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Fed up of well meaning, dodgy advice. What to say to people?(38 Posts)
My DD is allergic to CMP and eggs, it comes up quite a lot because when we are out there is often not much she can have and I often take along a small lunch box with things in for her.
I have lost count now of the number of people who tell me 'just give her a little bit, its the best thing, she'll get used to it' Errr .... no.
A classic was 'if you don't let her have the eggs and milk then the allergy will just get worse'. Of course, why didn't I think of that!
My next favourite is 'well, I went to the chinese health food shop and they gave me a list of 44 things I'm intolerant to, so I avoid wheat, shellfish, cheese, peas, pasta and beef etc'
When it turns out they've just been hooked up to some hocus-pocus shit electro-whatsit machine which I think is universally recognised as bullshit. Then they sit and eat a cheese sandwich in front of you saying they are being 'a bit naughty eating this but you'll know how hard it is to just cut things out'
And of course the ultimate 'well, at least she isn't allergic to peanuts' because naturally no other allergies can be nasty can they?!
I am finding it increasingly hard to just nod and smile at these stupid comments.
Sorry, I know it's a bit of a self indulgent moan of a thread but sometimes it is just very irritating.
Tell them that they may mock now but chances are her diet is a hundred times better than many other people's as everything has to be made fresh. She will be healthier than you!!!
Oh and remind them that at least she hasn't been eating horse burgers!!!
Have had this all my life and I am allergic to one of the recognised ones (tree nuts not peanuts).
My grandmother made me a cake with nutty chocolate; I noticed the wrapper before I ate any - 'what a shame, I was going to show you it's all in your head!'
Last time I was in hospital (ambulance after anaphylactic shock from walnut), a colleague said 'oh, well at least you're not allergic to peanuts - that's really dangerous'.
My advice? Stay calm, smile, they're just ignorant. But ignorance can be dangerous, so do let them know what you think - so don't nod, put them right.
(I realise this is wearisome too).
You're right Caffeine, her diet is very good, I make sure that it is as balanced as it can be and our dietician is really lovely and helpful.
It's like people think I'm choosing to give her a restricted diet, as if I am making a choice to not give her milk and eggs and I have just made the wrong decision and they need to set me right.
I've had several comments in the last few days and over the weekend, usually I let it wash over me but I think I'm just having a sense of humour failure!
Oldest Of course, because anaphylactic shock from walnut won't be as bad as anaphylactic shock from a peanut....
Cos vegans r dropping dead everywhere
It's perfectly possible to live without dairy and eggs its not all salads and tofu.
I'm sure your dd has a lovely diet and is perfectly healthy!!!
I want to get a t shirt with 'I wish it were all my head' or 'thanks for asking but no he won't outgrow his allergies' or 'I really don't want to hear how your neighbour's plumber cured himself of allergies by herbal remedies/acupuncture/other flaky alternative method ' or perhaps 'really, so you have read in the Daily Mail that it is all connected to over fussy mothers not letting their pfbs roll in mud - how interesting' and on and on and on .....
I'm with you OP. Particularly on the 'at least it's not peanuts...'.
The MIL came up with a classic recently after DD (anaphylactic to dairy) was given a biscuit with milk in at her house : "Why don't you wash it down with some apple juice?" Why on earth does anyone bother with piriton, epipens and prednisolone when a few glugs of apple juice will do the trick. Could be saving the NHS millions!
Am totally with you. My mum always seems to think if it's only a small amount it's fine ('there is only one egg in there'), and MIL/PIL/DH don't really believe in allergies. Sadly I can't trust anyone else in my extended family to check ingredients labels properly, so when MIL looks after DD2, she does it in my house, where I know there aren't any nuts/peanuts about. The only people who are more anal than me are DD2's carers at nursery. There, DD2 is only allowed to eat things with her name on so the other day everyone had strawberry yoghurts but she had to have peach - no idea why?
<makes a note to try the apple juice trick>
even had a faith healer call me up once. not that I am against any faith,....but, it was the words
'bring some peanut butter and a spoon, we will pray over him, he will be cured and then we let him have a spoonful'
that to coin a phrase , put 'the fear of God in me'!!!!
am afraid the woman got very short thrift with me after that. she even said
'I dont know why i bothered calling you ' and I said ' I wish you hadnt'.
