to really not want to visit inlaws at their caravan tomorrow

[springchik]

Cant really get out of it though as dc know about it and dh is looking forward to it. Many reasons really culminating to what happened at the weekend.

PIl came round on saturday with the dgd. They gave ds1 who is starting school soon a ben ten lunch box and drinks bottle. I knew theyd bought this and whilst id light heartedly told them off mil said thats ok we got them with out tesco vouchers.

Anyway after theyd given ds1 this they then proceeded to give ds2 aged 2 under ahuge show of "wow look what youve got" a colouring book, thomas colouring sheets and pencil crayons a smart thomas painting apron and a huge toy story art set that included paints crayons felt tip pens pencil crayons, crayons, pencils, sharpener, glue, stickers,eraser etc etc that turned into a carry case.

This was the last straw as far as ds1 was concerned and he pointed to the set andsaid thats mine. NO said mil thats ds2s. No said ds1 thats not ds2 thats mine and so this exchange continues with ds1 getting more and more irate and ended up getting himself more and irate and distraught pil couldnt understand it. Situation lasted for 2 hours ds1ent upstairs and refused to come down even wfen fil bought an identical pil and labelled ds1 a very siilly and naughty little boy. Reason for buying ds2 so much? They had to treat them both the same and spend exactly the same on both.

Last straw for mr tho was fil rang yesterday from site. Wanted to speak to dh who said hed ring back. Fil then shouted no pu him on NOW I WANT I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM NOW!!!

[springchik]

shoul have read bought ds1 an identical set pil labelled ds1 very silly boy!

[springchik]

Also i know ds1s behaviour will be the subject of gossip with my pil and sil before we arrive tomorrow. How do i know this? Because her now grown up children were the subject of conversation with us by our pil when my sil dc were little!

[RunawayWife]

So they brought your DS1 a lunch box but he kicked off because they brought DS2 a colouring set?

If that is right then the problem is your DS1 and not the in laws

[thisisyesterday]

why on earth did you let it go on for 2 hours?

i'd have just said to ds1 "this is your present (lunchbox/flask), and those are ds2's, now let's stop making a fuss and do x"

presumably they spent the same amount of money? but ds2's just looked more?

children need to accept that sometimes they get different gifts! sorry

[thisisyesterday]

oh and they then went and got him the same set>


i'm sorry, but i think your ds1 was acting very spoilt, and to refuse to come down even when he got his own way and they got another present for him is quite bad

i'd be embarassed if i were you

[2boysandbean]

What does your ds 1 do on ds2s birthday ? does he throw a wobbly when he dosent get any presents your in laws are not at fault here they have treated both boys the same.

[Aitch]

i am shocked that you let this go on for so long, if it had been my dd being so ungrateful she would have been sent to her bed.

[springchik]

It was a massive set plus a 2 coloring thins plus an apron so 4 seperate things also not necessary as they could have bought the lunch box and left it as that as its a functional school item iyswim.

[werewolf]

Can you agree some lines in the sand with dh before you go, so that if it all kicks off, you leave?

The problem with the gifts is that one's practical and one's fun. I'm surprised your pil couldn't see that.

And labelling ds1 like that - he's 5 fgs!

[springchik]

I didnt let it go on but it did it was horrible :(

[thisisyesterday]

yes but yu could have taken ds1 out of the room or something and just hjad a talk to him to remind him to be grateful for what he has been given rather than fussing over it, even if he is disappointed.

but then I am quite good at a nice loud "RIGHT THEN, who is getting their shoes on and coming out with me?" and off we go for a walk

or a "OOOOOOOOK EVERYONE, who wants to help me in the kitchen"

followed by a clearing away of presents (for later!) and much distraction of everyone (including the PIL!)

[Aitch]

i don't really understand this, tbh. how did ds1 explain his feelings later on? why wasn't he pacified by having his own set (bearing in mind he couldn't read the label)?

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

I don't really think your in laws were at fault here. Your son was very ungrateful and you should not have allowed him to continue to behave badly for 2 hours.

Re "a huge show of look what you've got" - Of course they were all bubbly - that's how to talk when you're showing things to a 2 yr old!

