to want to move?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Background - me and DP moved about 150 miles from where we grew up and friends and family about 3 years ago - mainly for my job. However in the past few months we have been feeling like we would like to move back to be closer to friends and family and were looking into what that would take.

Since moving DP has started a new job which he REALLY loves. The change in him has been phenomenal and I can tell that he is so suited to this job and it is so good for his confidence and general happiness.

A few weeks ago I found out I was nearly 5 months pregnant. I have gynacological condition which meant I had been told that this would never happen and also didn't have the monthlies hence the not knowing (thought the morning sickness was gastric flu!!!)

Anyway - it's my first baby and despite having lived here for a couple of years we don't have a great friend network down here and obviously family is not here. This has made me want to move home all the more. I'm not sure how I would cope being on maternity leave and not having people around me to see/ help/ support - particularly sad about not having my Mom close. I had very close relationship with my Grandparents when I was growing up and want the same for little one.

SO we discussed - moving would mean selling flat in negative equity (not that much though) which I would need to cover with a loan. It would mean me not knowing what would happen after maternity leave as might have to travel for work, moving from owning a home to renting, and DP trying to get a transfer at work. All of this would need to be done in the later stages of pregnancy/ early on in little ones life.

So we agreed that we would do all of this and have set the ball rolling. Only problem is that DPs job are stalling on the transfer request. They are saying now is not a good time. He has said that if they don't grant agree to a transfer in the next 6 months he will look for job back home and quit this one. Can I really ask him to do this? I really feel moving is so important. Am I being to precious?

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

FWIW, I had our DD in Oman, I didn't know a soul and my family and friends were a couple of thousand miles away. Me and DH went to ante natal classes and met a couple of really good people (a couple of shockers too) that I am friends with to this day. If your DH enjoys his work that much, I would be tempted to say stay.

[scurryfunge]

I think you would be truly mad to give up the security of a job at the moment. Try and establish a group of friends where you live. You can still travel to family when you need to.

[drfayray]

I went to Australia when DS was 2 and DD 6 months for DH's job. Did not know a soul but made friends at playgroups etc. It was lonely and very difficult but I managed because DH's job prospects were excellent. I think that your DH being happy with his job is very important. Can your family not visit? My two do not have grandparents around (mine are in Singapore, DH's back in UK) but see them fairly regularly and talk on phone.

I also think once you have your baby (congratulations by the way!) you will meet up with more mums and begin to make friends.

[Lizcat]

Having a baby is the fastest way to make new friends you can possibly imagine. There are many NCT meet ups that cater for bumps and babes start trying them as you most certainly have a bump!!

[lucky1979]

I think you would be mad to move - you will lose money with the flat, your DH will potentially lose a job he loves and you might lose yours as well.

My mum lives in a different city, and it's hard, but you can't give up everything you have for the hope of recreating your own childhood, because it might not work out that way. Unless all of your friends have ha babies as well you may well suddenly find you have nothing in common with them any more, and with no job in a rented house, this could be more isolating than where you are now.

[Emo76]

Think you are being unreasonable. It won't be easy at first, but as other posters say having a baby is a sure fire way to meet other people in your local area. Sounds like your husband is very happy in his job - don't jeapordise that - having a baby can put a strain on a relationship anyway without adding financial/work worries in the mix. Give it a really good go - if you still decide to move at least you can look back and feel you gave it a chance. GOOD LUCK!

[BabyGiraffes]

Agree with everyone else, best to stay put for now. Babies are great for making friends through antenatal classes and playgroups!
150 miles is not that far (we do it every few weeks - 2 1/2 hours or less) to visit family. Our family is either dead or abroad and we managed fine and now have two dcs. Good luck and congratulations!!!

[Littlefish]

I really agree with everyone else that you should stay where you are. I didn't know anyone where I live, before I had children.

Once I'd had dd, I met people with children through:

NCT
Local toddler group
GP surgery (met my best friend when our dd's were having injections)
Nursery
School

I really would recommend doing nothing at the moment. Give it at least a year after your dc is born and then talk about it again.

150 miles really isn't the end of the world. My mum lives that far from us, and we manage to see each other regularly.

[QueeferSutherland]

Congratulations!

I'd stay for a while.
Moving with a baby is a nightmare, for a start.
Wait util after your mat leave.
SMP isn't great.