URGH LYING AGAIN!!! (and the same old hypocrisy)

[Citrus81]

DP works full time and his daughter lives with us so I'm main carer of both his and mine children. I like to take DS out during the holidays but DSD won't come out with us, she'll only come if her dad is coming and since he's obviously at work, she spends most of her days in the house on her own. At first DP whinged about me taking DS out all the time and leaving her at home but I explained that I can't just keep DS at home because she won't come out. He reluctantly agreed that it was her own fault she didn't come, she's always invited but always declines.
So anyway DP decides to set some "ground rules" on what I can do with DS (just reading that sentance back makes me realise what a doormat I have become). He says I can take him places like Mcdonalds etc but nothing "nice" like a brewsters meal or a resteraunt meal. He specifically named one resteraunt (lets call it "Flaming Wok" as a place he would be annoyed at me taking DS without him and DSD as that's apparantly the kind of place we should all go together.
Stupidly, I agreed.
I have since refused to take DS to this place because of DP saying we can go when we're ALL available to go.
So a couple of weeks ago DP had a day off work and decided to take DSD into town for her lunch as he doesn't get to spend much time with her. Fair enough. He took her to subway.
Last week, he did the same thing. When he came back I asked where they'd had lunch, he stuttered slightly and then said "subway". I said "again?" and he said "yeah, not as nice as it used to be, don't think I'll go there again". I said "maybe it's because you've had it twice in as many weeks, novelty wearing off?" he looked sheepish and said "yeah, maybe".
So anyway this morning, his bank statement arrived. I opened it by accident (I'm with the same bank, I assumed it was mine) and the bastard only took her to Flaming Wok last week when he said he'd been to subway!
Dont get me wrong, I dont care WHERE he takes her, he could take her for a gormet meal prepared by Mr Ramsey himself for all I care but not when he's telling me under no circumstances can I take DS to this place as its one we all need to go to together ..... and then to LIE to my face and say he'd been to subway and to watch as I tell DS we can't go to FW because it isn't fair to DP and DSD??? Or am I over-reacting??

[Tillyscoutsmum]

YANBU and are not over reacting. I'd be massively pissed off about they lying and, more importantly, the fact he is dictating where you can and can't go with DS. How old is DSD ?

[mitochondria]

Well, you know where to take your son this week for lunch, don't you?

The lying would annoy me though.

[VinegarTits]

YANBU what a cunt

[McCrappy]

The whole situation is ridiculous.

Take your son wherever you want, don't let him dictate where you can and can't go.

[Plumm]

YANBU - and stop letting him tell you what you can do with your DS.

[Citrus81]

She's 13. What also annoys me is that he tells her to lie about it too. He did the same thing with some DVDs a few weeks ago, always goes on about DS not being allowed to watch 18's then went and bought her some behind my back and told her to keep quiet about it.

I'm just going to tell him now that from now on where I take my DS has got fuck all to do with him and he can take his DD anywhere he wants too. I can't be doing with all this controlling, lying and sneaking around. Its pathetic.

[LucyLouLou]

You're not overreacting. This isn't about the restaurant, it's about one rule for one and one for another. It's your DPs business where he takes his daughter, but he shouldn't be lying to you. My guess is your DSD has been bending his ear that she is treated unfairly, or he is simply showing favouritism and has not accepted the DCs should be treated equally. Just because your DS goes out more, doesn't mean he is being favoured by you, the equality is in the offer, which your DSD has declined.

Be honest, say you accidentally opened the bank statement, no point in lying about it. But tell him you are supremely unhappy about his controlling behaviour and his restrictions on your parenting. If he doesn't change, you might want to reassess what you're actually getting out of this relationship, and the effect on your DS.

[ChippingIn]

FGS I don't get why you are still with the control freak?

He's given you plenty of reasons not to be!!

[Citrus81]

I know, I'm a complete and utter fricking idiot. I can't actually move out yet though although I am looking. No houses are coming up in my price range and the council won't give me a house or help me in any way as I'm not suffering violence.

[AnyFucker]

gosh...flaming woks and school trousers !

whatever will be next ???

[ChippingIn]

:(

Didn't you post a while ago about your DS having some sudden weight gain?

(Sorry if it's not you!!)

I wouldn't be suprised if when you move out, that doesn't resolve itself as well.

How would you feel about Womens Aid? Why not call them and see if they can help you? He may not be physically abusive, but he's a control freak who is making your and your sons lives hell.

[Citrus81]

My only option is to go into a hostel really but it seems a bit drastic making ourselves homeless. I mean, its not as if I'm getting the shit kicked out of me on a weekly basis etc. I suppose I just need to learn how to co-exist until something comes up but its so difficult not to get involved.

[GeekOfTheWeek]

WTF?

Sort yourself out woman.

This isn't normal behaviour.

[Citrus81]

What isn't normal? his behaviour or mine? I KNOW i'm being a twat for putting up with it ... and from the responses I assume he's being a twat too? god the sooner this all ends the better.

[proudnsad]

I'm just trying to work out the real name for 'Flaming Wok'

[Citrus81]

Its a well known chinese buffet chain, nothing like flaming wok, I just didn't want to name the real place lol

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

I'm not sure what you want people to say. You post under different names, constantly giving bizarre examples of your DP's shitty attitude to your DS, keep saying you know that you're being a doormat and he's being a twat....then do it all again. Why? What do you want?

[AnyFucker]

attention ?

[proudnsad]

'Blaming Cock'?

[AnyFucker]

"Chuffing Fuck"

[proudnsad]

No, 'Chuffing Fuck''s a knocking shop chain oop north

[AnyFucker]

[Lulumaam]

how do you know the OP keeps name changing?

anyhoo.... sounds like a right charmer. not.

bin him off.

[FellatioNelson]

Probably Aroma but I want to go to Chuffing Fuck.

Why not name it? If it's a chain - they are everywhere! you named Macdonalds and Subway.

Anyway don't know about the history of this family, but DSD is obviously being a bit manipulative and twisting Daddy round her little finger. Yes he's being a hypocrite. Don't know what to say really, except that teenagers are hard, step-families are hard, confront him about the hypocrisy and lying but try not to let it be all about you and DS v. DSD. That's just asking for trouble.