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Fed up of well meaning, dodgy advice. What to say to people?

(38 Posts)
HelloKittyKatHello Wed 13-Mar-13 13:14:06

My DD is allergic to CMP and eggs, it comes up quite a lot because when we are out there is often not much she can have and I often take along a small lunch box with things in for her.

I have lost count now of the number of people who tell me 'just give her a little bit, its the best thing, she'll get used to it' Errr hmm .... no.

A classic was 'if you don't let her have the eggs and milk then the allergy will just get worse'. Of course, why didn't I think of that!

My next favourite is 'well, I went to the chinese health food shop and they gave me a list of 44 things I'm intolerant to, so I avoid wheat, shellfish, cheese, peas, pasta and beef etc'
When it turns out they've just been hooked up to some hocus-pocus shit electro-whatsit machine which I think is universally recognised as bullshit. Then they sit and eat a cheese sandwich in front of you saying they are being 'a bit naughty eating this but you'll know how hard it is to just cut things out' hmm

And of course the ultimate 'well, at least she isn't allergic to peanuts' because naturally no other allergies can be nasty can they?!

I am finding it increasingly hard to just nod and smile at these stupid comments.
Sorry, I know it's a bit of a self indulgent moan of a thread but sometimes it is just very irritating.

mummyofteens Sun 31-Mar-13 21:03:58

Hi, sorry, haven't been on here for a few days. He has been absolutely fine at uni, now in his second year and shares a house with two guys, both of which are extremely careful with regard to my son's allergies. They are probably more uptight about it then my son is, it is all so normal to him now and, at first, his friends were really worried about giving him something to eat that he shouldn't have. He carries an epipen with him at all times and his friends all know about it. In fact, they joke that they would like to be the one to use it on him to see what happens!

Babybarrister - it is so worrying that these conditions are so misdiagnosed - I got a lot of information from the National Excema Society. I very much felt that the docs gave out creams and that was about it but this was almost 20 years ago :/

ariane5 Sat 30-Mar-13 19:15:05

Dd2 (3) is allergic to milk, eggs and shellfish.

She was diagnosed with type1 diabetes in dec.

My mum said to me last week "Are you sure it wasn't caused by you restricting her diet so much?"

mumat39 Thu 28-Mar-13 22:52:19

Anti g = anything. Stupid autocorrect.

mumat39 Thu 28-Mar-13 22:50:45

A bit late to this but alot of what's been said makes me feel relief that it's notjust me that has experienced this sort of attitude.

We've had the 'oh well she needs to be exposed' and 'can't she just have a little?' From MIL loads! In the end, she said 'well, you know I read that the allergen needs to be introduced in small amounts blah blah blah!' So I asked if she would let me know where she had read that as I'd like to ask DD's allergist about this. MIl's face fell as I dared to question her wisdom and hasn't said anything since.

At play dates, I've been asked 'why do I feel the need to accompany Dd' in a I don't mean this in a bad way but I'm curious... hmm

Or, could she just have a small slice of pizza, when I've already told them she is allergic to wheat.

MIL, again! Of course she can have ice cream! Me: no it has eggs in. mIL : a little bit won't hurt Me: will you just fucking listen to me!!! Yes it does have eggs in, have a look at the label, no thankyou. mil huffs ithout looking at the label and is very put out. 5 mins later, she tells me her oldest DS also has an egg allergy!

I know he doesn't. He just doesn't like eating them, according to sil.

OP, well done for speaking up about this re the crisps. I struggle with it all. I do make sure dd isn't given anti g but I do find myself wondering if all the do gooders are right. Of course they aren't but I still find myself questioning myself.

MERLYPUSS Wed 27-Mar-13 09:42:24

You are right about the word allergic being hijacked. I am allergic (hijacked) to fairy washing liquid as it makes my skin peel, an allergic reaction. However I am very unlikely to die from it. Different extreme of allergy. My friend has anaphalactic reactions to loads of things - the worse to avoid being latex which is in glue, elastic (in underwear), rubber surgical gloves etc. The powder it gives off causes extreme shock.
Perhaps you could say she has a life threatening intollerance of it to make it hit home a bit. Maybe carry a used epipen and say 'yes she could have milk but I would have to jab her with this fucking great big needle so her throat doesn't close up and her stomach doesn't swell. Or could you do it for me?'