She didnt bother to ask what faith I was and if it had ever occurred to me to pray for help.
after that, any other comments washed over me for a while.
The words "allergic" and "allergy" have been hijacked and misused for so many years that most people have no idea what a true allergy is. I have found saying I suffer from anaphylaxis (and explaining that untreated anaphylactic shock will result in death) and avoiding mentioning the word "allergy" usually shuts these nitwits up. As for nitwits that are also family members, your HCP ought to be able to provide you with an educational DVD to show them so that they know what a real allergy is.
I've been out all night so only just had the chance to come back and read the thread, I am at some of the stories on here. Some people are so clueless! Sad that you're all dealing with the same crap but also glad it isn't just me.
I get people 'suggesting' things I should use for my son's eczema.
I have to ignore it, we see a dermatologist and their treatment works thanks! It is really irritating though. Especially the person who suggested some natural remedy to me. I bit my tongue on that one, DH nearly didn't.
I've stopped smiling and nodding and interrupt them before they get started. I usually tell them I wish we were able to be like their neighbours cousin who clearly plays at allergies, but unfortunately we aren't that lucky so have to follow the advise of a real consultant.
If I listened to any more patronising fools trying to make themselves feel better I'd end up ripping someone's head off.
Ds2 is coeliac which at least isn't immediately life threatening, but I get the "will he grow out if it?" questions.
I was shocked reading the Coeliac magazine we get with an article by a food show organiser - his worst experience was someone handing out samples of their gluten free chutney and the switched from rice crackers to wheat biscuits half way through - "didn't think a small amount would matter". :-0
After reading all your posts I decided I needed to be a bit more bolshy when this sort of thing happens and today I got the chance.
Earlier on someone tried to give her some cheesy crisps, a bit like Whotsits. I said, sorry she can't have them they have milk in them and the woman said they didn't. I checked and they had powdered cheese on the ingredients and the woman replied with 'but it isn't real cheese' and went on to tell me that I'm being cruel to DD not letting her join in when other children are having treats when it isn't even 'real cheese'.
I said it was real cheese and I'm sure DD would cope with the trauma, especially as I had safe crisps in my bag for her.
it's mind boggling isn't it! I'm totally shocked but some of these stories, but all you can do is blame all those people who have 'fashion allergies' that might make them look a bit bloated!!!
My dds are allergic to CMP, eggs, peanuts and sesame seeds and all we ever get is the 'what do they eat?', 'it must be so hard'... er, no it is possible to eat extremely well without processed rubbish! (btw if you want any recipe ideas pm me for a link to my blog - currently about 300 egg, milk, nut and sesame-free recipes!)
You must have had the 'do they get it from you?' comment - of course it has to be someone's fault .... even the chemist yesterday said 'epipens for a milk allergy [dd1], now that's a new one"!
oh and a personal favourite from my mum... 'will they ever be normal!"
Maybe we should say to people, "Would you give your child a cigarette or alcohol? No? Isn't it mean not to let them join in? No - it's poisonous to their bodies - and so is dairy/wheat/whatever to my dd".
Good for you OP. I am flabbergasted with how many ignorant people you have the misfortune to come across.
Fortunately I've rarely had this attitude to dd's allergies; they usually understand how serious it is when I say she will come out in hives even when a drop of milk touches her skin.
My best one was DH's friend's wife who suggested that DS was only allergic to cow's milk because I breastfed him so he was exposed to milk earlier than he would have been had I given him formula
Hello kitty how dare that women!! Allergies aside I wouldn't offer children food unless I knew them well and even then I'd check with the parent! What a cheek!
People are so ignorant
I haven't come across too much of this with dd. I do get asked lots if she will grow out of it but aside from that people are quite understanding.
I have found that some people are scared to give my dd food that I haven't told them is ok - like if I am not there, they are not confident reading labels themselves so will stick with the food that I have told them is ok. I can live with this though if my dd is safe.
Totally shocked by some of the reactions reported here.
Manado yes I get that a lot too - "what can she eat?"....well everything except milk eggs and nuts, so quite a lot actually! My dd has a very varied diet
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