to expect my ds (2.5) not to throw food

[debsmansfield]

My otherwise adorable and incredibly clever ds is driving me mad over one tiny thing. He throws his cutlery/plate/juice cup and sometimes food at the end of virtually every meal.

Here's a bit of background about how we've dealt with it. First of all my dh or I would tell him off using the stern, low voice and look-into-his-eyes approach, and that went on for weeks with no difference whatsoever. After a while I tried to completely ignore his behaviour and just picked everything up. That made no difference either. We tried a star chart but I swear he decided it was more fun to throw stuff and star stickers just weren't worth it. Then we tried to get him to help pick the stuff up and he kept saying 'I'm helping Mummy clean up. I'm such a good boy'. We have also tried putting him in the naughty corner, but he would throw something and then say, 'Can I go in the naughty corner now?' I did wonder whether it was inconsistency that was the problem but honestly...this has been going on for months and each attempt at stopping it has lasted a good month or so. Oh, he doesn't do it at his childminders...just at home.

Last week in a fit of exasperation my dh and I decided to resort to bribery and promised him one chocolate button if he ate nicely after each meal. This lasted a week. Yesterday he threw something after each meal. Just now he ate his sandwich and satsuma beautifully and then picked up all the peel from the bowl and threw it like confetti.

He is such an otherwise beautiful child. He is kind and loving and has always slept and eaten like an angel. He also has an incredible vocab for his age. My sister thinks he is just too clever. Does anyone have any ideas before I go totally mental?
Thanks

[porcamiseria]

ha ha mine does this too
very annoying, same age

look, this wont be happeninhg when they are 21! it will pass, dont worry too much

he is 2.5, they are little devils at this age!!!

[squarehat]

Id say be grateful that you have such a well behaved 2.5 year old!!

Have you tried taking the plate away before he gets chance to throw it? Just an idea? Does he have fruit or yoghurt or a biscuit etc after his meal? If so you could only offer this if he doesn't throw his plate after his meal? (Worked for DD)

I'd say it will pass DD did this on and off for about 6 weeks and now even now if I don't get to her as soon as she is finished and offers me the plate chances are it could still end up on the floor The fact that he only does it at home (as did my DD) gives me the impression they are just pushing the boundaries and it like everthing else will pass (eventually )

[bgmum]

Had similar problem with dd when she was two-ish. She would throw cutlery on floor when we were eating and everyone would get cross and fed up. My HV recommended we just pick up fork once, tell her if she does it again she won't get it back and carry on as usual which worked quite well. Obviously you realise it's an attention grabbing exercise and he's very good at it. Why not anticipate/distract his behaviour. If he has a yoghurt after dinner, put the idea in his head that he can get it from the fridge himself. Give big praise for this. Also give big praise when he seems like he's enjoying himself at the table - I find giving praise when behaviour is borderline pushes bad behaviour. An alternative to stickers (which kids seem to get everywhere) is marbles in a jar - when the jar's full he gets a prize - it may appeal to your ds's competitive nature.

[SweetGrapes]

YABVU

[Chil1234]

I'd resort to spoon feeding him..... Throw food like a baby and get fed like a baby. 'Bright' children hate that.

[takingtheplunge]

I think that's appallingly bad advice Chil1234 for more reasons than I can be bothered to type out.

[Chil1234]

Child is deliberately playing up with this silly food-throwing game and behaving like a baby so you take the cutlery, food and plates away and you go back to feeding him with a spoon in a very controlled way. 'When you agree to be sensible and behave like a big boy you can do it yourself again'....

Fantastic advice!!!

[ReasonableDoubt]

My DS was like this.

I wouldn't make it a big deal because he will pick up on it (may well have already) and do it for attention (my DS did!).

Could you engineer some meals with children with better table manners and then massively praise them and give them loads of positive attention? Maybe reintroduce the stickers, too, with a new slant ('Ooh, I think Friend X is going to get two stickers today because she had such fabulous table manners' etc).

...or just hang on in there! He is still very young.

[debsmansfield]

Thanks. I'm feeling a lot better now. Especially as I really need to think about focussing on his positive behaviour and thinking how lucky I am to have an otherwise very good and kind little boy. It is just very difficult to remember that STRAIGHT after a battleground meal! I came and typed the post just after lunch so next time maybe I just need 5 minutes in the kitchen on my own to get a better perspective!

I've love to hear more from sweetgrapes!...

[SloanyPony]

I would not be reacting as such except to tell them they have to pick it all up. Not "help me" pick it all up, but pick it all up. Cutlery goes in the sink, peel in the bin, etc.

If they dont do it, they get nothing until they do. Say they want to watch TV after dinner, or have bedtime milk, or a story, or whatever, if they haven't picked it up yet, they get nothing. Cuddles, conversation, nothing. Pick that up and then we can have a cuddle/some milk/ TV/ book etc.

If they dont do what I want, I wont do what they want.

If they get virtually no reaction but always have to clean it up themselves, they will tire of it eventually as there is no real game or reward.