maud to contemplate it?) AND Rupert AND Declan's son, who fell in love with her. But Rupert never really cared for her much and she knew it, deep down.

I always felt sorry for Maud because she wanted everyone to fancy her and nobody ever did (except Bas, I think, briefly)

Finn15 Thu 14-Oct-10 10:30:37

Maud was a horrible selfish cow though who never cleaned her house and invited people round for kitchen supper but Taggie do all the cooking despite the fact that her cloud of black hair and limbs like a newly born deer were clearly in breach of kitchen health and safety rules.

I love this thread!

I like Janey, Billy's wife. She never wore a bra under her thin vest and always had stubble on her long brown legs but still wore very short denim cut-offs and still looked ravishing.

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 10:52:59

I wanted to be Fenella when I first read Riders. I used to think her and Dino (was it Dino? Was a looooong time ago) were the cutest couple.

WideWebWitch Thu 14-Oct-10 10:55:11

Dino Ferranti I think

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 10:56:08

That's the one. He died his hair grey because Fenella was into older men. grin

oh which was the one who had a "cock like a salami"?

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 12:27:13

That was the Italian rider Fenella had a fling with after Billy dumped her to go back to his wife.

notwavingjusthaunting Thu 14-Oct-10 12:35:11

still here ladies? grin

I've been to Tesco and everything

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 12:42:35

Did you buy quail's eggs and smoked salmon quiche?

Alouiseg Thu 14-Oct-10 12:49:11

envy at Getorf! I might go back to college just to do another GCSE and read Jilly all year.

thelunar66 Thu 14-Oct-10 13:27:26

Can we please have Jilly on for a webchat soon??

I'm half way through Jump and enjoying it so far, though it is not as good as Riders, Rivals and Polo - my 3 favs.

120 Thu 14-Oct-10 13:53:22

drinking Moet and bookmarking

lottiejenkins Thu 14-Oct-10 14:46:36

The guy with the "salami cock" was a racing driver that Fen meet at an awards ceremony!!

CJsSeveredHead Thu 14-Oct-10 14:57:24


A bumsex merchant, IIRC.

BadgerAdrift Thu 14-Oct-10 15:27:24

Just popping out for a bottle of Sancerre and a nice bone for the dog...

Finn15 Thu 14-Oct-10 15:41:00

Now, for a minute I am going to put down my mug of Moet, ignore the paint peeling around the lead-lined windows in my scruffy-yet-idyllic cottage and forget about shaving my legs (I still look ravishing btw) to say that I really didn't much like 'Wicked!'
Less escapism and more just stupid and I didn't like the heroine and I was more than a bit uncomfortable with the fact that most of the sex scenes were with 15 year old schoolkids.
feeds bits of last night's venison to my chocolate lab

MmeBodyInTheBasement Thu 14-Oct-10 16:07:47

I want to be utterly ravishing and call people I like "you absolute poppet!" or "you are a brick!"

Have to say that I was not fond of Jump! Or Wicked. (Did it have an ! too)

My favourite was Lizzie. Not so fond of some of the later wimpy characters, particularly Etta in Jump!

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 16:16:01

Bumsex merchant that smelt unwashed and gave her crabs IIRC?

<actually has RL pheasant casserole tonight and will be feeding leftovers to the dogs heaped on the prehistoric sofa I am sitting on>

TMWMHJ and Appasionata were my least favourites, hotly followed by Score and Pandora. Wicked was ok, Polo and Riders excellent but nothing will ever compare to Rivals. Jump is shaping up now but will probably have to sit with Wicked in the ok section.

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 16:43:08

Wicked made me feel very uncomfortable actually. I thought all those 14/15 year old having sex with each other and their teachers was just wrong.
Why couldn't they have been at least sixth formers?

Still think nothing beats the Riders/Rivals/Polo trilogy. The others kind of blend together as far as I'm concerned.
I didn't like the main character in Appassionata AT ALL.

The one where Ranaldini dies is OK.

lottiejenkins Thu 14-Oct-10 16:48:24

I really didnt enjoy the one to do with art galleries etc. Anthea Belvedon made my teeth itch!!!

PerfectDromedary Thu 14-Oct-10 17:04:02

Aaargh, I wish I'd found this thread earlier!

I think the difference between Tory's "bulk" and Sophie's/Daisy's lusciousness is their attitude - Sophie and Daisy are a bit more comfortable in their own skin.

I would love to be one of the casually posh fuck-you heroines, but miserably suspect that I am very much the Guardian-reading, flopping out my great, grey tits all over the newsroom with a baby regurgitating milk into the monitors, dodgy sandal-wearing hippy.

And actually, don't the boys have a much better time in Jilly? Wouldn't it be super to be RCB? With all the riding and the shagging?

Whenever I had a period when trying to get pregnant, I thought of that awful moment when Janey thinks she might be up the duff and then goes to the loo to find the Curse has started. With the bloody fingerprint bit. Tres sad.

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 17:04:24

Ooh didn't read that one! Which one was it?

Which one is your all-time fave man then? In my dreams I want Patrick o'Hara but DH is actually very like Emlyn. Which is lovely too!

Tippychoocks Thu 14-Oct-10 17:31:59

It's in Riders anonacfr: Janey is in a portaloo at a show and - as you do - decides to rummage around her fanjo and press her blood-stained fingerprint on the white wall.

Then she is caught, crying, tits flying and with a seperated fringe, by Billy's sponsor, Kevin Coley.....

lottiejenkins Thu 14-Oct-10 17:32:06

Matt or Cory!!!

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 17:34:34

Sorry I meant the one with the art galleries?

Not sure which is my fave man. I can't like RCB after reading Riders. He was just too vile.

Luke Alderton in Polo was sweet. The strong dependable kind.
I'll stand by Dino in Riders though.

Damn I might have to re-read them now. grin

staranise Thu 14-Oct-10 17:37:10

Does anyone have the old editions of the girls' name books with the Divine JC on the cover dressed up as the various heroines? I've got Emily, Imofgen, Prudence and Harriet but am hearting after Octavia

<Off to drink a vat of Nuits de St Georges while drying my mass of dreamy blonde hair and admiring my puppy plumpness>

lottiejenkins Thu 14-Oct-10 17:43:27

Art gallery one

lottiejenkins Thu 14-Oct-10 17:53:58
bigfootbeliever Thu 14-Oct-10 18:02:07


Coincidence coincidence, I have just finished reading Pandora for the very time.

Anthea Belvedon - aaaargh
What about Galena though - what a slapper???

lottiejenkins Thu 14-Oct-10 18:04:07

Yup a right trollop!! wink

PigeonPair Thu 14-Oct-10 18:05:06


It has made me laugh so much. One of my favourite bits is when Taggie (such a sweetheart) goes to the ball in Rivals with Bas Baddingham and wears a red dress. She gets up for a dance with Bas and - "as the band played Lady in Red, Taggie swept past and all the men stoody up to salute her beauty" Ha Ha Ha

Going out tonight so off to make myself ravishing (I may even spray "Fracas" on my fandango).

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 18:09:34

staranise I've got a couple of the originals, they're still packed atm but when I unpack them I'll check for you. If I've got it you are very welcome to it

Sigh, off the back of this thread I've gone and shoved Riders into my current Amazon basket. Have never read any JC books before but judging by this thread it sounds like a ripping good yarn! wink

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 18:22:16

LWW you will love them!

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 18:25:17

Oh you HAVE to get Rivals as well grin It is possibly my favourite book evah, along with Forever Amber and Pride n Prejudice <disclaimer: is sooo unfeministic it hurts>

EccentricaGhoulumbits Thu 14-Oct-10 18:26:29

i have spent today working ever so hard in my job as a rank and file viola player.

just oe question. are loos on busses always shaped like an upturned coffin?

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 18:28:22

Yes, probably so you can't fall too far over when they go round corners grin <splosh>

staranise Thu 14-Oct-10 18:33:05

Disco! How heavenly of you ...

Miffster Thu 14-Oct-10 18:33:15

I want to be as horny as Janey who is up for shagging Rupe and Billy at the same time whilst pregnant.
And she bothers to shave her bush. I haven't gone anywhere near mine since I passed 22 weeks.

Although aforesaid group shagging scene is very harsh on Helen 'frozen chicken, pull out the giblets' Campbell Black.

anonacfr Thu 14-Oct-10 18:39:28

OK I've just ordered Pandora online. (Secondhand).
I am going to re-read the first 3 and follow on with it. grin

Miffster Thu 14-Oct-10 18:41:31

Oh, and when haplessly missing a major local social event, such as the Hunt ball, I want a passing BBC makeup artist to pop in, make me look marvellous with smokey eyes and tumbling curls, lace me into a ravishing dress like a Christmas cracker and then send me off to whirl round the floor in the arms of the best looking man in the county. Applauded by young bloods, and serenaded by a band.

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 18:52:45

God I can't wait for the local Hunt Ball now...

staranise Thu 14-Oct-10 18:55:22

Can't wait to meet the sulky, unshaven but still illogically handsome local dish.

