to think everybody else has a better social network than me?

[darknessfalls]

I think I maybe feeling a bit hormonal but unsure. Been feeling down about this for the last few months but I don't feel like I have a girlie/ social network...its really hard when I see old schoolfriends and work colleagues on Facebook talking about their big nights out, I would love that...

I should be grateful as I have a beautiful baby and gorgeous toddler but feel like I am just a mum nowadays nothing more. I find it so hard to admit in RL that I am just lonely.

Does anyone else feel this way or AIBU?

[slushy]

I know exactly where you are coming from.

[Mowgli1970]

YANBU, I think social networking sites exist to make you feel like everyone's having a good time except you! It's all crap - people exaggerate and post photos/statuses that make it seem like they're living the high life. They're not. Do you have a partner/husband? Can you get a babysitter for a couple of hours? If it makes you feel better, me and dh have this weekend child free. We ended up buying bedding plants and planting them. Rock 'n' roll!

[lolapoppins]

Me too.

Even worse as all my old school 'friends' )in the loosest term, I was a bit of an outsider back then as well, lol) have babies/toddlers and are still having a great time together. My child is seven. It's not fair.

[slushy]

I think the hardest bit for me is my best and only real friend always saying I was his b.friend, but recently discovered when he slipped up about another girl who is able to go drinking every night being the best friend he has. It sounds silly I was devastated I really felt like crying.

[PaulineCampbellJones]

You're not alone! Am feeling especially like that today as lots of my workmates have been for a girlie champagne filled day at the races and I feel really left out.

[MummyBerryJuice]

You are definitely not alone. I feel exactly the same and worst of all I have a young baby and live in a fairly
remote rural village in the North when all my family and most of my real friends are at home in South Africa. Most of my and DH's friends in this country live in London.

We are happy but I do feel very lonely most of the time. I guess it just takes time to get to knw people and also adjust to being a parent

[darknessfalls]

Thanks for replies guys. I'm glad its not just me then, its getting me down more and more lately as weekends seem to be kids and family/in laws. Its hard to get a night away nowadays as fallen out with my mother and in laws live far away.

DH has gone away tonight to see in laws tonight with DD and I'm in a dark room with youngest, thank heavens for mumsnet!

Facebook is great for catching up with mates who live far away but when you see party pics and updates, just makes me feel like an OAP.

I do have good friends but since had children they seem to have backed away, what happens when you are a former 'faghag'. I have recently made friends through nct class and we meet for lunches now and again, don't have courage to say shall we have a night out in case I sound desperate!

Sorry for rambling

[MummyBerryJuice]

You are definitely not alone. I feel exactly the same and worst of all I have a young baby and live in a fairly
remote rural village in the North when all my family and most of my real friends are at home in South Africa. Most of my and DH's friends in this country live in London.

We are happy but I do feel very lonely most of the time. I guess it just takes time to get to knw people and also adjust to being a parent.

[MummyBerryJuice]

What do you mean Beertricks? I don't think y are being selfish to also need some support when others around you are struggling.

[darknessfalls]

Sending big hugs to you all. I can relate to all your experiences (as I said before that feeling that everyone is having a fabby dooby time without you) and you are not selfish beertrickspotter only human! Hope your friend feels better.

mummyberryjuice - I hope you find new social links at least you can say you are new to the area.

Any suggestions on how we can all make ourselves feel better? I was listening about a month or so back on a report about loneliness on Radion 4 and didn't seem to offer any solutions hence me feeling I needed to write on mumsnet...I am waiting for someone to tell me to pull myself together as have health, family, home etc..

[Bishoplyn]

Hi. Just another perspective....I'm 40, single and childless. I do have quite a good social network. It helped loads that, when I split from XP, I moved back to my home town so I've been able to pick up a lot of old friendships.
But it is hard work to keep a good social life going. Lots of texting, FBing and travelling to see friends who have young children and aren't as 'mobile' as me.
I think really what I'm saying is that the grass is not always greener.....
Night classes are a great way of getting to know people. I joined a German class a few years ago and we've had loads of night outs. I met one of my best friends through it.

[Meglet]

yanbu. My socialising is MN and FB. At least I can do it in my pj's on the sofa while eating chocolate.

I don't like it but I am on my own with 2 toddlers and a psycho XP. I rarely get to go out and if I did there's a high chance I would bump into him.

[Raejj]

Darknessfalls - 100% know where you are coming from , and then I feel like such an ungrateful bitch when I look at everything I have - and I am truly blessed, kids, care ere, husband etc etc - and I think, this still isn't enough.....

[Raejj]

Career even, wretched predictive messaging

[darknessfalls]

Thanks Bishoplyn, I'm thinking of doing a class to meet new people as I want to be seen as me individual not someone's mummy.

I agree about keeping up with social life- it is hard work texting and FBing, I get paranoid that its me doing chasing with nct group as they all live nearby and go to local clasess together. I always seem to suggest get togethers. Plus non baby mates never invite me to gatherings as think I'll be doing mummy stuff, arrgghh!

I think I will look into either joining a gym or doing a night class as I hate feeling like poor me on a saturday night. Oh and I'm going to not go on Facebook for a while as it DEPRESSES me!

[twolittlemonkeys]

I feel exactly the same. I could have written your post. Except my two children are 2 and 4. I used to be so confident and outgoing and feel like my self-esteem has been shot to pieces since I had kids. I am working up the courage to do a musical theatre course as I love musicals, sing pretty well and used to do a lot of music and dancing. I don't care if I don't meet new 'friends' but I do feel I need to get out and do something outside of my little family.

There is something strangely depressing about FB. Especially when you see people posting all the time about inane things (this could be me if I keep getting sucked in!) or putting up pictures of their holiday every day whilst they're on holiday! If I had a social life I'd be out there enjoying it, not writing about it on FB! But I don't and I only regularly see a very very small proportion of my FB friends

I need to spend less time online probably, and more time being grateful for my family. But that nagging feeling is still there...

[darknessfalls]

Meglet - mumsnet is a godsend, shame we can't all meet in RL! FB is not good for me at the mo...

Raejj - I'm glad I finally expressed this feeling on this thread as I now feel like its not only me who feels this way.

Thanks for the quote Beertricks will need more of those to keep me feeling positive!

[PiscesLondon]

yanbu

i'm sure every mother feels like this at some point, i know i have my days when i do.

is their anyway you will make up with your mother in the future? the odd night of babysitting would be great so you and DH could socialise together.

i would definitely suggest the night out to the NCT group, you won't sound desperate at all (i'm always doing it at college and toddler group) suggest a meal or a few drinks in the local and leave kids at home with DH and hopefully you could make it a monthly thing.

facebook causes nothing but trouble and people clearly lie about the 'exciting' lives they lead on their.

[PiscesLondon]

twolittlemonkeys - do the course!!! you'll slowly get your confidence back if you do, musical theatre is fantastic for that and i bet you'll enjoy it so much.

[darknessfalls]

Twolittlemonleys - good luck with musical theatre course, sounds great.

Although we all love our kids, I think going through pregnancy and then sleepless nights, adjusting to new family does knock you for six and take some mental adjustment. Nothing can prepare you for motherhood - from being single, confident and carefree to unselfish caring mum was and is hard. I think in RL we all put a shiny gloss on how we are feeling, I know I do!

[PiscesLondon]

darknessfalls - how right you are with your last post. it takes MAJOR adjustment. nothing can prepare you for how life changes, and amazing as that change is sometimes it would be lovely to have a break from the change, IYKWIM?

i have a few friends with babies and toddlers and we all feel the same sometimes and reminise about how easy life was before dc's!