I was on facebook and noticed that someone I was at university with was writing a book about something rather unusual based on someone he knew. I recognised some of the events so I sent him a message half jokingly and he replied saying 'oh I thought you wouldn't mind - I have changed the names and some of the sexual orientations.'

It feels weird - people from our group back then who know him and me will know it is me and he knows stuff about me lots of people don't and will put two and two together.

Am I being silly?

Tricky.

Writers are terrible people to know I think, they are ruthless.

Not sure there's much you can do it about it really. It won't be EXACTLY like you - there will be bits, and then other bits which won't be you. I'd take comfort in that. Writers take something and then exaggerate it and change it, and put it through a different filter, usually, sometimes, sort of.

And if he's changed the sexual orientations - not sure what this means - but it could mean that those events which happened to you will happen between two men, or a woman and man or whatever makes it different to what happened to you.

My guess is that the core events will be the same, but everything around it altered.

there is one obvious unusual event that marks the character out and is very closely based on this thing I did. I suppose my main worry is that people will relate it all to me not just the little bit, but I suppose I can just say that the one bit is based on me maybe.

And yes writers are terrible people!

Yes, or don't even mention it. I do think you should take comfort from the fact that writers take something as then they magnify or change it, in big and small ways to serve their story.

Trying to find some comfort for you here.

So - are you pleased to know about this beforehand or would you rather not have known at all? [tries to look nonchalant and at ease]

He may be writing the book but does he actually have a publisher for it yet?

There's many a slip between the writing and the appearing in print! Perhaps this book will never actually find its way into a bookshop.

he has got an agent who is very confident and he is a very funny and clever man - so that is nice I guess.

100 - I think I was fine with it when it was just the one event - it was the email being all 'oh I thought you wouldn't mind blah blah' that rang alarm bells - I just sent him a message saying 'oh and what would you know about x?!?!'

I know a couple of other writers and they say they take some things from people but they become so distorted it is no longer them.

I have decided I am being precious now.

Well you're not being precious at all, because it is a bit alarming. But I can only keep saying that it won't be exactly as it was, it will be put through his filter, so you may recognize some of it but not other bits.

That process is quite difficult to explain, but like your other writer friends have said, some will be in and some won't.

But it's not precious really to respond with alarm.

FWIW my father was CONVINCED that my book was all about him. And it is full of truly awful parents, and I tried to explain that really it wasn't about him, but he didn't see that until he read it.

Hope that helps. Other than that - don't be friends with writers is my best advice.

Now Tricoleur - tell me all about your student days. . .

but is the "thing" so well known that people will connect it with you?if it is so obvious that people put 2+2 upon reading then not so secret anyway

i suppose just ignore it.maintain serene composed silence

dont draw attention by flouncing and squeaking "how could he do this to me"