<star prays she doesn't fall under his spell again>

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 18:55:51

oooh err I think Amzon are on this thread, I just signed in to look for Wolf Hall (is it good Miffster?) andthey are pushing Riders and Rivals like crazy!

bigfootbeliever Thu 14-Oct-10 19:07:40

Miffster - which one has the group shagging please? (Fave fantasy - sigh......)

BalloonSlayer Thu 14-Oct-10 19:16:38

Disco it may just because Jump is <whisper> crap and people are saying "ahhhh, Riders and Rivals, now they're what I call Bonkbusters, those were the days..."

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 19:21:10

You think so? So it's not the Power Of Mumsnet then? hmm <disappointed>

bigfoot, group shagging is Riders - unless it's in Jump and I've not got to it yet grin

Miffster Thu 14-Oct-10 19:22:21

Groupshag is in Riders, bigfootbeliever

So happy to have found this thread. I have read and re-read JC over the years as my guilty pleasure.

Just re-ordered Polo for the last weeks of mat leave, someone borrowed it off me straight after I read it the first time, so that's the only one I haven't read at least 5 times.

I want to have merry, crinkling eyes and be joyous as an otter when prostrate on a sofa at 38 weeks and lashings of JC and smoked salmon is the sure-fire way to achieve this.

bigfootbeliever Thu 14-Oct-10 19:32:35

OK - just ordered Rivals / Riders / Polo.


weblette Thu 14-Oct-10 19:39:06

Joyous as an otter, now there's a phrase grin

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 19:39:45

I am having trouble breaking through the crust on my apple crumble. I am no Taggie C-B

SpookyMousePink Thu 14-Oct-10 19:58:06

I always liked Caitlin O'Hara, Lizzie Vereker, Fen Maxwell and Tabitha Campbell-Black.

The group shag is in Riders, when R C-B, Helen, Billy & Janey are all on holiday in Kenya (I think?). Helen flies back straight after as when she rings home it turns out Marcus is poorly and she uses this as an excuse to get away...

Miffster Thu 14-Oct-10 20:14:15

Kitty 'leetle Keety' Rannaldini is the shittest, wettest heroine ever. Ker-ist, what a frightful drip.

Lysander 'basically, honestly, marvellous loins' Hawkesley is the most annoying hero as well.

TMWMHJ is crap, tbh.
And Pandora is a bit bonkers about the animals therein, especially the end. Was JC in an, erm, 'dark place' when she wrote it?

I DO live in a Jilly Cooper novel.

My friend next door popped a G&T through the front door at tea time this evening. She also stayed and washed the oven trays.


Miffster Thu 14-Oct-10 20:17:29

largegin, ooh, and do you all play nude tennis in your village too, and wander through stubble fields looking for field mushrooms whilst wearing gumboots and nighties?

SpookyMousePink Thu 14-Oct-10 20:23:13

I want to live in a ravishing house, in idyllic countryside, with friends who collapse and scream with laughter. I want to put Moet, Smoked Salmon and Fernet Branca in my trolley, rather than SmartPrice bleach and a 12 pack of loo roll.

I want clever, witty friends like Lizzie Vereker and lovely friends like the divine Taggie C-B...God I love JC! How do we go about getting her on MN for a webchat?

I've given this considerable thought, and have decided that the best scene in any Jilly novel - if not, any novel at all - is the New Year's Eve party set-piece in Rivals. About 12 different storylines colliding, everyone gets absolutely trolleyed on champagne that unwilling host Declan can't afford and dances around to bad 80s pop, various real-life celebrities (Ann Diamond, Selina Scott) make guest appearances, Cameron Cook arrives in a minuscule dress and a cloud of fire and brimstone at midnight, and the Taggie-Rupert love story is born. Plus, my second favourite line from the oeuvre: Monica Baddingham, swaying upstairs, clutching the bannisters and thinking how long it's been since she was last "tight", and that it's "really rather fun", discover her beloved eldest, Archie, "absolutely glued" to one Tracey Makepiece, who is lower class and therefore insupportable. Monica claps eyes on him, and ... "Archie," she thundered, "drop!"

So hilariously unacceptable on every single level, so brief, so brilliant. Jilly, I salute you grin grin

SpookyMousePink Thu 14-Oct-10 20:49:09

grin LoveAndSqualor.

My favourite scene is a draw between when Taggie goes to meet Rupert at Heathrow and they have a clinch in front of everyone. Or when Perdita secretly buys Fantasma and gives her to Luke and he proposes then they round it off with a bit of alfresco rumpy-pumpy... <sigh>

WideWebWitch Thu 14-Oct-10 21:00:07

Ha ha ha loveandsqualr, yes, fantastic party scene

(have sent you a message btw)

weblette Thu 14-Oct-10 21:01:26

Nah, too cliched SMP. Agreed about the New Year bash - Taggie giggling about the erection, ho ho. Wait until she sees Rupert's Cruise missile eh!

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Thu 14-Oct-10 21:26:26

Love and Squalor - Tracey Makepiece is wearing a tencel^shirt^. That's how low rent she is.

New Year Bash is ace - about 300 people turn up to drink soup and eat shepherd's pie and eat fruit salad with sprouts that Taggie does single^handedly^

I recently went to a children's Halle performance in Manchester with my class, an the MC of the whole event absolutely looked like you would imagine Viking O'Neill - strong, blon, incredibly sexy and charismatic... and at the end announced "normally I play the Second Horn" - I almost died on the spot.

I have just dabbed my pulse spots (behind ears, throat and behind my knees) with Je Reviens

Want me.

Want me now

weblette Thu 14-Oct-10 22:00:42

Hope you haven't forgotten to rub it into your thighs (wtf?)

I always liked Malise actually, that firm, martinet style. Rather stern in bed you'd hope although not in a Rannaldini perverted way.

So shall we start a Jilly web chat campaign then?

Miffster Thu 14-Oct-10 22:10:40

You also have to spray 'scent' all over your 'bush'. For bonus JC points, this should be done in full view of your lover's wife's friend in a loo, hoiking up your sensible navy skirt to reveal suspenders and no pants.

Oh, and it should also be splashed liberally down the 'Rift valley' of your cleavage, natch.

Oooh WWW hello! I haven't seen you for an AGE. How are you? <off to seek out message>

And yes had forgotten about the unspeakable tercel shirt. Common as muck. As muck! grin

ShirleyGarrote, I want you, and so does Billy Lloyd-Foxe.

ps <whispers> wtf is tercel?? I have always papered over my mystification with a mental image of something white and sort of shiny

CJsSeveredHead Thu 14-Oct-10 22:25:59

I love Archie Baddingham washing up till his hands are raw so that he can take Caitlin to dinner afterwards in Bas's restaurant. Such a sweetie.

DiscoSquishedBrains Thu 14-Oct-10 22:56:31

We really do HAVE to have HRH Jilly on here for a webchat, how do we sort this out?

Erm, a begging letter on "site stuff"?

Ronaldinhio Fri 15-Oct-10 00:51:50

i bought fracas to be wildly sexy a la cameron cooke

BadgerAdrift Fri 15-Oct-10 01:12:58

<weeps through a delicious haze of Sancerre - she is not odd, after all!>

Monkeytoo Fri 15-Oct-10 05:30:08

Oh god I love Jilly Cooper. I actually really thought there was a county called Rutshire for a long time and was upset there wasn't I also had a huge argument with my husband because I wanted to name our dog Visitor. Am I the only one who imagines Anthea Belvedon as Anthea Turner?

But really, I want to live in a Jilly Cooper novel too... I want to tend to my agapanthus and then wash my hair to get the garden out my nails. Then I'll slosh myself a few glasses of the Pouilly Fume I bought with my last 20 pound note. I'll be so drunk I'll shave my bush before giving what's left a liberal spray of Je Reviens. Then I'll get mugged up by my friends for spending endless hours thinking about the faint-making RCB with my greyhound draped over my lap and sofa.

tortoiseonthepumpkinshell Fri 15-Oct-10 05:52:25

Shirley, that would work better if you'd drenched yourself in the stuff, and were therefore reeking of it.

Does anyone except me wonder if there's anyone in Jillyworld with allergies/asthma? All those women reeking of perfume all the time.

I have naturally full, pouty ("sulky") lips. Does this mean I am allowed to throw horrendous tantrums whilst incredibly drunk and various older men will call me angel and look after me?

Monkeytoo Fri 15-Oct-10 06:03:41

She also loves heroines with 'big drooping lips' too doesn't she - I can never quite imagine this..

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 08:26:17

Ten Things Jilly wants us to believe

1. Alcohol is the answer

2. It is better to be common and mocked for your lower-class accent, than to be mocked for trying to speak in a more high-class accent

3. Losing weight will make you look GORGEOUS, and not just a slightly thinner version of the minger you always were

4. If you can't afford a Ferrari or Porsche, you must have an extremely tatty car which shows how not-caring-about-cars you are. A well-looked-after Mondeo or Picasso is a social gaffe beyond belief.

