To hate when a mother gets called precious/too precious/PFB etc?

[Pioneer]

Might get some as not sure if this has been done, but I just don't like these phrases.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

Depends what she does - sorry

[activate]

it's just about perspective

[sloanypony]

I'm careful where I conclude it, and I generally dont say it anyway either in real life or on here, but it does exist, sometimes really quite badly and its too funny not to have a little scoff at to oneself.

But I can also get quite indignant on behalf of some of the accused sometimes.

I also hate this "guffaw guffaw just you wait till you [insert something they have been so wordly as to have already done] bollocks - sometimes its true but in other cases it is unlikely that person would ever lower themselves to that persons standards

So it really does depend.

[traceybath]

I don't like it either.

Its patronising and annoying.

[Pioneer]

I just think there could be a nicer way to put it.

Also, I just think it is up to the individual if they want to be "precious" about their dc.

[Pioneer]

traceybath - I think you just hit the nail on the head

[Rockbird]

I hate it as well. After all, if a parent can't be precious about their child then who the hell can? For a parenting website, this place has some really unpleasant, unsupportive replies sometimes. You can let people know they're being a bit silly without being nasty.

[Giddyup]

Yes but some people are bloody awful though aren't they? and also is the person saying it not usually poking fun at themselves? maybe it takes a former sufferer of PFBitis to recognise it in others? Its getting worse though, the more self absorbed we all become the more cringe worthy the examples

[cherrycakesparkle]

I don't like it either as it's often used insultingly.

[onimolap]

YANBU to hate the term, but you might need to get used to it as it is a widely used phrase for a noticeable phenomenon which may be relevant to certain threads.

If posters are replying unkindly, it's more about their whole message not one term within it. [Standing by to be corrected if there are examples of posts using this acronym alone].

[ItWasADarkAndStormyNight]

Personally I don't like it though I use it about myself in a pre-emptive way! A while back someone posted something along the lines of it's usually when a mother isn't coping and a sign that she's finding it difficult. I'd agree with that.
Ds id 19wks and becoming a mum hit me like a tone of bricks. You have this little life and it's your responsibility, the buck stops here. And if you get it wrong then you've ruined that life you created, it's terrifying!
So you try to control everything you can, so you can get everything possible right and you panic when you feel that control is slipping as if that slips your not in control and if your not in control how can you get anything right and if you can't get it right then thier life is ruined and they'll remember it forever and blame you and hate you and...

BREATH
so it's no fun being pfb!
And ds is the best thing to happen to the world ever

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

But when a parent is precious about their child at the expense of other children, then it gets incredibly annoying. We had a neighbour in our street who was precious about her DD. This child only had to simper and she was at the door, shouting at our children, regardless of what had actually happened. It became tiresome in the extreme, other parents got heartily sick of it, and the children began to resent her. It's all about context.

[Pioneer]

I just thinkit's up to the parents to decide how protective they are over their child.

There are no regulations to say what is over-protective.

I especially object when it is said about mothers of young babies - what sort of mother wouldn't be protective over a child who is incapable of doing anything for themselves?

[traceybath]

But Maisie thats not pfb in my opinion thats just totally unreasonable behaviour.

I just don't like the way its used as a put-down on here.

And yes fine to use it about oneself in a self-deprecating manner.

[sorrento56]

If a mum can't be precious about her child, who can be?

[thereisalightanditnevergoesout]

Like you say, if a mother can't be precious then who can? But it's all about intention, isn't it? It's meant to be insulting. It's not nice or kind or clever.

[Rockbird]

exactly, it is used as an insult. There's a thread running at the moment where the OP does seem concerned. Someone trots along and spits 'ffs, pfb or what??' I'm summarising as don't want to quote actual posters but you get the drift. What's helpful about that?

[rowingboat]

YANBU
I do understand where it comes from. I probably looked very precious when DS was born, but I was actually extremely stressed and anxious. It's OK to laugh at oneself over being precious, but I actually think a bit of understanding wouldn't go amiss.
I am stuck in the category of having a PFB and sometimes I think it makes other parents take you less seriously as if no approach which that works with my one child could work on a child with a sibling.
I remember posting about coping with her three year old's tantrums and her newborn. I tried to suggest strategies for the the three year old and she was quite dismissive of my suggestions as I 'didn't understand because I had one child'. It was as if my child was some kind of alien with abnormal, peculiar behaviour unlike that of a child with a sibling.

[PYT]

I think once you come out of the baby years - especially the first baby years - the preciousness of some parents can seem ridiculous.

Yes, you're right. It's up to each individual family to decide how they want to care for their children. But when I meet parents who make 'But Johnny doesn't eat birthday cake. He'll have an organic quinoa rusk instead'-type comments there is a great comfort in inwardly snorting and saying 'talk about PFB' to yourself.

The PFB tag is meant to be tongue in cheek in my opinion. It's not a true insult. Lighten up and stop being so...precious!

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

Yes, it was unreasonable behaviour, but it stemmed from being utterly precious about her child.

We were precious about DC1 - how we laugh about it now, as DC3 does things that we would have cried over 13 years ago. It's all about context and the level to which you parent your child - as PYT says, there's a great comfort in laughing inwardly at the horror expressed by some parents at the idea of the child eating cake, whilst remembering the time when you did exactly that when your first born was all brand spanking new, perfect - and precious!

[undercovamutha]

Totally agree PYT! Most all of us have been a bit pfb at some time, so I don't think it is meant to be mean in most cases.

Also, I think using the term makes parents with more than one child feel better about themselves!

For example, DD never had chocolate til she was about 2yo, and even then it was practically a crumb, hardly noticeable to the naked eye! DS has had chocolate since before 12mo. Also, we only used to have the TV on for ONE episode of ITNG per day for DD, as I didn't want her to be damaged by watching too much TV. Now its on for at least 2 hours every evening, so no such care for DS!!!!

Therefore I like to think I was a bit pfb with DD, cos it is better than thinking that I am lax with DS IYSWIM!

[undercovamutha]

x post Maisie!!

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

2 hours of telly??? You baaaaaad mummy! (want to be in my club?)

[narkypuffin]

Precious does seem apt sometimes.

Like my friend who has hired a tutor to make sure her DS gets into the 'right' school.

He is 4.