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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Allergies and intolerances

Teacher gave dd milk chocolates

85 replies

Nummynums · 08/01/2016 20:38

Hi,
Just wondering how/what you guys would feel if your child was given milk chocolates as a Xmas present by her class teacher despite knowing she is allergic to milk?

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TheHouseOnTheLane · 09/01/2016 10:16

I would assume that in the mad rush that is Christmas end of term, she just went out and bought the same thing for all the children.

Bit thoughtless. But nothing else.

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MrsCrabb · 09/01/2016 10:36

TBH, I would have expected her to have thought about it and given the whole class Haribo (assuming they are dairy free?) instead.

But if she didn't I'd just think this is one of those things that's going to happen to someone with a dairy allergy from time to time and give the chocs away.

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MrsCrabb · 09/01/2016 10:37

Having said that, I don't really understand why teachers go to the bother and expense of giving children presents at all.

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YesEinsteinsMumDid · 09/01/2016 10:46

We had this. I have even said that i will send in chocolate that is suitable if i know in advance. The amount of upset it causes is absolutely unnecessary when it is so easy to prevent.

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Allyoucaneat · 09/01/2016 10:51

My frienda son has multiple allergiea and sends in a 'treat box' at the start of term filled with small safe treats the teacher can give him when handing out things like chocolate. Perhaps this is something you could do. The teacher probably just forgot to be honest.

My son has a diary allergy too, although he's only a toddler I always carry a suitable snack for him so I can quickly swap it if he's given something he can't have at a friends house or toddler group.

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 16:22

Hi thanks for your replies,
Yep she has a treat box for when treats are given out. This was a Xmas present wrapped up, when dd opened it she was disappointed (as were we) she asked why teacher got her dairy when she knows she can't have it. I would've happily supplied an alternative but had no idea she would be given a present and if it would be food.

I've been having a lot of problems with the lack of effort made by teachers towards her. By effort I mean that when they plan an activity to inform me in advance so I can supply alternatives, so far I have to approach the teachers to find out what's happening.

Anyway this has led me to informally complain to the head as it's their general attitude to allergies I'm questioning. I mentioned the present and head told me it was our job as parents to vet the present as parents for various reasons won't give their child chocolates. Deep down I was hoping it was just another mistake made but it seems the head is really defensive and won't accept they've done anything wrong. It's a private school with small classes so can't understand why teacher couldn't just get her a pack of pencils for 50p like her nursery would do if they are adamant that they should give food presents. The school made so many promises to cater for her allergies but I'm not seeing that at all. Feel like moving dd to another school but she is happy here. Sigh. I know state schools handle allergies better but we didn't get any places to our preferred schools even though they were down the road from us :(
My biggest fear when dd approached school age was things like this happening. Luckily she's forgotten about it but I haven't.

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Jesabel · 09/01/2016 16:26

Bet the teacher wishes she hadn't bothered doing anything nice for the kids out of her own pocket now.

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 16:28

Sorry but it's not very nice to buy a 5 year old a present you know they can't have for medical reasons!

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Jesabel · 09/01/2016 16:31

Very simple for you to quickly swap it for something else though.

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 16:37

Are you being serious? The present was all wrapped up, we trust the teacher enough to not have to watch dd open it with a Hawk's eye, once opened the disappointment came. She was disappointed as she knew her teachers knew about her allergies. Different if it was a gift from someone who didn't know that could be easily explained. swapping a gift wouldn't have changed the fact she opened the gift and was disappointed.

Do you have an allergic child yourself?

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stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 09/01/2016 16:44

I'm a TA and there are about 100 children in my year. I always give every child a card and a small gift. This year I didn't buy chocolate for Christmas due to allergies. Instead I bought 100 small, piñata type presents, wrapped them all and did a lucky dip on the last day of term. First day back a parent complained their child didn't like the toy and asked what I was going to do about it. Thankfully HT pointed out that it was a gift not a requirement and if child didn't like it, that was a shame but no replacement would be forthcoming.

Next year I am only doing cards, no gift at all.

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HSMMaCM · 09/01/2016 16:48

She could write a thank you note.

Thank you for the chocolates. I gave them to my mummy because I can't eat them.

The teacher has tried to do something nice and in the general Christmas rush made a mistake. This will remind her. I am a great supporter of teachers and the work that they do, but this was probably a really big deal to your DC.

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HSMMaCM · 09/01/2016 16:49

There's always the possibility that someone else wrapped them though.