5. The correct spelling of affair is affaire.

6. It is perfectly acceptable for a well-bred young woman to earn a living cooking for other people. Cleaning for other people, on the other hand, is a job for working class older women who must have their malapropisms aired for the world's amusement, lest they dare to think one of their daughters might suit your son.

7. Women who dote on, and even breastfeed, their babies are a bit peculiar and self-indulgent should be shunned by polite society.

8. Feminists, Left-wingers and Vegetarians - see 7

9. Dogs and horses don't love you because you feed them. They love you because they are every but as intelligent as humans and they have carried out a complete character analysis of you and have made the rational decision that you are wonderful.

10. All it takes for a cruel, unpleasant, arrogant, violent, sexually incontinent man to turn into a normal likeable human being is meeting and marrying a vulnerable, inexperienced, doormat twenty years his junior who loves him unconditionally and forgives him every time he screws up.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 08:46:07

I want to be the kind of JC heroine that has a deseperate Cinderella moment, turning up to the party late and in an unexpectedly ravishing dress, which I've borrowed at the last minute from Centurion's wardrobe department, with nerves that can only be checked with a bottle of Krug, which is immediately provided by good-natured flirtatious twins. My heart will hammer as I am roughly removed from the party by <insert amalgam of JC heros here>, whose jaw muscle is flexing as he drives me home at 140mph in silence, overwhelmed by desire, only for me to despair as he does not ravish me but restrains himself with great difficulty. I will wake with a massive hangover, be comforted by my lurcher, and eventually get my man after he returns, stricken, from the holiday he has gone on, unsuccessfully, to forget me.

Because, after all, man cannot live by bread alone. He needs crumpet.


DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 08:59:53

And bread and onions grin

I have been thinking, I still definitely want to be Taggie. Desperately. I want to be whippet thin, as slender as a young willow, with a cloud of hair <will put up with it being black instead of blonde> and long, coltish legs and plump, soft, pillow-like lips and breasts.

<looks in mirror> gah

Most of all I would like to be married to RCB and ravised expertly every night, and not have to worry about grazing for my beloved horse because I live in a great big fuck-off mansion and own half of Rutshire.

PerfectDromedary Fri 15-Oct-10 08:59:56

BallonSlayer All those things are true. Particularly 7, 8 and 10.

I am blaming this thread entirely for the fact that I am lugging a hardback around and my poor pregnant ligaments are protesting utterly.

sharbie Fri 15-Oct-10 09:03:34

grin just grin

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 09:06:02

Buy it a little skateboard perfect and pull it along with a bit of rope grin

passionberry Fri 15-Oct-10 09:20:39


PerfectDromedary Fri 15-Oct-10 09:26:34

Excellent plan, DSB. Or perhaps I need an attractively rakish man to follow me around London? He can gather up all the possessions that I accidentally scatter around in a dreamy, artistic way.

Orlando Fri 15-Oct-10 09:36:25

I do actually blame my early immersion in JC for the fact that I drink too much and can err on the side of showing a bit too much cleavage as I made a conscious decision at the age of 14 that I didn't ever want to be catsbumface boring and pour small measures or pass up an excuse to open a bottle. I also utterly idolised Janey Lloyd-Foxe, who always had her shirt buttoned too low and flirted shamelessly.

JC has genuinely had a very strong and lasting influence on my life. Some might say not an entirely wholesome one.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 09:49:02

Orlando - me too blush. As a teenager I was always mixing myself vodka tonics and smoking up the chimney. I also did a lot of hair-flicking and wore black tights with holes in.

And I still occasionally wish DH was posh.

(Then I remember some of the genuinely posh people I have met and am profoundly grateful grin)

(And I get v annoyed when PILs call me posh. I am not, as they would know if they had read JC. What I am is posh relative to them.)

Ronaldinhio Fri 15-Oct-10 09:51:23

i never got the jake thing but loved the gypsy jake chatter....i suppose it was because he was short

ditto wanted declan's son not declan

really liked red and luke and the twins

to be fair, all the naughty or haughty

i loved all the slutty (in terms of house cleanliness) women
all the tantruming
oh, and those with yoyo knickers!

Ronaldinhio Fri 15-Oct-10 09:53:56

true shameful secret

i tried really hard to call one of my daughters Agatha so that I could call her Taggie

dh resisted but he never knew the real reason behind it!

(to a lesser extent Francesca for Chessie)

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 09:58:50

I wanted to call one of mine Perdita for the same reason grin

Orlando Fri 15-Oct-10 09:59:51

Oh, this is like lovely therapy! Once, in an argument, I actually harrangued dh about the fact that he never grabs me from behind when I'm cooking tells me how sexy I am.

He was utterly bewildered.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 10:00:23

Getorf: I almost did my finals dissertation on JC and Austen. Got talked down in the end. Would have been better if I'd insisted, and more fun.

weblette Fri 15-Oct-10 10:08:56

BalloonSlayer, you speak with absolute wisdom. Especially number one.

weblette Fri 15-Oct-10 10:11:20

Webchat request in grin

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 10:14:12

I forgot

No. 11

11. If you have a clean and tidy house, you are frigid and Your Husband Will Stray. Every plumped-up cushion = 50 shags you didn't give him, which he will get from someone disorganised who makes instant coffee using water from the hot tap.

Ronaldinhio Fri 15-Oct-10 10:16:30

also didn't the idea of men in breeches and boots always outdo the reality
i would love to have rcb and bas come to my door after a hard day riding
her hunt and showjumping ball descriptions were spot on weatherbeaten faces with too tight taffeta (still dancing to Lady in Red)

staranise Fri 15-Oct-10 10:18:39

My house is a mess, can I be a JC heroine?

Though I don't actually like dogs. But I can drink a lot of stiff gins.

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 10:20:10

Ooh Ronaldinhio I wonder if you live in the same area as me (East Midlands, market town beginning with L up a big hill)? If so I am going to talk loudly at the Hunt Ball about Greggs and fruit shoots and see if you recognise me grin

<dusts down taffeta>

I also reported the 'can we have Jilly in for a webchat' post and in the 'why are you reporting this post' box just went pleeeeeeeeeeease grin

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 10:30:56

I've emailed MNHQ grin

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 10:44:56

Jilly should do a problem page a bit like the Ozzy Osbourne one in the Times magazine on Sunday.

Dear Jilly
My husband keeps criticising me for not keeping the house tidy and spending all his money on gin. He never seems to be here and says he is working hard to pay off the overdraft I ran up. What should I do?
Yours, Distressed

Dear Distressed
Oh dear, it looks like he is having an affaire and will soon be leaving you and your overdraft alone together. I wouldn't worry . . . any man who can't stand a bit of a muddle at home must be a ghastly bore in bed. Either his mistress will soon send him back to you, or you will find a real man who appreciates a woman who lives in chaos to be the free-spirited sex-kitten they all crave.
Buck up now and pour yourself a large one
Jilly x
PS What's your landlord like?

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 10:46:01

- sorry, Ozzy is on Saturday, Mrs Mills is on Sunday grin

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 10:53:58

grin I am a chaos ridden free spirited sex kitten then.

Now that would be worth the £2 a week subscription.

I am feeling Caitlin Moran withdrawal pangs actually, and thinking that really I can afford a subscription, I just don't want to have to pay for a website.

WideWebWitch Fri 15-Oct-10 11:00:18

Ha ha MonkeyToo, yes, I think of Anthea Belvedon as looking like Anthea Turner and yes, I always remember the bit about "she had jsut washed her hair so her fingernails were clean" - weird the bits you remember, years later, isn't it?

I also remember Imogen (I think) being in the South of France and being TRANSFORMED by a great haircut. It was such an evocative description of the powers of good hairdressing!

WideWebWitch Fri 15-Oct-10 11:03:17

ROAR at BalloonSlayer's list of things Jilly wants us to believe. And ha ha ha ha too at thereistheball's Cinderella moment. I always thought the young Paula Yates sounded like a Jilly heroine (although probably not posh enough really) because she followed Bob Geldof onto a plane in her ballgown, so determined was she to get the man.

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Fri 15-Oct-10 11:07:43

Archie's hands were red raw from scrubbing mussels, nothing as low rent as washing up...

I love thereistheball's FLEXING JAW and the whole mute with desire thing.

So Jilly.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 11:16:23

Though actually, my heart wouldn't be hammering but thumping wildly like a spaniel puppy's tail....

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 15-Oct-10 11:24:45

thereistheball you ^should have done your dissertation on Jane Auaten and Jilly Cooper. I have always believed that Jilly Cooper novels are the modern day Austens. They will be put away for 70 years or so and some academic will unearth them in 2085 and they will be hailed as the MASTERPIECES they are.

I love everybody on this thread as much as R C-B loves Badger.

Is Badger still around - the amazing 40-yr-old dog?

GivesHeadlessHorseman Fri 15-Oct-10 11:27:27

What do you mean by 'start off' (or should that be orf) hating Rupert Campbell-Black? I've only read Riders so far, and he's ghastly from every angle. <ghastly is very good Jillyesque word doncha think?>

Please don't tell me I'm going to learn to like him? That doesn't seem right. I don't want to like him -he's a knob. I like Billy.

