to feel that my partner is being a sanctimonous cock and is wrong?

[miniwedge]

He has been a cock all day today. Offered to help him with something for dsd and he bit my head off. Has been biting my head off/being generally snappy with me all week.
He is giving up smoking and I am very proud of him but he is only being a twunt with me and it is wearing a bit thin today.

I do understand how hard it is to give up, I did it two years ago so whilst I sympathise I'm a bit fed up of him taking it out on me.

So anyway, he snapped, I told him to pack it in and went to do the weekly sh0p.
Got back, was still fed up, he started picking at me, he was trying to start a row. I ignored him, he came into the kitchen and started yelling, called me an ignorant cunt. At this point I threw my hand bag at him , told him to fuck off and went out of the house to have a short walk and cool down.

Got back, he told me that I have upset his dd and if I ever do that again he will throw me out.
I laughed because it was so obviously utter bollocks. DSD was laughing behind hi back whilst he was telling me this and making faces at me.

He then went into one about the house insurance, our rebuild value is £80k, I have insured us for £85k. He is now saying I am a selfish lazy cow and have "put us at risk".
He just doesn't understand insurance nd which bit is which. He wants me to reinsure for ..... wait for it.... £1million rebuild value.

I am fucking fuming,
A; he called me a cunt which is utterly wrong in my opinion. You don't call someone you care for a cunt.

2; He brought dsd into it to point score off me which again is utterly wrong.

I want to brain him with the joint of pork I'm cooking.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

so if you don't toe the line you are out of the house?

Nice.

Start protecting yourself. I'm sure this is him being nasty because stopping smoking makes you nasty, but just in case - protect yourself financially.

[nameymcnamechange]

Oh mini. Stop cooking, put your coat on, grab your phone and go out for the rest of the day. Send a text saying you will not tolerate being called a cunt for anything and he needs to get a grip. Millions and millions of people have given up smoking - its not that bad.

[miniwedge]

My thoughts exactly. If this is the line he is taking he clearly feels I am a transient part of his life.
Am so angry and actually quite hurt.

[fuzzywuzzy]

you should have brained him with the pork joint whilst it was still frozen......


On the other hand, is he always like this? And why on earth does he think any insurance company will agree to insure your house for £1million when it's not worth that much, and the premiums would be horrendous even if they did. Or is he planning on burning the place down as soon as you are insured?

[nameymcnamechange]

Don't stay at home and take it then.

[HumphreyCobbler]

giving up smoking is enough to make someone snap, not an excuse for prolonged nasty behavior.

I would go out and leave him to it.

[miniwedge]

I would go out of the house but dd has the first day of a cold syndrome and needs to stay in bed.
Sorry, to clarify, I have a dd and a dsd.
DD is not his biologically.

[LittleMissHissyFit]

well done namey! that's exactly the right thing to recommend she do!

[skidoodly]

I can't see where he's been sanctimonious but your row sounds horrible. Do you fight in this way often? In front of his dd?

[miniwedge]

it's a fresh joint fuzzywuzzy. Not half as satisfying.

[constantlytired]

Regardless of whether he is giving up smoking or not, if he called me a C*nt, i would be having major words and would also be considering what level of respect exists if he thinks this is acceptable. I don't know what your relationship is generally like, and i may be old-fashioned (although only in my thirties), but i just couldn't accept any name calling in any relationship....incidentally, my relationship with DH is far from perfect

[stillbobbysgirl]

Tell him to light a fag and stop being such a wanker. I gave up a 30 a day habit and the 1st few days are hell, but not THAT bad - certainly not bad enough to warrant speaking to anyone like like that. Nasty and rude.

He needs to get himself some patches or gum and approach this with the right attitude at another time, like an adult should. He needs to make profound apologies to you, and to his daughter who had to witness this rudeness/nastiness.

[Hedgeblunder]

Mini- he's a cunt. My dp quit smoking last year and he was a bit more agitated than normal but he has never and will never call me a cunt, he's never called me any names.
I would pull him up on this sharpish, it's so not right. I would tell him that if he ever spoke to me that way again he would never see me again

[miniwedge]

Sorry, am not giving the whole story skidoodly - am too angry to type a rational eulogy.
Basically he is now saying that I am lazy because I won't take 5 mns to change the insurance and I am putting us all at risk, I ruin everything and am not mature enough to simply apologise and do as I am told.
He is waxing lyrical about how insurance works and keeps trying to explain it in exaggeratedly helpful tones.

He on the otherhand has taken over 4 yrs to take 5 mns to ring the mortgage company to get a few thngs sorted.
I can't do it as the mortgage is in his name. I have a deed of trust.

[loopyloops]

Um, am I missing something? Why are you cooking for him?

Never mind the swearing, DSD bit, the bit that would really upset me is the threat to throw you out. Neither you nor your daughter should feel that they have to behave the way he wants to avoid homelessness.

I would be reconsidering everything about the relationship, tbh.

[miniwedge]

We don't row often and very rarely in front of the children.
The children were both upstairs today watching a film

[CardyMow]

I know when I gave up smoking in february I turned into a bitch troll from hell rather unpleasant person, who acted just like you are describing, it almost split me and DP up. He needs an 'extra' boost of nicotine replacement, it was the only thing that worked for me. He genuinely doesn't mean it, even if he is being an unreasonable twunt. I am guessing he was a very heavy smoker before giving up. The patches are good if you smoke 20 a day, not so good if you were like I was and smoked 30-40 a day. I had to take twice as long 'stepping down' through the patches as most people do, and I had to use an inhalator and/or the melty lozenge thingys to fully quit. It took me 12 weeks to stop being a bitch evil, and despite being 23 weeks pregnant, I'm only just about to stop using the 7mg patches (the last step), which has taken me over 6 months, not the 3 months that would be usual for a 20-a-day smoker. I have done this in close conjunction with my GP after I had the pneumonia in February. Good luck to your not so DP with giving up...and just walk away when he's being a twunt!

[Callisto]

OMG at him calling you a cunt. I love the word, it's one of my favourite curses, but it is reserved for the worst people (Tony Blair for instance). I would certainly never, ever call anyone I have any respect for a cunt. DH would never call me one either. Or tell me I'm selfish, lazy or ignorant or ever, ever threaten me with eviction.

Your partner have given up smoking, but this is the behaviour of a dyed-in-the-wool bully, not someone who is having a bad day.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

"apologise and do as you are told"

?

He actually said that to you?

AWOOGA AWOOGA

Seriously.

Step back and take a good long look at this situation.

[miniwedge]

I'm not cooking for him, I promised the kids a roast today and tbh I quite fancy one as well.
He can serve his own up if he wants some.

[Callisto]

Double OMG at him expecting you to do as you're told.

[SayItWithWine]

It seems nicotine withdrawal is showing his true personality.
Alcohol does the same.
Pregnancy also another danger area.

I would be very wary of a relationship with him, make sure you have escape plans just in case. Keep some financial independence.

[ChaoticAngel]

So he called you a cunt and expects you to apologise and do as you're told?

I agree with Hecate, big red flags there. You are his partner not his employee or a child. I'd take a long hard look at this relationship and his overall attitude if I were you.

[miniwedge]

I did actually shout say at one point that he is not my employer and I am not answerable to him.
He is emotionally stunted and abolutely never wrong. He always uses his dsd as a closedown tactic, ie you do x dsd will be upet and I won't have that, or I only did y because I was thinking of dsd.....

I probably shouldn't be writing this right now though, am too angry to be rational I think.