The Mother left behind

[onlyone]

AIBU in being sick of seeing all these websites and support fora for the second wives/partners/stepmothers all discussing how evil the ex wife is and how to manage them and their unreasonable demands / behaviour.

Where are the support sites for the mothers left behind with the DCs? Who have been betrayed and in my case stabbed in the back by a supposed good family friend, whom I must now trust to have my DCs best interest at her heart, yet was prepared to destroy their relationship with their father.

Where do I go to, to get advice about evil minging new partners and their unreasonable demands to neglect the old children in favour of the new.All step mums or potential stepmums are not always the pure innocent, well meaning women that they make themselves out to be.All exes are not all evil.

Tired and emotional as the new partner, continues to bleat on about how she is building a better future for her and the kids but dcs and I jsut lost along the way in the little utopia she lives in.

[ladysybil]

i'm not a mom left behind, but that is exactly what i have been thinking recently. there are soooo many threads on here at the moment in which step moms are going onabout the kids mothers in negative terms. its driving me potty. and i'm not even involved.

obviously , not all stepmoms are the cause or were even around, when the original relationship broke down, but that doesnt mean that they are wonderful angels looking out for someone elses dc.

[faeriefruitcake]

My father left and moved on, my mother had a crap time of it. Haven't seen father since 1984 cause of his second wife.

I am now a step mother myself and I wouldn't do anything to hurt my DP's kids. I've been there, done that and worn the second hand Tshirt.

Focus on you and your children and what is right for you. It's a shit situation to be in.

Maybe start a mums net first wives club in one of the topics, then better people than me can support you.

[ChippingIn]

There IS a lot of support on MN for Mums in exactly your position. A little while ago there was another thread basically saying 'Why is all the support for the ex-wives and none for the new partner'. I think that no matter what situation you are in the 'grass (support) is 'greener on the other side'.

Sadly there are lots of lovely Mums on here who have been betrayed by their partners and ex-good friends - you are not alone

Have you tried posting on the Relationships
board?

Sorry you are going through this x

[Vallhala]

Yep!

My husband was persistantly violent and left me when our DDs were babes. He quickly took up with a new partner who assisted him in his claim that he was a house husband and thus couldn't pay to feed his DC whilst he was in fact working in her business. All the while he refused to see the children, in between telling me that she was advising him to go for full custody of my children.

MY DDs are 13 and 15 now and only over the past 18 months or so has my ex taken even the slightest interest in them and sees them for an hour or 2, at my house, every month or so. Despite this his partner claims to care so much for my DDs, sending them messages on FB and playing the good guy with phone top ups and comments of how much she understands them.

All credit to the good step-parents out there - I have one myself - but some aren't the hard done by people fighting insane parents with care that they claim to be.

[hairytriangle]

No matter what peoples circumstances or past history it's just so so sad that parents and step parents are unable so often to co parent for the bebefit of everyone. That said it must be totallay galling when a person who runs off with your partner then gets into the step parent role