He's marvellous from the doing it on the bed with the antique mirror perched to show every angle of his tanned and toned body angle.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 11:40:59

Getorf - I agree. At the time I had lots of things to say about JC being the direct literary descendent of Austen, but I can't remember any of them now, except that heroines used to have to be kind to the poor to make the heroes fall in love with them, instead of to dogs.

WideWebWitch Fri 15-Oct-10 11:43:13

Oh god, no, RCB is swoonsome in an 'I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself' kind of way.

Because he's stunningly good looking, great in bed, fuck off rich and doesn't give a fuck about much but when he does, he really does and pitches in lending helicopters and buying woods for more than they're worth (he paid £30k for Declan's wood to help him out iirc) and, and, and <www faints>

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 11:44:04

Sorry Giveshead by the time you have finished Rivals you will be desperately wishing you were Taggie and lusting over RCB like you have never lusted before. Your gumboots will quake, your legs will shiver like willow saplings in a stiff breeze etc etc. You will be standing at your bedroom turret window gazing across at Penscombe and wishing you were there.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 11:44:43

And because he falls in love with Taggie after she gets his children to catch a whole lucky month for him in falling leaves.

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 11:45:26

He kept all Taggie's leaves hidden under the lining paper in his drawers <sob>

Ronaldinhio Fri 15-Oct-10 11:52:12

i wept and wept over Sailor

shall i change my name to rannaldini?

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 11:53:07

do it

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 15-Oct-10 11:53:29

That is the POINT of Riders and Rivals.

The fact that you hate him at first, and then LOVE him (a la Mr Darcy).

However you start falling in love with R C-B at the end of Rivals, when he gets a gold medal with a trapped nerve.

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 15-Oct-10 11:53:45

End of Riders, I mean.

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 11:54:43

RCB wears drawers?

[wilting desire emoticon]

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 15-Oct-10 11:54:44

And am I the only person on god's earth who, on re-reading Polo for the umpteenth time, skips all the boring shit about Ricky getting out of Prison etc and goes straight to chapter 42 (Rupert and Taggie's wedding)

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 11:55:19

So true. Plenty of gritted teeth and flexing jaw muscles in then too.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 11:56:24

Too late! Meant RCB's heroic clear round.

And yes, the wedding. He runs up the aisle to her. <sob>

Ronaldinhio Fri 15-Oct-10 11:58:18

eats white bread with a manly appetite

gazes across the valley at the light lit in her room

Rannaldini Fri 15-Oct-10 12:00:31

look how darkly beastly i am


DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 12:03:23

PMSL grin

I'm not sure who I'd be. Obviously I'd like to be Taggie but also fairly obviously I would have to beat off masses of competition.

So I will settle for Sarah whatsername who played nude tennis with RCB when Taggie panted up and rang the fire brigade

<cock fault>

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 12:06:01

But then you'd have to be married to an ageing Tory ex-cabinet minister who looks at you over his glasses at the breakfast table.

(Actually I found it really sexy when DH looked at me over his reading glasses but he has since stopped wearing them. I wonder why hmm)

GivesHeadlessHorseman Fri 15-Oct-10 12:07:51

<ponders on the thought of my legs quivering like willow saplings in a breeze>

DiscoSquish has clearly never seen my legs.grin

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 12:10:10

Oh I would be off and chasing toy boys BS grin I just want to be able to play tennis in the nude with RCB with my sunburnt yet glowing golden tits bouncing all over the place. And to then get to go to the ball in an old gold taffeta dress with a matching silk shawl that I can let slowly drop, thus showing off my perfect cleavage back and shoulders, whilst coyly peeping at the effect I'm having.

I could have FUN

SpawnChorus Fri 15-Oct-10 12:17:37

"Oh, this is like lovely therapy! Once, in an argument, I actually harrangued dh about the fact that he never grabs me from behind when I'm cooking tells me how sexy I am.

He was utterly bewildered."

Properly LOLed

I actually slapped on the last dregs of my bottle of Arpege this morning.

Which character wears Arepege?

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 12:19:49

I do love that Wiki's JC article states that it has 'multiple issues' grin

staranise Fri 15-Oct-10 12:20:23

I'm going to have to buy some Arpege now. Surely soneone in JC wears Shalimar or Mitsouko?

Not sure I can quite bring myself to wear taffeta though, shot or not.

DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 12:21:23


WideWebWitch Fri 15-Oct-10 12:25:44

Oh I hope she comes on. Can you still buy Fracas? "the sharp, sexy scent she wore" (Cameron Cook was it?)

No-one else says scent any more. Well, Debo the dowager Duchess of Devonshire probably does but there you go!

PerfectDromedary Fri 15-Oct-10 12:28:45

Perfume-geek - Yes, you can still buy Fracas. It's Madonna's favourite perfume. -an-appreciation/

I bought a knock-off version at 16 and couldn't understand why it smelt so grim. Then they reformulated it and it made sense. It's bloody hard to wear though - one of those scents that enters the room two hours before you do, then refuses to leave.

WideWebWitch Fri 15-Oct-10 12:30:53

Oh thanks for that, lol at

"It is as uber feminine as perfume can possibly be, and yes, very, very sexy, although in quite a different way from Bandit. They share a kind of mischievousness, but Fracas has a bright, joyous feel that is miles away from the rebel Bandit. If Bandit is the bad girl, Fracas is Woman (very surely with a capital W), still causing trouble, perhaps, but on her own terms now."

Bandit, fhs!

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 12:40:09

ROFL at Bandit. That should be for a certain type of man...

weblette Fri 15-Oct-10 12:44:06

Oh the wedding with Daisy in her new knickerbockers looking like Dick Turpin, "Bags I be Bess", Nigel Dempster in a cassock winking at Janey and Caitlin clumping up the aisle in jeans and DMs - it's just the best ever.

Never did like Drew though, just too smooth for words, slimy bastard.

sharbie Fri 15-Oct-10 12:50:15

arpege is lovely

Rannaldini Fri 15-Oct-10 12:59:35

ok, I'm happy to give up Taggie also, in favour of Janey or even Beastly Beattie Johnson

karamina Fri 15-Oct-10 13:01:32

Oh god. I haven't mumsnetted for years, and I've just snorted my way through this whole thread. As I'm amongst fellow Jilly lovers, I can confess - my first boy was named after Archie Baddingham. I lost the battle to call dd1 Tabitha, though.

Please help! What was the name of the guy that Helen Campbell Black married? The manager of the riding team?

Rannaldini Fri 15-Oct-10 13:04:48

Malaise Gordon

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 13:05:09


Orlando Fri 15-Oct-10 13:05:26

Hmm - trying to think who wore Arpege now. My mum used to wear it and I remember being impressed when I read it in JC (since it's just about the only regard in which my mum has ever resembled a JC character)

Was it Noel, Cory's bitchy, film-star, Joan Collins wife in Harriet? Am sure it must have appeared in the big books too.

Thanks! Rannaldini/Thereistheball. It has been bugging me.

boudoiricca Fri 15-Oct-10 13:14:03

Arpege could have been Chessie, non?

GivesHeadlessHorseman Fri 15-Oct-10 13:16:47

I really don't think naked tennis is a realistic option for me. When seen naked it's best for everyone if I remain stationary.

boudoiricca Fri 15-Oct-10 13:16:56

And yes, the wedding is great, but I am with whoever was raving about Patrick's New Years Eve 21st - just BRILLIANT... In fact, Christmas is always a bit evocative of Rivals for me (in my romantic curtainless manor full of roaring log fires and alcohol).

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 15-Oct-10 13:19:16

Chessie wore Diorissimo

I think Maud O'Hara wore Arpege. Or was it Helen.

Orlando Fri 15-Oct-10 13:23:50

Oh yes - could be Maud. Had a feeling it was someone rapacious.

staranise Fri 15-Oct-10 13:27:33

Claudien tipped gallons of Diorissimo to scent the swimming pool in Imogen.

boudoiricca Fri 15-Oct-10 13:28:09

This is really going to bug me - was someone v sexy and sophisticated...

anonacfr Fri 15-Oct-10 13:31:45

I could never warm to RCB, even in Rivals. He used to beat his horses. Look at what he did to poor Macaulay.

Miffster Fri 15-Oct-10 13:40:26

Helen wore Miss Dior.

anonacfr! You are an ACTUAL JC character!

Silvertwigs Fri 15-Oct-10 13:41:53

Someone, possibly Jilly herself, should knit these wonderful threads into a magnificent, hilarious, Arran sweater of a novel. Haven't felt as nostalgic as this since reading 'Riders' whilst breastfeeding, over twenty years ago, critically surveyed by two dogs, a cat and her five kittens, on the bed with us.

Miffster Fri 15-Oct-10 13:45:56

...Or a series of jerseys with animal pictures on the front, then we could all wear them and reprise the 'Tit Gallery' moment in Rivals

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 13:51:20

The tit gallery? I don;t remember that.