They wanted to spend the same amount on both kids - There's nothing wrong with that.

However, there is one thing I think the other posters are forgetting here - and that is that your other son, the one they are implying was being a brat, is himself only starting school - that makes him what? 4? 4.5? Still very young and very young to get the concept of his brother having umpteen things and him having so little but that's ok because the same amount of money was spent on both!

So I don't blame him so much as I think you were at fault for not controlling him and the situation. Removing him. Interrupting the behaviour.

[thisisyesterday]

no, i do agree hecate, and i am imagining the scene we'd have had here if that had happened (i have a 5 and a 2 yr old as well!)

i just don't get why it lasted 2 hours

i#'d have whipped most of it away from the younger one if possible and said we were putting it away for later- out of sight out of mind

then i'd have taken ds1 out and told him that i know he was disappointed and that it feels unfair, but that grandma and grandpa wanted to spend the same money and they knew how much he would love his ben 10 things for school etc etc etc
and i'd have pointed out that younger brother would probably be happy to share his art things too!

it didn't need to be such a big deal, and it certainly shouldn't affect whether they go and see them tomrrow

i don't agree with always treating kids the same anyway, but if it had happened i'd have dealt with it

[curlymama]

If I was 5 years old and I'd effectively been given two presents that I couldn't play with, while my younger brother seemed to get about 10 presents that could be played with straight away and have lots of fun with, I think I'd be upset too.

That doesn't mean a 5yo can't tell the difference between his own birthday and his brothers birthday, the point is that this wasn't a special occassion that can be explained and understood by a little person. It was his GP's giving what looks like more presents to one child than the other.

[springchik]

aitch he was pacified eventually but by then it had been going on a long time! He took himself upstairs and was screamin and crying He refused ill upstairsto come down as he had got himself into such astate. Whilst still in a state fil returned with the set.

[LittleSilver]

Why is this your IL's prob?

[springchik]

laptop jumping all over the place! Should be took himself upstairs screaming and crying and refused to come down. Pil bought the id set after quite some time of this. Fil took himself of without consulting us in an effort to resolve the situation!

[Aitch]

sure, sure, but what did he say when you debriefed him about it later? thing is, you do sound as if this is something the ILs have done wrong, and it isn't. they haven't been particularly sensitive to the sibling thing, but they didn't do anything wrong. why didn't you just say 'why don't we put away the school stuff and ds2 can be very kind and let you have some of his extra stuff?' or words to that effect? i don't get how it went on for two hours. did he just get himself into such a state that he couldn't recover from it? if so, you're going to have to put a plan in place for him to calm himself down from those. (we call them 'noisy heads' and do a counting down and breathing thing that is pretty successful).

[usualsuspect]

It sounds like your Fil did all he could to help the situation

[springchik]

I tried to whip the things away but ds1 insisited to mil that it was his and mil insisted to was ds2s and he insisted back it was his and mil insisted back even more vehemently it was ds2s and so it escalated. When I suggested they shaare it mil insisted in ds1s hearing no it was bought for ds2 it was not to be shared etc etc.

[springchik]

Pil were there all this time and just seemed to do things to make it wworse.

[Snobear4000]

Is their caravan near starbuck999's parent's house?

[MrsGravy]

Oh dear. I don't think anyone was at fault here. The grandparents were trying to spend the same amount, and I can totally see why a 4/5 year old was upset by his brother getting more (and to his eyes better) presents. Not going to the caravan is almost like punishing both innocent parties. Why not just send DH and the kids though if you don't feel like going? Sounds like you could do with some space from them.

If I were you I'd get the kids to do a picture as a thank you for their presents - help smooth things over and give your DS a gentle lesson in how to behave when given a present.

I have to laugh at the idea from some posters that you 'let' this go on for 2 hours, in my experience when a child is tantruming there is very little you can do to stop them.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

You should have taken control of the situation. The way you tell it is like you allowed your son to continue to argue with his grandmother about it!

The second he began to argue about what should be his was the second he should have been frogmarched from the room and read the riot act!