AIBU to think my suposed best mate is a total bitch?

[zoelikesjam]

adivice please?

Right,very mild background his'

friends at the age of 11

with abusive partner from age 16(2000)...wouldnt let me see BF....speperated with him(2004), she was amazing....
got with now hubby in 2007
getting on fine with BF....went into to early labour with DD2 in august 2008, had a 3lb very sick baby.... BF was first person i called(parents live abroad) she didnt answer. her dad did, told him had LO but she was sick, he said BF had been in car acciedent but was ok, would call me when re settled.

Obviously time taken up by new LO and other children, I knew BF was ok from what dad had said and intendended to call when i/we got out of hospital

sub's she wasnt ok, she was very ill, dad lied to me, i was busdy looking after really sick child, we fell out. big time....well she fell out, wouldnt talk to me,

I took offencence, as did she, i had really sick premmi, she was really sick, crossed wires....

months later I gave in and sent her an email. explaining what happened. BF acepted this(no ap' though) and all was good.

In jan 2010 decieded to get married with OH and asked her to be maid of honour.

She has been amazing. my parents live in australia, no one around....totally amazing...through hell!!

Wedding was beautiful....then, week after i get this....

Got this email tonight

Miss Davies 25 July at 21:02
dad did buy a nice leather album to give you with photos in but as u didnt look at him once when he was takin a photo there isnt much point in you having any of them! we thought the idea of dad going was to get two sets of decent photos, you know i dont hold back on anything so im just letting u know im pissed!!!!!!!!!! really pissed but im not fallin out with u just wanted u to know! natalie tried to push dad out the way on every opportunity.

What am i sposed to make of this?

I darent show you all my reply as im in a state and very fragile....

i've bi pololar(as BF knows) and am very sensitive, not stopped crying all night....seriously sobbing because i feel ive hurt her family, but why the hell should i?

Help?!

[SecretSlattern]

i dont get it, sorry

[zoelikesjam]

sorry secret!

basically,
i asked my best mat to be maid of honour....she was ans was amazing!...however week after wedding this is the email i get!!!!

We had issues years ago due to crossed wires,,,tell me the bit you dont understand and i can explain!

[FallingWithStyle]

The part about the birth and accident - dont see that anyone was to blame, though you obviously feel it relevant.

The email - dunno, surely it just comes down to what actually happened...and none of us will know that.

I do understand that, regardless of blame etc, things like this are very very upsetting when depression is involved, very hard to cope with.

Perhaps just take a step back from it for now and talk to your dh, try to concentrate for a while on things that aren't upsetting?

[zoelikesjam]

sorry about the spelling, still got false nails on from wedding!!!

[werewolf]

Sounds like her beef is with Natalie, who pushed her dad out of the way.
Who's Natalie in this?

[ravenAK]

OK, so your mate sent an email earlier this evening, whilst trolleyed, to the effect that her dad's photos of your wedding hadn't come out all that well.

No offence & all that, but are you a wee bit pissed tonight yourself?

Only your typing hands are wurring your slurds, & also your friend's email reads as drunkenly muddled but not obviously bitchy.

Who's Natalie?

[JeezyPeeps]

Was there some arrangement for your BF's dad to take unofficial photos for the wedding? Is Natalie the photographer?

The scenario isn't very clear.

[StealthPolarBear]

did her dad take your wedding photos? Was he invited as a guest?

[StealthPolarBear]

Oh I think I get it - her dad was meant to be taking some unofficial photos, but according to her you wouldn't pose for him, only the official photographer. Did you arrange that?

Do you think that's whgat happened? If so I can see both sides.

FWIW the email reads to me as though she just wanted to get it off her chest without makign a huge deal.

[warthog]

well sounds to me like you're both still a little sensitive.

i think you need to go round there, face to face and talk about all this baggage.

i don't think she's a bitch.

but fgs talk about it. enough with the emails and texts already. too much misunderstanding going around.

[DetectivePotato]

You need to ask her why she felt it was necessary to send you that e mail. And speak to her about it.

[zoelikesjam]

Lol nope wasnt drunk last night have blinking awful false nails on from the wedding and it was all typed in such haste/tears i wasnt thinking straight!

I dont get what the/her problem is honestly. Yup i'm very sensitive at the moment, bad bi polar week.

Natalie was our professional photographer. But she is also a very close friend.

The first i heard from BF about her dad and photos was a few months ago, she mentioned her dad had brought some new equipment and was looking forward to getting some use out of it, I said
'brilliant!'
Hoping he'd get some natural shots or something.
He was a guest at the wedding.

I dont get it though cus i've had tons of guest's photos and so far theyve been fine!

I dont kow why she didnt just call me

And nooooooo idea what her beef is with Nat wonder if she'd have felt the same if it had been a professional photographer we didnt know.

Oh well, we'll see. I'm done being stressed by others now....as much as i can try!!!

[animula]

I'd reply with something ameliorative, and probably by phone.

Start with emphasising how wonderful and important to you it was to have her, and her father, there. Tell her how much you appreciated her father taking the trouble to take photos, and how much it means to you. Tell her it made your day complete to have her there, and reminds you of what a great friend she's been over the years.

Then say that it's weird if you don't seem to be looking at her father in the photos. Say something about how it must show how we are conditioned to respond to people giving us orders, because, if you replay the day in your head, you are very aware of her and her father being there, and (again) you thought often of how important and special that was.

And finish up by thanking her and her father for coming, and emphasising how much you want to keep her in your life. And ask how she is.

[animula]

I think she is just sensitive about having made the commitment to attend and then it seeming as though that wasn't recognised. I don't think it ever hurts to tell people how much they matter.

And I hope things sort out with you, and your married life and baby go swimmingly.

[scanty]

animula - are you serious or having a laugh?

[CaptainKirksNipples]

Why is the whole prem birth and car accident relevant to this story? It seems to be simple wires crossed.

And I would have thought natural photos are not supposed to have the subjects looking at the camera, or more natural?

[chipmonkey]

Looks to me like she's more upset with Natalie than she is with you.

[bumpsoon]

Oh dear ! her dad is an amateur photographer ,this is a scary beast ,i know because i live with one . He was clearly very upset because he didnt get to use his shiny new lenses to their full advantage and wasnt given the same level of artistic freedom as your official photographer . Ok what you need to do is ring her dad , ask him for the photos ,saying you were really hoping he had got some more natural and unstaged /posed shots as that was what you really wnated ,but that your dh/parents/PILs hankered for the more traditional photos so you got natalie to do those .Say you already have some guest photos ,but that you know his will be alot better as he was using far superior equipment and has a better 'eye' for a good photo . Then ring your friend ,repeat the above adding that your so sorry you didnt ring her dad ,but that youve been on a mega come down following the wedding ,quite a common phenonemum i believe .

[jmc112]

Totally what bumpsoon said.

[swanandduck]

I agree with bumpsoon. Your BF and her dad are obviously feeling very sensitive about this issue so I would just go along with it even though it's obviousl you certainly didn't intentionally do anything.

[Jaquelinehyde]

Jeeeez tell her to sod off the over reacting drama queen.

Seriously is a friend who causes so much drama really worth being friends with?

[swanandduck]

Jacquelinehyde

I see where you're coming from. I'm considering dropping a friend who is currently behaving like a me, me, me drama queen and ignoring my feelings totally. But I'm also balancing that against the fact that she has been good to me in the past. I just wouldn't make a hasty decision about dropping her, even though I agree she's being a bit of a drama queen.