The party always makes me think of 'poor Taggie' (TM) slaving over buckets of kedgeree.

anonacfr Fri 15-Oct-10 13:51:40

Am I?

faverolles Fri 15-Oct-10 13:55:01

Ahh yes, the tit gallery - wasn't that started by Daisee Butler (spelt like that to catch the eye when the credits were rolling)? Did she have a jumper with Donald Duck on it?
I recall she would have been allowed to breastfeed, unlike poor Deirdre Kilpatrick.

Miffster Fri 15-Oct-10 14:11:39

Oh God, we should create a JC meta-novel!

In which a downtrodden, soft-bosomed, droopy animal-loving gel is brutally divorced by an ex- sports star who is now a politician and TV personality. He accuses her of having an affaire, because she keeps being desperately short of money (having given it all to soppy animal causes).

Hypocritically he has a string of Chanel-scented power-blondes on the go, but is only truly devoted to his lurcher, Darling, the only female he has ever loved (due to his dreadfully deprived childhood). Our heroine goes to live in Rutshire, in a hovel, whilst he goes to LA.

Here amongst the foaming cow-parsley and rank wild garlic, she falls under the spell of a series of young bloods, old rakes and local bad hats who stride in and out of her cottage to eat her fried bread and Oxford marmalade and try to bend her to their will and charm.

She almost beds several of them whilst wrestling with her conscience, but is thwarted by being scolded for having unPC fun by a trendy lefty and a ballbreaking stereotype who live nearby. Finally she yields to the worst of the lot, a bounder of an arms-dealer with a cock like a pepper grinder, who keeps trying to spank her and entice her to attend E-fuelled orgies. The final straw is when he is found kicking his common yet comely cleaner's puppy for chewing out his silk boxer shorts.

She retires hurt and heartbroken from the social scene to look after a stray mongrel, who escaped from a filthily cruel foreigner, a crippled pregnant ex-racehorse and a wise greyhound, who leapt out of the knackers' van and was found on the hard shoulder after losing at the races once too often.

In her quest to rehabilitate the animals she befriends a series of troubled ravishing teenagers of wildly varying demographics, all of whom develop hitherto-unsuspected talents over the next hundred pages for adult banter and racing.

Then what happens?

pissovski Fri 15-Oct-10 14:24:08

Loving this thread!

Have loved JC for years. After seeing the serialisation the TMWMHJ on tv at about 15 i found the book in a charity shop and was hooked. That and Score are my favourites (mmmmm Tristan!). Have read all the others, but never really took to RC-B as a complete git in Riders/Rivals. Not fussed on Appassionata, Pandora was ok, but Wicked didn't do a lot for me (i'm a teacher and just - ewww no!) Did love Sophie in Pandora and Wicked though.

Silvertwigs Fri 15-Oct-10 14:30:03

Thanks Miffster, you have style! Just followed link above to the Legend JC's new website. Anyone got a cheap 2nd hand copy of 'Jump' to offer?

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 14:40:37

Miffster - his silk boxer shorts? Or Turnbull & Asser silk dressing gown?

boudoiricca Fri 15-Oct-10 14:41:38

Oh, but Miffster, how you could have forgotten her near neighbour, the glamorous but reclusive Hon. with clipped vowels / a sexy Russian accent. Once a hell-raising TV star / artist / 3 day-eventer a terrible accident / divorce / drug addiction has reduced him to a shell of his former self and he spends his days alone with just his hilariously intelligent but aloof cat and devoted dim mongrel for company.
Who would have thought that after the disasterous misunderstanding at the village Summer fete / gymkhana / dog show these two could bear to spend the evening together at the local ghastlies dinner party...

CJsSeveredHead Fri 15-Oct-10 15:00:47

Just thought of another really good set-piece (although I agree the New Year's Eve party is the best ever) - the dinner party that poor Taggie has to cook for and the woman (ghastly hag James Vereker is having an affair with, name forgotten) passes off Taggie's beef daube off as her own. Valerie makes her spectacular entrance and somebody gets pudding in their lap when Rupert gooses Taggie ...


BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 15:03:36


Write it.

I'll buy it.


DiscoSquishedBrains Fri 15-Oct-10 15:05:45

Ohh yes, the meringue castle that lands in Cameron's lap. Serves the bitch right IMO

And peasant casserole <snigger>

pinemartina Fri 15-Oct-10 15:18:46

Sat down to bf at lunchtime and found this thread....How heavenly!..LOVE JC!!
Have been here all afternoon now..
..totally agree re Jane Austen -for the earlier,short books.Have re -read all soooo many times.

Harriet's my favourite....has a tiny baby who only makes appearances to help move things along in an appealing way....wails for same reason ,and is otherwise looked after off stage by daily help and old nannies...and drinks cows milk heated up in a saucepan on the gas ring...

Super,super posts,love you all,darlings!

Yes, I'll buy it!

AnakisT Fri 15-Oct-10 17:11:27

Love love love this thread!!!!!!

It has reminded me why i bought Jump and am trying to plough though it.

<whispers, it's not very good though>

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Fri 15-Oct-10 17:13:15

I like the bit in Rivals when they are all at someone's (Billy's?) house waiting for Declan to come back from the decision about the TV station and Taggie is cooking "something complicated with chicken and tarragon" and "mercifully" the sauce thickens as it cool. Meanwhile, Janey is breastfeeding the baby "neat Krug" whilst wearing a cyclamen pink jumpsuit, and Dame Edith and someone else are playing duets on the piano.

HalloweeseG Fri 15-Oct-10 17:18:28

I bet Jillys drinking Champagne right now, I'm so tempted to open some in her honour. I'll be a bit "tight" by the time my husband makes an appearance though.

anonacfr Fri 15-Oct-10 17:59:04

I'm re-reading Riders at the moment. I Just realised she set the 84 LA Olympics in 80... grin

pigletmania Fri 15-Oct-10 18:08:20

I want to be Tabitha Campel-Black or that other one who Rupert Campel-Black hates in Riders. Havent read them in 20 years.

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 19:16:18

I think being any kind of Campbell-Black entitles you to be breathtakingly arrogant and confident in your own talent. Doesn't RCB acknowldge Perdita after seeing her win a polo match against the odds, and write her a huge cheque, on the grounds that nobody but his daughter could have done it?

Would love to be a CB. Wouldn't want to marry one.

HalloweeseG Fri 15-Oct-10 19:22:55

Who was Perditas Mum?

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 19:25:13

Daisy McLeod (later France-Lynch)

anonacfr Fri 15-Oct-10 19:25:24

Daisy McLeod. Went to an orgy when she was an art student and had sex with a guy wearing a mask.
Turned out it was RCB. I can't quite remember how they work out it was him though. I seem to remember a journalist tracking down people at the party or something like that.

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 19:30:26

Have just caught up on this thread - and am now re-reading all my Jilly Cooper books. Am slightly worried at the level of detail I can remember from them though! The perfume discussion about Arpege - Maud O'Hara wears it and throws herself into Declan's arms in a cloud of it, whilst wearing Taggie's stolen grey cashmere sweater with her eyes flickering with guilt, when Declan and Cameron return from filming his Yeats program in Ireland.

Meanwhile Taggie's been waiting all day for Rupert to ring her after their day in the wood but he doesn't because Sarah Stratton turned up that evening after James Vereker ended their affaire and said that he was too old for Taggie. Taggie sits with her binoculars and watches Cameron's Lotus storm up Rupert's drive and the bedroom light go on moments later...


I'm supposed to be a feminist FFS! For god's sake please don't tell Dittany <worried> grin

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 19:31:28

I didn't think he was wearing a mask? The photos that Jackie took at the time and later sells to the Scorpion show Daisy and Rupert's faces.

HalloweeseG Fri 15-Oct-10 19:38:37

Daisy, of course.......all flooding back. First time I cried at a Jilly when her little boy died. I can remember reading it with a horrible feeling of dread, anticipating the outcome but hoping desperately it would change direction.


My question for Jilly webchat - why does having dyslexia always = being incredibly good-hearted and sweet? Is someone in your life dyslexic?

sharbie Fri 15-Oct-10 19:47:48

her children i think

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Oct-10 19:49:19

I think one of her children is, Trills.

She writes well about dyslexia, also about the agonies of infertility (her DCs are adopted). Possibly also explains her irritation at Smug Mums.

So that explains why in Jillyland the gene the causes dyslexia also causes you to be incapable of malice, or even mild bitchiness.

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Fri 15-Oct-10 19:52:50

It was Chessie's son Will who died - it is really sad.

They work out who Perdita's dad is because the art teacher who had the orgy is told about the article in the Scorpion by his charlady (natch), gets his photo albums out and puts two and two together

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 20:07:44

What JC character are you?

1. You live in:
a) Council house
b) New build Barratts-style (or similar)
c) A huge grade I or II listed pile with
at least 10 acres of private land

2. You work as:
a) An ace cleaner - universally
acclaimed as a 'treasure' and hotly
fought over
b) A social climber
c) You don't: running the house and
planning all your social obligations
means that there simply aren't the hours
in the day...