People are such numpties.

babybarrister Tue 26-Mar-13 19:11:24

Mummyofteens - what is depressing is that my DS is 6 and his allergies were diagnosed exactly the same way - and yet 15 years on we were also told it was cradle caphmm when it was bleeding infected eczema caused by cmp allergy ...

eragon Tue 26-Mar-13 15:02:03

mummyofteens, its your son ok with carrying his epi pens around?

has he had any problems with uni and sharing kitchen with others?

mummyofteens Mon 25-Mar-13 22:29:11

Very happy to help in any way I can :D ........ he started with excema on his scalp when he was a few weeks old, absolutely horrendous, Doctors told me it was 'cradle cap', it just got worse and worse, spread to his face, doctors gave me steroid cream and that was it. Went to see an alternative therapist, my hubby was very sceptical and she advised that I stopped eating dairy (i was breastfeeding) and his excema cleared up within a week. Then when he was starting to eat solids, gave him a tiny spoonful of yoghurt and his lips just swelled, had tests and told he was allergic to CMP and eggs but that he would outgrow it around the age of two!

Was then advised to reintroduce these foods to his diet and we had major problems with asthma. We made the decision that he would just not touch anything with milk and eggs and as I said he is now almost 20, at university, and is very good at reading labels when he does his shopping smile

PaintByNumbers1 Mon 25-Mar-13 16:08:54

"My son is almost 20 and allergic to eggs and diary. He was diagnosed when he was a few months old. He is over 6 foot tall, very healthy and absolutely gorgeous"

Mummyofteens It is so nice to hear from someone who has taken their allergic child right through childhood and say something positive. Just what I needed today. And I'm sure he is gorgeous too! grin

My 7 year old is 'only' gluten intollerent and I have had so much of this, it does my head in sometimes. Thankfully my extended family know what he was like before being diagnosed and helped by taking me to appointments etc.

We had a mum helper at nursery who decided to give him a likely fairy cake that a child had bought in because it was the child's birthday and what harm could it do it was only a little bit? She was given the task of having to clean him up from both ends and comfort him as his skin reacted and his belly bloated and he was in a lot of pain. She was so apologetic when I rushed in to get him but I have to say I did rip into her.

Thankfully he is on the ball now and double and triple checks everything that he is given to eat. He will not eat anything with gluten in it.

When he was about three a stall holder on a market stall gave him a natural cereal bar thing while he was in his pushchair and I was browsing her stall. He said no to her and she told him his mummy would let him have it as it was good food and not naughty sweets. I had turned round at this point and taken it off him and was looking at the ingredients, oats being top of the list plus other bits. She was saying to me it was all good so I explained to her what it would do to him and she was so apologetic and promised to check with parents that it was ok to give their children anything. She just hadn't really thought about it and thought she was doing a nice thing.

When he was first diagnosed the local bread shop gave me spelt bread and told me it is great for coeliacs. I bought it, took it home and gave him a sandwich with it. OMG! It definitely was not great, so I did a bit of research and went and re-educated them.

mummyofteens Mon 25-Mar-13 11:11:00

My son is almost 20 and allergic to eggs and diary. He was diagnosed when he was a few months old. He is over 6 foot tall, very healthy and absolutely gorgeous (I am bias smile ). I remember taking him to birthday parties and him having his own little lunch box of food and the looks I used to get from the other parents. Lots of comments about him trying things, will grow out of it etc etc. When he was about two years old, we tried to introduce milk/eggs into his diet with disastrous results - in and out of hospital with asthma etc. What I am trying to say is that you Mums know your child, you know what is best and you stick to it smile

I remember been in tears when the HV told me my son wasn't 'thriving'. I would love her to see him now smile

My mum keeps telling me to ignore medical advice and that a little bit of milk will be good for my DS.

I bought mum some dairy free margarine and she made a cake with it, though still used butter to grease the baking tins with as it works better! shock

harverina Sat 16-Mar-13 09:37:42

Mamado sorry smile stupid autocorrect!

harverina Sat 16-Mar-13 09:37:00

Manado yes I get that a lot too - "what can she eat?"....well everything except milk eggs and nuts, so quite a lot actually! My dd has a very varied diet grin

harverina Sat 16-Mar-13 09:35:02

Hello kitty how dare that women!! Allergies aside I wouldn't offer children food unless I knew them well and even then I'd check with the parent! What a cheek!

