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Multiple allergies/Intolerances and useless ex

(8 Posts)
Amitolamummy Sun 28-Jul-13 00:23:37

Hi i've just found this board. Both of my sons have allergies/intolerances to cmp, gluten, soya and egg. They see their dad every other weekend and once in the week and nearly every time he feeds them something they shouldn't have. Today it was chips fried with everything else containing gluten, so our youngest woke up and screamed in pain for over an hour and now can't sleep at all. When he saw them in the week I had the same problem, with him rolling around moaning all night and hardly sleeping at all.
I think he is doing it on purpose and i'm not sure what to do. I know he has done it on purpose in the past so he can go out drinking and not have to have them. I arranged for the dietician to send him a letter outlining what they can't eat, so he couldn't argue he didn't know (despite attending all appointments) It's awful seeing him in pain and i'm exhausted from not getting any sleep again. Any ideas other than murdering the stupid man and burying him under the patio?

Amitolamummy Sun 28-Jul-13 00:26:57

Oops my son put a space in the title and i'm not sure how to edit it. He is now sitting on my head. This is going to be a long night!!

ukey Sun 28-Jul-13 00:45:11

how old are your boys?

how long do they spend at dad's?

would it be possible to send them with a 'picnic' lunch and tell them NOT to eat meals prepared by anyone else?

I would keep notes of times this has happened, with diary of symptoms, with photos where appropriate, etc. Clearly showing that unsafe foods are making them ill.

Amitolamummy Sun 28-Jul-13 00:59:30

Thanks ukey. They go overnight sometimes, otherwise it's all day then home to sleep and back again the next day. They are 2 and 5. I have tried to send food but he likes to prove he can do everything (by feeding them cakes his mum makes) I have logged some of the reactions with their gp and I phone him every time to find out what he has fed them and tell him what he has done to them.
I think i'm going to have to refuse him contact because they are not safe with him at all

greenbananas Sun 28-Jul-13 21:05:27

Yes, keep a log of all reactions. If he is doing it on purpose then that is a child protection issue. Could you contact social services?

I think in your position I'd be tempted to refuse contact, but not sure what the legalities are and what sort of emotional impact that would have on your children.

Could you video the children's reactions after he has fed them something they are allergic/intolerant to? He might be able to ignore the dietician and doctor, and write off what you are saying as you either being fussy or trying to control him - but if he sees his child in pain, he'd have to be a real bastard to ignore that.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 28-Jul-13 22:29:07

I have a 2 year old with allergies, some of which will have him up all night screaming with abdominal pain.

I would want to throttle anyone who deliberately hurt my son.

I would be stopping contact faster than he could say 'see you im court'.

Why would he deliberately hurt his babies? Utterly beyond me. I wonder if he wouldnt be all that bothered if contact stopped

In fact, do you think thats why?

That way he could tell his friends and family 'she stopped contact because I fed them chips' and make out that he's the good guy as well as shaking off all his responsabilties.

Well, theres my consipracy theory for the night.

I hope your son is ok OP. x

Amitolamummy Sun 28-Jul-13 23:49:20

I am pretty sure he has made them both ill before so I refuse him contact the day after a night out. He went out last night and then had them again this morning. It's possible the reaction was caused by salmon, something I never give them which it seems is a common allergen.
I asked for a section 7 report when we went through court over contact and the social worker was not interested in the way he fed them. They said it wasn't enough to stop contact, but I should log every incident with the gp.
Tbh I have no idea what he is capable of or why anymore. He was civil and normal for a few months but it seems the deranged lunatic is back again. Why can't I just kill him and bury him under the patio?

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