3. Your pets are:
a) Your husband's ferrets and a couple
of gerbils for the kids
b) None - the hair would be horrendous
and they are so unhygienic...
c) Numerous - there are rescued
greyhounds, lurchers and labs on every
available surface, plus the ponies and
not to mention the stable cats

4. Your husband is:
a) A handyman or occasional butler for
parties up at 'the big house'
b) A new millionaire
c) Mecca for most women in addition to
being loaded, red blooded and always up
for some rumpy-pumpy

Mostly A's
You are Mrs Makepiece - women fight for your cleaning favours and you are universally acknowledged as a 'treasure' and all round good egg.

Mostly B's
You are Valerie Jones and unutterably ghastly. There is no hope for you and your husband deserves better.

Mostly C's
Taggie Campbell-Black and the woman we all want to be, you lucky, lucky cow ...

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 20:10:29

Keep posting on the webchat request thread - MNHQ are sending it to Jilly's publicity manager so the more support the better! here

pigletmania Fri 15-Oct-10 20:10:33

Havent read them for about 20 years need to re read them and aquaint myself on the characters again. That man off the man that made husbands jealous also sounds yummy, what was he called, had a very unusual name. Lots of riding, sex who would not want that.

pigletmania Fri 15-Oct-10 20:12:46

Thats it Taggy not Tabitha, Tabitha was the daughter of RCB. Taggy was very sweet.

DoraBelvedon Fri 15-Oct-10 20:13:59

Lysander. thick but beautiful. had a jack russle terrier called jack grin

Orlando Fri 15-Oct-10 20:17:13

SpookyMousePink, thank Ker-rist you remembered the Arpege-wearer, and the extract. I can get on with my life again now, and you can have an A* in your JC GCSE.

(I remember the exact bit now. She was a 'tornado of Arpege and desire' I think.)

Lysander was one of the dyslexic angels - he was a bit absent-minded but only got into trouble because he always got distracted by someoen in need of help (help often came in the form of a shoulder to cry on followed by a cock to come on).

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 20:33:08

'Tornado of Arpege and desire' - that's exactly it!! I couldn't remember the phrase and was on the verge of going to get Rivals off the shelf and flick through to find it!!

Lysander bored me at times - I found his ditzy-ness annoying... And as for the TV version of TMWMHJ...a fucking travesty. Flora was blonde in it FGS! Blonde! And Rannaldini looked like he was ready for his bus pass - about as threatening as a damp kleenex.

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 20:33:34

Ker-ist - another classic JC phrase grin

HalloweeseG Fri 15-Oct-10 20:36:46

Oh how typical of me to attribute such a sad storyline to the wrong character. I obviously need to swotup revise.

If we have a Jilly web chat can we be nice and not mention the books we didn't rate? She seems so lovely and very self effacing. Not like some of the egomaniacs politicians we've endured.

pissovski Fri 15-Oct-10 20:37:45

Definitely SpookyMouse - it was a steaming pile of poo, as i realised when i watched it a second time after reading the book.

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 20:40:39

halloweeseG - definitely. Although I wasn't right impressed by Jump it's only cos I blardy love her other (older) books so much - she set herself such a high standard. I still enjoyed it though, because there are loads of chick-lit bonkbuster authors in the market but nobody does it like JC! However I would love it if Caitlin Moran ever wrote one...think that would be worth reading.

HalloweeseG Fri 15-Oct-10 20:45:33

Wasn't Caitlin Moran published aged about 17?

HalloweeseG Fri 15-Oct-10 20:49:05
DoraBelvedon Fri 15-Oct-10 20:52:35

i rate even the crapper ones. i still re-read wicked 14 times and am in the middle of second reading of jump which i amrather enjoying.

SarahStratton Fri 15-Oct-10 20:59:00

I'm still on my first reading of Jump, probably because the only chance I get to read is in the bath

Which is where I am heading as soon as the DDs friends have been collected and there is peace in the house again.

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 21:01:45

Jilly! Jilly! Jilly!

<whips self up into over-excited frenzy>

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 21:07:16

Was talking to my friend about this thread earlier and we were trying to decide which JC bits made us cry the most. Mine was when Tero had a heart attack and died at the International after Red rode her illegally for the third time and Perdita begs her to live - I bawled like a baby the first time I read it and it still makes me cry now blush

SarahStratton Fri 15-Oct-10 21:09:10

Rivals. Pretty much all of it made me cry blush

pigletmania Fri 15-Oct-10 21:13:44

oooh the lovely Lysander, and steamy sex.

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 21:24:24



DoraBelvedon Fri 15-Oct-10 21:36:21

Jeeesus spook, that's awful. where are you? can you put yut a call to natiowide mumsnetters? iof you are in darkest corinnium- wiltshire i could help you out.

SarahStratton Fri 15-Oct-10 21:48:11

IF you can possibly lower yourself, Amazon are selling used copies of Riders from 1p grin

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 21:56:41

I am actually blush at how cross I am that I can't find it - I have had DH looking too..

Will have to go and buy another copy tomorrow. I wanted it because I can't remember the name of Tory's lurcher who gets run over near the end after Jake has run off with Helen (but not come back to her yet). Is it Wolf? It's bothering meeeeee....

thereistheball Fri 15-Oct-10 21:56:47

Red! So dangerous. There were a few attempts at the RCB mk 2 but none were as good as the original.

(All my JCs are in storage following a move abroad. AIBU to order the whole lot from Amazon as an early Christmas present to myself, along with a bottle of Fracas and another of Moet?)

SpookyMousePink Fri 15-Oct-10 21:57:13

May have to name change for this thread though - am feeling inspired!

RupertCampbellBlack Fri 15-Oct-10 22:00:40


RupertCampbellBlack Fri 15-Oct-10 22:01:38

Thereistheball - it would be rude not to! Don't forget the smoked salmon for supper and the fernet-branca for the morning after

SarahStratton Fri 15-Oct-10 22:05:59

Ohh RCB is on our thread grin

thelunar66 Fri 15-Oct-10 22:11:49

I gave all my JC books away to Oxfam when we moved house 5 yrs ago <<wail>>

am current in very slow process of buying the all back sad

thelunar66 Fri 15-Oct-10 22:13:08

I know I'm pissed coz i miss the ends of words.

(got stuck into gin v.early this evening)

RupertCampbellBlack Fri 15-Oct-10 22:16:17

<eyes up SarahStratton>

Tennis? grin

SarahStratton Fri 15-Oct-10 22:18:41

Get your kit on off grin

RupertCampbellBlack Fri 15-Oct-10 22:21:53

Didn't we also have a 'moment' in the summerhouse in Tony Baddingham's garden after their Sunday Lunch Party?

RupertCampbellBlack Fri 15-Oct-10 22:25:22

This thread has made the talk roundup grin

SarahStratton Fri 15-Oct-10 22:26:25

I believe we dallied in the HaHa yes blush

HalloweeseG Fri 15-Oct-10 22:31:21

Rupert <swoon>

RupertCampbellBlack Fri 15-Oct-10 22:33:36

Man cannot live by bread alone - he needs crumpet.

<canters off astride large horse, thigh muscles rippling>

Jojay Fri 15-Oct-10 22:42:56

The bit when Sailor dies always makes me cry. It was the missel-thrush, I chased it away but it still came back. sad sad sad They were both mocked and laughed at but they conquered the world [sob]

susitwoshoes Fri 15-Oct-10 22:58:54

I've skipped to the end of this thread but for anyone who's after the girls' name books don't buy the new reissued editions as they've been updated to make them less 70s shock! Can't think of specifics but it was wrong wrong wrong.

I had all the ones with JC on the covers, including Octavia.

Also - did anyone else get Rivals in hardback? Cos she changed the characters names in the paperback which resulted in me having huge row with my boss one time - in my HB Bas and Tony's surname is Bullingham not Baddingham and the TV channel is called - fuck it, I can't remember but not Corinium. Anyone know why she changed it??

Definitely seconding JC for a webchat.

MaudOHara Fri 15-Oct-10 23:09:15

How did I miss this thread???

Rupert - come back [won't let the fact that he's after my daughter stop me]

RupertCampbellBlack Fri 15-Oct-10 23:16:10

<strokes Maud's hand so she can appreciate his pudgy thumb>

MrsYamada Sat 16-Oct-10 03:09:23

Oh my! I'm feeling quite frisky!

It's been a long time since I read them, but I always had a thing for RCB!

Monkeytoo Sat 16-Oct-10 04:05:40

Pigletmania I agree, do you remember 'Laysander, Laysander, I am flaying from your flagpole'?

And the bit where RCB encounters Helen's fanjo deodorant and washes her off under a cold shower - or something like that!

onmyfeet Sat 16-Oct-10 04:31:58

I have never read a Jilly Cooper book, now I will be headed to the library this week to get my first one.

onmyfeet Sat 16-Oct-10 05:13:49

Dons dark glasses and wig.