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 16:50

I understand it's a gift. But we're talking about a child's documented medical need not a personal preference. why give anyone a present when you know 100% before giving it out they won't be able to eat it? Nevermind a 5 year old. That's why I posted here to see what others with allergic children would think.

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 16:51

They won't accept fault they think it was perfectly OK to give out a generic present and expect us to tell our dd she can't have it because the teacher must've forgotten that she has an allergy even though the school don't think it was a mistake

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SpendSpendSpend · 09/01/2016 16:52

I dont understand this teachers giving children presents.

If my dd attended a private school i would be expecting the best!!

It is thoughless to give a child a present that you know they cannot have.

I they cannot support her allergies in general then they are a shit school and i would not be paying for that.

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IoraRua · 09/01/2016 16:54

It's a gift, bit thoughtless yes but in the pre-Christmas mad rush and tiredness it's easy to slip up. So she forgot - it happens. Tis sad for the child and I'm sure the teacher too but easy mistake to make.

This is why I don't do presents for my class

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 16:56

I think I would be more forgiving if the school made efforts to accommodate her any other time but it's usually me chasing them to find out how to include dd, they seem to just do whatever and expect me to chase them. It gets tiring when you see no real effort being made and this was just the final straw -that when I don't poke my nose in, there will be no thought given to her allergies and I can't trust them to use their own initiative.

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Jesabel · 09/01/2016 16:59

I'm sure you have achieved the teacher never given children gifts again.

It can't have been the only gift your DD got at Christmas, so I'm sure her disappointment at opening chocolate was momentary. Saying "Oh silly Mrs X must have forgotten you can't eat chocolate, I'll go and get you some sweeties instead" would have solved the issue.

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 17:00

I know Spend! it wasn't my plan to send her private but were left with no choice but I thought the small class sizes (and the hefty fees we're paying) the teachers might go the extra mile to make sure she's thought of in terms of her allergies. the only thing keeping us here is that she's happy I'm worried if we move her she'll resent us.

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Jesabel · 09/01/2016 17:01

why give anyone a present when you know 100% before giving it out they won't be able to eat it?
Do you think the teacher deliberately gave your child something she knew she couldn't eat because she is a cruel person?
Or maybe it was a simple mistake that a busy person made while trying to do something nice?

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MagratGarlikAgain · 09/01/2016 17:06

The concern I would have is if the teacher forgot this time, how long would it be before she forgets e.g. when the class do some baking, or when given little treats for work well done etc.

DS2 carries an epipen for this dairy allergy and school have generally been very good with it, but it does vary from teacher to teacher I find.

I'd be tempted to give them back to the teacher and say, "it was a lovely thought, but as DD is allergic to dairy, we thought you might want them for someone else. Thanks anyway".

Often people don't take dairy allergy seriously, confusing it with lactose intolerance, or even plain old fussy eating. It can be very worrying.

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BishopBrennansArse · 09/01/2016 17:06

All of those of you saying "it was a gift" "bet they won't bother now" etc have you ever had your child singled out for something beyond their control that they were born with? Have you seen the hurt and disappointment?

You really think it's ok for a 5 year old to be hurt because they are different?

No wonder discrimination thrives in this country. I'll remember you lot as the kind of parents that make my family's lives that but more difficult so you can get a rosette for being the most snarky snipey poster.

You do know the 'viper' reputation of these boards used to be ironic? How sad that those too thick to get that turned it into a self fulfilling prophecy.

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Nummynums · 09/01/2016 17:17

If the teacher admitted mistake and apologised that's one thing but her and the head both say they the present was not thoughtless and that it was our job to check if the content were suitable. I'm not kidding unfortunately,

There are baking sessions planned next week and the head said her needs are taken into account as she will be mixing and weighing but not tasting. She has forgotten that even skin contact can cause a reaction depending on the amount. And she has told me dd will be taking whatever she makes home even if she can't eat it. And if I have a problem with that I should say so but it would be a backward step in dd's education if she can't cook and take home the produce she can't eat. They seem unapologetic and will not admit a mistake was made. They insist it was perfectly OK to give her chocolates despite being "fully aware" of her allergies.

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IoraRua · 09/01/2016 17:21

Yeah, because that's exactly what people saying "it was a gift/accident" are doing, cheering on a teacher singling her out! Not a teacher simply giving it accidentally, no, but singling.her.out. Of course.

I would be sad if it was my child, or a kid in my class, but I'd use it as a teaching moment to show everyone makes mistakes.

Having said that op I think you have a wider issue with the school and I would go talk to them. The majority of teachers I know would make a special effort not to let that happen again, but it seems from your posts it has been a recurring thing.