People are so ignorant shock

I haven't come across too much of this with dd. I do get asked lots if she will grow out of it but aside from that people are quite understanding.

I have found that some people are scared to give my dd food that I haven't told them is ok - like if I am not there, they are not confident reading labels themselves so will stick with the food that I have told them is ok. I can live with this though if my dd is safe.

Totally shocked by some of the reactions reported here.

trixymalixy Fri 15-Mar-13 23:56:15

My best one was DH's friend's wife who suggested that DS was only allergic to cow's milk because I breastfed him so he was exposed to milk earlier than he would have been had I given him formula hmm shock

superoz Fri 15-Mar-13 23:46:28

Good for you OP. I am flabbergasted with how many ignorant people you have the misfortune to come across.
Fortunately I've rarely had this attitude to dd's allergies; they usually understand how serious it is when I say she will come out in hives even when a drop of milk touches her skin.

Happygirl77 Fri 15-Mar-13 20:45:24

Maybe we should say to people, "Would you give your child a cigarette or alcohol? No? Isn't it mean not to let them join in? No - it's poisonous to their bodies - and so is dairy/wheat/whatever to my dd".

mamado Fri 15-Mar-13 15:31:31

it's mind boggling isn't it! I'm totally shocked but some of these stories, but all you can do is blame all those people who have 'fashion allergies' that might make them look a bit bloated!!!

My dds are allergic to CMP, eggs, peanuts and sesame seeds and all we ever get is the 'what do they eat?', 'it must be so hard'... er, no it is possible to eat extremely well without processed rubbish! (btw if you want any recipe ideas pm me for a link to my blog - currently about 300 egg, milk, nut and sesame-free recipes!)

You must have had the 'do they get it from you?' comment - of course it has to be someone's fault hmm.... even the chemist yesterday said 'epipens for a milk allergy [dd1], now that's a new one"!

oh and a personal favourite from my mum... 'will they ever be normal!" shock

HelloKittyKatHello Fri 15-Mar-13 14:59:30

After reading all your posts I decided I needed to be a bit more bolshy when this sort of thing happens and today I got the chance.

Earlier on someone tried to give her some cheesy crisps, a bit like Whotsits. I said, sorry she can't have them they have milk in them and the woman said they didn't. I checked and they had powdered cheese on the ingredients and the woman replied with 'but it isn't real cheese' and went on to tell me that I'm being cruel to DD not letting her join in when other children are having treats when it isn't even 'real cheese'.

I said it was real cheese and I'm sure DD would cope with the trauma, especially as I had safe crisps in my bag for her.

Bumply Thu 14-Mar-13 19:44:58

Ds2 is coeliac which at least isn't immediately life threatening, but I get the "will he grow out if it?" questions.
I was shocked reading the Coeliac magazine we get with an article by a food show organiser - his worst experience was someone handing out samples of their gluten free chutney and the switched from rice crackers to wheat biscuits half way through - "didn't think a small amount would matter". :-0

NotAnotherPackedLunch Thu 14-Mar-13 19:20:01

I've stopped smiling and nodding and interrupt them before they get started. I usually tell them I wish we were able to be like their neighbours cousin who clearly plays at allergies, but unfortunately we aren't that lucky so have to follow the advise of a real consultant.
If I listened to any more patronising fools trying to make themselves feel better I'd end up ripping someone's head off. grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 14-Mar-13 19:08:25

I get people 'suggesting' things I should use for my son's eczema.

I have to ignore it, we see a dermatologist and their treatment works thanks! It is really irritating though. Especially the person who suggested some natural remedy to me. I bit my tongue on that one, DH nearly didn't.

HelloKittyKatHello Thu 14-Mar-13 01:08:27

I've been out all night so only just had the chance to come back and read the thread, I am shock at some of the stories on here. Some people are so clueless! Sad that you're all dealing with the same crap but also glad it isn't just me.

Stropperella Wed 13-Mar-13 20:42:14

The words "allergic" and "allergy" have been hijacked and misused for so many years that most people have no idea what a true allergy is. I have found saying I suffer from anaphylaxis (and explaining that untreated anaphylactic shock will result in death) and avoiding mentioning the word "allergy" usually shuts these nitwits up. As for nitwits that are also family members, your HCP ought to be able to provide you with an educational DVD to show them so that they know what a real allergy is.

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