RupertCampbellBlack Sat 16-Oct-10 06:47:27

It was supposed to be fanjo deodorant but she'd mixed up the canisters and covered her bush in hairspray instead. But because I'm posh, I refer to it as hair-lacquer.

<bitter memories>

AnakisT Sat 16-Oct-10 07:22:59


I found the same thing! The station was called Cotswold. Twas very confusing for me when i read them first time.

Also, i just realised that i drive an old dinosaur of a car that resembles the inside of a dustbin <proud emoticon>

Rannaldini Sat 16-Oct-10 07:29:46

I am so jealous of those who haven't read it before

MaudOHara Sat 16-Oct-10 08:02:41

<<Swishes snaky curls at Rupe>> AnakisT I've got a car like that - only its neither a Golf nor a Mini so not classless enough

120 Sat 16-Oct-10 08:51:08

my favourite is

1st of may, 1st of may
outdoor fucking starts today
but as usual it doth rain
so we fucks off indoors again

can never look a magnolia in the eye without thinking of that and I quote it to DP every year too.

tortoiseonthepumpkinshell Sat 16-Oct-10 10:56:03

SpookyMouse, Dittany is a self-confessed Jilly lover herself. You're safe.

anonacfr Sat 16-Oct-10 11:11:10

Margaret Thatcher wears Diorella... grin

I start maternity leave in 8 weeks and I am SO EXCITED to read all the name books, that I never bothered with before, despite adoring all the RCB ones obsessively. Ooooh! What pleasure ahead

anonacfr Sat 16-Oct-10 17:25:47

Just spent the past two days re-reading Riders and Rivals.... I'm starting on Polo tonight! grin

RupertCampbellBlack Sat 16-Oct-10 18:25:11

SpookyMouse, Dittany is a self-confessed Jilly lover herself. You're safe.

Phew - best not tell her about the name change though. Something tells me that she wouldn't approve of R C-B grin

Wasn't Flora blonde and then dyed it red?

MaudOHara Sat 16-Oct-10 22:16:03

Ooh we're flirting in stereo on two threads Rupert <<legs it upstairs to put on old mini dress with the help of Grace the treasure cleaner>>

SarahStratton Sat 16-Oct-10 22:19:22

Amazin Grace

poorbuthappy Sat 16-Oct-10 22:26:05

My dog is Gertie, named after Taggie's Gertrude. As long as she doesn't meet the same end we will all be alright! grin

Flora was Georgie Maguire's daughter, they both had red red red hair (I think)

Monkeytoo Sun 17-Oct-10 03:42:46

Oh yes - I loved the bit where Flora 'girded her loins' with laxatives so she could fit into her dress and then jumped into Rannaldini's helicopter just showing a flash of her red knickers to a heartbroken Wolfie (was it Wolfie?)

YunoWhatYouDidLastSummer Sun 17-Oct-10 05:27:53

I have never been so depressed as when I re-read my old Jillys and discovered that in the 10 year interim I had turned into the dreadful hairy armpitted woman who lives in the cottage, wears wool, breastfeeds, reads the Guardian and Disapproves Of Everything. AND my husband has a Ghastly Beard.

<sobs unattractively into my horlix>

YunoWhatYouDidLastSummer Sun 17-Oct-10 06:53:56

And as evedence of my wooly Birkenstock wearing tendencies (oh yes, you can get woolen birkies) may I add that I am horrified that so many of you want to be Taggie! FFS! She is a damp hen. Her only role is to cook and look good doing it.

Have spent the last few days reading this thread in between ignoring children

God, I haven't read Jilly for years - really want to now. We're in a temp flat til end of Nov and they are all in the buggering storage.

Yuno - you are not alone. Scary how that character transformation crept up on me by stealth.

I always fancied myself as something of a Flora but didn't really fancy who she ends up with much (George? Just remember he had 'piggy eyes' when he took his glasses off to rub them after working hard). Would take him over Crispin though, whose wife it is, I apparently morphed into hmm

RupertCampbellBlack Sun 17-Oct-10 07:35:07

Taggie's gorgeous, sweet natured, loves animals and is quite capable of losing her temper when required (calling the fire brigade when R C-B burned his stubble then shouting at him for it), plus she gets to be expertly seen to by R C-B on a nightly basis grin

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 07:48:37

<blushes in a flaunting yet comely manner> I remember the fire brigade incident only too well, she was only interesting in saving the bloody fieldmice.

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Sun 17-Oct-10 10:08:17

I think you'll find Flora "girded her ransacked loins...

anonacfr Sun 17-Oct-10 13:42:38

Bibi had ransacked loins as well... grin

I'm not sre I want my loins ransacked.

In Jilly terms does that make me frigid?

anonacfr Sun 17-Oct-10 15:09:42

By the way what is this Maltese Cat they all keep reading?

weblette Sun 17-Oct-10 16:07:58

A poem about polo anon - here

Tippychoocks Sun 17-Oct-10 16:12:25

Yes Trillian, you are frigid and will only be excited by odd doctor/patient roleplay. Shame on you.

I have just read some nasty priest/wannebe-nun roleplay with Rannaldini and Flora - have no idea why anyone finds him attractive other than because Jilly says so - he sounds like a greasy sleazy dirty old man to me (well, he's only in his late 40s here but that does make him an old man when he is chatting up 17-yr-olds).

weblette Sun 17-Oct-10 16:43:58

What about the abbot/novice one?

X-post I think there!

weblette Sun 17-Oct-10 16:50:10

The ultimate in sleazy old men tbh, I always thought his storylines were very suss, especially the impregnanting Tabitha one.

RC-B might have been a randy bastard but his cock was always in the right place, so to speak.

Monkeytoo Sun 17-Oct-10 18:52:26

Oh yes - I forgot the 'ransacked' bit - I really need to reread them again! I had trouble seeing Rannaldini as attractive too.. I remember the abbot / novice bit - didn't he keep calling her his 'leetle' something?

RupertCampbellBlack Sun 17-Oct-10 19:05:09

Rannaldini was an evil sod - he murdered Gertrude

anonacfr Sun 17-Oct-10 19:06:36

He murdered Taggie's dog???

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 19:10:49

Thought R C-B was based on Alan Clark ,dunno where I read that....who on earth was Rannaldini based on though?
Agree he was revolting and found the Flora liaisons really icky..

RupertCampbellBlack Sun 17-Oct-10 19:10:49

He got Clive (his henchman) to kidnap Gertrude from Penscombe and bring her to Valhalla, then rang Tabitha to say that he'd 'found' her - knowing that Tab would go racing straight over to fetch Gertrude. Tab had fallen out with Rupert because she'd married Isa Lovell and was thrilled that Rannaldini had Gertrude as it meant she could ring home and hopefully make things up with R C-B. Rannaldini then rapes Tab and Gertrude tries to help Tab by biting Rannaldini on the ankle, until he smashes her skull with a bust (I think?) to get her to let go.

I cried buckets sad

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 19:13:33

All the heroes in the girls name books fit the NPD profile.......

I have only just realised...confused

staranise Sun 17-Oct-10 19:14:20

I thought R C-B was based partly on Andrew Parker Bowles? That always put me off him...

Octavia also has some dodgy priest/nun supposed porn in it.

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 19:20:55

And Bella is about the seduction of the virginal vicars daughter!

And how a green bikini and a haircut transforms a fat frump into San Tropez babe....

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 19:24:22

I think RCB is supposed to be an amalgamation of Andrew Parker-Bowles and Seb Coe. Seb Coe I can understand, but who on earth would fancy Camilla's leftovers? confused

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 19:49:51

Seb Coe !!!!! rofl

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Sun 17-Oct-10 19:51:20

I've often thought that Jilly based Lizzie Vereker on herself - the intelligent vole-like twinkling eyes peeping merrily between her shaggy fringe..?

Is Declan O'Hara based on Anthony Clare?

Who is Georgie Seymour based on - faded 70s popstar having a revival?

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Sun 17-Oct-10 19:51:49

Is Rupert a bit James Hunt as well?

coolma Sun 17-Oct-10 19:58:05

I also love her really really old stories - Harriet, Lisa & Co and such like. That's wherethe caddish men/lovely but not fallen in love with till nearly the end chaps really started.... I Loved Harriet <reminiscing>

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 20:02:35

I wondered if it was Carol Decker? I couldn't think of anyone else who fitted tbh.

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 20:03:44

No honestly, Seb Coe! I read it in a mag somewhere but if you think about it he was young, sporty and good looking at the time AND he became a Tory MP didn't he?

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 20:07:47

Well,yes,but hardly had the presence ...not exactly convincing as a seducer,bounder,masterful horseman etc..and combined with A,no..

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 20:18:49

And AP-B did? hmm AP-B looks like Hamble from Playschool, he's hardly sexy.

Let's face it RC-B is too beautiful to be any living man

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 20:23:39

I read all vols of AC diaries purely on basis of RC B rumour,but have to say,couldn't see it...

Bryan Ferry would be my choice - although I know he's not a real toff..and a bit too fey maybe....maybe with a dash of Gordon I think I am way out't society chaps a bit and...inbred....chinless.....

anyone else...

.>runs away<

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 20:24:58

Ha ! Hamble - YES!!

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 20:25:55

Err no grin

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 20:26:25

That was to the chinless wonder bit lol.

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 20:33:28

JC always describes the "braying chinless wonder" so that I can get an image,but the masterful toff escapes me somehow...though the "Ace" -type - hooded eyes,hooked nose, - that the heroine hates on sight ,then desires wildly,as he forces her to submit...well,I can see those ones....

Guess that says way too much about me though!!! ...

tribpot Sun 17-Oct-10 20:36:37

I hope that one day Jilly will read this thread and know there are a legion of women out there who believe in her legacy, despite the - ahem - variable quality of her more recent output. (I simply cannot put aside the Death of Major Early Character Who Shall Not Be Named in Jump).

Declan and Patrick O'Hara, so cruelly underused. Caitlin you utter goddess who could have had at least one novel all to herself if not more.

Rannaldini, you were just some old pervy git that anyone normal would have told to piss off. Dunno what Jilly was on during all that.

And as to Wicked - a true abomination. We're adults!

Flora - or rather Floora - does end up with George. Don't really get it except he will tolerate Trevor the dog. But the ways of the northern people are not our own, darling.

SarahStratton Sun 17-Oct-10 20:39:19

Ahh but there is Northern and then there is Northern. The Great and Holy JC herself is from a well-known Yorkshire family.

<proud to be Northern(ish)>

NotanOtter Sun 17-Oct-10 20:41:05

Jilly lived in my town when she road many of her books - on a renowned and rather maligned road!! I wish she would come back and include me in one of her novels!

She did use my name once and a boyfriend bought me the book at university and used to read me passages in bed .....hmm blush I dumped him wink

Rupert C-B no taa!

NotanOtter Sun 17-Oct-10 20:42:13

"road many of her books" ?? Rode maybe but not road! Of course I meant 'wrote"

thelunar66 Sun 17-Oct-10 20:51:10

oOOH Otter.. which road??? I too am from Ilkley wink

Was glad to see the horse named after the place in Jump!

RupertCampbellBlack Sun 17-Oct-10 20:52:26

I know Ilkley well grin

thelunar66 Sun 17-Oct-10 20:52:27

Jilly's posh so it must be Middleton eh?

thelunar66 Sun 17-Oct-10 20:53:05

oh lordy! Is it <<whispers>> Rupert Road?

pinemartina Sun 17-Oct-10 21:09:14

Yes ,tribpot. I would be more than happy to keep reading volume after slim volume of short novels ,like Bella et al, for evermore.

In fact,I re read them constantly as comfort food in any case..

I wish she had continued with those and updated her scenes/characters/plots as she has in the blockbusters - ie,having babies,ttc,adoption,infidelity,grandparents etc..

After Rivals,they've all been a crap >not so good<

But I have dozens of scenes and lines from the early ones in my mind at different well,of course,as many,many heavy literature references too >ahem<

everythingiseverything Sun 17-Oct-10 21:30:27

Oooo this thread is sooo exciting. I like Polo best, think the twins are hilarious. Would also quite like to go on tour with the orchestra in Appassionata.

Another Jilly rule: All characters must have 'clever' nicknames, e.g. Knickers for Nicholas, 'Nosey' Parker. etc.

NotanOtter Sun 17-Oct-10 22:01:08

Lunar NO although i lived there! If I am informed correctly it was Curly Hill!

BalloonSlayer Sun 17-Oct-10 22:10:33

I always thought Janey was supposed to be Jilly - at the start at least, before she [Janey] started shagging around.

Mane of hair. Journalist. Gap between the teeth.

Also always thought Georgie was Lulu or Cilla Black.

lottiejenkins Sun 17-Oct-10 22:15:23

Georgie seemed more like Marianne Faithfull to me!!

thelunar66 Sun 17-Oct-10 22:34:50

Curly Hill... gah... so it is Middleton then, and a mere spit from rupert road.

bubbleymummy Sun 17-Oct-10 22:46:15

Oh yes everything - the nicknames! I just thought there were too many in JUMP and they weren't great either...I agree with whoever it was that said there were too many characters in JUMP. Or maybe it's that the characters are all just a bit close together or something...if that makes sense. In Riders there were very separate story lines going on so even though there were lots of characters you could remember them a bit easier. Or am I just getting old and senile?!

NotanOtter Sun 17-Oct-10 22:46:35

LOL lunar ( are you going?)

everythingiseverything Sun 17-Oct-10 22:55:10

At least with most of the books there is the character list at the front. There are lots of other books I would love that list in!

thelunar66 Sun 17-Oct-10 23:02:32

Oooh Otter.. am tempted... will you be going?

I bet I'd be the oldest there and nobody from my year!

I'd end up getting stuck into the wine and getting horribly tight!

NotanOtter Sun 17-Oct-10 23:29:24

invite some folk then and ...yes probably!

peeringintothevoid Sun 17-Oct-10 23:32:45

I've been reading this thread in delightful installments - much like reading a JC novel itself in carefully portioned chapters. I'm still only on page 14, but just had to say.... this has mad me laugh more than anything I've ever read on mumsnet (or anywhere else on t'internet, actually...), and is an utterly inspired thread. I'm so regretting giving my JC books away to the charity shop some years ago now - especially the Octavia, Prudence etc series, which I loved. All this talk of Taggie and RCB (Billy always had my heart, personally) has made me want to read the whole lot again. I wonder if there'll be a sudden run on Riders/Rivals/Polo at my library?

everythingiseverything Sun 17-Oct-10 23:57:05

Can I nominate this thread for Classics?

MaudOHara Mon 18-Oct-10 09:12:37

Good idea everythingiseverything - such a funny thread

120 Mon 18-Oct-10 09:30:38

we could do our own mumsnet novella, jilly style, with each of us giving our nicknames a backstory and then seeing what appears...

SarahStratton Mon 18-Oct-10 09:40:40

I like that idea grin I'd go back to DiscoSquish for that one.

SarahStratton Mon 18-Oct-10 09:43:51

Although I must confess I am curious about the Dark Blue Towel. Can we make it an Old and Frayed, But Spotless White Towel please, I have plenty of those and don't 'do' coloured or patterned towels and bedlinen.

RupertCampbellBlack Mon 18-Oct-10 17:29:36

The Dark Blue Towel is what Daisy was wearing when Drew came round after they fell out (because he had an affaire with Bibi Alderton. She'd been in the bath when he arrived on the doorstep, threw an open bottle of champagne at her which splashed down her front causing the towel to slip and Drew to make amends by licking said champagne off her norks...

Actually having typed all that I'm not 100% if it was that occasion the DBT made its appearance blush

BalloonSlayer Mon 18-Oct-10 17:43:06

Almost every towel in JillyLand is Dark Blue.

GetOrfMoiLand Mon 18-Oct-10 17:45:48

a pic of the young andrew parker bowles on whom RCB was based.

<destroys a million dreams>

GetOrfMoiLand Mon 18-Oct-10 17:51:26

Someone referred to Dittany being horrified at us upthread.

Dittany came on the last Jilly C thread and said that they are one of her guilty pleasures. grin

anonacfr Mon 18-Oct-10 17:52:44

I'm pretty sure DBT featured in Riders when Fen and Dino had their first kiss.
And when Perdita did a Lady Godiva, didn't Luke throw a DBT over her before carrying off back to her hotel room?

Tippychoocks Mon 18-Oct-10 17:55:34

I am re-reading appaasionata in honour of this thread and it has reminded me that one never leaves in a JC novel, one slopes off. And stressful situations will always result in the development of scurf in/on the heroine.

Fairly sure anon is right re the DBT scene in Polo too.

GetOrfMoiLand Mon 18-Oct-10 17:59:54

And periods are always called the curse.

Oh I do love Jilly.

WHAT is the latest news re webchat? <stern demanding look towards MNHQ>

Tippychoocks Mon 18-Oct-10 18:00:41

Appassionata obviously.

Another thing that always puzzled me in the novels was the sheer improbability of much of the behaviour, even with a healthy dose of suspended disbelief. I just read the section in Appassionata where they have the concert in Sir Rodney's honour. The thousand-strong Spanish audience file out afterwards in silence - no applause - as a mark of respect. How on earth would that work? How would they know to do that? I'd have been the eejit who didn't pick up the silence-vibes and cheered blush.

anonacfr Mon 18-Oct-10 18:03:12

And the girls all wear espadrilles.

The amazing this is how anyone gets past the age of 25 without dying of liver failure considering how much booze they all drink.

InThisSequinBraYesYouOlaJordan Mon 18-Oct-10 18:06:26

I think Luke strips off some of his own costume (is he a gargoyle?) to cover Perdita/Lady Godiva.

I think I should go on Mastermind. Specialist subject : Jilly Cooper's Riders, Rivals and Polo. Better than something high brow; once I played along at home, and answered every question on Gerard Manley Hopkins "The Wind Hover". I got one, the "specialist" got 8. I could get better than 8 on Jilly...